assalaamu alaykum sister,

i have seen this sort of thing far too often here in the uk also, may Allah guide the elder generation and raise this one upon Taqwa and the sunnah of the prophet Muhammad (saws).

as others have already pointed out from the ahaddith, it is your right to ask for divorce after a forced marriage and this is your right in islam, none can take it from you.

however you seem to have a serious self-estreme problem which also needs addressing, know that Allah (swt), the creator of the heavens and the earth also created you and is is good news at least that in your moment of need you turn to islam after a very cultural upbringing.

know sister that these sorts of attitudes expressed through your parents behaviour are prohibited in islam, it comes under the overall arabic name of 'Jahiliyyah' and means pre-islamic ignorance or unislamic customs that contradict islam.

it is unfortunate that all muslim sections of the community have some of this jahiliyyah, and your family seems to have more than its fair share of this, so may Allah reward you more greatly for going through this trial in life.

really you have two options,
one is to see if you can stop with this man. i do not think the culture issue you mention is too great a hurdle, many people marry from different cultures and these marriages are a success but if however you feel you do not want him then it is your right to seek divorce.

best advice i can give is you try to go to the pious elders within your family for help, and if they refuse to help them find a good imam or alim (islamic scholar) who can help you.

divorce is your right in this case, but people cannot help you from this side of the atlantic ocean so you need to find people in your city or locality who will insha'allah (Allah willing) help you and bring your parents to see reason.

from talking to others in the past, these threats are usually just that and families back down if their son / daughter is willing to say no but just in case find a pious sister or family who are willing to help you locally there and take you in for a few weeks until you can get setup yourself just in case your parents do something stupid like disowning you and throwing you out.

you should know this right of divorce in forced marriages is your right as confirmed through the ahaddith of the prophet Muhammad (saws) so dont be shy in demanding your rights in islam.

islam provides the solution, so turn to Allah, listen to the Quran as people mentioned, pray your salaat, cover yourself and seek help from Allah through Du'a, the ultimate weapon of the believer but also act yourself to prevent this injustice if as you mention you cannot go through with it.

assalaamu alaykum,
Daw'ud

My advice is, Ask Allah, subhana to help you.

this is just terrible!!!!

may Allah guide you to that which is best 4 u inshaAllah.
Forced marriages are invalid so if you havent accepted it then know you arent married to him.

i hope you get your relief after the struggle

One thing you shouldnt do is resnt your parents.
I didnt understand the mentality of "marrying your chilgren backk home" until I went to India. Here's how it works.
- Usually, people gather their money and send one/2 members of the familyto USA/UK (lands of milk and honey).
- The family back home expect the "chosen ones" to give something back to their community ie make their children marry "back home" and allow more of the family to migrate (and enjoythe land of milk and honey).
SO your parents are in a dificult position. What they are doing is WRONG but the only way to get them to understand you, is for you to try and understand them.
May Allah resolve the situation for you and your family.

Jazaks everyone for the input, I am definitely take each advice into account

What do you suggest I say to my parents when they say to me "We are your parents, we would never do anything wrong for you. Allah swt says you must obey your parents... why do you not listen? Why would we want anything wrong from you... we are trying to save you How can you hurt us like this"

i would say to them that yes allah tells us to obey our parents, but not if it goes against the teacghings of islam. merely if god forbid my parents werent muslim and they said to me dont believe in allah, i am not allowed to listen to they command. allahs command is higher than our parents. and i would say to them that as you are talking about the commands of allah obeying parents, allah also says that forced marriage is haram/ forbidden no ifs or buts about it. you dont need 2 scream or shout at them cause we gotta respect our parents but if we folllow the true teachings of the quran and sunnah we wouldnt have a problem as it advices and guides us in a way which way are supposed 2 act and behave. allah knows best and if i said anything wrong inshallah allah forgives me

asalumu alaykum
inshallah allah makes it easy for you and give you strength to approach your parents on this matter appropriately.
walaykum wasalam

u shud try to chat to him, try to get along wid him.. spend more time wid him and u myt get along etc..

no she shouldnt have to change to him and start accepting her situation its just plain wrong .........

