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    1. #1
      Karin Rika Array TrueStranger's Avatar
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      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise (OP)


      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise --Maryam Amir-Ebrahimi

      “Why are you majoring in that field?” I asked a sister in college. She sighed, “To be honest, I just want to get married. I don’t really care about what I’m studying right now. I’m just waiting to get hitched so I can be a wife and a mother.”

      “It’s awesome that she wants to be a wife and a mother, but why would she put her life on hold?” I wondered. Why would a skilled, passionate young woman create barriers to striving for self-improvement and her ability to be socially transformative when she doesn’t yet have the responsibilities of wifehood or motherhood? Being a wife and a mom are great blessings, but before it actually happens, why exchange tangible opportunities, just waiting for marriage to simply come along—if it came along? I didn’t have to look far to find out.

      “I’m already twenty-six,” another sister lamented. “I’m expired. My parents are going crazy. They think I’m never going to get married and they pressure me about it daily. My mom’s friends keep calling her and telling her I’m not getting any younger. She keeps crying over it and says she’ll never be a grandma. It’s not like I don’t want to get married; I’ve been ready since college! I just can’t find the right guy,” she cried.

      Why, as a general community, are we not putting the same pressure on women to encourage them to continue to seek Islamic knowledge? Higher education? To make objectives in their lives which will carry over and aid them in their future familial lives, if such is what is meant for them? Perhaps it’s because we’re obsessed with the idea that women need to get married and become mothers and that if they don’t, they have not reached true success.

      We all know the honorable and weighty status of wifehood and motherhood in Islam. We all know that marriage completes half your deen1 and that the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) has told us about the mother, “[…] Paradise is at her feet.”2

      But getting married and becoming a mother is not the only way to get into Paradise. And not every grown woman is a wife and/or mother, nor will ever be. Some women will eventually become wives and/or mothers, if Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) blesses them with such, but for others, Allah (swt) has blessed them with other opportunities.

      Allah (swt) did not create women for the sake of wifehood or motherhood. This is not our first goal, nor our end goal. Our creation was to fulfill our first and most important role—to be His SLAVE. As He tells us in Surah Dhaariyat (Chapter of the Winnowing Winds), “And I did not create the jinn and humankind except to worship Me.”3

      Worship comes in such a variety of forms. Being a housewife (a.k.a. domestic engineer!) can be a form of worship. Being a stay-at-home-mom can be a form of worship. Being a working wife and mother can be a form of worship. Being an unmarried female student can be a form of worship. Being a divorced female doctor, a female journalist, Islamic scholar, film director, pastry chef, teacher, veterinarian, engineer, personal trainer, lawyer, artist, nurse, Qur’an teacher, psychologist, pharmacist or salon artist can each be a form of worship. Just being an awesome daughter or house-fixer upper can be forms of worship. We can worship Allah (swt) in a variety of ways, as long as we have a sincere intention, and what we do is done within the guidelines He has set for us.

      Unfortunately, however, that is not the message our community is sending to single sisters – both those who have never been married, and those who are now divorced. When I speak to many women and ask them about the ways they want to contribute to society and the ways they want to use their time and abilities, a number of them will tell me that they have no idea and that they’re only going through the motions of school or work while they’re waiting for Prince Muslim to come along and with whom they can establish parenthood.

      However, Prince Muslim is not coming along quickly or easily for many awesome, eligible Muslim women. And for some, he has come along, and he or the institution of their relationship turned out to be more villainous than harmonious. Single and never married or divorced — very capable and intelligent Muslim women constantly have to deal with the pressure of being asked, “So…when are you getting married? You aren’t getting any younger. It’s harder to have kids when you’re older.”

      The amount of tears, pain, stress, anger and frustration which these awesome women are constantly dealing with because of a social pressure to get married (especially when many already want to, but are just not finding the right person!) and have children is not from our religion.

      Islam gave women scholarship. Our history is filled with women who have dedicated their lives to teaching Islamic sciences. Have you ever heard of Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr? She was a scholar who was born around the year 522. Her father, Sa`d al Khayr, was also a scholar. He held several classes and was “most particular about [his daughters] attending hadith classes, traveling with them extensively and repeatedly to different teachers. He also taught them himself.”4 Fatimah studied the works of the great al-Tabarani with the lead narrator of his works in her time. You know who that lead narrator was? The lead narrator of Fatimah’s time was not named Abu someone (the father of someone, indicating that he was a male). The leading scholar of her time was a woman. Her name was Fatimah al-Juzadniyyah and she is the scholar who men and women alike would study under because in that era, she was the greatest and most knowledgeable in some of the classical texts.5 Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr eventually married and moved to Damascus and eventually to Cairo and she continued to teach. Many scholars travelled specifically to her city so they could study under her.6

