Has anbody noticed within Pakistani culture people kick up a huge fuss when an older women shows interest in a younger man but when the man's older than the women they say nothing.

Why's it acceptable cullturally for a man to marry a younger women but for a women to marry a younger man, people kick up a fuss and all the telephones start ringing and gossip flys like mad.

Yea it's like all the ants come running out of their ant hole lol But here the keyword is cultural...to be honest I don't know how to answer that! It's just...there? Human mentality?? Ignorantly of course.

It's stupid I think, Allah and his messenger haven't said there's anything wrong with it, but these people have attached some sort of stigma to it and pronounce it as something not good and acceptable.

What kind of people are these, their own book and prophet peace be upon him say there's nothing wrong it, but they still say it's not good and not acceptable.

Do they put their opinions, ideals and desires before Allah and his messenger??? and call themselves his followers??? They make something looked down upon and bad when it shouldn't be because if it was Allah would've told us not to do it.

These people make me sick you tell them there's nothing wrong with it, it's not haraam if she wants to do it there's nothing in Islam stopping her. But they still gossip like the worlds coming to an end. disgusting people. They do the same with divorced women too, all HELL breaks lose if a man who's never been married marries a divorced women what sickening people, I actually feel like puking

thats not only in the pakistani culture...

Salam,
Well it's many times like that here in Sweden too. But in an Islamic way of thinking we shouldn't even react, Khadidja was 25 years old than the prophet Mohammad (saw).

Exactly don't they look at the example of the prophet and his wifes, this is what I don't understand about these people. They look down upon something their own prophet pbuh did :S what kind of people are these???????????????

Pakistanis!!!

Originally Posted by amani

thats not only in the pakistani culture...

Very true! nor is it just limited to Muslims! All over the world, there is this thinking that it is more acceptable for a man to be older than a woman.

I think this comes from a sort of male chauvinistic/inferiority complex. Many men actually feel a bit "threatened" if a woman is older than them, as though she will try to "boss" them. How very silly! Age has nothing to do with that at all! If an 18 yr wanted to, she could "boss" or "control' a 50 yr old man!

It's just a gender bias, really, and based on ignorance. We just see it being "promoted" in certain cultures more "openly" than in others. It is clear that Americans feel the same way, yet people do not sit around talking about it. Still, it is there.

wasalaamz,

Are people really that bored with their lives, that they have nothing else to do but gossip about such petty things? I guess so. This problem is endemic is a lot of cultures, not just 'pakistani culture'.

But I wonder, if when we talk bad about those people gossiping in the first place, are we any better than them? Allahu Alim.

Whether the man is older than the woman, or the woman is older than the man... who cares. Let's leave it to the couple and be done with it eh? And lets try to keep away from those gossiping individuals when they gossip.

Yes we are better cos we are not gossiping, we are discussing why people look down upon something that Islam has not prohibited. There is a purpose here something beneficial could arise out of this discussion.

so do not compare us to the gossipers please.

you are right "who cares" whether the man is older or the women is older. but there seems to be quite a few people WHO do care, and talk in a bad way about a women who shows interest in a younger man. They actually backbite the women.

Also we are nothing like the gossipers because we aren't talking about any particular individual so therefore we aren't back biting anyone.

When they gossip they backbite an individual and we're not doing that here. So please don't try to say we're no better than them.

hopefully you have learned the difference between beneficial discussion and gossiping/backbiting

see something beneficial has already arisen out of this discussion, you now know what gossiping is now and won't accuse other people who are discussing a matter and what the sunnah says with regards to it as being no better than gossipers

We are muslims and our culture is Islam, there is nothing in Islam about "marrying your own kind" "marry only your own age group" "marry only virgins" in fact it is the opposite. Islam encomapasses every single part of our life, everything from speaking, manners, having children, taking care of the family, even to how we take a shower,use the bathroom, or brush our teeth, nothing has been left out so apart from a different langauge or different foodstuffs that we eat there is no other "cultural stuff" even getting married we know how to do this islamically, within the limits of Islam and we dont need to bring a load of cutural stuff to the wedding day. I really cannot undertstand how many born muslims justify this type of behaviour.

when i became a muslim as a westerner i gave up all my cultural ideas,every single one of them, and I embraced and learnt and lived by my Islamic culture, from the way i dress, speak, conduct my buisness, i embraced poligamy and hoped that if i married my husband will marry and take care of my sisters in Islam too, even the way i eat my food has changed, as the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa sunnah advises me to do, so why can born muslims not do the same? why do they insist on bringing their "culture" to a marriage which should be Islamic culture anyway? most of what the ideas of culture that i have seen from born muslims is very peculiar to Islamic values, and originates from jahiliyah times.

