Asalaamu Aleykum Brothers and Sisters. Since my conversion, I have had so many people ask me to write down my account, so I think that right now is the time. As with many reverts, something happened in my old life that led me to where I am now. When I was in high school, in history class we were all assigned a religion to study, and the religion that my group picked was Islam. I found it very interesting and I really got involved in the project, but after it was over, I forgot most of it. From time to time I remember hearing about Islam from my mom (she loves Cat Stevens, and I remember her telling me about his conversion.) I was brought up in a family that is very open minded and never attached judgment to any of these things. I was baptized into the Catholic Church when I was eight years old because my parents thought that religion would help give some form of stability to my family. My parents were Christians one day a week at best, and never really impressed religion beyond what we learned in church upon us. My senior year in high school I started my search for religion. I became a devoted Christian going to a different church every Sunday, and going to Bible study. I went to Nicaragua the previous summer on a mission trip, but while there found a verse in 1Timothy that had me angry with God for days. Going to Nicaragua made me more convinced that Christianity is used as a coping tool because with out it, the people would not have the hope to survive. I attended more than 15 different denominational churches in my search for God.
I study religion because I am able to see the part that it plays in the lives of individuals, but I never felt fulfilled. The more I learned, the more questions were being raised for me, and the more and more unsatisfied I felt. I ignored these feelings and came to a Catholic College, and became active in the Campus ministry. It was at college that I met Muslim sisters that began to teach me about Islam. Looking back, I was so ignorant, and they were so patient, teaching me over and over. My friend went back and looked at our first conversation and laughs at some stupid things I said. I remember not being able to say the whole greeting, and then how happy I was when I realized that I could say it correctly. My Muslim sisters I met gave me websites and people to talk to about Islam, and through these people I learned more and more.
I never intended to convert. I still was misinformed about the roles of Women in Islam. Because of what I read and because of the media, I did see them as silent and subservient. I had my eyes open when I met some wonderful Muslim sisters. When I saw a Sister pray I knew that I wanted to convert. It was so beautiful and fluid, and I could feel the closeness with God. I kept telling people I didn't want to convert but when the fact that I believed Shahadah was pointed out to me; I couldn't stop thinking about religion. All day in my classes, before I slept, all my time awake I studied Islam and kept questioning why I was here on this earth. I came to the realization that it was to worship Allah. I took Shahadah in my heart long before I took it with witnesses. When I was put on the phone with someone that pointed out that I believed in Islam, it was then I cried. I cried because I realized that my life was about to change, and I couldn't ignore it. I was scared to go to the masjid to say Shahadah so I put it off. When I did go, I was so nervous. It was a fun experience for me to go to the masjid though. Someone even took my flip-flops to make wudu. In the following months, I have faced a lot of difficulties and obstacles in my faith. I hope to InshaAllah learn more about Islam everyday, and have my eyes opened more and more everyday. Thank you to all of the wonderful brothers and sisters that have helped me on my journey...and my I grow closer everyday to the relationship that Allah wants me to have with HIM.
Part two:

Sometimes I think that living in IN ruined me. It makes me care what other people through of me, too much, and it didn’t expose me to as many cultures and religions as I would like to have been exposed to. My grandfather is a Catholic priest and more than anything else in my life, I fear his finding out that I converted. I was at one time completely encompassed by fear about what my parents would think. Even before I converted I was so incredibly afraid of what other people would and will think about my conversion. I spend hours explaining Islam to people and dispelling their unguided incorrect information, but never tell them that, I am in fact a Muslim. I don’t look like a stereotypical Muslim. I am white, with light brown hair and blue eyes, and I look like a good little American Christian girl. I don’t wear hijab; once again for my fear of people paying me undo interest. I remember going to the masjid and I have to walk about half a mile from the train station, and being terrified because I put hijab on and was afraid that someone was going to do something to me while I was walking to the masjid. Nothing happened though, and I am starting to realize that all of my fears from living around close-minded people aren’t necessary here. People in this area are used to seeing women in hijab. People in Indiana would think that I’m a nun. I am very picky with the people I tell that I’m Muslim. It took a month and a half and there are still a couple people in my office that don’t know I’m Muslim. When it came to finding a Muslim for a speaking engagement though, guess who they looked to J me…..hahaha that was rather interesting.
Anyways though this was supposed to be about my telling my parents! I went home about three weeks ago, and I knew that I had to tell them. It was eating me up inside. I didn’t eat for three days before I went home, and I was just so incredibly nervous. I was having panic attacks and alternating between sleeping all the time and not sleeping at all, and it was all I could think about when I was awake, and when I was asleep I was dreaming of the worst-case scenario. It really wasn’t a good situation. People kept telling me, either, don’t tell them, or trust God.
After I returned home, I was making a grilled cheese sandwich and my mother said something, I can’t remember what having to do with religion and looking into ‘Muslim’. I first couldn’t believe that she already knew I was looking into Islam and secondly couldn’t believe how uninformed about Islam she was. I told her not to tell my dad, so of course she leans over and yells out the window ‘hey John, I have something to tell you’. He comes over and is like ‘what’? My mom says in all her glory ‘your daughter is studying Muslim’ ….I about died, but I replied ‘Islam mom, its Islam.’ “Oh…she’s studying Islam then’. My father’s response was… “Where did you want to me to plant this?” I almost died with relief.
When I went to pray my mom wanted to see my hijab and all of my Islamic paraphernalia that I had cleverly hidden in a backpack. I showed her and she was moderately interested. See, my parents have always taught my brother and I to be the most open minded, kind, charitable people that we are able to be, to ignore the chains of modern society and be our own person. Because of this, my mother now has a Wiccan son and a Muslim daughter. I think she is quite happy.
While at home, my mother was making mac and cheese with ham in it and I explained that I didn’t eat ham and explained why. She the proceeded to make me my own little batch with no ham in it. When I left, I left her a book to read and that she did read and apparently took to heart. See, I am convinced that my mother would be a wonderful Muslim. After reading my book, she says out of solidarity with me, she stopped eating pork or anything containing pork products. The one thing is that she forgot to tell me this lol. I found out through my moms friend. I was completely shocked. My mother loved ham and all that stuff, and I cried because I realized that moment how much my mother loved me and would always support me, unless I became a Republican. That would seriously be the only way to get disowned in my family. Anyways, inshaAllah I can show my mother the way, and she can become a Muslim. I know that it’s in her heart, and I can show her the path. Salaam Aleykum brothers and sisters. Thank you for your support
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