      Fatimah was brought up in a family that valued the education and knowledge of a woman to the point that her father was the one who would ensure she studied with scholars from a young age. Before marriage, she was not told to sit around and be inactive in the community out of fear that some men would find an educated woman unattractive or intimidating and would not want to marry her. She was not going through the motions of studying random things in college because she was stalling until she got married. She sought scholarship and Allah (swt) blessed her with a husband who was of her ranking, who understood her qualifications and drive, and who supported her efforts to continue teaching this religion even after marriage. She left a legacy we unfortunately have most likely never heard about because we rarely hear about the over eight thousand female scholars of hadith who are part of our history.7

      Why do we never hear about Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr and the thousands of female scholars who were like her? I think that one of the reasons—and it’s just a personal theory—that as a community, we are so focused on grooming our women to be wives and mothers that we lose sight of the fact that this is not even our number one role.

      Servitude to Allah (swt) is our number one role. We need to use what He has given us, the means that we have at the moment we have, to worship Him in the best of ways.

      Islamic history is filled with examples of women who were wives and mothers, who focused completely on their tasks of being wives and/or mothers, and produced the likes of Imam Ahmed rahimahu allah (may God have mercy on him).8 We take those examples as a community and we reiterate the noble status of such incredible women.

      But we also have examples of people who were not only wives and not only mothers, but those who were both of those, one of those, or none of those, and still were able to use the passions, talents and skills Allah (swt) blessed them with to worship Him through serving His creation, through calling His creation back to His Deen and leaving legacies for the generations to come. Some of these women were wives and mothers and dedicated their lives to focusing on their families completely and some of them continued to serve the greater society at large.

      Shaykh Mohammad Akram Nadwi mentions in his introduction to his Dictionary of women hadith scholars, Al Muhadithaat, “Not one [of the 8000 female hadith scholars he researched] is reported to have considered the domain of family life inferior, or neglected duties therein, or considered being a woman undesirable or inferior to being a man, or considered that, given aptitude and opportunity, she had no duties to the wider society, outside of the domain of family life.”9

      Female scholars in our history were focused on being family women when they had families to whom they held responsibilities, and when able, they also had goals and objectives in life which extended beyond the roles of wifehood and motherhood. So what about someone who is not yet married? Many single women are using their time to the utmost, focusing on improving their skills and abilities to contribute back to the ummah (community) and society at large. They are loving worshipping Allah (swt) through investing in their abilities and using those for the greater good. Perhaps we can all take from their example.

      God, in His Wisdom, has created each one of us differently and in different circumstances. Some recognize this, love any stage they are in, and develop their abilities to the fullest. Let us, too, use the time and abilities God has given us to maximize our worship to Him and work for the betterment of society and humanity as a whole. If wifehood or motherhood comes in the process, then at least we were using all of our ability to worship Him before it came and can continue to use the training and stamina we gained before marriage to worship Him with excellence once it comes along.

      If there are parents, families and communities that are pressuring women to get married and have kids: Be grateful Allah (swt) has blessed you with daughters, married or unmarried, mothers or not, as the Prophet ﷺ has said, “Do not be averse to daughters, for they are precious treasures that comfort your heart.”10 We are putting more pressure on our sisters than they can emotionally and psychologically handle. Let us give them space, let them find themselves and establish their relationships with Allah (swt).

      Allah (swt) created us to worship Him. That is our number one role. Now, let us do our part and figure out how best we can fulfill the purpose for which we’ve been created.

      http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationsh...s-to-paradise/
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      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

      70:28 Lo! the doom of their Lord is that before which none can feel secure

    2. #41
      Soldier Through It! Array جوري's Avatar
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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      edit post....
      Last edited by جوري; 03-29-2012 at 08:47 PM.
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      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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    3. #42
      ★ Islam is THE way ★ Array Insaanah's Avatar
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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by لميس View Post
      It isn't a personal achievement to be a mother. We're literally per Quran 'gifted' 'wahabana laho' means gifted him with and you'll find that to be description whenever any messenger had a bushra 'glad-tiding' of a child-- it is certainly a matter entirely up Allah swt as is marriage:
      I cannot agree more.

      Quote Originally Posted by لميس View Post
      Parents merely donate two cells through no volition of their own and it is Allah swt who creates and grants life. Even if people pass the people's test of approval by getting married you'll find the same nags wondering when the little ones will come along and how a dutiful woman sole purpose if to breed with whatever insensitivity and pain that brings.
      The insensitivity mainly comes from people who are "sorted" marriage wise.

      People don't realise that Allah has gifted them with marriage, has gifted them their spouse, and their children if they have any, yet people think that it's because of some personal hard work or compromise of theirs (that others might not have put in) that they are married or are going to get married. Allah gives what He wishes to whom He wishes, and withholds from whom He wishes. Man must make every effort, and du3a, but if Allah hasn't decreed something for him, if all the people in the world gather together to try to make it happen, it simply will not happen.

      being 26 and not married and childless IS a problem
      Allah bestows children! Subhanallah. The person who reaches this age may not see Allah's decree thus far as a "problem", and may make an effort, make du3a for it, and accept whatever Allah decrees in the end.

