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Al-Zaara · **Re: Future Marriage Advice!!! -** 07-20-2008

Aleykum selam, moter

Ahhhhhhh. How well I can relate to you.

I had an similiar situation with an young Muslim man from Kosovo, but I said no (for other reasons). Nonetheless did I aswell, not even engaged, have to go through your situation, of other people coming and saying bad things about the proposal, like "he wants only the papers" etc.

I had to go through this not only once, but a few times with other proposals. And heck, I was only a very short time in Kosovo during that time. Too many relatives are bad for you.

They said we're thinking for your best but.. In the end I was so confused and said "I swear if you continue like this, I won't marry until I'm way over 30!" That shocked the most to silence.

Look, trust me. Most strongly listen to those closest to you who are friends and trusted ones and those who have met him aswell and can make an fair judgment, not some aunt somewhere or some far away cousin, for example. It's between you and him, and both of your parents... Aunts and uncles and cousins can sometimes... Not help that much.

Definitely do not let yourself get pushed. Don't let them make you do anything against the Islamic teachings. My own old grandmother said to me "Oh zemer, ani ani maje shamin atje te shpia, ama kur vjen ne Kosov, mos e maj se.. Nuk mahet ktu, zemra jeme, je shume e bukur edhe e rre!". And I just bursted out laughing. :okay:

Many cannot understand the commitment the practicing Muslims have towards Islam. And it's no use to try to explain, it won't go through their thick heads most of the time. You simply must try to be as polite as possible and shortly say No, no, no. Starting rambling every hadith or Quranic ayat won't help, I wish it would help, but for me it didn't and the best that helped was to shut my ears and just turn to Allah and to those who know me well, for advice. The rest of the time I smiled nicely but a firm 'No' came out of my lips.

Yet at the same time, I do warn you, I bet many have already. There have been lots of cases, were the men only married women for the papers for example, or other reasons. Make sure he is an practicing Muslim and can relate to your strong commitment towards Islam. At the same time, it would help a lot if your relatives knew him. At least your parents. They can make an better judgment if they know him and his family well. That's how doubts are erased. And also, have you prayed the prayer Istikharah? It has helped me in the past, elhamdulillah, maybe you should give it a try. =) Make a lot of dua and put your trust in Allah, inshaAllah things will turn out to be good for you.

Selam aleykum and take care!

	(#12 (permalink))
Al-Zaara Hanafi Status: Offline Posts: 3,847 Reputation: 37291 Rep Power: 66 Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Finland Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Future Marriage Advice!!! - 07-20-2008 Aleykum selam, moter Ahhhhhhh. How well I can relate to you. I had an similiar situation with an young Muslim man from Kosovo, but I said no (for other reasons). Nonetheless did I aswell, not even engaged, have to go through your situation, of other people coming and saying bad things about the proposal, like "he wants only the papers" etc. I had to go through this not only once, but a few times with other proposals. And heck, I was only a very short time in Kosovo during that time. Too many relatives are bad for you. They said we're thinking for your best but.. In the end I was so confused and said "I swear if you continue like this, I won't marry until I'm way over 30!" That shocked the most to silence. Look, trust me. Most strongly listen to those closest to you who are friends and trusted ones and those who have met him aswell and can make an fair judgment, not some aunt somewhere or some far away cousin, for example. It's between you and him, and both of your parents... Aunts and uncles and cousins can sometimes... Not help that much. Definitely do not let yourself get pushed. Don't let them make you do anything against the Islamic teachings. My own old grandmother said to me "Oh zemer, ani ani maje shamin atje te shpia, ama kur vjen ne Kosov, mos e maj se.. Nuk mahet ktu, zemra jeme, je shume e bukur edhe e rre!". And I just bursted out laughing. :okay: Many cannot understand the commitment the practicing Muslims have towards Islam. And it's no use to try to explain, it won't go through their thick heads most of the time. You simply must try to be as polite as possible and shortly say No, no, no. Starting rambling every hadith or Quranic ayat won't help, I wish it would help, but for me it didn't and the best that helped was to shut my ears and just turn to Allah and to those who know me well, for advice. The rest of the time I smiled nicely but a firm 'No' came out of my lips. Yet at the same time, I do warn you, I bet many have already. There have been lots of cases, were the men only married women for the papers for example, or other reasons. Make sure he is an practicing Muslim and can relate to your strong commitment towards Islam. At the same time, it would help a lot if your relatives knew him. At least your parents. They can make an better judgment if they know him and his family well. That's how doubts are erased. And also, have you prayed the prayer Istikharah? It has helped me in the past, elhamdulillah, maybe you should give it a try. =) Make a lot of dua and put your trust in Allah, inshaAllah things will turn out to be good for you. Selam aleykum and take care! __________________ Standing in the middle of a tornado, feeling serenity inside of me. Around me there's chaos, Yet I remain at peace.