Thread: I keep sinning, again and again.

Dear brothers and sisters in Islam, I desperately need advice and especially need your Duas.

Let me start off by telling you a bit about myself. I am in my late twenties and I wouldn’t call myself religious, in fact I don’t wear hijab, I’m into clothes and make-up, cars and boyfriend, basically all things that are material. I don’t pray regularly, but I do pray every other day.

I find it so hard to lower my gaze.

I have been in a relationship with someone for just over a year and I can't move on.

My Iman is so weak, that I couldn't even bring myself to pray Istikhara to make sure he was right me. (Ya Allah forgive me)

I couldn't pray because I knew I'd still want to be with him if I got a negative answer. I love him so much that words can't describe the pain I'm going through.

I have so many problems in my relationship, he cheated on me and I was so madly in love with him that I took him back. He knows how much I love him, and he knows he can do whatever he wants to hurt me because I take him back.

I know deep down that I’m going through this pain through my own fault, I let him in my life and I let him walk all over me. I didn’t pray Istikhara and chose to tread my own path.

That is why I’m probably suffering so much, and also the fact that I’m with him without being married to him. I allow him to touch me too, I can’t help it, it’s extremely hard when you’re in love with someone.
I pray to Allah that I can walk away from him without feeling needy, hurt, grief and sadness, but every time I leave him, I go back within days because I start missing him so much that the pain is unbearable.

I told him that if he truly wants to be with me, we should get married as we are committing a major sin. But, he won’t listen and I still think he has somebody else, and I still can’t bring myself to walk away from him.

I pray Allah for forgiveness, but I go and sin again. Then I pray for forgiveness and I go and run back in his arms and sin again.

He has a major hold over me and no matter what I do I can’t move on.

I’m so scared because if I don’t leave him sooner rather than later, he will end up ruining my life. I will end up learning the hard way, and the hard way is basically living in misery without him, and him not giving me the time of day, him leaving me for someone else. I’d rather leave now when things are not that bad, but he’s holding me back in an indirect kind of way.

How can I make it easier to walk away? I keep getting the urge to run back to him when I miss him. I’m so impatient.

I can only blame myself for this mess I’m in, and I am just waiting fearfully for Allah’s punishment to come upon me.

I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I’m stuck with four walls around me, waiting to close in and destroy me.

It’s like he has the switch to my happiness and sadness (Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah). When he is sweet to mean shows me attention, I am the happiest girl in the world, but when he doesn’t answer my phone calls or he is horrible on the phone, my world crumbles.
(Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah)

I’m so ashamed of myself. I feel like Allah (swt) has left me to myself on my own because I’m not on the right path, because I pray and then I go and sin again, again and again.

There are so many people on this forum and MashAllah some of you are so strong and have so much patience and dependence on Allah (swt). Where is my dependence? On this material man who is only made of dust? (Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah Astaghfirullah)

The Shaytan has lead me up the hell path and I can’t find a way back.

Please my brothers and sisters, please do Dua for me. InshahAllah, I will remember you all in Duas too.

You need to increase your knowledge of Islam, only then will you be able to realise what you are doing wrong and what you can do to change it. Listen to some lectures and read articles, starting off with;


Top Ten Excuses Of Muslim Women Who Don’t Wear Hijab

-------------------------

The Hereafter by Imam Anwar Awlaki

In this series, the Imam vividly portrays the different phases the human soul passes through during its lifetime up to its death as well as the process of judgment of souls and the resulting eternal life in Heaven or Hell in the Hereafter. In breathtaking style the listener hears of the events that occur just before death and the events that come after it. The Imam gives a clear description about life in the grave, the horrors of the last day, the major and minor signs leading to the last hour and the day of resurrection. The Imam crowns this eloquently narrated lecture with the process of accountability and recompense. On the Day of Judgment those who pass the test will be rewarded with Paradise and those who fail will be rewarded with Hellfire.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 |

-------------------------

The Forbidden Gaze

By Sheikh Feiz Muhammad



Part 1 - Lowering The Gaze - The Disease

Part 2 - Lowering The Gaze - The Cure

Part 3 - Lowering The Gaze - Intermingling(Mixing with the Opposite Gender)

-------------------------

And also read your 5 times prayer as much as you can and the Qur'aan with English meaning. Inshallah this should be enough to start with.

It is difficult, you need to make dua and keep steadfast, Inshallah you will get through. Also good frineds can help you

Originally Posted by Mz

^ you wont be able to get over him until you completely change your way of life



do it

Easier said than done.

Asalam alaikum Sister,
You are really in a hard situation. But like most of the other posters said, changing your path and working on yourself and your faith in Islam will open your eyes even more. I know you already know that its wrong, and it WILL NOT be easy for you to leave him. But if you try to really look at your situation, your not really happy with this man anyway. You are letting him control your happiness and your life. Try to be strong and see that from what you posted his is not really a good man and doesn't treat you well most likely until he wants something from you.
Please sister don't let him treat you this way, be strong and surround yourself with good muslim sisters and family and lean on Allah, he is waiting for you to talk to him and he will answer, mabye, well sorry for sure not the way you might want, but he will be telling you the path to happiness.
InshAllah things will get easier for you. Make lots of dua !!