Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? - Page 2

syilla · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

It is sad nowadays. Because of the muslims do not practice islam whole heartedly, polygamy has given a bad name.

People always see the negative side of polygamy. Is hard to find a good example of polygamy nowadays

snakelegs · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

i'm a non-muslim, so it really doesn't matter. but it bothers me that he does not even have to discuss it with his first wife, let alone get her consent.
(though woe betide any man who was foolish enough not to!!!)

S.A. · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

ok...so it seems like a good discussion/argument.

I hope my question has been answered. Can someone check/confirm to me?

The question was: Men can marry upto 4 wives whenever they feel like because of the fact that it is a right given to them, and nothing else.

Yes, they can.

It is not necessary that his decision is influenced by any or all of the situations below.

Ill health of the first wife
Inability of the wife to please her husband physically
Inability of the wife to bear children
ETC.

If he likes a girl he can proceed to marrying her with/without the consent of his wife if he has the confidence and the belief that he has the ability to support them financially (emotionally - need not be).

As our Prophet himself preferred Aisha more than his other wives.

If thats the answer, then I thank you all for all ur comments and sources.

This thread shuld be closed as far as iam concerned.

Salam alaikum.

Malaikah · 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ummah

the reason why it is wrong for a woman to refuse her husband the act of polygamy is because, if Allah swt has given that right to a man, who are we mere humans to refuse men that God-given right? It would be disrespectful

People use this argument a lot- and I really don't understand it.

Just because something is permissible doesn't mean it has to be done.

How come when, for example, our parents don't let us do something that is permissible its not a big deal (for example, if a girls parents don't let her colour her hair) but when its the wife not wanting the husband to marry another woman everyone always complains that polygamy is permissible and we have no right to stop our husbands from doing something that Allah mad halal?

What if a husband doesn't let his wife do something that is permissible, because, even though it is permissible, it is going to have a negative impact some how? For example, a wife wants to go to the supermarket to buy some food she needs in the middle of thunder storm and her husband won't let her in case she crashes. Will anyone argue with this logic?

So why then when the wife is against her husband taking a second wife on the ground that she will depressed for the rest of her life and her whole family will be ruined and the kids might lose respect for their father, does it suddenly become 'Allah made it halal, end of story"? What ever happened to acting with wisdom and kind treatment of the wife?! Aren't those things obligatory on a Muslim?

Is it just me or is it that this concept of 'we have no right to stop him doing something Allah made halal' only ever seems to apply to polygamy?

Anyway the wife has the right to add to the marriage contract that the husband can't take a second wife. If has problems with polygamy, she should take advantage of that right.

Malaikah · 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by islamirama

Now if she's smart (not too many out there), then she can stipulate that in her nikah contract that he can't marry another woman while being married to her and doing so will nullify their contract.

As far as I know- it not nulify the contract, rather the husband will be sinful for taking a second wife and the decision to nullify the contract rests with teh wife and the husband can not stop her. The wife has to option to remain married to him. Allah knows best, but that is what I was taught.

Looking4Peace · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

You know it is strange because I was not brought up in an islamic society or home but I would consider polygamy. Even if i didn't convert i never thought it was a bad idea. Men will most likely cheat and I rather know who the woman is and be okay with it then one I have no clue about. There are many reasons for this that i do not think I have to go into.

Al-Zaara · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

Selam aleykum,

MashaAllah, great post sis Malaikah!!

rozeena · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by S.A.

I know what u mean,. but islamically speaking it sounds selfish.
You dont have to be friends with ur husbands new wife, just think that he is a man afterall and he need not reciprocate ur feelings by nature. Thats the basic difference between men and women. We all women need to face that i guess.

i supose. bt wt if u dnt get on wid ur hubby once his marid again? jus wondering generali im nt even marid so dnt knw wt itd feel lyk 2 marid inda 1st place lol.

*~Sofia~* · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

salam

sister Malaikah.. i think sister S.A meant she is against the marriage clause or sumfing.. not the husband marrying more than once. (i think neway)

Quote:

I am totally against it - marriage contract clause and that court thing. Really repulsive!

w'salam

Ramlah · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

so....anyone got the answer to the origianl post.

S.A. · 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maryam11

so....anyone got the answer to the origianl post.

Yes. I had posted the original post - and I did get the answer to my query thanks to you all.

Yong_sista · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by S.A.

everyone,

Hope everyone is doing fine inshallah.

I have signed up for one Arabic course. So yesterday during the class the instructor brought up the topic of how some arab women refuse to let their husbands marry 2nd, 3rd, or 4th times and that it is wrong and etc. I felt something was wrong in what he said so I said that there are some conditions that should be considered by men before opting for more than 1 marriage.

Actually, I said that because i had read somewhere or heard from some sheikh i think on tv that it is preferred that men marry more than 1 times only in case they are pleased physically from their wive(s), or his current wife's health is always very unstable - so to take care of her - or some other reasons i do not remember. But i am def sure i have read/heard these cirsumstances.

