Coming To Islam

My name is Sister Fatemah Islam. I am 37 years old.
I am an American citizen by birth. A Native Indian of the United States.
I was raised in Nebraska in a very poor Indian neighborhood, but then
I was a child I didnأ know too much about being poor (it is just how things
were). I was raised under the Indian ways and ALLAH (swt). I knew nothing
of Islam.
I thought that all families were like mine, abusive, disruptive, and dangerous.
I thought that the pain was ALLAH(swt) preparing me for life as an adult, those
were some hard lessons with deep scars. This was ALLAHأ's will? I didnأ like ALLAH
very much back as a child. The innocence of blame. I grew up in a household of
drugs, alcohol, and sex . I hated everyone and everything around me. I started
drinking and drugs at the tender age of 11. Suicide was always on my mind I
figured ALLAH had made a mistake and I was going to give this life back. Well,
as you can see I am still here, ALHAMDULILLAH.
I married at the age of 17 (just turned). My first child was born to me while I was
Still in high school. Two children later and a few hard beatings the later I was pregnant
I divorced my husband. Not knowing how to be independent I fell for the first boy
To look my direction and married him. Again two children later and more beatings
I left my second husband. Four beautiful daughters and two divorces I decided
to live alone with my children.
I moved to Denver, Colorado started working in gay bars and still drinking and
Doing drugs. 14 years like this and alone, depressed, and very suicidal by this time.
I was still not speaking to ALLAH(swt)I had all but forgotten about ALLAH(swt).
One day I was surfing the net to find advertising ideas for the bar. I came across
This ad that had a banner flashing at the bottom of itأ¢â‚¬â„¢s page. www.islamnow.com
Is what it read. I was excited I thought Islam was a Country , I clicked onto the site.

Islam found me
From that moment Islam had me. I read the entire site and the adjoining sites
There. Went on like this all night. I cried, laughed, and was even angry why ALLAH
hadnأ¢â‚¬â„¢t shown or guided Islam to me before. After all I had read I knew not to question
ALLAH (swt). By this time it is morning I didnأ¢â‚¬â„¢t sleep, drink, or eat this whole time
Over 24 hours of non-stop Islam. I stood up asked a customer to take me to the nearest mosque, she did. The one hour drive was the longest wait.
I was afraid to come to ALLAH(swt). I thought maybe what if ALLAH said no to me.
I met the Imam and told him why I was there. He scared me. He started saying things
I didnأ understand, loudly but happily. When he calmed down, He calmed me down
I thought I was going to faint. This when I entered Islam. The first time I had ever
heard Arabic language up close and I was speaking them to the most important words
I will ever say in my life..SHAHADA.

fee amaan Allah
sister fatemah