For example "cant marry a divorcee" "cant marry an older woman" "cant marry a woman if shes been married before and u havent" "cant marry a woman who has children" "its not good to have female children,males are more of an honour to the family" "i cant marry someone of a different caste/race/financial position" where do they get these ideas from!? they are so worried about what people in general or their families, or their boss etc will think, that they end up missing out on the many blessings that all the above brings, firstly and most importantly in terms of pleasing Allah ta ala and seeking his reward in good deeds, helping societies ills, and being an example for our children the future of this ummah.

Islam does not dictate any of these things, it allows all of the above , there is nothing wrong or strange with any of it, but people have turned these strange ideas almost into "islamic obligations " under the guise of "their culture" Marriage cannot fail to work when each of the spouses is only busy in pleasing Allah ta ala, because even if a man doesnt like his wife he has to treat her well and be sweet to her, even if a man divorces his wife he has to treat her well and fear Allah while they live under the same roof during the iddah, even if a woman dislikes her husband she shouldnt hurt his feelings about what it is she dislikes in him, and if a man dislikes something in his wife he better fear Allah and find another 3 things he does like, and not start trying to break her by "straightening her out" (as per hadith of the bended rib). if all else fails there is divorce perfectly permissible as a solution if u fear falling into serious issues. And even then all done on the best terms how can we fail to suceed when we live by such rules? Our life goals should all be the same to live and die as muslims fearing Allah ta ala nothing more nothing less.

as the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said , Islam began as strange and will endup as something strange give glad tidings (of jannah) to the strangers.

May Allah guide us all to follow the example of the best of mankind Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam,amin.


Taken from http://www.ummah.com/forum/archive/index.php/t-93632.html

Originally Posted by Banu_Hashim

Are people really that bored with their lives, that they have nothing else to do but gossip about such petty things? I guess so. This problem is endemic is a lot of cultures, not just 'pakistani culture'.

But I wonder, if when we talk bad about those people gossiping in the first place, are we any better than them? Allahu Alim.

Whether the man is older than the woman, or the woman is older than the man... who cares. Let's leave it to the couple and be done with it eh? And lets try to keep away from those gossiping individuals when they gossip.

No offense brother but I have to disagree with you and strongly. The brother gave Pakistan as an example because he himself is Pakistani and then he asked why is this accepted culturally. Secondly, I dont see why it has to mean he's talking about someone else? He could be talking about it for his own reference? Maybe he doesn't mind an older sis and people have an issue with it? No offense but your post was really rude.

Also I'd like to point out to you that this isn't gossip as many people do face issues where they can't marry someone older than them cause of culture and he hasn't mentioned names. He only asked why people have this mentality so I don't know where your couple example came in.

On a general note, instead of being mean, lets actually answer it. Just because people think a certain issue is useless or silly doesn't mean it is for someone else. It might actually be a concern for them. It is also for this sort of thinking that these issues do not get tackled and resolved to clear away this fog of ignorance.

i wana marry a older woman , sorry did i say that out loud haha

Originally Posted by Light of Heaven

No offense brother but I have to disagree with you and strongly. The brother gave Pakistan as an example because he himself is Pakistani and then he asked why is this accepted culturally. Secondly, I dont see why it has to mean he's talking about someone else? He could be talking about it for his own reference? Maybe he doesn't mind an older sis and people have an issue with it? No offense but your post was really rude.

Also I'd like to point out to you that this isn't gossip as many people do face issues where they can't marry someone older than them cause of culture and he hasn't mentioned names. He only asked why people have this mentality so I don't know where your couple example came in.

On a general note, instead of being mean, lets actually answer it. Just because people think a certain issue is useless or silly doesn't mean it is for someone else. It might actually be a concern for them. It is also for this sort of thinking that these issues do not get tackled and resolved to clear away this fog of ignorance.

No offence taken. Sorry to all those who were offended by my post. I think the issue is wrong, and needs to be sorted out inshaallah. That's really all I have to say.

Fe Amaanillah.

I hope u didnt find my post offensive brother. I could be wrong and u could be right, just something I was thinking "could" be...inshallah. And I know for some people this becomes a concern.