Originally Posted by we need 2 unite

i would say to them that yes allah tells us to obey our parents, but not if it goes against the teacghings of islam. merely if god forbid my parents werent muslim and they said to me dont believe in allah, i am not allowed to listen to they command. allahs command is higher than our parents. and i would say to them that as you are talking about the commands of allah obeying parents, allah also says that forced marriage is haram/ forbidden no ifs or buts about it. you dont need 2 scream or shout at them cause we gotta respect our parents but if we folllow the true teachings of the quran and sunnah we wouldnt have a problem as it advices and guides us in a way which way are supposed 2 act and behave. allah knows best and if i said anything wrong inshallah allah forgives me

assalaamu alaykum sister,

there is no obedience that is in disobedience to the creator, and it is not as straight forward as that when you are guardian / emir over someone.

for example, although my wife should and must obey me it is only in what is halal, i cannot command her to do something haram and nor can i take away one of her rights that Allah (swt) has given her through the Quran and sunnah.

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married without being consulted, and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given?” He said, “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6455).

as you can see from the above narration from Rasoolullah (saws), your right is clear and they should not have forced you when you told them you did not want to go through with it.

the next narrations is even more clear cut and deals with exactly your situation!
if your parents fear Allah even a little surely they can see when the best of creation ruled against the father when a girl was in exactly the same situation as you then this is your right and as it is your right you can go to a sheikh or imam and ask for this marriage to be finished.

‘Aa’ishah reported that a girl came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it].” ‘Aa’ishah said, “Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women.” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i, 3217).

check out the following two fataawah (plural for fatwah, an islamic ruling) and insha'allah try to use it to teach your parents why they are in error.

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=en...QR=22760&dgn=4

http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=en...&QR=4602&dgn=4

insha'allah this will help you some more,

assalaamu alaykum,
Daw'ud

Tell your parents that it is true that a person must obey their parents, however a parent can not force a person into something which Allah has given them a chice about. By them forcing you into living with your cousin they are puting themselves in danger of being oppressors to you.

I dont know how immigration rights work in the US but what you cando is remail legally married to him until he gets full citizenship rights then get a legal devorce. In the meantime, get an Islamic divorce (if you need one) and carry on with your life.
Hope this helps.

ASALAMOALAIKUM
um .......sad to hear this ....but um i wud recommend that u do ISTAKHAARA its the best solution .....if u dont know how to do it then i will be glad to tell u .... .....but i m telling u that this the best solution to ur problem .....cuz IN istakhaara u ask ALLAH for the answer but it takes time .....it can take days . it is rele rele helpful u shud do it in these kind of matter ....so if u want to know how to do it .....u can ask ur local imaam or ur own parents....
try it

as-salaam alaykum to anoymous

I am really saddened to hears your terrible story and I will pray duas for you!
You can ask to Allah Almighty to solve yours problem because He is can be everywhere nears than your eyes or your blood! He is Watchful and All-Hearing..I am sure in the future Insh'allah yours parents will getting something bad happens to them because they thought that is halal marriage..this makes Allah Almighty angry to yours parents..but don't worry Allah wills always mercy on you and look after your all life!

I am heard there Pakistan has lots of problem with forced marriages..let look at this link:

http://www.zackvision.com/weblog/200...arriage-1.html

Insh'allah...Hopes you will getting easier to learns from us Muslims' comments.

wa-salaam alaykum

as-salaam alaykum

May a father force his virgin daughter who attained puberty to marry? Two well-known opinions in this regard are reported from Ahmad:



That he may compel her. This is also the opinion of Maalik, ash-Shaafi`ee, and others.
That he may not. This is also the opinion of Aboo Haneefah and others, and is the correct one.

