Originally Posted by AnonymousGender

Dear brothers and sisters in Islam, I desperately need advice and especially need your Duas.

Let me start off by telling you a bit about myself. I am in my late twenties and I wouldn’t call myself religious, in fact I don’t wear hijab, I’m into clothes and make-up, cars and boyfriend, basically all things that are material. I don’t pray regularly, but I do pray every other day.

I find it so hard to lower my gaze.

I have been in a relationship with someone for just over a year and I can't move on.

My Iman is so weak, that I couldn't even bring myself to pray Istikhara to make sure he was right me. (Ya Allah forgive me)

I couldn't pray because I knew I'd still want to be with him if I got a negative answer. I love him so much that words can't describe the pain I'm going through.

I have so many problems in my relationship, he cheated on me and I was so madly in love with him that I took him back. He knows how much I love him, and he knows he can do whatever he wants to hurt me because I take him back.

I know deep down that I’m going through this pain through my own fault, I let him in my life and I let him walk all over me. I didn’t pray Istikhara and chose to tread my own path.

That is why I’m probably suffering so much, and also the fact that I’m with him without being married to him. I allow him to touch me too, I can’t help it, it’s extremely hard when you’re in love with someone.
I pray to Allah that I can walk away from him without feeling needy, hurt, grief and sadness, but every time I leave him, I go back within days because I start missing him so much that the pain is unbearable.

I told him that if he truly wants to be with me, we should get married as we are committing a major sin. But, he won’t listen and I still think he has somebody else, and I still can’t bring myself to walk away from him.

I pray Allah for forgiveness, but I go and sin again. Then I pray for forgiveness and I go and run back in his arms and sin again.

He has a major hold over me and no matter what I do I can’t move on.

I’m so scared because if I don’t leave him sooner rather than later, he will end up ruining my life. I will end up learning the hard way, and the hard way is basically living in misery without him, and him not giving me the time of day, him leaving me for someone else. I’d rather leave now when things are not that bad, but he’s holding me back in an indirect kind of way.

How can I make it easier to walk away? I keep getting the urge to run back to him when I miss him. I’m so impatient.

I can only blame myself for this mess I’m in, and I am just waiting fearfully for Allah’s punishment to come upon me.

I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I’m stuck with four walls around me, waiting to close in and destroy me.

It’s like he has the switch to my happiness and sadness (Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah). When he is sweet to mean shows me attention, I am the happiest girl in the world, but when he doesn’t answer my phone calls or he is horrible on the phone, my world crumbles.
(Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah)

I’m so ashamed of myself. I feel like Allah (swt) has left me to myself on my own because I’m not on the right path, because I pray and then I go and sin again, again and again.

There are so many people on this forum and MashAllah some of you are so strong and have so much patience and dependence on Allah (swt). Where is my dependence? On this material man who is only made of dust? (Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah)

The Shaytan has lead me up the hell path and I can’t find a way back.

Please my brothers and sisters, please do Dua for me. InshahAllah, I will remember you all in Duas too.

As you realise and think what your doing is wrong take that as great wisdom and use your emotions and guilt as a positive effect. Take each step at a time i know its hard and when we get our self into a situation we get so caught up that we forget about all other important things like our religion and what we are actually doing and how it will affect us in the long term.

As your in this situation now it may seem the worst thing to go through but believe me you still got time take actions before it gets more worse. this is your chance to repent to allah and ask allah for guideness and belive me with time you will feel the ease i can guarantee you that.

Hope you dont mind me asking or saying this but think of it this way you are commiting all this sin for this guy you are going through this pain. But mean time what is he doing is he joining in your pain is he feeling the pain your feeling. Or is there to pick you up when all your strengths come down. Is he gonna answer for you when you are questioned by Allah. Or is he gonna take the blame and save you from any punishment? Why give your time and all your love to some one eho doesnt deserve you or appreciate you why not preserve it for some one who can give you all the love you need without you sacrifising everything. ven if you were to end up with this guy i know at the moment you think he makes you feel happy but can you relistically see a future with this guy. Do you think he can take care of you the way a husband should or can he be the role model father of your child.

Sister i dont mean to scare you or upset you but believe me from my experience i can tell you that for every word for every action there is always consequences. What we do today affects what happens tomorow so take each day each momemt as a chance to make your life better and build your future.

we always have a right path and wrong path to follow. The only way to distingish the difference is to look dep into your self and really evaluate deep within you will only find the answer to your problems deep within. Even when we know what the right thing is we tend not to listen to our inner thoughts and do what our desires tell us to do.

there was a saying which i heard a right is always a right no matter if few only decide to follow it. And wrong is always a wrong no matter how we try to justify or how many other people are doing it. We all will get judged individually and the path we set up for our self eventually we will have to live in it no one else will. People around us can give us the kind words and share a helping hand but eventually when it comes down to it we will have to face our destiny and the only way you can change your situation and change things around you is by changing your self.

Please dont take any offence to anything i may have said which you may find unappropriate but I prey that Allah guides you and gives you strength and makes your path easy for you. But im gonna again urge please please look into your self and take relavant actions that will benefit you in the long run not in the short turn this pain will pass within time but dont let it get to a point where it controls your life or rule your life or worse where it gets to the point where it becomes too late to change things.

sorry for long reply

Asalamualaikum wa rahmatullah,

May Allah make this easy for you...it must be very hard for you at this moment. I would like to offer you my humble advice.

