AssalamuAlaykum

I'd like for both brothers and sisters to reply insha'Allah.

Its quite simple really. So imagine you're considering a bro or a sis for marriage and its time to approach the parents. They say no, they have no grounds for refusal except minor cultural ones. First question, would you take the first no as a final answer? Or would you try to talk them round and pursuade them more?

Would you fight it out until the end, until you got where you wanted or would you reach a stage where you think...At the end of the day we only have one set of parents, people come and go and if they are refusing, maybe there is a reason, some wisdom behind it that we cant see. Which sane person would risk upsetting their parents, who would choose parents over some girl/guy who hasnt done anything for them yet, who hasnt been there for them the same way your parents have. Who would leave their parents with no choice but to accept and then go into a marriage without the parents being fully happy and without their total sincere du'aas?

Am I right in thinking that there comes a point where you just have to give up, marriage is one thing where you cannot and must not choose your happiness over ur parents happiness and them being happy with you.

Am I right or wrong? What would you do?

I'm actually looking for support for the opposing argument, I want to hear I'm wrong. But I do think I'm right.

Kisi Begaane Ki Khaatir Tumne Apno Ko Bhoola Diya.....I think it goes like that. For the sake of a stranger you forsake and forgot your own. [Bolly days were 4 years ago btw, not now alhamdulillah]

JazakAllah khayr

WassalamuAlaykum

Originally Posted by Hafsah

First question, would you take the first no as a final answer?

No.

Or would you try to talk them round and pursuade them more?

If I'm bothered, yes.

Which sane person would risk upsetting their parents, who would choose parents over some girl/guy who hasnt done anything for them yet, who hasnt been there for them the same way your parents have. Who would leave their parents with no choice but to accept and then go into a marriage without the parents being fully happy and without their total sincere du'aas?

You could get your parents to agree without them getting upset. Why would you leave them with no choice but to accept your marriage? Instead talk and reason with them. Nicely.

Am I right or wrong? What would you do?

The thing is, when it comes to culture, culture orientated parents have a difficult time 'coming around'. So I don't think talking and reasoning with them would help. And the other option is to give up and move on.

I would reply but sister some of us just aren't experience in these fields, and we don't know what to say. It is better to hear constructive advice, of adults, rather than hear advice of teenagers, who don't know any better.

One thing though;

Who would leave their parents with no choice but to accept and then go into a marriage without the parents being fully happy and without their total sincere du'aas?

I don't think a person can be happy with any marriage if their parents aren't happy with it, no matter how much they love the person.

i think you know my answers, but at the end of the day your parents will inshaAllah be happy when they see you happy. that is what they want in the end no? culture multure

i would advise u salat istikaraah ... i had a situation like that in which a guy proposed to me and he was gud ,religious and i liked him but wen i praied ... my feelings changed subhanallah .... so belive me salat al istikaraah is the best answer for u !!!! .... its like u asking Allah is this person gud for me ?! so wen Allah answers u ur partents wouldnt hav anything to say inshaallah ...

Hypothetical insha'Allah.

JazakAllah khayr I just want opinions really. Not even advice

salams...

i just would like to add... hafsah is not really a teenager . She is an adult

Originally Posted by Hafsah

AssalamuAlaykum
First question, would you take the first no as a final answer? Or would you try to talk them round and pursuade them more?

No, I'd spend time convincing them, Allaah changes the hearts. A first no is generally off the top of the head, but if you spend time convincing them, then you can probably bring parents around. They want to see their children happy, and if they see that marrying person x makes their child happy, they'll eventually agree, insha'Allaah.

I think everything I'd want to say in regards to this has already been summed by the brother that runs this blog:

Salaam alaykum Faiez,

You can’t get married without your parents blessing.

You have four options:
1. Find someone who both you and your parents agree is a good match.
2. Find a match who you like, but they don’t - you then have to decide if this person is worth it to you to be patient and convince them.
3. Marry someone your parents like, but that you don’t - in this case, you have to spend the time to try and turn them to your perspective while learning the ins and outs of a relationship. If you don’t change them, your kids will hold you accountable if they turn out like mom.
4. Lead a celibate life.
You seem to believe option #1 is out, and so too is option #4. You have either option #2 or option #3. I always choose option #2 because I’m not relying on myself to change my parents opinion - I’m working to follow the sunnah, so I turn to and expect Allah subhaanahu wa ta’aala to give me what I’m requesting if it’s good for me. If my intention is good, the girl is good, and the future is bright (only Allah knows), I’m confident it’ll work out. If not, it won’t.
So I wouldn’t stress too much on this. As the saying goes, “Do your best, and leave the rest (to Allah).”
Siraaj

http://muslimbestlife.com/blog/?p=140 ; comment #17

If you can think you can go w/ option #1 then figure out if you think you'll find someone better than the person the parents are not liking because of culture, or if this person is really everything you're looking for in a spouse. That said, at the end of the day if they're completely adamant, absolutely refusing, then just agree with them no matter how tough. They're worth more than any potential spouse.

