Do parents have a right to make marriage "haraam" for Son if he is not millionaire ?
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Do parents have a right to make marriage "haraam" for Son if he is not millionaire ?
hi can you elaborate more please?
Last edited by 'Abd-al Latif; 03-05-2012 at 01:39 AM.
If son cant give the best standards of living and education for his family , then is it haraam ?
I cant make it any simpler than this In Quran 24:33, It is mentioned that Those who cannot afford to get married shall maintain morality until GOD provides for them from His grace.Now my question is who decides what is "affordable" ?Is it parents or the son ?The parents want son to only marry from upper class rich family or dont get married at allThe son was not competitive enough to earn a million and marry from an upper class family and could only manage half of it and thus could marry only from lower class Disobedience to parents is a sin and he cant go against his parents and marry from a poor family. So the son is forced to remain bachelor all his life On the day of judgement . Will Allah hold his moneyminded ego maniac parents responsible for depriving their son of marriage ?or Will Allah hold the son responsible for being incompetent to earn million as demanded by his parents to afford marriage ?
Parents from upper/middle class families usualy prefer their sons marry women from upper/middle class families too. But actually parents do not have any right to force their sons get married only with women from specific class, especially because men do not need wali to get married.
I come from middle class family. My mother prefer I get married a woman from middle class family too, but I married a woman from poor family, and my mother didn't mind.
But bro, my culture is different than your culture. I think your problem is cultural problem.
So what action can the son take to get married ?and regarding the "men dont need wali" thing , it looks like you just made that up . Could u show me any reference from quran and sahih bukhari hadith explicitly stating that ? otherwise , i will have to take that with a pinch of salt.But actually parents do not have any right to force their sons get married only with women from specific class, especially because men do not need wali to get married.
Parents with such a unreasonable stance do not make it any easier for their children to get married. You must try and get senior members of your family, relatives etc to talk to your parents so that they may let go of such an unreasonable stance. If they still do not let go then you should consult a local knowledgable scholar to speak with them. A male does not require a wali to get married. You have every right to get married with or without your parents consent. Obviously it is far better to get the happiness and consent of ones parents but if they do not let go of such an unIslamic stance after you have tried everything possible then you will have no other choice but to marry a woman without their consent as you cannot delay or not marry just because your parents are culturally bound and refuse to let go of such backward mentality.
So look for a woman with piety and if you are happy with her character and piety and her parents are willing for you to marry her then try your best to get your parents around the fact that you wish to marry such a woman. If after trying everything they still do not come around then you have no choice but to marry her. There is nothing in Islam that will stop you from marrying a good pious woman of your choice as long as you have tried your best with your parents. You do not have to delay marriage for them at all.
And Allah knows best in all matters
The parents say dont care about scholar advice and threaten the son that they would dishown him if he gets married to someone from lower class Disobedience to parents and breaking ties with them is haraam as it is the big sin , so i guess there is no other choice from him then to be Single as he is not competitive enough to earn enough to marry from upper class family
If this man has good income but that woman decides, his income is not high enough to support that woman luxury life, he is not-afford. However, if this man just a low level worker with low salary, but that woman does not mind, he is afford to get married.
This is a difference between materialistic woman who wants to get married for dunya (world) pleasure, and pious woman who wants to get married for the shake of Allah.
Pious woman who wants to get married for the shake of Allah, will not notice on how rich this man, but how good this man as a Muslim husband, how big his responsibility to fulfill his wife needs. Woman like this believe, Allah will give her and her husband easiness in their marriage life.
I know personally with some brothers who married religious women. They got married when they were poor, but now, Alhamdulillah, although they are not rich, they can fulfill their families needs.
This man (the son) is allowed to disobey his parents in this matter, but not allowed to break his tie with his parents, and not allowed to disrespect or dishonor his parents.
Get married is sunah, and no one is allowed to forbid the other to do sunah with unacceptable reason.
So, if this man has meet a pious woman who will accept him as a husband, he should marry this woman. Maybe his parents will angry to him, maybe his parents will break the tie with him. But whatever his parents do to him, he should forgive his parents. And always make du'a, wish Allah open his parents heart.