      Rather than waiting "for the right one" a woman should look within herself to see what SHE can change, not hold unrealistic expectations (because, lets face it, this is one of the bigger problems and why marriage gets delayed).
      Again, another common thing. The assumption that those who aren't married, might not be married because of some unrealistic expectations of theirs.

      May Allah grant us all the ability to recognise the magnitude of what we're bestowed with, to know that it is due to Allah's beneficience, to not judge others for what they haven't been bestowed with, and to make du3a for them, ameen.
      Last edited by Insaanah; 03-29-2012 at 09:37 PM.
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      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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    4. #43
      Soldier Through It! Array جوري's Avatar
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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by Insaanah View Post
      Allah bestows children! Subhanallah. The person who reaches this age may not see Allah's decree thus far as a "problem", but may make an effort, make du3a for it, and accept whatever Allah decrees in the end.
      I personally don't see why being 26 and without children 'IS' a problem.. can you? It is true advanced maternal age brings with it a host of genetic diseases but the consensus now is to test everybody for even though it increases with age it is women in their twenties that have the highest number of say 'Down syndrome' babies.. and even testing for that whether <26 or >26 doesn't change matters any.. unless of course we wish to subscribe to western ethics of aborting post natally what we deem useless creation..

      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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    5. #44
      Jewel of IB Array Muhammad's Avatar
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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise




      I think everyone has valid points but are coming from different angles. Some are coming from the point of view of women who are unable to get married, whilst others are coming from the point of view of women who are. It is certainly possible for a woman to contribute to society in so many ways, whilst being a wife and mother. However, we still need to recognise that wifehood and motherhood are extremely noble and valuable roles. I felt that some statements mentioned earlier seemed to downplay these roles:

      Allah (swt) did not create women for the sake of wifehood or motherhood. This is not our first goal, nor our end goal. Our creation was to fulfill our first and most important role—to be His SLAVE.
      There is nothing in the Quran or the Sunnah that specifically says women your primary obligatory roles are wifehood and motherhood.
      From the articles I linked to earlier:

      When the Qur’an mentions other women, it is very evident that in praising any believing woman it praises her for possessing similar qualities. If she is a married woman the Qur’an would praise her as a wife, supporting her husband and being dutiful to him. If she is a mother, the Qur’an would praise her for her important role as a nurturer of the next generation. I have not witnessed the Qur’an praising any woman for her contribution outside of this framework. For example, we don’t see the Qur’an praising a woman for her political involvement, da’wah activism, level of knowledge, social engagement or even leadership. This article cannot possibly include the stories of all women mentioned in the Qur’an, but a simple analysis should confirm this finding.

      The wife of Imran mentioned in Surah ‘Aal ‘Imran is another example of an exemplary woman. She was a wife and a mother. The main quality mentioned in Qur’an about her is what is mentioned in the verse,


      “(Remember) when the wife of ‘Imran said, "O my Lord! I have vowed to you what is in my womb to be dedicated for your service, so accept this from me. Verily, you are the All-Hearer, the All-Knowing."[7]

      According to the exegete Ibn Kathir, the wife of ‘Imran mentioned here is the mother of Maryam, and her name was Hannah bint Faqudh. Muhammad bin Ishaq, the famous biographer and historian, mentioned that Hannah could not have children and that one day, she saw a bird feeding its chick. She wished she could have children and supplicated to Allah to grant her offspring. Allah accepted her supplication and she became pregnant. She vowed to make her child concentrate on worship and serving Bayt Al-Maqdis (the Masjid in Jerusalem). She did not know then if she would give birth to a male or a female child. The fact that this is the only thing mentioned about her indicates that this is the most important contribution that distinguished her and placed her in this praiseworthy position. It is evident from the story that her goal was to be a mother and when she knew that this was likely to happen she vowed to dedicate her child to serve Allah’s cause in order to thank Him for what he had given her. Similarly, Maryam’s chief contribution was her giving birth to a great Prophet and then taking care of him. The same may be said about the contribution of Musa’s mother. Their role in the lives and achievements of these great men was indispensable.

      In this vein, a person might ask himself, why was it that Allah sent male Prophets and not female? He says, “And We sent not before you (as Messengers) any but men."[8] It is noteworthy that Allah sent over a hundred thousand Prophets, three hundred and fifteen of them messengers[9] and all of them were men.

      If we survey the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him), a similar understanding is found. The qualities of devotion to Allah and their families were at the centre of the praiseworthy qualities of women. For example, the Prophet clarifies the Islamic view regarding the best women and the central reason behind it saying, “The best women from the riders of the camels (the best Arab women) are the righteous among the women of Quraish. They are the kindest women to their children in childhood and the most careful of women in regards to the property of their husbands.”[10] In this hadith the Prophet explains their goodness by being good wives and good mothers.

