Acceptance.

SisterSahirah · **Acceptance. -** 07-19-2008

Hi Guys!

Well, here's my question.

I am 36 years old and in recent times find myself attracted to Islam and I now spend much of my free time researching and learning about Islam.

If I did convert, then among my worries would be these. I have experienced a lot of rejection in my life. I have two alcoholic parents (now both in recovery) and two children with two different men. I am now married to a Scientologist but he has left me too, although we still see each other sometimes. I couldn't stomach yet another divorce!!! I didn't have my parents in my life for many years, but recently we have been building bridges. I don't think they would be very happy if I did become a Muslim (they are both somewhat 'oldskool'!) and in my heart, I am terrified of being rejected all over again.

On the other hand, I could not guarantee being accepted by the Islamic community either, as my life up until now has been less than exemplary. I'm not a criminal but I have indulged more than my fair share of men, booze, drugs and tobacco.

I have turned away from all of that now. I know I was looking for something - peace of mind - that cannot be found in the bottom of a shot glass. When I look at Muslims (the ones I have met), it is so clear to see they have what I so dearly want. Faith and peace of mind, that is.

Any thoughts?

Thanks for listening! x x x

**Alpha Dude™** · 11:56 PM

Hi CamillaRose, hope you're well!

There is a verse in the Quran that says: "Allah is enough for me". I think it was the Prophet Ibrahim A.S (Abraham) who said this.

To me, that says it all. If you become muslim, you would find acceptance from Allah, the lord of all the worlds. This acceptance would would be worth infinitely more than any kind of (non-muslim or even muslim) acceptance you could possibly find in this world.

That's all I can think to say right now.

But yeah, it's nice to see you taking an interest in Islam, I hope you will find what you are looking for, inshaAllah (God willing)!

Oh, and before I forget, the following is some advice given by a revert brother to another revert about his experiences. Although some of it is not directly relevant to you, I think you might find some good tips.

Quote:

i wont really speak about what has happened much, you're most keenly aware of what has happened, how it happened and how you feel it effects you and nothing that you say can really convey the extent of the matter to the other people on the forum. As a person who embraced Islam what seems a long time ago now, I am keenly aware of what you're going through... thankfully in my family life i was spared a lot of what you are going through and are about to go through (things usually get worse before they're better, but alhamdulilah Allah s.w.t says in the quran that after every hardship there is ease - dont forget that), although i recieved a lot of similar comments from people that i know, friends, workmates and i actually broke up with a girl to become muslim so you can only imagine how well that went down (its rather hilarious now, 5 or so years on, but was a lot less funny then)

The best advice that i can give you is to do what i did with my parents that really seemed to work.

1. dont be OVERTLY muslim.. - i.e, dont start calling adhan and praying in the lounge room etc.... you can get around these kinds of things and practice your religion without shoving it in their faces - this might be a good thing to do if they're particularly touchy, and or ignorant.

2. begin to systematically implement as much islam in your life as you can. Start with what you know and dont try and do everything at once, but once you get used to doing what you know, then learn more and implement that.

Believe me, when your parents recognise that you're not out drinking and going to clubs or parties, you're not fooling around with girls, you're attempting to treat them with the utmost respect and to serve them as best you can, you're devoting yourself to learning and bettering yourself - they will love these qualities about you. They cant NOT love these qualities because its what every parent wants of their child. First show them these things and be consistent and then slowly introduce "islam" as a topic, talking point, etc so they slowly begin to associate islam with those awesome righteous actions.

3. make dua and pray for you parents and family to Allah s.w.t. The prophet s.a.w has informed us that the strongest weapon of the believer is prayer to Allah s.w.t and he's also informed us that Allah answers the prayers of the believers. never underestimate the power of prayer.

4. in carrying on with the topic of bettering yourself... focus a lot on your manners and focus upon growing the quality of patience within yourself. It is obligatory on a muslim to always treat his parents with kindness, compassion, respect and obedience in ALL matters - except those which are against God.