Sis the first most important thing you need to do is to start praying again. Its more important that giving him up because the prayer is the second pillar of Islam. The prophet said the difference between the believer and the kafir is the prayer, in another narration

“(Nothing stands) between a man and kufr and shirk, except prayer: (whoever neglects it becomes a kaafir and a mushrik).” (Reported by Imaam Muslim in his Saheeh, with other similar ahaadeeth)

Now there is a difference of opinion if the person who neglects prayer becomes a kafir...but scholars say they do leave the fold of islam until they return to the prayer. and by the prayer it is meant those who ESTABLISH the prayer...meaning they pray regularly.

Make dua to Allah, never think he will not answer you, make dua to him in sujood; and ask him to make it easy for you to leave your sin.

Abu Huraira (radiAllahu anhu) reported that the messenger of Allah said:
"The nearest a servant comes to his Lord is when he is prostrating himself, so make supplication (in this state)"
[Sahih al-Bukhari]

Once you fix your prayer then i have no doubt that things will become easier for you. Remember shaytaan will always try and give you waaswaas and make you think if ur doing a sin then theres no use praying but know this is his way to guarantee you the fire. When you die the first thing the angels will examine is your prayer, if it is in order then the rest of your deeds shall follow, and if it is flawed or even non existent, then were in big trouble.

There are many hadith stating the importance of prayer. Im sure other members can post them up. Remember every son of Adam is a sinner but the best of sinners are those who repent. So always make tawbah. Never get tired of making tawbah, and when you make tawbah intend not to go back to the sin..and if you slip and fall, then know that Allah is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful so go back and make tawbah again.

But be sure to know the scholars say the one who sins regularly cannot be called a kafir or a mushrik, he is a fasiq, but the one who leaves the prayer is considered according to the majority of scholars, as to have left the fold of islam, until he returns to the prayer.

i just feel that a lot of the times when we sin people advice us in the wrong way, they don't priorities the prayer, and its just another of shaytaans tactics. Remember when the prophet salalahu alayhi wa salaam was dying he would come in and out of conscience and he would ask 'have they prayed? Have they prayed?' because he was so worried about the ummah neglecting the prayer. So let us take heed and start to improve by fulfilling this duty enjoined upon us, inshaAllah.

Anything wrong i have said is from myself, and all good which i have said is from Allah.

please forgive me for my lack of references, i can get them for you and more....just ask.

May Allah make is easy for you!

(Remember, take it one step at a time....and Alway ask Allah for help.)

...a few hadiths/Quran verses with reference.

Verily, the prayer keeps one from the great sins and evil deeds" [al Ankabut 45]

The first matter that the slave will be brought to account for on the Day of Judgment is the prayer. If it is sound, then the rest of his deeds will be sound. And if it is bad, then the rest of his deeds will be bad."
[at Tabarani]

Salat is a pillar of the religion (Islam). He who establishes it, establishes religion;and he who destroys it, destroys religion." [Tabrani]

“Tell them (oh Muhammad): ‘My (God’s) Servants who have committed excesses against themselves, do not be in despair in the mercy of Allah - surely, Allah forgives all sins. Verily Allah is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful’”
[Surah az-Zumar 39:53]

'And your Lord said, 'Invoke Me, I will respond to your (invocation).' [Soorah Ghafir (40): 60

'And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor).' [Soorah al-Baqarah (2): 186]

Break up with your boyfriend. It's haram. Ask forgivness with the knowledge that Allah will forgive you because he is the all-merciful.Sister wear the hijab there is no shame. Serve your lord the beat you can and all I can pray in my duas I shall do.

There was alot of good advice given ill make mines short n sweet sis
Just run to the one u love most!!!
In other words if you love this man more than Allah (swt) then stay with him, if you however love Allah (Swt) more than turn to him and that shall be enough to ease all ur pain inshallah

Awww I really feel for you. This is a hard situation to be in.

This relationship is hurting you dear. It's hurting you.
You deserve better.

This reminds me of a Muslim friend.
She is somewhat similar to you as she doesn't wear a hijab either.
At least you acknowledge the existence of the Lord, she doesn't at all.
Anyway this friend of mine is in a relationship with a Hindu man.
They've been together for over 2 years now and despite all the hurt and pain,
she can't seem to dump him.
He's threatened to kill her (held her at knife point), cheated on her on numerous ocassions, is engulfed in enraged jealousy, yet she sticks to him like glue.
I don't understand it.
I really don't.
You say you love him.
What is this "love" you speak of?
Firstly, address the insecurities you may be feeling, that is probably the only
reason you're with him.
You.Deserve.Better.
Everyone does.

InshahAllah I will pray for you.

Thank you so very much for replying. Sorry I haven't had a chance to come on here I've been going through so much pain.

Maybe whatever has been happening to me in the past few days is for the best. But I'm finding it so hard to take in.

I found out he is seeing another girl, whom he is serious about. I found out over the weekend and I'm devastated

I was suspicious for a very long time, but reality always hits harder. I know you are all going to say that your happy it's happened and in the long run it's better for me. But how do I cope with the present situation and the state I'm in? How can I go through this hell all over again? this is killing me and I can't eat properly. I'm lost so much weight within a few days.

Will Allah SWT help me through this even though i havent been steadfast in prayer?

I will go home and pray tonight, pray for peace in my heart. Ya Allah, how will i ever move on from this man, he has destroyed my inner being.

Read the Quran every day, it will increase your imaan. Then you will realize that there is nothing more important than Islam. You will find it much easier to deal with your pain.