      [...]

      It is true that there are a number of Qur’anic verses and Prophetic traditions that mention the contribution of women in military activities, their political participation and da’wah work, however an analysis of these incidents confirms that they were carried out as complementary activities to their principal role as wives or mothers. In fact, we can go so far as to say that we do not find an emphasis in the shari’ah on any role for a woman except her role as a mother, a wife or a righteous servant of Allah. For example, we find that the shari’ah considered jihad as one of the noblest activities for men but did not encourage women to take part in it despite the military contribution of a number of female Companions...

      A Vision for Muslim Women in the West


      Even in the original article of this thread, it mentions:
      Shaykh Mohammad Akram Nadwi mentions in his introduction to his Dictionary of women hadith scholars, Al Muhadithaat, “Not one [of the 8000 female hadith scholars he researched] is reported to have considered the domain of family life inferior, or neglected duties therein...

      Female scholars in our history were focused on being family women when they had families to whom they held responsibilities, and when able, they also had goals and objectives in life which extended beyond the roles of wifehood and motherhood. So what about someone who is not yet married? Many single women are using their time to the utmost, focusing on improving their skills and abilities to contribute back to the ummah (community) and society at large.
      So all this seems to indicate that being a wife and mother are principle roles to which other activities are complementary, whether alongside them or in situations where marriage or children are not possible. Of course the first and foremost role is to be a slave of Allaah (swt), but the Qur'an and Sunnah provide us with guidance and examples as to how to be the best slave possible.

      And Allaah (swt) knows best.
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    6. #45
      Abz Iz Back!!! Array Abz2000's Avatar
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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      my personal experience in the west is that of women getting a lot of peer pressure to go out and earn the bread, so they often leave out marriage and children etc just to work - from which taxes are extracted and the cycle continues, i am in no way against women working if the conditions are good and halal and there is no peer pressure or sheep mentality to do so. we actually need female gynecologists and other things where women are needed in place of men.
      but the sad part of it is that the system slowly adapts to their working and rents and costs etc increase proportionately forcing them to work anyway, which i believe is wrong.
      the mans duty is to bring in the bread and the womans duty is to ensure the kids grow up well,
      with that, there are many grey areas.
      but the perception the feminist movements and the bankers and governments that sponsor them are pushing is unhealthy and doesnt belong in an Islamic environment.
      i see from my own experiences with nieces etc where they worked part time to fund college and then huge loans for uni, then work.
      but the corruption it causes in them is sad, because Allah has made humans attract to the opposite gender from a much earlier age than they go to work, and much begins to happen in between - especially in this sick climate which the mass media and their sponsors are creating.
      there is no either or argument to be had here, but understanding the situation and other factors on the ground is essential in making decisions - and this is no black and white issue.
      3 | Likes جوري, TrueStranger, Insaanah liked this post
      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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    7. #46
      Karin Rika Array TrueStranger's Avatar
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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      The idea is not to downplay the importance of wifehood and motherhood; they are both beneficiary roles that contribute to the social structure of society. However, there are plenty of practical, social, economic, and most importantly religious knowledge that could make any woman a better wife, mother, and Muslim. Let’s be realistic, those who argue for wifehood and motherhood roles usually take an absolutist stand. Phrases such as “it is the best”, and “they are the only praiseworthy roles of women” downplay the holistic capabilities of women in general. I'm not personally downplaying the noble status of both roles, but when compared to worshiping God, they both become secondary in nature. Men could be fathers and husbands, and yet how many scholars and even women encourage and emphasis the importance of being a father and a husband? Who dares label those two roles as primary roles for men. The Prophet (PBUH) has claimed to be the best to his family when he stated -

      “The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I’m the best among you to my family” Al-Tirmidhi.

      How many husbands and fathers try to be the best to their family, or even advocate for such a beautiful role?

      Another matter that should be addressed as well, deals with some of the women who are mentioned in the Qu’ran. Asiya, the wife of Pharaoh was not complemented in the Qu’ran for her roles pertaining to wifehood or motherhood, but rather her “trust”, “patience”, and “devotion” to God. She changed her ways, stood-up for her faith in Allah, and her primary goal was to please Allah the Most High.

      And God sets forth, as an example to those who believe the wife of Pharaoh: Behold she said: 'O my Lord! Build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden, and save me from Pharaoh and his doings, and save me from those that do wrong' -Surah Tahrim, Ayat 11

      And in the same Surah Allah mentions the wives of Prophet Lut and Noah. They were blessed when it came to marriage for they were the wives of God's Prophets. However, their wifehood status nor their motherhood roles changed the fact that they became among those who entered hell. They simply rejected God.