5. whilest you're working on implementing what you know, focus on learning and memorising as much deen as you can. learn the wonderful hadith of the prophet s.a.w that enjoin kindness, compassion, respect, justice and love. Learn the ayat of quran that deal with such things. This will help you no end when you do finally start introducing islam as a topic of conversation later on.

6. find some good muslim friends, perhaps even some reverts you can relate to. It is a very hard emotional thing to go through. If you do not surround yourself with those who are practicing and knowledgable in religion then the stress of such hardship could lead you to leave islam or commit disbelief in Allah s.w.t. In the long run, everything will pan out ok, once your family realise that you dont believe in terrorism, islam doesnt advocate terrorism, you're not going to marry tomorrow and beat your wife the day after etc etc etc. The reason why i suggested learning patience is not only because you're going to have to put up with ignorance and offensive remarks from people, .. this issue is not going to dissappear tomorrow. It will be some time before things are "idealic", and if you dont have patience and steadfastness, you will find things a lot harder.

theres other things you should also consider as a new muslim, however they're not really related to the subject of your family and are worthy of a different thread.

good luck and may Allah bless and reward you and continue to guide you along the straight path.

Abdul Fattah · **Re: Acceptance. -** 07-20-2008

Hi CamillaRose
You shouldn't convert to Islam just because you think it'd be fun or practical or interesting. You should convert to Islam when you are convinced it is true. If you are convinced it is true, but don't revert, then you'd just be fooling yourself, wouldn't you? And the other way around, if you're not (yet) convinced it's true, but already convert to go ahead and give it a try you wouldn't be really honest to yourself either now would you? I understand you are worried about how other people will react, I worried about that to when I was converting to Islam. However I bet that I don't need to tell you this because you already now that this is irrelevant. In the end what matters is that you do what you believe is right, right?
As for you second fear, I shouldn't worry about that to much. When a person reverts to Islam, all of his/her sins are erased and you start with a clean slate. And most Islamic communities are very open to reverts. In fact quite the opposite is true that sometimes Muslims start to think of reverts as "better muslims" (which of course isn't correct either).
Have you read (a translation of) the Qur'an? You might find that peace of mind you're looking for there.
You can find it online to, the three most accepted translation to English are:
Shakir
Yusuf ali
Pickthall
Here you can find all three next to each other verse by verse.
And here you can find tafsir ibn kathir, an in depth exegesis of the Qur'an.

May Allah the most glorious and high; guide you to the right path.

SisterSahirah · 02:09 PM

Thank you both so much Alpha and Abdul! That means a lot to me. The more I read about about Islam the more I find wonderful truth in it! The funny thing is that I just woke up one morning with a NEED to find out all I can about Islam.

Just a couple more things. Where I live, there is only a small Mosque (not purpose built) and I only ever see men going there to pray on Fridays. Would it be acceptable to ask them where I can find Muslim women to talk to, or would that be wrong?

Also, what would be the position with my husband, from whom I am separated? He is a Scientologist (part of the reason we split up) although he is still in mine and my daughter's lives on a part-time basis. I don't really want another relationship. Is it ok for a Muslim woman to live alone with her daughter indefinitely, or would I have to reunite with my husband, or divorce him and finsd a Muslim husband?

**Abdul Baari** · **Re: Acceptance. -** 07-20-2008

Greetings Camilla & Welcome to the forums

Quote:

Just a couple more things. Where I live, there is only a small Mosque (not purpose built) and I only ever see men going there to pray on Fridays. Would it be acceptable to ask them where I can find Muslim women to talk to, or would that be wrong?

Yes, this should be fine. Insha'Allah they will be more than willing to help.

Brother_Mujahid · **Re: Acceptance. -** 07-20-2008

Welcome CamillaRose

from what i've read of the above posts it seems you almost accept the fact that islam is the truth. If this is the case then please to not hesitate to accept and embrace it. Allah will guide and set right your affairs, just invoke on him and he will hear you!

Take things easy and things will fall in place, god willing.