So try and get an elder from your family, relatives or community to talk to your parents. If after trying everything then you will have no other option but to go about marriage in the correct Islamic manner and choose a good pious woman. Your parents cannot force you to do something which is not Islamically right and there is no obedience on that which is wrong.
You must not get angry or frustrated with them as this may be a trst for you. Speak with them and treat them in the best of manner as this is their right over you. They are just doing what they feel is best for you even though in reality it isnt.
Make much dua to Allah for him to change your parents perspective on this matter. Ask of him for a good and pious wife. Beg of him for assistance especially in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time. Allah is with those who are patient through trials and hardships.
Consult with and gain advice from a local knowledgable scholar abou this issue and he will advise you as to the best steps to take.
May Allah change your parents perspective and find you a good and pious woman. Ameen
Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 02-19-2012 at 04:37 PM.
The elders, relatives and community are all in support of the parents on this and have antagonized the son as an incompetitive and good for nothing person who will pay in hereafter for not being ambitious to be a high achiever and support a family as others .So try and get an elder from your family, relatives or community to talk to your parents. If after trying everything then you will have no other option but to go about marriage in the correct Islamic manner and choose a good pious woman. Your parents cannot force you to do something which is not Islamically right and there is no obedience on that which is wrong.Please can you let me know the dua which can make to get rid of this materialistic perspective of the parentsMake much dua to Allah for him to change your parents perspective on this matter. Ask of him for a good and pious wife. Beg of him for assistance especially in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time. Allah is with those who are patient through trials and hardships.
hamza , please can you respond to this.
May Allah do what is best for you in your situation. Ameen
Basic Knowledge according to whom , Sheikh Hamza Asadullah ?I asked you to show me a verse which says no wali for man from the quran and Sahih hadith and so far you have failed to do thatOriginally Posted by Hamza Asadullah;1501128.How is it a win-win situation ? My right to marriage is being held to ransom and i have everything to lose by not marrying and completing half my deenSo in this world a Muslim is in a win-win situation if only we realised.Which dua should be done ?We have ayatul kursi for preventing nightmaresand Surah Nas fo protections against JinnYou have surah tul kahaf for protection to Dajjal .Similarly what dua should be done to change the materialistic mindset of people who are depriving you of marriageThe best dua you can do is to wake up at Tahajjud time in the latter portion of the night if not then anytime like after Isha and before bed and firstly praise Allah by using his beautiful names and beg and cry to him. Pour your heart out to him and ask of him to aide you and change the hearts of your parents and family. Ask of him to help you in your situation and to do what is best for you.
I am not a knowledgeable person, but I am a married man. I still remember my nikah procession which I did it without wali. I spoke Ijab Qabul by myself, which from my wife party, the Ijab Qabul was spoken by her father. The bride need wali but the groom doesn't.
My brother i know you are frustrated with your situation but you should not get rude and take it out on those who are trying to help you. There are no verses from the Qur'an or any hadith which explicitly states that a man does not need a wali but it is a fact in fiqh terms and there is no difference of opinion in that regard. Regarding a specific dua then in your case all you need is to ask of Allah in the latter matter of the night at Tahajjud time in your own language and cry to him and beg of him for help. That is the best way you can make dua regarding your situation. So whether you accept our advice or not then it or not is entirely upto you but i would suggest is that you take the advice we have given you in this thread and go to a scholar for further help and advice as he would advise you best regarding your situation.
May Allah do what is best for you. Ameen
If you try to look for an ayah or hadeeth that explicitly says, "A grown man does not need a wali" my gut feeling is that you won't find one. However, if there isn't one that says this, it doesn't mean that there aren't any with that meaning.
I believe that there is a verse that implies that women need a wali but men don't, in the way it's worded.
This is the verse:
وَلاَ تَنْكِحُواْ الْمُشْرِكَـتِ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنَّ وَلأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ وَلاَ تُنكِحُواْ الْمُشِرِكِينَ حَتَّى يُؤْمِنُواْ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ أُوْلَـئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُواْ إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ وَيُبَيِّنُ آيَـتِهِ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ
And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikun till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikun) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember.