      Allah sets forth an example for those who disbelieve, the wife of Nuh (Noah) and the wife of Lout (Lot). They were under two of our righteous slaves, but they both betrayed their (husbands by rejecting their doctrine) so they [Nuh (Noah) and Lout (Lot)] benefited them (their respective wives) not, against Allah, and it was said: "Enter the Fire along with those who enter!" –Surah Tahrim Ayat, 10
      And then there is the mother of Isa, Mary. Allah praises her not for being the best mother, but rather for guarding her chastity, testifying to the Truth, believing in God’s Scriptures, and most importantly, Allah say she was “of the Qanitin" –those who are Obedient to Allah.

      In Surah Tahrim, Ayat 12
      And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of 'Imran who guarded her chastity; and We breathed into (the sleeve of her shirt or her garment) through Our Ruh [i.e. Jibrael (Gabriel)], and she testified to the truth of the Words of her Lord [i.e. believed in the Words of Allah: "Be!" and he was; that is 'Iesa (Jesus) - son of Maryam (Mary); as a Messenger of Allah], and (also believed in) His Scriptures, and she was of the Qanitin (i.e. obedient to Allah)
      .
      And again in Surah Imran God speaks of Maryam the Mother of Isa....

      O Maryam! "Submit yourself with obedience to your Lord (Allah, by worshipping none but Him Alone) and prostrate yourself, and Irkâ'i (bow down etc.) along with Ar-Râki'ûn (those who bow down etc.)." (Surah Al-Imran:42-43)
      It’s quite simple Brother, motherhood and wifehood are secondary roles when it comes to Worshiping Allah Azza wa Jal. And they are not the only roles available for women when it comes to Islam. Whoever wants to do so, can do so and benefit greatly from it. No one is arguing here otherwise. But, please for the Love of God, let's not pretend as if those are the only best options available for Muslim women or that those roles are more significant then obedience to Allah, prostrating to him, and bowing down with those who bow down to God.

      Allah knows best.

      Salaam Aliakum.
      3 | Likes Abz2000, Crystal, ~Zaria~ liked this post
      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

      70:28 Lo! the doom of their Lord is that before which none can feel secure

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by TrueStranger View Post
      How many husbands and fathers try to be the best to their family, or even advocate for such a beautiful role?
      how many wives and mothers try to be the best to their family (including husband's family), or even advocate for such a beautiful role?

      When you point fingers at someone, 3 fingers point back at you. A cliche statement, but quite true, at least anatomically. This was my last post giving your inanities some attention.
      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise




      Quote Originally Posted by TrueStranger View Post
      The idea is not to downplay the importance of wifehood and motherhood; they are both beneficiary roles that contribute to the social structure of society. However, there are plenty of practical, social, economic, and most importantly religious knowledge that could make any woman a better wife, mother, and Muslim. Let’s be realistic, those who argue for wifehood and motherhood roles usually take an absolutist stand. Phrases such as “it is the best”, and “they are the only praiseworthy roles of women” downplay the holistic capabilities of women in general. I'm not personally downplaying the noble status of both roles, but when compared to worshiping God, they both become secondary in nature.
      It should be clarified that those who regard motherhood and wifehood as being superior to other roles are not necessarily saying it is the only praiseworthy role, let alone the only role available for a woman in Islam, rather it is about priority and virtue of one thing over another. On the one hand you say certain other benefical roles could make a woman a better wife, mother and Muslim. I do not disagree with this. But on the other hand I received the impression from some statements in this thread that motherhood and wifehood should be viewed on an equal level as other roles women could hold. Forgive me if I got that wrong. But if true, this would indicate that a woman can choose whatever career/lifestyle she wishes, for whatever reason she wishes, and still be afforded the same status as a good wife and mother. I don't think this can be said.

      Firstly, nobody is saying that the role of wifehood or motherhood is more significant than worship and obedience towards Allaah (swt) - this is impossible. Rather wifehood and motherhood are themselves acts of worship and obedience to Allaah (swt). You quoted the hadeeth earlier:
      “When a woman prays her five (prayers), (2)fasts her month (Ramadan),(3) preserves her chastity, and (4)obeys her husband, she will be told (on the Day of Judgement), “Enter Jannah from any of its (eight) gates.”

      Therefore there is nothing to indicate that being a wife and mother would stop one from worshipping Allaah (swt), rather they go hand-in-hand. If we are going to be realistic, let us consider whether other roles will help to achieve the same. It is the experience of many that pursuing other roles often comes with great costs involving their religious commitment, and basic duties like maintaining prayers and guarding chastity (including observing proper Hijab) are challenged very greatly, not to mention certain conflicts that arise for women in terms of travelling alone and so on. If we are advocating roles for women that help them to fulfil the primary objective of worshipping Allaah (swt) and being the best slave, we must bear this point in mind and they must consider their options accordingly.