Ali. · **Re: Acceptance. -** 07-21-2008

CamillaRose, the above have answered your questions well, if you have any further questions please do not hesitate to ask!

jannat · **Re: Acceptance. -** 07-21-2008

i agree with what the brother said about seeking the truth. If truely feel its the rite faith, it will will bring you peace in your life then go for it.

i cant remember this fully, am paraphasing, but if i remember correctly there was a woman in the time of the Prophet pEACE AND BLESSING BE UPON HIM, whom was not muslim but decided to become one.i think her husband was christian and wasnt a very good one, i think he use to drink alot. Her husband rejected her because she accepted islam and her parents were not willing to accept her back, after she was rejected by her husband because of her acceptance to islam. Her father asked her to either come back to her or leave islam. At this point she had noone, she went through alot of rejection, and on hearing, PMuhammad Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him, Asked to marry her. She became the wife of the most noble man who ever lived. It was hard, what she went through but in the end she married our noble prophet(PBUH).

I hope islam will bring you peace and what your seeking for.. if it truley brings u everything, u want in life then u can live without the other things..

Abdul Fattah · **Re: Acceptance. -** 07-22-2008

Hi camilla

Quote:

Also, what would be the position with my husband, from whom I am separated? He is a Scientologist (part of the reason we split up) although he is still in mine and my daughter's lives on a part-time basis. I don't really want another relationship. Is it ok for a Muslim woman to live alone with her daughter indefinitely, or would I have to reunite with my husband, or divorce him and finsd a Muslim husband?

That is a very difficult question, since it involves many issues at once. I can't tell you what to do, you'll have to decide that for yourself. I can only say what I do know.

First of all, where you married to him? Secondly, if you were married did you divorce him, or are you officially still married, but just living separated? Obviously it seems only fair towards him and towards your daughter to not cut him out of your life altogether. But if you're divorced you should avoid being alone with him (in private) or having any physical contact. But obviously you would still have to meet him, like when your daughter goes to visit him and so on.

As for your question whether it's ok to stay alone. It is recommended both for man and woman to marry when it is possible. It is said that marriage is half of the religion:
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) declared:
"When the servant of Allah marries, he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith; so let him be God conscious with respect to the other half". (Mishkat)

Marriage has also been commended as the way of the prophets:
"We indeed sent messengers before you (O Muhammad), and We assigned them wives and children" (Quran 13:38)

That being said, reuniting with your previous husband would not be permitted. It is not permitted for a muslimah to marry a non-muslim man. And obviously it wouldn't be justified to ask him to convert to Islam just for the sake of appearances.

But of course I can understand that you might have reservations, in terms. Perhaps due to fear for acceptance of your daughter or simply because you need some time to heal emotionally from your last relationship. Perhaps you need to take things day by day for a while and not worry to much about what the future will bring. Afterall, we can't predict what 'll happen eitherway. And it's not like you have a dead-line where you need to be married as soon as possible. Marriage is recommended, not obliged. Just keep an open mind to the possibility would be my advice. And Allah subhana wa ta'ala knows best.

SisterSahirah · **Re: Acceptance. -** 07-23-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abdul Fattah

Hi camilla

That is a very difficult question, since it involves many issues at once. I can't tell you what to do, you'll have to decide that for yourself. I can only say what I do know.

First of all, where you married to him? Secondly, if you were married did you divorce him, or are you officially still married, but just living separated? Obviously it seems only fair towards him and towards your daughter to not cut him out of your life altogether. But if you're divorced you should avoid being alone with him (in private) or having any physical contact. But obviously you would still have to meet him, like when your daughter goes to visit him and so on.

As for your question whether it's ok to stay alone. It is recommended both for man and woman to marry when it is possible. It is said that marriage is half of the religion:
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) declared:
"When the servant of Allah marries, he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith; so let him be God conscious with respect to the other half". (Mishkat)

Marriage has also been commended as the way of the prophets:
"We indeed sent messengers before you (O Muhammad), and We assigned them wives and children" (Quran 13:38)

That being said, reuniting with your previous husband would not be permitted. It is not permitted for a muslimah to marry a non-muslim man. And obviously it wouldn't be justified to ask him to convert to Islam just for the sake of appearances.