But then again i found Surah Nisa in Ayah 3 - 5 which said that men should marry more than 1 wife. If they feel they wont be able to treat them equally only in that case men should marry only once.

Now iam confused. Does anyone know about the conditions that i have mentioned above? Any clarifications?

As salam alaikum.

Asalama alakum

yes... a man is allowed 2 marry up 2 4 wives at the same time provided he:
- spends equall time with all of them
-can provide for all of them

others it is adviced they stick to 1 wife if they cannot follow the above 2

nebula · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

these days i hear ppl saying oh im got get 4 wifes more fun this and that...
thats kind of abusing what the quran says isnt it? if u kno what i mean?

if ur just doing it for the pleasure? or is that allowed if u can support them all?

excuse me if im wrong

Ourra-Tul-'Ain · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose_Ice

You are allowed to make it a condition in the marriage pact though

And there was that hadith something like this:
Ali (ra) wanted to marry again but Fatima (ra) was upset by it. So he went to the prophet (saw) and told him. And the prophet (saw) said that if she is upset then he would be upset- so Ali (ra) didn't.

yep dat's smart

Ourra-Tul-'Ain · **Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? -** 10-25-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by nebula

these days i hear ppl saying oh im got get 4 wifes more fun this and that...
thats kind of abusing what the quran says isnt it? if u kno what i mean?

if ur just doing it for the pleasure? or is that allowed if u can support them all?

excuse me if im wrong

tell me about it....

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	(#16 (permalink))
syilla not trying hard enuf Status: Offline Posts: 4,565 Reputation: 14920 Rep Power: 38 Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: malaysia Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? - 10-25-2007 It is sad nowadays. Because of the muslims do not practice islam whole heartedly, polygamy has given a bad name. People always see the negative side of polygamy. Is hard to find a good example of polygamy nowadays __________________ 25:36 And the true servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk the earth with humility and when the ignorant address them, they respond with words of peace.

	(#17 (permalink))
snakelegs nusrat fanatic Status: Offline Posts: 6,243 Reputation: 28381 Rep Power: 59 Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: California Way of Life: Agnostic	Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? - 10-25-2007 i'm a non-muslim, so it really doesn't matter. but it bothers me that he does not even have to discuss it with his first wife, let alone get her consent. (though woe betide any man who was foolish enough not to!!!) __________________ each man thinks of his own fleas as gazelles question authority

	(#18 (permalink))
S.A. LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 201 Reputation: 682 Rep Power: 10 Join Date: May 2007 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? - 10-25-2007 ok...so it seems like a good discussion/argument. I hope my question has been answered. Can someone check/confirm to me? The question was: Men can marry upto 4 wives whenever they feel like because of the fact that it is a right given to them, and nothing else. Yes, they can. It is not necessary that his decision is influenced by any or all of the situations below. Ill health of the first wife Inability of the wife to please her husband physically Inability of the wife to bear children ETC. If he likes a girl he can proceed to marrying her with/without the consent of his wife if he has the confidence and the belief that he has the ability to support them financially (emotionally - need not be). As our Prophet himself preferred Aisha more than his other wives. If thats the answer, then I thank you all for all ur comments and sources. This thread shuld be closed as far as iam concerned. Salam alaikum.

	(#21 (permalink))
Looking4Peace LI Oldtimer Status: Offline Posts: 616 Reputation: 321 Rep Power: 16 Join Date: May 2006 Location: The hole i crawl out of Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? - 10-25-2007 You know it is strange because I was not brought up in an islamic society or home but I would consider polygamy. Even if i didn't convert i never thought it was a bad idea. Men will most likely cheat and I rather know who the woman is and be okay with it then one I have no clue about. There are many reasons for this that i do not think I have to go into.

	(#22 (permalink))
Al-Zaara Hanafi Status: Offline Posts: 3,847 Reputation: 37291 Rep Power: 66 Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Finland Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? - 10-25-2007 Selam aleykum, MashaAllah, great post sis Malaikah!! __________________ Standing in the middle of a tornado, feeling serenity inside of me. Around me there's chaos, Yet I remain at peace.

	(#25 (permalink))
Ramlah al-3ilmo noor Status: Offline Posts: 3,111 Reputation: 16032 Rep Power: 38 Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: enhaling the evening breeze Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? - 10-25-2007 so....anyone got the answer to the origianl post. __________________ ~~ "If it was not for the calamities of this life, we would be bankrupt of rewards on the Day of Resurrection.”~~ ~~A blog!~~

	(#28 (permalink))
nebula Lion Status: Online Posts: 282 Reputation: 1245 Rep Power: 10 Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: uk Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Men can marry 4 times - any conditions? - 10-25-2007 these days i hear ppl saying oh im got get 4 wifes more fun this and that... thats kind of abusing what the quran says isnt it? if u kno what i mean? if ur just doing it for the pleasure? or is that allowed if u can support them all? excuse me if im wrong __________________