      I want to make it clear that I am not saying women should not pursue roles outside of motherhood and wifehood - rather I agree with what others have said in that we do need women to pursue certain roles such as those where women are needed in place of men, but these must be done with the right intentions and consideration must be given to the challenges that will be faced. Yet there are some roles that do not pose such difficulties for women and can reasonably be done alongside wifehood and motherhood, where they can contribute to society in a number of ways without compromising on their religious commitment. As more than one person said previously, there are many factors to consider in making the decision. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that what is "the best" role for a particular individual will vary, but what we are discussing is a general guideline. The shaykh who wrote the article I quoted is involved with the Islamic Shariah Council of Britain, and therefore he is probably bearing in mind in his argument the large number of cases of broken homes and marriages, which further shows the complexity of the issue.

      Secondly, regarding the women mentioned in the Qur'an, it is still interesting to note that wifehood or motherhood are roles mentioned alongside the qualities you quoted, in some cases being clearer than others. And the point is taken together with other texts from the Qur'an and Sunnah, indicating that wifehood and motherhood have a greater emphasis placed on them than other roles and cannot be regarded as equal.

      I think the message that should be given is how to be a better wife or mother by benefitting others and contributing more to society. It shouldn't be a case of 'there are plenty of other things you can do instead' as a general guideline given to all.


      And Allaah (swt) knows best.

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Assalamu-alaikum,


      I think this discussion has somehow gone off-course from the original intention of the opening post (or my interpretation of it).

      When I initially read the article - it spoke of the type of woman who DOES desire marriage and children, yet DESPITE her efforts, she remains single.

      This does not necessarily imply that she has set her standards too high in her search for the ideal spouse......in fact - if piety is one of the most important criteria in finding a marriage partner - then, in todays age, how hard is this becoming to find?

      From my own personal expierence:

      Being 32, divorced and childless, I am left wondering - what are my chances of marriage and motherhood now?
      I have realised how many younger, single women there are - all desperately seeking marriage.......

      And what I have grown to accept, is that THIS is the decree of Allah (subhanawata'ala) for my life (as it is for many others who may never be fortunate enough to see marriage in their lifetimes).

      Insha Allah, my Rabb will bless me with the favour of completing half my deen.
      But perhaps, despite all my efforts and duaas, in His wisdom - He may not.

      What we should realise is that Allah has a plan for ALL of us.
      And no two stories run the same course.

      We all desire the best in this life - good health, wealth, a faithful spouse, healthy and righteous children........and we may do our best to see fruition of this.

      But, the decree of Allah is all that matters.
      Perhaps, what He is denying you, is for YOUR own benefit - you just cannot comprehend it at this point in time.

      Yes, marriage and children is a blessing from Allah Taa'la.

      But have you not seen those, to whom it has become the greatest means of trial and displeasure of Allah?

      In my own life - my imaan was at its all time low during marriage.
      It was a struggle to read salaah, my version of 'hijab' was laughable, the Quraan remained untouched save for Ramadaan.......I was a sorryful example of a muslim.
      Marriage did not add to half my imaan.....it very likely subtracted from it.

      Today, I realise that what seemed like a tragedy - was actually a blessing in disguise.
      I have never known Islam as I do today - and this is honestly all that really matters.

      So, you see - while others may look at my single, childless life in sorrow and sympathy.......they will never know Allahs great favour in returning me...... to Him!
      SubhanAllah......If I had to go through it all again - only to be in the place I am today, I will in a heartbeat.


      What I am trying to say is: do not look at those who are single/ widowed/ divorced/ childless with a judgemental and critical eye.
      Who knows why they have been denied the apparent 'blessings' of this worldly life......but the Almighty?

      You may not be able to see the peace and tranquility in their hearts - despite lifes denials.

      For they know that their life is running JUST as Allah had planned!
      Alhamdulillah.


      Last edited by ~Zaria~; 03-30-2012 at 04:11 PM.

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by GodIsAll View Post
      I just wonder sometimes if the girl is in love with the man and wants to build a life with him, or if she is only in love with the idea of being married.
      Dream:
      I am the princess in the tower. My prince will comes ride his white horse. The he will bring me to his castle, and marry me.

      Reality:
      I can't remember how many prince I've meet. But if they were not belong to someone else, they chose other princess. :enough!:

      There are girls who do not realize that get married is different than buy a handbag. If a girl falls in love to a handbag, she can buy this handbag, and the handbag belong to her. But if she falls in love to a man who she meet, could she have this man if he doesn't want to choose her?.

      There are lucky girls who can have a man who make them fall in love. But mostly of girls are not lucky like this. They cannot have a man that make them fall in love. So, the only thing that they should do if they want to be happy is build ability to love a man who they can have.