But of course I can understand that you might have reservations, in terms. Perhaps due to fear for acceptance of your daughter or simply because you need some time to heal emotionally from your last relationship. Perhaps you need to take things day by day for a while and not worry to much about what the future will bring. Afterall, we can't predict what 'll happen eitherway. And it's not like you have a dead-line where you need to be married as soon as possible. Marriage is recommended, not obliged. Just keep an open mind to the possibility would be my advice. And Allah subhana wa ta'ala knows best.

Thank you Brother, I appreciate that

I am still married and under no pressure to get a divorce. I do think a lot of my husband and we get along ok, but there is no intimacy between us. The only thing I would be worried about is whether or not he will try and push his religion onto our daughter (I see signs of it already).

I know Allah knows best, and I have a huge (but wonderful) job on my hands learning how to practice my religion!!! By the way, I bought myself a beautiful new Quran yesterday...fantastic!!!

malayloveislam · **Re: Acceptance. -** 08-02-2008

Peace be upon you sister. I understand how hard to live as a Muslim in a non-Muslim community. I am a Muslim and living in a country administrated by Muslims but our country were too occupied by non-Muslims. We sometimes have to practice huge tolerance until it flawed our Islamic sensitivity.

I am so sorry that we live far from you although we wish that we can give support and help to you and other respective revert brothers and sisters, we just can offer sincere prayers for our brothers and sisters safety in their religion and for they to be protected by Allah S.W.T. May Allah protect Islam in yourself and ourselves as well, indeed you are choosen by Allah S.W.T and praise be to Him for His mercy on us which is Islam

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SisterSahirah Member Status: Offline Posts: 65 Reputation: 692 Rep Power: 2 Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: London, England Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Acceptance. - 07-19-2008 Hi Guys! Well, here's my question. I am 36 years old and in recent times find myself attracted to Islam and I now spend much of my free time researching and learning about Islam. If I did convert, then among my worries would be these. I have experienced a lot of rejection in my life. I have two alcoholic parents (now both in recovery) and two children with two different men. I am now married to a Scientologist but he has left me too, although we still see each other sometimes. I couldn't stomach yet another divorce!!! I didn't have my parents in my life for many years, but recently we have been building bridges. I don't think they would be very happy if I did become a Muslim (they are both somewhat 'oldskool'!) and in my heart, I am terrified of being rejected all over again. On the other hand, I could not guarantee being accepted by the Islamic community either, as my life up until now has been less than exemplary. I'm not a criminal but I have indulged more than my fair share of men, booze, drugs and tobacco. I have turned away from all of that now. I know I was looking for something - peace of mind - that cannot be found in the bottom of a shot glass. When I look at Muslims (the ones I have met), it is so clear to see they have what I so dearly want. Faith and peace of mind, that is. Any thoughts? Thanks for listening! x x x

	(#3 (permalink))
Abdul Fattah a.k.a. steve Status: Offline Posts: 1,741 Reputation: 7790 Rep Power: 32 Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Belgium, Gent Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Acceptance. - 07-20-2008 Hi CamillaRose You shouldn't convert to Islam just because you think it'd be fun or practical or interesting. You should convert to Islam when you are convinced it is true. If you are convinced it is true, but don't revert, then you'd just be fooling yourself, wouldn't you? And the other way around, if you're not (yet) convinced it's true, but already convert to go ahead and give it a try you wouldn't be really honest to yourself either now would you? I understand you are worried about how other people will react, I worried about that to when I was converting to Islam. However I bet that I don't need to tell you this because you already now that this is irrelevant. In the end what matters is that you do what you believe is right, right? As for you second fear, I shouldn't worry about that to much. When a person reverts to Islam, all of his/her sins are erased and you start with a clean slate. And most Islamic communities are very open to reverts. In fact quite the opposite is true that sometimes Muslims start to think of reverts as "better muslims" (which of course isn't correct either). Have you read (a translation of) the Qur'an? You might find that peace of mind you're looking for there. You can find it online to, the three most accepted translation to English are: Shakir Yusuf ali Pickthall Here you can find all three next to each other verse by verse. And here you can find tafsir ibn kathir, an in depth exegesis of the Qur'an. May Allah the most glorious and high; guide you to the right path. __________________ Check out my website