Ooh oky .. i wouldnt choose any1 eles except my partents really cuz for me if i lost my partents love and dua its like im cursed or something to me i think of it like that ... cuz u know u can find a person to love theres alot of fish in the sea lol but partents are something u cant replace they r the reason we r here u get me ...so yh i wud choose them but i will felt hurt insame time ...

Originally Posted by amani

i think you know my answers, but at the end of the day your parents will inshaAllah be happy when they see you happy. that is what they want in the end no? culture multure

yes but only after being extremely upset - whatever happened to not allowing parents to utter "uff" EH?





i think you should have never EVEN CONSIDERED SOMEONE who you even slightly maybe THOUGHT that your parents wouldnt accept.




but since you already jumped into this fire i say ... do wateva feels most halal


Assalamu Alaikum

Assalaam u alaikum Sis
I had a similar situation. Just keep doing Salaat Al-Istikhara and do dua to Allah that "Allah, if this is the invididual I'm suppose to marry, then make my parents like him as well, and if this isn't the individual, then take me and my parents away from him"...duas simliar to that. Honestly, Allah listens to duas and you will be surprised at the result. Surprised and satisfied Insha'Allah. so just keep doing dua...ask Allah whether you should give up or not
May Allah make your siutation easy for you....Ameen
Assalaam u alaikum

I'd advice you to pray salaat al-istikhaarah, then try your best to get your parents to give the brother a chance. If it doesn't happen, then you know it wasn't meant to be. Allaahu A'lam.

Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman

yes but only after being extremely upset - whatever happened to not allowing parents to utter "uff" EH?





i think you should have never EVEN CONSIDERED SOMEONE who you even slightly maybe THOUGHT that your parents wouldnt accept.




but since you already jumped into this fire i say ... do wateva feels most halal


Assalamu Alaikum

Seriously, what is wrong with what brother Malaak and others said? There's nothing wrong with considering someone, it's wrong if the matter is approached wrongly, and the parents are angered. I don't understand why parents would be angered if there children want the halaal and approach them correctly; with manners.

Originally Posted by Fighting4Iman

yes but only after being extremely upset - whatever happened to not allowing parents to utter "uff" EH?





i think you should have never EVEN CONSIDERED SOMEONE who you even slightly maybe THOUGHT that your parents wouldnt accept.




but since you already jumped into this fire i say ... do wateva feels most halal


Assalamu Alaikum

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Its easy for us brothers. Even if the brothers accepts a job blindly......We stay with our parents for the rest of our lives.

But the for the sister choosing blindly is a bigger cause of problem. because if the husband side of family doesnt protected wife, then who does she have? She gives up everything. Thats why i think its important to always look for he happiness for the sister rather than the parents.

Parents happiness comes second. Period. Parents job is to guide, not to enforce.

There are too many mummys' boys out there, who just dont care if they get married, while the sister is promised big things and gets nothing, nothing but trouble and lies. Lies and just fussy/pushy parents.....

Marriage is with 2 spouses NOT Parents and spouse. Its a decision for life. No going back, only down hill if you choose to.....

Parents: Fear Allah!
Children: Fear Allah!

FiAmaaniAllah

Originally Posted by Najm

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Its easy for us brothers. Even if the brothers accepts a job blindly......We stay with our parents for the rest of our lives.

But the for the sister choosing blindly is a bigger cause of problem. because if the husband side of family doesnt protected wife, then who does she have? She gives up everything. Thats why i think its important to always look for he happiness for the sister rather than the parents.

Parents happiness comes second. Period. Parents job is to guide, not to enforce.

There are too many mummys' boys out there, who just dont care if they get married, while the sister is promised big things and gets nothing, nothing but trouble and lies. Lies and just fussy/pushy parents.....

Marriage is with 2 spouses NOT Parents and spouse. Its a decision for life. No going back, only down hill if you choose to.....

Parents: Fear Allah!
Children: Fear Allah!

FiAmaaniAllah

subhanAllah what an extreme view towards marriage.



ONLY a lack of adhaab and shame would make a child pursue a suitor their parents abhor. PERIOD



and im proud to b a mommy's boy, sue me !


Assalamu Alaikum