Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn

This was why, he is finding it extremely difficult to manage two sets of everything. If he gets something for one wife the other must have the same or all hell breaks loose (first wife is not very cooperative). He gets questioned twice as much as far as his whereabouts, he gets twice as many complaints, he has to be sure his time is split equally and that usually means no "me" time for him or there will be issues.

Yep. He can make time for himself only when he's in his parents house. He can have his "me" time with only those people who will let him be a kid regardless of his age. Accommodate parents separately so that you can your "me" time.

Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn

If polygamy is to be attempted, both the first wife and the husband must be very pius people to make this work, otherwise everyone's naffs will wreak havoc. Selfish people cannot be involved in polygamy. end of.

The husband needs lots of piety because he'll need many qualities to be invested in the scenario such as patience, time management, anger management, resources management, crisis management, and on and on.

Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn

I strongly feel that, if the first wife makes this realization, and she has beena good wife (that is key here) she shouldn't worry so much,she shoudl be reassured that his love for her won't change even if another wife comes in the picture. The first wife is the one who supported the husband in the low times and built up with him, to where now he can afford a second wife, so why would that position be taken from her? That is usually one of the first wive's biggest fears ie: "I struggeld so much with my husband, went without XYZ, got him through school and built all of this, only to have some woman come take it?" "now that my figure is bad, I bore him X amount of children, he wants somebody else and he is going to forget about us" the list goes on. The test for the first wife would be learning how to share and work as a unit with the other wife/wives. She will have to learn to break her naffs, and that is actually in her benefit if she cares about the akhira. She can make the best of what she has or destroy it.

I will always respect my wife for this, because she did bear all the difficulties we've faced so far with so much maturity. If I ever take any more wives in the future, my first wife will be the benchmark for all of them. They have to be prove to be at least as good as her, if not better. The preference to first wife in terms of respect and endearment can't be helped. It is something which the other wives just have to cope with.

The first wife shouldn't be worried about these things, because if the husband is a noble man then he will always be grateful to her for all of it, and also be more considerate towards her because he knows that the arrangement just can't be easy for her.

The only time I've ever seen polygamy work well is when the man is really rich and can afford to treat each wife fairly. The wives actually get along well and have a strong sisterhood or they live seperately and don't have to bother with each other. I say only take on what you can afford.

No reasonable sister wants to marry a broke guy who keeps bringing more mouths to feed into the house-- for what? To bicker over table scraps? Nah, I'll be single if that's what it boils down to.

I would. And would offer him Khul' right after that for sure.
Polygamy is not for everyone and most polygamist are losers.
I don't want to be buried and resurrected near polygamist, audhubillah.
Polygamy is not an issue of Emaan, is selfishness in most cases.

The interesting point here is that brothers are measuring the love of their wife by this question ''Can I take second wife''? I've seen that a lot.

The masculine ego is really funny.

poly gamy is allowed in islam .so we can never discuss against it.and in quran it is clearly said one take up to 4 provided he treat them equally.the question is can they.he has to share days equally,money equally etc.a thing much of the men cannot andfurther quran says if they fear theycannot they,ll have to be satisfied with one.in these days i doubt highly wether men can treat them equally unless their iman is high.

Polygamy

Originally Posted by Muslimlearner

most polygamist are losers.

Do you know most polygamists?

Originally Posted by Muslimlearner

I don't want to be buried and resurrected near polygamist, audhubillah.

That's unfortunate. I'd give anything to be buried and resurrected next to the Prophet .

And there may be many other polygamists who are better than us in respect of their deen.

And Allah knows best and may we die and be resurrected among the righteous, ameen.

Originally Posted by Insaanah

Do you know most polygamists?



That's unfortunate. I'd give anything to be buried and resurrected next to the Prophet .

And there may be many other polygamists who are better than us in respect of their deen.

And Allah knows best and may we die and be resurrected among the righteous, ameen.

SubhanAllah sister. I was going to say the EXACT same thing. The best of men of our ummah were polygynists.