Wed not idolatresses till they believe; for lo! a believing bondwoman is better than an idolatress though she please you; and give not your daughters in marriage to idolaters till they believe, for lo! a believing slave is better than an idolater though he please you. These invite unto the Fire, and Allah inviteth unto the Garden, and unto forgiveness by His grace, and expoundeth His revelations to mankind that haply they may remember.
Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.
(Surah al Baqarah, verse 221)
The word used after laa (meaning "do not"), is tankihoo, which means "do not marry", do not marry the mushrik women.
The second time, the word used in tunkihoo, which, with the change of the fat'hah (zabar) to a dammah (pesh), means "do not give in marriage", do not give in marriage to mushrik men.
This shows that men marry by themselves, but women are given in marriage. Who gives a woman in marriage? Her wali. i.e. men don't need a wali, but women do.
If a man needed a wali, the word used would have been the same on both occasions, i.e. tunkihoo.
While we do not use non-Muslim society as an example, it is a custom and one of the ways of the world, even in British culture, that brides are "given away" by a male guardian, and, until recently, the prospective groom himself would ask the prospective bride's father/guardian for his permission to marry his daughter/ward, and the marriage could only take place if permission was given.
And all the hadeeth relating to needing a wali, refer to women/girls.
Rasooolullah never said, neither does the Qur'an, neither did the sahaabah or scholars, that a man needs a wali.
And Allah knows best in all matters.
Last edited by Insaanah; 03-05-2012 at 02:37 PM.
Sorry didn't read all the thread carefully and just came across this:
To be denied marriage because you are not a millionaire, is not reasonable, nor is to be expected to provide like a millionaire when you aren't one, and goes against the grain of Qur'an and ahadeeth.
Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period]. Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person should be charged with more than his capacity. No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child. And upon the [father's] heir is [a duty] like that [of the father]. And if they both desire weaning through mutual consent from both of them and consultation, there is no blame upon either of them. And if you wish to have your children nursed by a substitute, there is no blame upon you as long as you give payment according to what is acceptable. And fear Allah and know that Allah is Seeing of what you do. (2:233)
The Prophet when he was asked by a man, "What is the right of our wives upon us?" replied, "To feed her when you eat, and clothe her when you buy clothes for yourself, do not hit her in the face and do not disgrace her, and do not leave her except within your home." [Abu Daawood, Ibn Maajah].
If you can fulfil this right, i.e. feed her when you yourself eat, and clothe her when you buy clothes for yourself, you can get married. Even some relatively poor people can afford to feed and clothe their wives. It is sad that people make it so hard.
May Allah make things easy for you, ameen.
(Parts of post adapted and abridged from The Fiqh of Family, Marriage and Divorce, Jamal Zarabozo, American Open University, 1997)
Last edited by Insaanah; 03-08-2012 at 09:16 PM.
Had your parents passed way when you married ?If not , how did they react to your going ahead with the marriage despite their objection ?I still remember my nikah procession which I did it without wali. I spoke Ijab Qabul by myself, which from my wife party, the Ijab Qabul was spoken by her father. The bride need wali but the groom doesn't.My parents already pray at Tahajjud and make dua to make me a millionaireAnd now you are asking me to make dua to get rid of materilistic mindsetDont these 2 duas conflict ?I want to know who is in this situtation will be judged by Allah as a sinner Is it me for not working hard enough to earn like a millionaire or is it my parents who are being materialistic according to the culture and society that we live in and depriving me of the sunnah of marriageRegarding a specific dua then in your case all you need is to ask of Allah in the latter matter of the night at Tahajjud time in your own language and cry to him and beg of him for help. That is the best way you can make dua regarding your situationYes , disobedience to parents is a sin when they have asked you to marry only with their permission and also only when you are earning like a millionaire . They are arent asking me to commit shirk or kufr , so they cant be disobeyed as that will inturn break the ties of kinship which is also another major sinThis shows that men marry by themselves, but women are given in marriage. Who gives a woman in marriage? Her wali. i.e. men don't need a wali, but women do.They dont care about that and they say those arent our family and society "standards"Their dictat is simple "I should be able to give my family a very high standard of living , else i must forget about marriage "If you can fulfil this right, i.e. feed her when you yourself eat, and clothe her when you buy clothes for yourself, you can get married. .