People have differed as tot he reason permitting the compulsion: whether it is virginity, the daughter being under-aged, or a combination of both. The closest opinion to the truth is her being under-aged, whereas no one can compel a grown-up virgin in marriage. Aboo Hurayrah, radhiallahu `anhu reported that the Prophet, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, said:



"A non-virgin woman may not be married without her command, and a virgin may not be married without her permission; and enough permission for her is to remain silent (because of her natural shyness)." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim, and others]



Thus the Prophet, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, prohibits forcing a virgin in marriage without her permission, whether it be her father or someone else. Furthermore, `Aa'ishah, radhiallahu `anhaa, said that she asked the Prophet, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, "In the case of a young girl whose parents marry her, should her permission be sought or not?" He replied, "Yes, she must give her permission." She then said, "But a virgin will be shy, O Allaah’s Messenger." He answered:



"Her silence is [considered as] her permission." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim, and others]



This applies to the father as well as others. Furthermore, Islaam does not give the father the right to use any of her wealth without her permission, how then could he be allowed to decide, without her permission, how her body (which is more important than her wealth) is to be used, specially when she disagrees to that and is mature to decide for herself?



Also, there is evidence and concensus in Islaam to restrict an underage person’s free control of his wealth or person. However, to make a virginity a reason for the restriction contradicts the Islaamic basis.



As for the difference between the non-virgin and virgin in the hadeeth of the Prophet, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, it is not a differentiation between compulsion and non-compulsion; the difference between the two cases is that (a) the former gives her instructions for the marriage whereas the latter gives permission, and that (b) the virgin’s silence counts as a permission. The reason for this is that a virgin would be shy to discuss the matter of marriage, so she is not proposed to directly; rather, her walee (guardian) is approached, he takes her permission, and then she gives him the permission not the command to marry her.



And as for a non-virgin, she would not have the shyness of virginity anymore; thus she can discuss the matter of her marriage, she can be proposed to, and she gives the command to her walee to perform the marriage, and he must obey her.



Thus the walee is command-executor in the case of the non-virgin, and is permission-seeker in the case of the virgin. This is what the Prophet's words indicate. As for compelling her to marry despite her loathing to do so, this would contradict the fundamentals and reason. Allaah ta`ala did not permit a walee to force her to sell or rent her property without her permission. Neither did He permit him to force her to eat or drink or wear that which she does not wish. How would He then oblige her to accompany and copulate with a person whose company she hates - at the time when Allaah ta`ala has sent between the two spouses love and mercy? If such company happens despite her hatred and repulsion, where is the love and mercy?

as-salaam alaykum..this is my last post for you anoymous.

Question: Is it allowed for a father to force his daughter to marry a specific man that she does not want to many?

Response: Neither the father nor anyone other than the father may force a woman who is under his guardianship to marry a man that she does not want to many. In fact, her permission must be sought. The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:

((The non-virgin [without a husband] must not be married until she is consulted. A virgin must not be married until her permission is sought)).

They said: "O Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) how is her permission given?" He said:

((By her being silent)).

Another narration states:

((Her silence is her permission)).

Yet a third narration states:

((A virgin's father seeks her permission and her permission is her remaining silent)).

The father must seek her permission if she is nine years of age or above. Similarly, her other guardians may not marry her off except by her permission. This is obligatory upon all of them. If one is married without permission, then the marriage is not valid. This is because one of the conditions of the marriage is that both partners accept the marriage. If she is married without her permission, by threat or coercion, then the marriage is not valid.

The only exception is in the case of the father and his daughter who is less than nine years of age. There is no harm if he gets her married while she is less than nine years old, according to the correct opinion. This is based on the Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) marrying ‘Aa.ishah without her consent when she was less than nine years old, as is stated in authentic hadeeth. However, if she is nine years old or more, she cannot be married, even by her father, except with her consent.

The husband should not approach the woman if he knows that she does not want him, even if the father approves of it. He must fear Allaah and not approach any wife that did not want him even if her father claims that he did not coerce her. He must avoid what Allaah has forbidden for him. This is because the Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) ordered that her permission must be sought. We also advise the woman to fear Allaah and to accept the man if her father finds that he is suitable to marry her, as long as the prospective groom is good in his religion and character. This is true even if the one who is doing the marrying is not the girl's father [but her legal guardian]. We make this advice because there is lots of good and lot of benefits in marriage.

Also, there are lots of hazards in living as a maiden. I advise all young ladies to accept those men who come to them if they are qualified. They should not use schooling, teaching or other causes as an excuse to avoid marriage.