Hullo Glo

Woops I made a typo and accidently wrote Glop instead of Glo

Hmm anywayyyy....You know, (Now this may sound like a load of custard cream) but at that age teens are tryna find their place in the world, what they wanna do with themselves and most often than not, plotting on how to take over the world ... I kid you not Actually I'm kiddin

When I was that age, like 5 years ago...I'd sit in my room and read aaalllll day....literally 5 hours at a time, I dont know why exactly but I know that I enjoyed my own company. I also know that if I had something in my mind, I'd prefer to stay alone, I'd NEVER tell anybody...and the only way my mum could get anything out of me was by taking me out on a loooonnnng drive! And that really worked believe it or not.

Soooo.....go somewhere with her, take her out and try getting her to open up...maybe she has something on her mind? Its probably a normal teenage thing on her mind but maybe she needs to get summin off of her chest.

And also...she probz dont feel like doing anything around the house because of factors like school work/stress/exams etc. When you come home from that sorta environment (full of stress and worrrrk and more worrrk etc etc) you really cant be bothered doing anything at home. Heck I'm at uni only 3 days a week and I'm like that! Lol

So yeah...Thats enough of my essay, I think most of it is a load of candy-floss but there ya gooo

Goodbye

Yeah, shopping would probably do it!!

I must say, we do enjoy girlie times our from time to time. Although I don't enjoy clothes shopping myself very much (I get most of my own clothes from the charity shop), I do enjoy spending the time just with her.

But it seems hard to make that time, when you are a working mother of two children, with other commitments too ...

But you are right ... I will try harder to make time. Especially with the summer hols coming up ...

Do you think on the whole teenager like to spend time with their parents?? I don't think that's always the message they send ...

Would it be useful to encourage her to tell my (calmly), when she really wants to be left alone, and for me to (calmly) try to accept that?
(I'm afraid I can be a bit of a naggy mother at times ... )

I sense that the boys here are having a different perspective!

I think my dauhgter would die if I took her to the skatepark!

Thank you all for your advice, especially you youngsters.

I am somewhat reassured (for now) that teenagers are human beings too, and not some kind of alien creatures who are taken over our children ...!

I will let you know how we get on ...

... as it turns out my daughter is coming down with a cold today - sore throat and headache.

Now I am having a moment of parental guilt for having been so tough on her yesterday ...

Is there anybody in the whole world who gets this parenting thing right, I wonder???

^ Nopes. Some just manage to make the best of the worst situations they have to deal with, especially with teenagers. I don't think you're a bad parent though, so don't be harsh on yourself. Give her space, but also draw her closer. I would consider limiting the internet access somewhat though, in a way that's not too harsh. Is there any hobby she used to be passionate about, which you can lure her into doing?

It's hard to stay patient with teenagers, cuz they're too locked up in their bubbles and I say this cuz I still sorta am in that bubble. And it's hard being the kid too, cuz nobody understands that you want to be an adult and you want that respect and control over your life that adults get. They're kinda wound up in this whole thing where, like others said, they wanna change the world. And unloading the dishwasher, cleaning the house, cooking, etc doesn't quite seem like it's gonna help you and you can always do that boring stuff later in life, so they kinda roll their eyes, get annoyed at their parents, and are thinking scrap all that. As it is, they gotta go to school and study for exams and homework and all that... (And no, I was not / am not a tyrant of a teenager...)

Also, do you know who her friends are? You've met them / their parents to know whether they'd be a good influence on her? Always keep in touch with their parents, that's realllly important... And if they're online, then try to make sure she talks to you about them. 14 is a really impressionable age, and she can be easily harmed by people online who claim to be friends.

Hope she feels better soon btw!

My worry and concern is, what if its not just a phase she will outgrow,? what if the cause is something much deeper and disturbing?

What then?? i believe if u wait for too long without solving it, thinking its just a phase she'l outgrow, u might not be able to help her in the future when she is a grown up..

^ That's why you give her space, but also draw her closer. By giving her attention and talking and letting her express herself, you find out what's in her head. And if she's not a big talker, then motivate her to express her feelings on paper...

I am a teen too.

When I was 14 or so I was sleeping all the time, 16 hours a day, and still felt tired. My mother said that was part of puberty, and she had felt like that too. I've seen one of my younger sisters go through a stage like that as well.

Also, the need for privacy and personal space changes dramatically with teenhood. A teen needs a place where they can be alone and unbothered by parents and younger siblings.

As for her staying at home on her computer, maybe that's what all her friends are doing too so she has nobody to hangaround with.

I am a stay-at-home-with-books-and-computer type teen myself. I am 2nd from oldest in a family of 7 children, so part of the hide in my room behaviour is just self defense. But I love, like and respect my mother very much and enjoy spending time with her (in controled doses).

Well, I guess so, but I don't know. My parents never really asked me that, they could just tell.

Basically, don't over complicate things. If you wanna' go shopping or whatever with her and she doesn't want to, then really don't force her. Gain her respect so that she knows you care and you're not going to force her into anything she doesn't want to do and then maybe just for your sake she'll go someplace with you.

Also, is she religious? If so, show her quotes from the Bible about children respecting parents, that works on me (with the Qur'an) lol when I really can't be bothered to go help with the shopping etc. if I ever have to.

We do restrict the internet time, and the computer is a 'family computer' in the sitting room - so there is no secrecy, and we always know who she is chatting to and which sites she visits.

You are putting things so well, it makes it easier for me to understand the struggles of teenagers. Thank you!

The bit about the housework makes me laugh! That's so true!
I often say to her: "I never had to help at home, when I was a child ... and it was really hard for me to learn when I became an adult and had to live on my own. So me teaching you now is going to make it easier for you later in life ...!!"
And she always rolls her eyes at me and says "I know, mum!" :okay:

I agree. Thats' really important. Luckily I know her friends from school (and most of their parents and home situations), and they sometimes come around our house.

School is finished. I think she feels better already!!

This is a critical age. At this point in time, she is looking to find herself and shape her personality, which will be greatly influenced by who she spends ime with. Generally, parents lave their kids be, but try to become ppart of their kids life when the kid is experience some serious issues. At that point, the kid will reject their parent's actions thinking where were you when I needed you. So, the best advice I can give is to be constantly involved with her, learn how to be her friend (by listening w/o judging) and allow he to get used to you being involved in her life so one day if you need to take action to help her, she would not feel awckard and wounder why you are interested then. Does that make sense? I hope.

I don't agree with you. Teens are very sensitive to what goes on around the, not like kids who only notice what concerns them. If your teen notices you spying in her private life, friends, etc, she won't forgive you for it easily. You'll loose her trust and even though you may manage to force your way into her problems and affairs, she won't ever come to you for advice or help if she has the choice.

A better way to get involved in your teen's life is to be her friend. Give her respect and equality and she'll respond with friendship and trust. Talk to her, don't force her to talk to you. Once she is your friend, she will come to you for advice in her problems. Do exactly that, give her advice, but don't try to force your solution on her. Don't solve her problem for her unless she asks for it. She is (mostly) a rational being who can handle the majority of her problems by herself.

Occasionally you'll need to force her to do something for her own good. Try to avoid this as much as possible. If it is inevitable, explain the reasoning behind it. She may not understand it then, but she might later. And try to leave her a choice between at least 2 options. It'll help her feel less cornered, depressed and desperate.

Don't force her often if you can help it. Every time you do, you'll loose some of that precious store of trust and friendship you've built up over time. If you use it faster than you regain it, there won't be any left very soon.