For all the people who are replying for the first time in this thread, I request that you go through the other replies beforehand because this topic has been discussed extensively. The exchange has been highly educational, to say the least. It also has questioned the generalized opinion held of this topic.

Question is flawed as Allah Subhana Wata'ala has allowed polygamy thus theres no reason for any Muslim to object to it.

I do feel Muslims of TODAY have lost the true meaning of Polygamy but on the whole its a noble deed if done with the right intention as there are Widows and children out there who need food on the table, and to care and provide for them surely carries immense rewards Inshaa Allah.

Originally Posted by Muslimlearner

I would. And would offer him Khul' right after that for sure.
Polygamy is not for everyone and most polygamist are losers.
I don't want to be buried and resurrected near polygamist, audhubillah.
Polygamy is not an issue of Emaan, is selfishness in most cases.

The interesting point here is that brothers are measuring the love of their wife by this question ''Can I take second wife''? I've seen that a lot.

The masculine ego is really funny.

And you're saying this as a married woman who has had a co-wife at least once? Allah, the One who is free from all desire, has permitted this for the men because it is better for men and women. Are you now going to say that most men who are trying to fulfil a sunnah are just chasing lust and satisfying their "masculine ego"? If a bad response to this isn't a reflection of one's emaan then what is it?

Interesting article posted today on WebbCounselors over at SuhaibWebb.com. The point that struck out to me was,

Bear in mind also the legalities of such an arrangement in countries that do not allow for polygamy. Are you comfortable being married to a man who could potentially be breaking the law? And how can you ensure that your individual rights and the rights of your future family will be preserved in a polygamous marriage?

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/beforemarriage/polygamous-marriage/

This is really important, that in most places where we live, the legal system does not allow for more than one wife. How ethical is it, as a Muslim, to break the law? It's not ethical and we need to realize that even though it's allowed in Islam, if we're living in a land that doesn't allow it, it's upon us to follow the law of the land where we live. This point, I think is sufficient to make this discussion irrelevant for the majority of people here.

Originally Posted by Ibn Abi Ahmed

Interesting article posted today on WebbCounselors over at SuhaibWebb.com. The point that struck out to me was,

Bear in mind also the legalities of such an arrangement in countries that do not allow for polygamy. Are you comfortable being married to a man who could potentially be breaking the law? And how can you ensure that your individual rights and the rights of your future family will be preserved in a polygamous marriage?

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/beforemarriage/polygamous-marriage/

This is really important, that in most places where we live, the legal system does not allow for more than one wife. How ethical is it, as a Muslim, to break the law? It's not ethical and we need to realize that even though it's allowed in Islam, if we're living in a land that doesn't allow it, it's upon us to follow the law of the land where we live. This point, I think is sufficient to make this discussion irrelevant for the majority of people here.

I would not trust suahib webb as i would not trust hamza yusuf. They are sufi and such a deviant sect has no place in Islam, nor should we take knowledge from such deviant sects. You're aqeedah and akhira is on the line here.

Suhaib Webb admits he is a Sufi/Ashari at the 57 mark;

http://youtu.be/M6cy8LjxHZU

http://youtu.be/dNo2ZWwZwl0

Different aqeedah.

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/10693/ash'ari
http://www.asharis.com/creed/

The problem with polygamy is not polygamy itself, that permissible. But the men who commit polygamy. There are many wives and their children who neglected, they must struggle hard to live because their husband do not fulflil their needs but fulfill other wives needs. Should those neglected wives ask divorce?. This is what their husbands want.

But, those neglected wives do not want to ask divorce. They just want their husbands can be fair. Something that cannot be done by their husbands.

Mostly of polygamy in Indonesia are polygamy like this. Only small number that committed in accordance with sunnah.

Bro, sis, please notice this reality.

LOL. Thanks man, but this isnt the 90s.

Originally Posted by islamica

I would not trust suahib webb as i would not trust hamza yusuf. They are sufi and such a deviant sect has no place in Islam, nor should we take knowledge from such deviant sects. You're aqeedah and akhira is on the line here.

