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Thread: First Night of marriage???

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    Limited Member Array asifsomy's Avatar
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    Default First Night of marriage???




    Is it compulsory in islam to have sexual relations with your wife in very first night after Nikah? I have to argue with a friend. Can some one tell me any verse of quran or any hadith (with Refrence) .

    Thnks

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    Limited Member Array Aicha-belgium's Avatar
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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Quote Originally Posted by Iqram View Post
    This might give some information:

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/17619/Marr...Form-of-Ibadah

    I'm not sure though, doesn't seem like a compulsion to me
    Mayby a stupid question ; what is a compultion?

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    Full Member Array kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Quote Originally Posted by asifsomy View Post


    Is it compulsory in islam to have sexual relations with your wife in very first night after Nikah? I have to argue with a friend. Can some one tell me any verse of quran or any hadith (with Refrence) .

    Thnks



    Of course not.

    What if shes menstruating? Which would clearly make it haraam.

    Instead, emphasis should be placed on comfort and on the state of mind of each other.

    Its is from backwards culture to think that you HAVE TO consummate on the first night.

    You should ensure that your both comfortable with each other; that should be the primary concern.

    Sexual relations doesn't automatically provide that. esp if the couple are strangers to each other.


    “And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.”[65:3]

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Quote Originally Posted by Iqram View Post
    No problem, it means that something which you have to do... Obligatoire
    Do you mean "un viol?" or voilate

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    Limited Member Array asifsomy's Avatar
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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    i too think thats not compulsory...an old respectable man was telling a soon to be married guy that it makes ur nikah haram if u dnt make sexul relations in first night..lols...i was just curious to know if really there is some hadith regarding this......

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Quote Originally Posted by asifsomy View Post
    i too think thats not compulsory...an old respectable man was telling a soon to be married guy that it makes ur nikah haram if u dnt make sexul relations in first night..lols...i was just curious to know if really there is some hadith regarding this......


    I don't think it's true allahua'lem. Why the first day, you can waite if you want. What does it make haram if you consume you marrige the first day or an other day
    I don't have a hadith, it's juste my opinion


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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Quote Originally Posted by Iqram View Post
    Not quite, but if you don't do what is compulsory then yes, it would be violating the rules.

    Ah okey , I thing I understand now...

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    Account Disabled Array islamirama's Avatar
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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    What you have heard - that it is obligatory to have intercourse on the first night of marriage - is not correct at all. Not having intercourse on that night is not a sin, and does not prevent one from celebrating the waleemah (wedding feast). Whatever happens between the two partners on their wedding night is their concern alone, and they know best what will suit their own personalities. This is a good opportunity to remind Muslim men and women of the importance of verifying whatever they hear, and to warn them not to accept Islamic rulings from people who are not qualified to give them. We ask Allaah to help us learn that which will benefit us, and to benefit us from that which we learn.



    Islam Q&A
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    http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=1986&ln=eng

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    Limited Member Array asifsomy's Avatar
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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Quote Originally Posted by islamirama View Post
    What you have heard - that it is obligatory to have intercourse on the first night of marriage - is not correct at all. Not having intercourse on that night is not a sin, and does not prevent one from celebrating the waleemah (wedding feast). Whatever happens between the two partners on their wedding night is their concern alone, and they know best what will suit their own personalities. This is a good opportunity to remind Muslim men and women of the importance of verifying whatever they hear, and to warn them not to accept Islamic rulings from people who are not qualified to give them. We ask Allaah to help us learn that which will benefit us, and to benefit us from that which we learn.



    Islam Q&A
    Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

    http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=1986&ln=eng

    thnks...

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???




    I heard you have to have intercouse within the first 7 days of marriage - not true then?

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    I dont know weather members will feel it right for me to post things like this here but it is a reality that this problem is a really big one especially in the Indian subcontinent. I have heard from many aalims and muftis that itis not necesary to do intercourse on the first night of marriage.Relationship should be allowed to grow stronger over a few weeks first.

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    IB Oldskool Array Ibn Abi Ahmed's Avatar
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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Quote Originally Posted by - Serene - View Post


    I heard you have to have intercouse within the first 7 days of marriage - not true then?


    Most probably not, Walaahu 'Alam. The Prophet saw married Ayesha and consumated the marriage with her 2 years later.

    Secondly, there does exist a type of marriage in the Shariah where the third and final form of consumation (i.e. intercourse) can be delayed. Shaykh Yaser Birjas explained it:

    I guess people are getting confused over the meaning and the concept of celibate marriage.

    The concept itself is not new in Shari'ah. It's even there in the Qur'an. What is new to many people is the title that it has been given "Celibate Marriage".
    How marriage can be celibate?

    The main purpose of marriage for most people is to allow the couple to enjoy the person of one another i.e. conjugal rights. But what if the couples were young, were not ready financially, didn't want to lose the opportunity of being together or as it is now in modern life hang out with each other on campus or even off campus without a mahram?

    Celibate marriage is a legal marriage which makes the two contracting parties husband and wife. It is the first step of initiating a marriage contract.
    All marriages start with a celibate marriage for a certain period of time. One week, two weeks and even months or years…that's what they call it Katbul Kitab (The Establishment of the marriage contract) and some call it engagement period.