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by ~Zaria~ View Post
      For they know that their life is running JUST as Allah had planned!
      Alhamdulillah.
      masha'Allah what an excellent post.. indeed there are many parallels between you and many others here (many of us just prefer to close the book on painful chapters).. I personally lost the one I wanted to marry in April 2004 (to death) and that was beyond words or description really.. coming to terms with how someone can be snatched in the prime of their life was really difficult and I realize it is one of those things you just have to live with not get over.. made me largely a recluse, it affected my studies, took me longer than everyone else as I saw no purpose or direction or meaning to any of it.. but you're right in that we might not see tragedies for what they truly are.. a way to either draw close to Allah swt or lose our religion all together..

      Almalu waalbanoona zeenatu alhayati alddunya waalbaqiyatu alssalihatu khayrun AAinda rabbika thawaban wakhayrun amalan
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      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by لميس View Post
      I personally lost the one I wanted to marry in April 2004 (to death)
      I am sorry. My prayers that you may be reunited one day in paradise.
      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by GodIsAll View Post
      I am sorry. My prayers that you may be reunited one day in paradise.
      As sr. Zaria said:
      Quote Originally Posted by ~Zaria~ View Post
      I have never known Islam as I do today - and this is honestly all that really matters.
      and at least she observed, outside of Ramadan and for purely vain reasons I didn't even consider myself a Muslim.. you can have the strictest parents and live in the epicenter of it all- I lived in Saudi Arabia as a child yet never did the basic second pillar of Islam until my mid twenties .. so even though by all standards it was a tragedy that afflicted me & trickled to all aspects of my life and affected my relationship with others at least and al7mdlillah I became a Muslim while living on my own in a foreign country as opposed to just going through the motions for hypocrisy and may Allah swt make the best of our deeds the last of them and accept them from us and grant us highest meed in paradise ameen...
      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by Muhammad View Post


      I want to make it clear that I am not saying women should not pursue roles outside of motherhood and wifehood - rather I agree with what others have said in that we do need women to pursue certain roles such as those where women are needed in place of men, but these must be done with the right intentions and consideration must be given to the challenges that will be faced. Yet there are some roles that do not pose such difficulties for women and can reasonably be done alongside wifehood and motherhood, where they can contribute to society in a number of ways without compromising on their religious commitment. As more than one person said previously, there are many factors to consider in making the decision. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that what is "the best" role for a particular individual will vary, but what we are discussing is a general guideline. The shaykh who wrote the article I quoted is involved with the Islamic Shariah Council of Britain, and therefore he is probably bearing in mind in his argument the large number of cases of broken homes and marriages, which further shows the complexity of the issue.

      And Allaah (swt) knows best.
      Salaam Aliakum Muhammed,

      It’s quite visible that our arguments are not directly in conflict since they deal with two different situations. As stated before, everyone knows their religious responsibilities, their personal capabilities, and has the capacity to make informed decisions that are closely aligned with their religious and world interests. Again, this thread was never intended to compare and contrast motherhood, wifehood, religiosity, or economic security. The purpose of it was to inform girls and women who are not “Married” or /and are not “Mothers” about roles, that do not conflict with Islam and if done for the sake of Allah will be rewarding on Judgment Day.

      I’ve read both of the articles you have mentioned on this thread, and honestly, it was not beneficial to me personally. Even when addressing single women, the Shaykh spoke of motherhood and wifehood, and introduced the notion that single women should have the intentions of getting married and having kids even if it does not materialized.There is nothing wrong with that. However, the overwhelming majority intend to get married and have kids if the possiblity presents itself, but how is that an advice to single women?


      I’m not married nor do not have kids, so why should I waste time and effort intending to do something Allah controls, especially, when I’m currently undertaking realistic, practical, and reasonable actions which are in the process of materializing? I’m certain that the Shaykh has good intentions, but, I doubt houses are breaking apart as a direct result of working women or that motherhood and wifehood are the solution. I know of plenty of mothers and wives who are completely ignorant (sorry to use that term) about the activists of their children or their surrounding environment. One has to take wider social problems into consideration, and make convenient decisions to maintain their marriage and home. Restrictions are just temporary solutions, but having two educated, adoptive, and well-informed parents will probably find ways to maneuver around today’s endless problems. Why marriages dissolve is also another topic of its own.

      I really do not want to further discuss the articles you have inserted into this thread. I’m sure that if someone wants to discuses those two articles they can directly post their comments in those two threads. Let's return to the OP.
      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by ~Zaria~ View Post
      Assalamu-alaikum,


      I think this discussion has somehow gone off-course from the original intention of the opening post (or my interpretation of it).

      When I initially read the article - it spoke of the type of woman who DOES desire marriage and children, yet DESPITE her efforts, she remains single.

      This does not necessarily imply that she has set her standards too high in her search for the ideal spouse......in fact - if piety is one of the most important criteria in finding a marriage partner - then, in todays age, how hard is this becoming to find?

