JazakAllah for your comments maybe we all need to work together as Muslim brothers and sistersand educate our youngsters............

Somali families are very hard to please, I'll tell you that much.

i understand sis...but im so lost when it comes to tribes..my Mother always tol dus that when some one asks us what tribe we're form jus simply say we ara Muslim and leave it at that...

ive never been asked and InshALLAH itll stay that way

i belive you that its hard to please Somali families although ive never seen it..or i have im jus to blind to notice

let me say..you a strong girl...to face your parents about marriage..couldnt be me..im 17 now,n like i said before i couldnt eveeeer mention the m word to them..SubhanALLAH

InshALLAH yall will all meet the man of your dreams.a righteous one ofcourse,and you'll all have righteous children who fear ALLAH (SWA)

I appreciate all the responses. although I must admit that most of you are plain negative. The Muslim I intend to marry comes from a wonderful Family, hamdulilah. He has sisters whom I'm closesly friends with, I know a lot about his character not only through knowing him personally but also through the people that live with him. My brother and him are the same age (both 18) they get along fine and have always been like brothers.

I am not going to marry his family. I know that they will be part of my life, and I am looking forward to it. The family is very practising & openminded. They're not into tribes etc they are actually mixed with Yemeni. Although I know that most somalis are obsessed with tribes but this is hamdulilah not the case for this family. I have known them almost my entire life. It's just our parents that don't know each other so well, and in time they will enchallah.

Not for all somalis sis (Not his Family). The Family is married into several different tribes & even other races.

I think you are generalizing. I could say the exact same thing about Afgani Families. And so could a Pakistani, indian etc. What differenciates people is their level in deen, personality, their outlook in life etc. Not everyone is the same, thank god for that.

If we all worried about that no one would have ever married into another Race different to ours. We are Muslims we'll find a way enchaallah. Our parents both speak fluent english by the way.

enchaAllah we will make sure that we keep our fire burning. Love is not temporary, if its true it will last forever. I see how my auntie & uncle are towards each other, they look so in love and happy even after 17 years of marriage.

I am fully aware of that fact and totally agree with you. I am not running away from a life filled with sorrow and want some man to save me from it. I know exactly what I am doing, I come from a very happy household and my relationship with my parents is close & very healthy. I can go to them and tell them anything. They have raised us to be that openminded and to never fear them but Allah.

I have no intention to do that nor does he. We want to do things the halal way and want the support of both our parents.

I have always loved him for Allahs sake.

I didnt go upto my mom and say "I want to get married mom", I gave her some obvious hints and asked her what she thought. I am close to my mom, I can tell her anything. thanks.

Subhanllah, you seem very negative akhi. I will always be an Afghan. Nothing is going to change that. I love my people and I will never forget where it is that I came from. But my heart has no bounds, and we intend to be in the "in love phase" forever enchallah.

mashaAllah sister u seem very mature for your age... after all the advices and critisism .....,u answered well lol.. all i wud say is if u think its the right age ... and u knw it deep down inside and if u're ready to go thru the rollercoster ride ;) with the intentions that u wont crib later... then inshaAllah sister may Allah swt make it easy for u and may he make things smooth and easy ...

Trust me Ask ur self what u wanna do... u ask ppl and everyone will have their own point of view..and u will get mixed resposes...and u might get more confused...

mm 16? im going to be skeptical bout this only cause ive seen it happen before n every girl i know who marries that young does end up regretting it not only because of the husbands but they end up having 3-4 kids by the early 20s and it becomes depressing for them. Alot of work and RESPONSIBILITIES. I dont honestly see the different culture an issue maybe cause lebanese parents are bit laid back on that so i suggest wait till ur a bit older before u make such a huge decision.

I have to agree with both yourself and your parents to a particular extent. They are correct to a particular extent, you may very be too immature as they themselves have reaised you since you were a child.

However I do realise the difficult and taxing situation you are in at the moment. Todays value's are radically different o the ones that existed 10 years ago. Arranged marraiges aren't so...'arranged' anymore, or at least teh trend is dying down. I think the most important thing is to stay away from things that Allah would otherwise frown upon such as disrespect, dishonour etc.

Don't disrespect your parents at any costs. If you are going to show them that you can go through with a marriage with this young man, then you have to show them your maturity, commitment and empathy. I personally think, after your parents get past the whole 'solami' thing they will realise this young man isn't working and earning a heathy income...yet.

I really admire the fact that you are fighting for someone you love and believe in, so I think the best option is to work with him to show that you are fantastic couple. In my honest opinion you will not be able to marry him until he at least graduates from his studies and begins to earn a healthy living.

A parents prime concern isn't about the caste of the potential husband. It's actually how well respected and how well he earns a living. If your parens see this, they can be swayed to favor him. Remember to work with this young man to earn their respect and favour, do it in the most respectful and humble manner possible. Patience is a virtue, even if it takes years.

Also remember if things go awry, you will inevitably be left deeply hurt in the end. Just remember that Allah will always do what is best for you if ou ask for it.

Allah Hafis sister, I truly hope you succeed in this endaevor

P.S. Pray an Isthikara on this !

P.S. If I remember correctly the prophet 'encouraged' inter-tribal marriages. So anyone stating otherwise is fabricating old-school values.

Islam > Culture .. remember that people. We belong to Islam first and a specific nation/culture second.