	(#4 (permalink))
SisterSahirah Member Status: Offline Posts: 65 Reputation: 692 Rep Power: 2 Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: London, England Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Acceptance. - 07-20-2008 Thank you both so much Alpha and Abdul! That means a lot to me. The more I read about about Islam the more I find wonderful truth in it! The funny thing is that I just woke up one morning with a NEED to find out all I can about Islam. Just a couple more things. Where I live, there is only a small Mosque (not purpose built) and I only ever see men going there to pray on Fridays. Would it be acceptable to ask them where I can find Muslim women to talk to, or would that be wrong? Also, what would be the position with my husband, from whom I am separated? He is a Scientologist (part of the reason we split up) although he is still in mine and my daughter's lives on a part-time basis. I don't really want another relationship. Is it ok for a Muslim woman to live alone with her daughter indefinitely, or would I have to reunite with my husband, or divorce him and finsd a Muslim husband? Last edited by Abdul Baari; 07-20-2008 at 02:09 PM. Reason: Inapropriate content removed.

	(#6 (permalink))
Brother_Mujahid To infinity & beyond Status: Offline Posts: 950 Reputation: 3419 Rep Power: 28 Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Leicester Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Acceptance. - 07-20-2008 Welcome CamillaRose from what i've read of the above posts it seems you almost accept the fact that islam is the truth. If this is the case then please to not hesitate to accept and embrace it. Allah will guide and set right your affairs, just invoke on him and he will hear you! Take things easy and things will fall in place, god willing. __________________ Member of - LI's MTH™crew (Marriage thread haters)-

	(#7 (permalink))
Ali. اللهُ أكبر Status: Offline Posts: 1,087 Reputation: 7949 Rep Power: 17 Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: UK Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Acceptance. - 07-21-2008 CamillaRose, the above have answered your questions well, if you have any further questions please do not hesitate to ask! __________________ Are you a muslim by name and practices for the sake of it, or a muslim by heart and soul, willing to submiss to your Creator?

	(#8 (permalink))
jannat Don't love the Dunya Status: Offline Posts: 252 Reputation: 529 Rep Power: 9 Join Date: May 2007 Location: mcr, UK;one day JANNAH Inshallah Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Acceptance. - 07-21-2008 i agree with what the brother said about seeking the truth. If truely feel its the rite faith, it will will bring you peace in your life then go for it. i cant remember this fully, am paraphasing, but if i remember correctly there was a woman in the time of the Prophet pEACE AND BLESSING BE UPON HIM, whom was not muslim but decided to become one.i think her husband was christian and wasnt a very good one, i think he use to drink alot. Her husband rejected her because she accepted islam and her parents were not willing to accept her back, after she was rejected by her husband because of her acceptance to islam. Her father asked her to either come back to her or leave islam. At this point she had noone, she went through alot of rejection, and on hearing, PMuhammad Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him, Asked to marry her. She became the wife of the most noble man who ever lived. It was hard, what she went through but in the end she married our noble prophet(PBUH). I hope islam will bring you peace and what your seeking for.. if it truley brings u everything, u want in life then u can live without the other things..

	(#11 (permalink))
malayloveislam LI Senior Member Status: Online Posts: 167 Reputation: 162 Rep Power: 3 Join Date: Apr 2008 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Acceptance. - 08-02-2008 Peace be upon you sister. I understand how hard to live as a Muslim in a non-Muslim community. I am a Muslim and living in a country administrated by Muslims but our country were too occupied by non-Muslims. We sometimes have to practice huge tolerance until it flawed our Islamic sensitivity. I am so sorry that we live far from you although we wish that we can give support and help to you and other respective revert brothers and sisters, we just can offer sincere prayers for our brothers and sisters safety in their religion and for they to be protected by Allah S.W.T. May Allah protect Islam in yourself and ourselves as well, indeed you are choosen by Allah S.W.T and praise be to Him for His mercy on us which is Islam