      From my own personal expierence:

      Being 32, divorced and childless, I am left wondering - what are my chances of marriage and motherhood now?
      I have realised how many younger, single women there are - all desperately seeking marriage.......

      Thanks for bring the discussion back on topic again. Quick question, have you ever considered adopting? The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "I will be like this in Paradise with the person who takes care of the orphan". 'Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) raised his forefinger and middle finger by way of illustration'" . [Reported by Imam al-Bukhari ].

      Being a mother is more than being the biological mother of the child. Looking at the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) life you will see that he had three different mothers. Amina, who was his biological mother, Halima who was his wet-nurse, and finally, Fatima bint Asad who was his foster-mother.

      May Allah grant you children and a righteous man with a beautiful character. Ameen.
      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

      70:28 Lo! the doom of their Lord is that before which none can feel secure

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Wa Alaykum Assalaam,

      I didn't realise I had taken the thread off-topic, so apologies for that. Just to comment on one point:

      I’m not married nor do not have kids, so why should I waste time and effort intending to do something Allah controls, especially, when I’m currently undertaking realistic, practical, and reasonable actions which are in the process of materializing?
      The article explains this: 'Did you know that a person achieves with their intentions far more than he or she may achieve with their actions? So if a Muslim woman intends to be a mother and raise righteous children, or she wants to be a wife who supports her husband and protect his honour and his wealth – but for some reason she is unable to get married, then she will receive the reward for achieving what she sincerely intended even if it doesn’t materialise.'
      3 | Likes Alpha Dude, جوري, tango92 liked this post
      Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise




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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn View Post
      It's under her husband's feet
      I've never heard of that..? I've heard of the hadeeth that says that if Allah allowed for us to bow to other than Him (swt), it would be from a wife to her husband. And also:

      “Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah.” (At-Tirmidhi)

      So, that's a way to Jannah

      My honest opinion, I think that if the guy has a well-paying job and there's no desperate need for money, then the wife should chill and not bother or stress herself out with work and instead focus on her hobbies, her husband, her kids, and her house.

      Most of the time, we women have it going easy

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by TrueStranger View Post
      Thanks for bring the discussion back on topic again. Quick question, have you ever considered adopting? The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: "I will be like this in Paradise with the person who takes care of the orphan". 'Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) raised his forefinger and middle finger by way of illustration'" . [Reported by Imam al-Bukhari ].

      Being a mother is more than being the biological mother of the child. Looking at the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) life you will see that he had three different mothers. Amina, who was his biological mother, Halima who was his wet-nurse, and finally, Fatima bint Asad who was his foster-mother.

      May Allah grant you children and a righteous man with a beautiful character. Ameen.


      Ameen.

      Ive actually been playing with the thought of adoption for some time now.
      Insha Allah soon, when I can get my life back in order.......

      I would really love to be a mother, insha Allah, and although there is something very special between the bond between a mother and her biological child.....just to have the ability to share my life, love and deen with, would be a blessing in itself.

      There are soo many children in need of a loving, stable home - and more importantly, one that can raise him/ her in an Islamic enviroment, we should all be considering this if we have the means.

      The hadith that you have quoted above about caring for ophans, is beautiful.

      JazakAllah for reminding us.


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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      You know I was at a Graduation Ceremony recently and guest of honour or whatever you call them was this former minister. So in she went and began a 20 min long rant about women aspiring to do this and women aspiring to do that, there's no doubting they should and no one should come in their way, but more and more people need a slapping because they make it sound like (if not directly) being a mother and a wife is bad thing.

      At the of the former minister's speech most of the guys were angry, I was too, why the hell did she have to start her rant about her struggles to get equal attention on our happy day?

      You are asking for women to pursue careers, again fine, but why aren't you going out of your way to encourage them to married life and motherhood.

      It's the fricking problem with the world now, being a mother/wife isn't as respected as it should be.
      Last edited by kingkong; 04-05-2012 at 08:29 AM.

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      Re: Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise


      Quote Originally Posted by kingkong View Post
      You are asking for women to pursue careers, again fine, but why aren't you going out of your way to encourage them to married life and motherhood.

      It's the fricking problem with the world now, being a mother/wife isn't as respected as it should be.
      It's not true if a woman want to work, it's means she does not respect to wifehood and motherhood. Many working women who I know in my place are good wives and good mothers. While some housewives who I know? .... they only care to themselves, spent their times only to having fun and gosip with other women.

      A woman can be good wife or bad wife, can be good mother or bad mother not because her profession, but because her mentality.

      No one here urge women to pursue career and disrespect wifehood and motherhood. The purpose of this thread is to motivate women who cannot get married to not lose their confidence. Those women cannot get married not because they did not want to get married, but because the men did not want to marry them.

      It's better if we encourage the men to not shallow when they are looking for a wife.

     

     
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