Sis don’t stress about marriage. Allah has already decreed who you will marry, when and where. If it is meant to be it is meant to be, if not then it is not.

Don’t burden yourself while Allah has not burdened you.

Emotions can blind a person and corrupt their logic. Don’t make major decisions while you are swimming in the river of “love”.

Right now you are inhaling the delicate scent of love. Everything smells good and feels good. Soon the stench of reality will engulf your nostrils, and the delicate scent of love will vanish into thin air, leaving you to burden the nauseating odor of reality that was momentarily concealed by the delicate scent of love.

You will only be able to enjoy the delicacy of love when things are in harmony and under your control, and there is nothing harmonious about the marriage of two teenagers.

Patience, Patience, Patience, Sis, Patience

I meant these are things to consider for the long run; things that need to be thought of now before they come up later.

I'm sorry if I seem even more negative, but just by this statement it seems to me that all you've been exposed to of marriage are the ones that are all romantic and sweet, and this has caused you to form an ideal in your mind that if I and my beloved love each other truly, it'll last for ever. The reality is different. Love enables marriage, it doesn't guarantee it'll last. What guarantees marriage are other qualities that are within the person, not a feeling one has towards another. Many are the people that have gotten married due to feelings of 'true love' and have divorced a short time later, and some after many years too. And they still truly loved each other, but they divorced.

I don't mean to scare you or be condescending. Your responses here show that you are intelligent and mature Masha'Allaah. At the same time, I feel that you are overlooking some things that are serious and need not be overlooked. When I received similar advise when I was your age, my reaction was exactly the same as yours, yet now I realize how sensible the advise I received was and I want it to benefit you bi'idhnillah as it did to me.

Good Alhamdullilah, I only intended to remind you of it.

I think you misunderstood me. I didn't mean that you should change who you are or that you will change later on. I meant that a lot of people like to be idealistic and say: "We're Muslims, and that's enough to make our marriage run". Sure, I agree that being a Muslim crosses all bounds of race and culture. With the same token, you need to realize that you're culture has played a somewhat big role in who you are, how you think, and what you are; subconsciously at times, a person will see through the lens that his culture has defined for him. There are traits that every person has that is a result of the culture that he comes from, and sometimes these traits are so ingrained into us that they can easily become the reason for problems in marriage 2 years down the line.

So my point is not don't get married to this brother. No, I love and am a big 'fan' if you will, of intercultural marriages, but at the same time I have seen many fail due to same reasons I've highlighted above. The couples were also in 'love' and were planning to be so forever. So from what I've seen, I don't want your marriage to end like that. I thought it would be a good idea if you're aware of these things from now, before signing the nikah contract.

Can you clarify what you mean here?

I agree with your premise. And you're right about divorce rates, and that is exactly what I meant to highlight to the sister - to not get caught up in idealism as opposed to reality.

Regarding the part on parents, I disagree to an extent; it depends really on the family. She knows her family best, so it makes no sense for me to tell her not to talk to her parents or to talk to them, to try and change their mind or not. She can decide that herself. Seeing as how she stated her parents have reacted, I felt she needed some tips and pointers maybe on how to approach them. At the same time, I'm in complete agreement that it's unwise to get too emotionally attached to a person before knowing whether it'll work out or not.

you sound mature enough n like you know that you want

i was only trying to help..sorrry if it didnt help


May ALLAH (SWA) make everything easy for you

hope yall live happily ever after InshALLAH

I don't think she should shield you from it, you should know your tribe and be aware of it but that doesn't mean you should divulge your tribe to any person that asks you.

At the end of the day, tribe is not the problem, but how people use it to hurt and demean others is.

I'm sorry sis but even Somali people that come from different variations of tribes can still be very tribalist, it doesn't matter. And I don't think I'm generalising when I say that Somali families are very hard to please, as I stated before I was in the same situation and I am a Somali sister whereas you are a Afghan sister. Surely the situations are different, but your situation would be much more harder on you since you're from different cultural backgrounds and therefore it will be harder to communicate between families.

Trust me when I say this, Somalis are in general a very warm, loving and gentle people but like Arabs we're very isolated and like to keep to ourselves. InshaaAllaah if you're really serious about it have lots of meetings with his parents, extended family, and close family members so as to get a bit of a better understanding of them.

I think you're just being a bit far-fetched by saying that you want to marry him at the age of 16, just look at the options inshaaAllaah and if your intentions are pure and you want to marry him so as to have a halal relationship for the sake of Allaah SWT then inshaaAllaah go for it. Make du'a and pray istikhara as well.

May Allaah make matters easy on you inshaaAllaah.

Assalamu Alaikum

You are only 16 and you're already interested in marriage, these parents who raised us when we couldnt raise ourselves, who fed us, provided for us and when we reach the slightest level of maturiy we have the audacity to go against them? yeah i admit they still live in the stone age and dont seem to understand where your comming from BUT they can be made to understand if you are right and know what your talking about.

Islam does encourage to marry early as the Prophet (p.b.u.h) says marrying early will protect your deen, the Prophet (p.b.u.h) also says if you have the financial means to get married then you should do so. That dont mean meet a guy or girl and run to your parents and say i want to get married. To boys and girls your age and who want to get married id say to you if you think you ready for marriage then go get a job and earn money so you could get married instead of waiting for your parents to "come around" and this would also show your parents that you are mature and they will hear you out and take you seriously.

Salam