Suhaib Webb admits he is a Sufi/Ashari at the 57 mark;

http://youtu.be/M6cy8LjxHZU

http://youtu.be/dNo2ZWwZwl0

Different aqeedah.

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/10693/ash'ari
http://www.asharis.com/creed/

Polygamy is very tough to discuss and very personal. No one person is right or wrong here.
Polygamy hits very close to home for me and it's really annoying. Watching polygamy play out in most people's lives I know is like watching a hurricane destroy a small town. I can agree to polygamy if it was performed the way the Prophet SAW handled it, but most men are not that devoted and pious.

My hubby is from a polygamous family and most of his brothers have multiple wives. These guys cannot afford to care for one family, much less two or three wives and a bunch of children! The wives are neglected most of the time. When the wives and children get sick, they call my husband asking for money to help pay for medical costs and sometimes food. It's really ridiculous!

I also know a few families here in America where the husband exercised his rights to have four wives, and yes he took all four wives-- although he doesn't have a job to suppport any of them. Each wife lives in the projects or with their parents and struggle with the children. These women work (some of them work) or they live off of welfare and government assistance. Yes, he sees the children and divides his time amongst his wives, but he cannot provide any financial support for any of them. The Wives and Children suffer.

One of my hubby's friends has two wives here and they all live together in one big house. He is a business owner and can support his family, but why does he complain almost every day about how he sometimes hates to go home because the wives bicker and nitpick about everything?

When I asked my nephew-in-law about polygamy, he said that he doesn't like it because his mother was a first wife and still lives apart from her husband, while he is here in America. He was upset when his dad took a second wife and immediately got her pregnant. He brought her to the house and left her to be "company" for the first wife while husband went back to America. Now, the guy has a health ailment and he must decide which wife to bring over to America to live with him. The other will have to stay in the other country with the remaining children.


What would Allah SWT think about this?

Originally Posted by cottonrainbow

Polygamy is very tough to discuss and very personal. No one person is right or wrong here.
Polygamy hits very close to home for me and it's really annoying. Watching polygamy play out in most people's lives I know is like watching a hurricane destroy a small town. I can agree to polygamy if it was performed the way the Prophet SAW handled it, but most men are not that devoted and pious.

My hubby is from a polygamous family and most of his brothers have multiple wives. These guys cannot afford to care for one family, much less two or three wives and a bunch of children! The wives are neglected most of the time. When the wives and children get sick, they call my husband asking for money to help pay for medical costs and sometimes food. It's really ridiculous!

I also know a few families here in America where the husband exercised his rights to have four wives, and yes he took all four wives-- although he doesn't have a job to suppport any of them. Each wife lives in the projects or with their parents and struggle with the children. These women work (some of them work) or they live off of welfare and government assistance. Yes, he sees the children and divides his time amongst his wives, but he cannot provide any financial support for any of them. The Wives and Children suffer.

One of my hubby's friends has two wives here and they all live together in one big house. He is a business owner and can support his family, but why does he complain almost every day about how he sometimes hates to go home because the wives bicker and nitpick about everything?

When I asked my nephew-in-law about polygamy, he said that he doesn't like it because his mother was a first wife and still lives apart from her husband, while he is here in America. He was upset when his dad took a second wife and immediately got her pregnant. He brought her to the house and left her to be "company" for the first wife while husband went back to America. Now, the guy has a health ailment and he must decide which wife to bring over to America to live with him. The other will have to stay in the other country with the remaining children.


What would Allah SWT think about this?

Asalaamu Alaikum,

I think the point is that you shouldn't generalise. Someone could say the same thing as you did, they have experienced a lot of hate from Muslims, and thus think Islam is bad or all Muslims are bad - just based on their own perceptions, rather than looking at things from a proper scope. Not all "Polygamists" are like that, some of them are much better than most "monogamists" could ever be. In fact, the best of people was a polygamist, the Prophet(saw).

Fair enough if you have a preference (which I completely understand), but please, think twice before hating on something that is a Sunnah for those that can handle it.