I'm not a strong girl sis jawharah, i give up faith easily, i doubt religon and everything in it pretty much even tho i believe it...god its confusing. but its all because my faith is gone. my parents blame me when they get into fights, wanna kno why? because my dad is deaf, and i have to be the stupid translator, then i guess they think IM the one who says everything and im not! I tell them im jsut the translator, i actially like my brothers much better. i dont even care how mean they are theyr awesome. at least i they the definition of TRANSLATOR and CRAZY FATHER.

And on top of all this allah won't help me with my religon, i DO turn to allah. since i started my "true faith" and learned more about my deen, which is likewhen i was 10. and when i started to pray and all. and i always turn to allah. and for 5 yrs. nothing! just gets worse and worse, i always turn to allah. i still do. but now i give up! The only thing i ask allah for now is death, and you kno what ? When the whole world is against you, you cant trust anything or anyone, DEATH suddenly becomes against you! (i guess the angel of death has something against me.)
Religon is just another big wieght of trouble on you. I haven't benifitted anything from it. I never feel my faith gets better, only my doubt gets bigger.
And when im sad/mad/stressed/depressed , i listen to music. not anasheed, MUSIC. Like.. american music!


i try to smile. i cover everything with a smile. NOBODY know how i am, my faith, my doubt, my depression anything. why? coz its all covered by the magic smile