    During this engagement they are legally married before Allah, Islamic law and before the people as well. It’s not just the type of engagement understood from the English word which means the promise of marriage.
    Because of this all the rulings and integrals of marriage contract are to be observed like any other contract.

    The difference now is in the consequences of this form. During the Katbul Kitab (engagement) period they have a choice to consummate the marriage soon afterwards or stall that util more convenient time.
    If they choose to consummate the marriage i.e. the actual intercourse which all Fuqha' agree on they will be entitled for their rights and commanded to observe their responsibilities.
    Rights like housing, providing, living together, obedience of the husband, as well as the Mahr.

    If they chose to wait and not consummate the marriage contract i.e. stay under the roof of their own parents, they are still legally a husband and wife but the rights and obligations are still limited until the consummation takes place.
    The all the contracting parties are responsible to agree on this and to set a reasonable time for the consummation time i.e. the wedding party.

    In the case of celibate marriage the husband is not yet responsible for housing, finances, and so on and her obedience is still to her father in most of her affairs. However, they are still allowed to be together.

    In case they choose to consummate the marriage i.e. have an actual intimate relation (intercourse) even without the knowledge of their guardians the celibate marriage is over and the wali has the right to force him to provide for his wife.
    What they did of consummating the marriage was not haram, it just changes the status of marriage and the set of rights and obligations.
    In this case the husband has no right to keep her in her family's house and then demand obedience. Unless her wali accepts to keep it for a longer time.

    Celibate marriage is widely practiced in Muslim countries where the young couple engage (Katbil Kitab) but they don't consummate the marriage until they prepare everything and feel ready to bear the responsibility of marriage.
    It’s nothing new in Shari'ah or Fiqh.

    Here are the two ayat in the Qur'an regarding a case of marriage that was not consummated (remained celibate) and ended with divorce:
    Abaqara 237:
    [237] And if ye divorce them before consummation, but after the fixation of a dower for them, then the half of the dower (is due to them), unless they remit it or (the man's half) is remitted by him in whose hands is the marriage tie; and the remission (of the man's half) is the nearest to righteousness and do not forget liberality between yourselves. For Allah sees well all that ye do.

    AlAhzaab 49:
    [49] O ye who believe! when ye marry believing women, and then divorce them before ye have touched them, no period of 'Iddat have ye to count in respect of them: so give them a present, and set them free in a handsome manner.
    (and 'touched them' by the consensus of the Fuqaha means the actual intercourse as an undisputable act of consummation)

    From these Ayat we understand that the couple is not yet entitled to their rights and obligations in full terms until they consummate the marriage.

    As for inheritance in case of death the two contracting parties become eligible for full right in inheritance at the time of the contract not the consummation of marriage.

    Delaying the consummation of marriage from the time it was contracted makes the marriage celibate as long as they all agree on it especially the wali of the bride.
    Consummating it quickly is more preferable.

    And Allah knows the best.


    “Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun

    "It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Quote Originally Posted by kitten View Post


    Of course not.

    What if shes menstruating? Which would clearly make it haraam.

    Instead, emphasis should be placed on comfort and on the state of mind of each other.

    Its is from backwards culture to think that you HAVE TO consummate on the first night.

    You should ensure that your both comfortable with each other; that should be the primary concern.

    Sexual relations doesn't automatically provide that. esp if the couple are strangers to each other.


    Best advice in thread, masha'Allah









    s a b r

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    I personally think it's ridiculous to have intercourse on the first night of the marriage.

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Why Argamemnon? If it is a love marriage then there is no problem.

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Why is it ridiculous? It's halal for you, so why ridiculous? Whether you want too right way or not is a different story.


    *Without Allah, without Islam, life would be meaningless. If I've ever learned patience, it's because of this. Alhamdulillah...*

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Quote Originally Posted by Argamemnon View Post
    I personally think it's ridiculous to have intercourse on the first night of the marriage.
    I agree.

    Quote Originally Posted by T.I.A View Post
    Why Argamemnon? If it is a love marriage then there is no problem.
    But to go from not shaking hands with a man to...?

    I guess it depends each person looks at it differently, ultimately what happens on your wedding night is up to you.


    alhamdullilah.

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    The question is not...if its right or wrong.....it is halal! so that cancels that
    the better question would be will the wife be comfortable on performing intimate excercises on the first day....it might take her months to become more relaxed

    unless they guy has body issues he'll all ways be up for it ''full throttle'' its the big night after all

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???


    Quote Originally Posted by Abdullahii View Post
    The question is not...if its right or wrong.....it is halal! so that cancels that
    the better question would be will the wife be comfortable on performing intimate excercises on the first day....it might take her months to become more relaxed

    unless they guy has body issues he'll all ways be up for it ''full throttle'' its the big night after all
    Exactly.

    What's ridiculous to say is that it's ridiculous doing intercourse on the first night. What's halal is HALAL, regardless of what we think. Some might be ready, others may not. That doesn't deem it ridiculous.


    *Without Allah, without Islam, life would be meaningless. If I've ever learned patience, it's because of this. Alhamdulillah...*

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    Default Re: First Night of marriage???




    What's ridiculous to say is that it's ridiculous doing intercourse on the first night. What's halal is HALAL, regardless of what we think. Some might be ready, others may not. That doesn't deem it ridiculous.
    jazaakiAllah khayr, and with that thread closed.




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