Assalam alaikum. I currently am studying in a different country to my wife of 4 years. This year in February, I found out that she had been visiting chat sites and giving out her email addresses to guys she talked to online (about 10 different guys) since AT LEAST Ramadan of 2008. I questioned her about it, and intially she denied it, and followed it up with continous lies about it. At first she claimed she was only having "Islamic discussions", but the more I see what they other men wrote and what she wrote, the worse it gets.

Initially I found out that she told some of them that she was in a troublesome relationship, and with others she outright pretended to be single. When I asked if she sent them her picture, at first she denied it, then claimed they they saw a display picture - and finally told me she she had exchanged her pictures and shared them and also asked to see their pictures. After all this, she told me that the only pictures she sent were with her wearing her hijab, and nothing less. From this point on, I found out that one of the men had proposed to her, whlie actively knowing about me, and was trying to convince her to leave me and run away with him! These were MUSLIM men asking a Muslim woman in hijab! And she kept on talking to them and instead of saying "no", she kept on saying "I don't believe you, prove yourself to me". During this whole tiime she would let them flirt with her and tease each other.

We have argued many times over this after I found out. At first she said she was really sorry and begged for forgiveness - but she claimed that she wanted to stop right from the start, but it got out of control, and that she wanted to tell me about this "harmless talking". But I really don't believe she would have ever told me unless I came across her emails and MSN in February. It was the worst month of my life, and I prayed a lot and asked for guidance. I also found out that she discussed issues involving what she found "romantic" and so on. WIth the men she didn't pretend she was single with, she'd discuss me and our relationship to detailed levels, our arguements and thoughts and our families - where they would reassure her that what she was doing was alright. During the period from September 2008 to January 2009, she would really get angry and shout at me over the phone and internet really easily - I didn't understand why.

I spoke to my mother and father about it in February, as well as my brothers, and they all suggested at the time that I forgive her. And that at least there was nothing physical involved. Since the time, a week after she was caught, she promised to tell me everything. Including the guy who asked her to leave me and marry her, and what happened. I really felt betrayed and cheated at this time...and I shouted at her. She was remorseful and regretful for a few weeks and told me at the time that she'd spend "our lifetime correcting this mistake". However, she denied any form of having an "emotional affair" and to this day denies it. Over the last few months, I have been with her in person during which time we have had very heated arguements over this. My trust in her is very low, and she almost refuses to even acknowledge that or admit she did anything wrong - during some of the arguements, she has even claimed that those other guys were nicer than me or better people. As soon as she moved to where I was studying, she has and does act like a victim if this is even brought up. I thought discussing what went wrong and how we can fix things will prevent anything like this happening again and raise trust levels, but she has never spent a proper minute trying to discuss this with me in person. Just screaming and shouting.

Anyways, for the most part, I have chosen to listen to my own family and try and forgive her. Today, in July, I found checked her old email address again (she does not use this email address anymore), that she discussed very intimate issues such as sex and honeymoon ideas, and what she likes to do or would like to do. They would both discuss it in over and over again - the idea of running away from me to another guy was discussed with more than one guy. She completely denied this, and repeatedly assured me over the last 6 months, that no matter how much she turned to these online "friends" for emotional support, that there was nothing ever physical to it. Right now, there are more emails asking her to marry her though she has not had contact with them since February, some of them are writing to her claiming "I'm a decent Muslim man", they think she is single, or has left me.

Even after everything that's happened, the feeling of being betrayed has been refreshed now. I feel deceived and tricked again. Currently she is visiting her family in her home country. When we do argue, she always blows up with rage nowadays and we both argue. I don't think I can even bring this up now, as I know she will just tell me to "go find better". I really do love her, but I don't know if I can handle this pain or humilation. Her mother-in-law is a very nice person, and I don't know what to do - I am meant to act as her garment and keep sins confined; but I really cannot hold this pain in any longer after these many months. My imaan has fluctuated over the months too, at times I feel like Allah will save me, and I feel content and relaxed. Other times I give up hope..the damage has already been done.

I've tried to be as factual as I could be in this question, and I don't know if I can fully express the amount of mental trauma, pain and self-doubt I've been experiencing throughout this year. I don't think it's appropriate to bring this issue up too publicly with her family. Nor do I want to tell anybody else that she has had intimate discussions with other men, it is only an embarassment to me. I'm writing here now for advise, what should I do? What steps should I take? She has changed her place of study to the same place as mine after February. I do not wish to embarass her family, my family or ourselves by breaking this marriage apart after everyone around us has only seen the affectionate and positive side of our relationship. I wish that this never happened, or that I could just forget it, but how can I trust her in the future, when I keep thinking that everything she is telling me is a lie? Or only a half-truth? How can I feel secure again, if she continues to deceive and trick me? I never imagined she would do anything like this last year.

Lastly, I'd like to apologise for the length of this question. I tried to put as much information in here as possible, and if there's more information you require for you to provide me with good advice, then please ask me.

Assalam alaikum..

Brother in Islam.