Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonely Gal  This was mum and dad's choice, I originally said no as I wanted someone with more understanding and on my level, but with the emotional black mail etc, i decided to go tru with this for the happiness of my parents. I started to get to know him and he sounded fine and i thought id give it my best shot with him. It was very difficult for me to be a loving and caring wife to someone who i was not and am not attracted to, we prob dint have a great start to the marriage but i apologiesed and sed to him I will change, this happend and id do as much as i could but he picks at such tiny tings, i just dont understand him. i honestly beleive his is an attention seeking, controlling typa person.
I dont blame my parents a whole deal, as i do beleive they wanted best for me in the long run, and they thought this was the best move, and i hoped it would be too.. i wanted this to work so i could be happy and keep my parents happy.
he is from pakistan and knows very little abt england and english. thats not the prob tho, its his lil moans over everythin.. I went to help a cuz yesterday and he kept sayin lets go but i was helpin how cud i be rude and up and leave. on way home, i got a tellin off from him cos i shudnt av stayed so long, i shud av made an excuse to get out.. and then he moaned that i was walkin too fast!!! omg Allah give me strength!
my parents know how niggly he is over things. and they told him to change. he was rude to my dad wich i believe my dad hasnt fogiven him for.
My parents are aware im not happy but they are just avoidin the topic so that we don't have that 'talk'.
I lost it one day and told my parents everythin, he said he wont screw abt netin. before he used to get in mood, now he just says his peice and gets better with me.. but why does he pick on such silly and pathetic things???
he never hit me or sworn, but he driven me to and thats not me.. kasam im not the person i used to be, i used to calm and collected, hardly shout, now im always screwin and dnt talk calmly. This is doing no1 any good. it really aint..
I keep prayin for my sanity, I know I have not always been in prayer but all i want is to be on the right path and happiness. i really do.. cant explain hw much i yearn for this... i cry in prayer, to bed jus wantin this to go away..
i dont just think form my point of view,.. mayb im more in the wrong, maybe as a wife i shud be doin all these things he says without me thinkin twice so i praydo whats best for him as well. |
It sounds like you did what you thought was best, which is admirable. You respected your parents and did what made them happy. However, remember that your choice of a life partner ultimately lies with
you before your parents happiness. As muslims they should have realised this. Your consent was given but it was given by virtue of emotional blackmail, so in my honest opinon it was a forced marriage. Not sure if any other brothers and sisters here agree with me.
Everything you've described is domestic in nature. There's no abuse, verbal or physical. It feels like a clash of personalities more than anything else. He seems like a very dominating type of person, and you're the type that needs her space and idependance occasionally. He isn't respecting your space when he should.
Talk to him and explain
exactly what it is that you don't like, so he gets a clear understanding of how he should compromise. Marriage is about compromise first. You're not even attracted to this man, I think this is very important in any relationship especially in the long run. He clearly doesn't respect your parents either!
You need to re-evaluate things, and ask yourself do you want to have children with this man and live the rest of your life like this, unattracted and unloved? You do not want to end up having the kind of relationship where it becomes 'about the children' and nothing else. Mercy and love should exist between a husband and wife's hearts.
Fee Iman Allah,
Usman