Sister Ameena is totally right.

Somalis families are hard to please, some are Ok i am not saying all of them are but mostly are.

Everything I was going to say..

To Anon are you planning to move in with him or live with your family?
Many young people who cannot afford moving in together, get married but live with their families.
Do you think your mother will be ok with this? So you can finish your education until he is fully able to provide..

Anyways age is just a number but please make sure your family is ok and happy for you to marry, or comprimise with them maybe get marry when you turn 17, 18 perhaps?

Ameen

The point I was trying to make is that the sister clearly described to us that the Family she's marrying into is a wonderful Family. I would understand in the case (for eg: if she didnt know the family) etc to tell her to be cautious. She didnt ask you all to give her an account of how hard somalis are to please etc. That has nothing to do with her marrying this brother. She already knows this family quite well and from what we have read it's a beautiful Family. Whom I personally know btw. She was seeking Islamic advice.

No youngsister, I am not planning to move in with them. I just dont want this thread to turn into a place where somalis share their woes about how difficult Somalis are etc. If thats what you want to do feel free to start another thread. Cause thats not the point of this thread InshaAllah.

Many have given the sister valuable advice. She's young but shes very mature. I''m sure she'll come back to personally answer u all again, but the sis never said that she's marrying him tomorrow. She plans to keep studying! It would be nice if the accusations stopped.

? She's not planning to stop studying. Maybe u shud read her posts again!

You are Judging her & even twisting her words. She never said that she's marrying him solely on an emotion! Yes she did say that she loves him, did you also read the rest? "I love him for Allahs sake"? You are desperately trying to belittle the sister, she's very offended so you know hence why she didnt reply. That might not be your intention but thats how you come across. Real love does exist, dont mock it. Marriage does come with alot of responsibility, thats the same for everyone whether your 16 or 20 or 30.

Jazks.

Why would I? I just simply agreed with another sister comment

What happened to making excuses for your fellow muslims?
The sister didnt make it clear at the beginning, I like the other are just looking out for her, thats why i adviced her to keep studying if she is planning to do so then masha allah good for her.

Sister if your read my post again I was being very polite, this topic got many replies and everyone is trying to help her so isha allah, there is no need for attitude.
What happened to adhab?

Omd!

I think yu honestly read her post incorrectly, please ppl!

=)

Asalamu Alaikum;

Sister, I am a Pathan from India. My family is of the Lodi clan. We conquered Northern India over 500 years ago. Since then, we have adopted most of our Pashtun customs apart from basic Pashtunwali. Although I am Pathan, I am multi-ethnic. For example, My father is mixed Pashtun/Muhajir/Russian. My mother is mixed Persian/Muhajir/Arab/Dravidian. It is time that Pashtuns let go of the hypergamy that we've followed since pre-Islamic times when we were Kafirs. The Qur'an absolutely forbids any form of nationalism or forced conversion.

Personally, this is my two cents: Get a nominal nikah done, a nominal one, so that you need not fear Allah for being close to him. Don't engage in any sexual relationship. Don't officially register your Nikah, make it a secret one between Allah (swt), him, and you. As time passes by, convince your parents slowly by showing the verses in the Qur'an and various Hadeeth regarding marriage, nationalism, and forced marriage. Then, get an official marriage done. You can renew your Nikah vows, your previous vow is not considered broke or a Talaq. There's a fatwa regarding this at Islamonline.net : http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1220346188617

Of course, I'd rather advise that you marry after you're 20. In this day and age, there are a lot of factors which make an early marriage unadvisable, such as the need for education. Complete your education. Let him get a decent job. Then, get a proper marriage. I personally too wish I could get married to a good sister at this age. I am a teenager with raging hormones that are difficult to suppress. However, good things come to those who wait, this is what I've learnt. I have decided that I will not consider marriage or engage in any relationship until I have completed my education and have a decent job or business. However, if the situation arises (ie, I fall in love with a good sister), then I shall get a nominal nikah done (I will reveal it to my parents...they are very open minded) but not engage in a sexual relationship until I have settled down with a good job or business.

If you wish to be in his arms, and have a non-sexual relationship, then the secret Nikah is an option, although not advisable unless you can't bear it anymore. Love is a natural gift from Allah (SWT). If you plan to go higher than that...it will interfere with your life and bring it to an abrupt end. Unadvisable.

Hope my advice was of some help.

i understand your pain i am 15 and i have promised myself to a man. my family doesnt know though, and the future is still uncertain if we will even be able to get together. but i am praying that by god's will we will be together someday.

A nikaah requires a wali and two witnesses, and without that it is invalid.. And nowhere in that fatwa does it say that the couple married secretly without a wali and two witnesses. What you're talking about is a celibate marriage I think, which is the same as a regular marriage, just that it is stipulated that the girl will remain with her parents until the husband can take on the financial responsibility and only after that they can consumate the marriage.

Btw, to anony, we weren't being negative. We only gave advice based on what we knew from your post and based on what we know from our own experiences..