everyone,

Hope everyone is doing fine inshallah.

I have signed up for one Arabic course. So yesterday during the class the instructor brought up the topic of how some arab women refuse to let their husbands marry 2nd, 3rd, or 4th times and that it is wrong and etc. I felt something was wrong in what he said so I said that there are some conditions that should be considered by men before opting for more than 1 marriage.

Actually, I said that because i had read somewhere or heard from some sheikh i think on tv that it is preferred that men marry more than 1 times only in case they are pleased physically from their wive(s), or his current wife's health is always very unstable - so to take care of her - or some other reasons i do not remember. But i am def sure i have read/heard these cirsumstances.

But then again i found Surah Nisa in Ayah 3 - 5 which said that men should marry more than 1 wife. If they feel they wont be able to treat them equally only in that case men should marry only once.

Now iam confused. Does anyone know about the conditions that i have mentioned above? Any clarifications?

As salam alaikum.

Asalaamualaikum

the reason why it is wrong for a woman to refuse her husband the act of polygamy is because, if Allah swt has given that right to a man, who are we mere humans to refuse men that God-given right? It would be disrespectful
However its not so onesided. Islam being a religion of logic and reasonableness applies the notion of common courtesy. In nearly all cultures and societies i can think of, it would be unnatural to the foundations of a matrimonial relationship for a husband not to tell his wife he was getting married again, or give her emotions and opinions some grounding.

Adultery is a terrible sin both in this life and the hereafter, anything to prevent it should be done.

But yes if a man cannot treat each wife equal, then it is much better for him to remain married to one only.

Apart from this i have no authorotative sources for you so please dont quote me.

can a wife leave her hubby if he gets married again??? as im jus finkin if i was marrid n my hubby sed he wants 2 get marrid again. id find it reali hard 2 share my hubby if u knw wt i mean??? dnt knw if dt sounds selfish!!!

Sisters need to realize it is a right given to them(men) and they can practice it anytime they want. Some sisters out there try to reason out some "need" or "requirement" that met before he is allowed. He is allowed without any reason. As for him marrying more than one, he needs to qualify first. Only qualifications he needs it that he be able to handle it (financially, emotionally, physically, etc).

As for your question, if a woman wants divorce on the grounds that her husband exercised his right to marry again, then she would have to ask for khula and forgo the mahr. Now if she's smart (not too many out there), then she can stipulate that in her nikah contract that he can't marry another woman while being married to her and doing so will nullify their contract.

all this can be found at www.islamqa.com

thnks 4 dat bro! sorri wts khula n forgo mean?

You are allowed to make it a condition in the marriage pact though

And there was that hadith something like this:
Ali (ra) wanted to marry again but Fatima (ra) was upset by it. So he went to the prophet (saw) and told him. And the prophet (saw) said that if she is upset then he would be upset- so Ali (ra) didn't.

oh can i also say, the highly restrictive nature of polygamy is highlighted in the Quran where Allah swt makes obvious that the ideal is for people to contract in monogomy of marriage. e.g. in the Quran is says: ‘You cannot keep perfect balance emotionally between your wives, however much you desire it’ (IV: 130)

are you trying to misuse those verses to justify woman's reasoning of forbidding men from polygny?

The Quran says you can marry 1,2,3,4 and IF you fear you will not be able to treat them justly then only one. What this means is some men can marry more than one who are more wiser with a good head on their shoulders verses those emotional type who can't even handle one to think about another.

And Quran says also something like you'll never be able to do it justly because our human nature, but it doesn't forbid men from marrying though, only highlight some of their weakness and inability to be just equally.

----

khula = a divorce initiated by wife where by she forgo (gives up) her mahr and other stuff given to her.

^ calm down, read my first post in this thread, and you will see that my intention was never to misuse the verses of the Quran. (you actually ignored my first post in this thread and repeated most of what i said anyway! lol!)

Astaghfirullah what an accusation. I wont be returning to this thread !

Could you clarify? If the Quran says that you will never be able to treat them justly then shouldn't the man believe that? If so then how can he marry more than one.



PLEASE NOTE: I am not trying to start any type of argument over this. I am asking because I genuinely want to know.

jazaki Allahu khairan ukhti.

polygamy in Islam is a permission not an injunction. Historically, all the prophets except Jesus, who was not married, had more than one wife. For Muslim men to have more than one wife is a permission which is given to them in the Quran, not to satisfy lust, but for the welfare of the widows and the orphans of the wars. In the pre-Islamic period, men used to have many wives. One person had 11 wives and when he became Muslim, he asked the Prophet Muhammad (P), "What should I do with so many wives?" and he said, "Divorce all except the four." The Quran says, "you can marry 2 or 3 and up to 4 women if you can be equally just with each of them" (4:3). Since it is very difficult to be equally just with all wives, in practice, most of the Muslim men do not have more than one wife. Prophet Muhammad (P) himself from age 24 to 50 was married to only one woman, Khadija. In the western society, some men who have one wife have many extramarital affairs. Thus, a survey was published in "U.S.A. Today" (April 4, 1988 Section D) which asked 4,700 mistresses what they would like their status to be. They said that "they preferred being a second wife rather than the 'other woman' because they did not have the legal rights, nor did they have the financial equality of the legally married wives, and it appeared that they were being used by these men."


The ruling on plural marriage and the wisdom behind it