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Thread: Coping

  1. #1
    Soldier Through It! Array جوري's Avatar
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    Default Coping




    Every year we take a hit or two or three, some are unfortunately ongoing for years I guarantee -- some of them are quite painful we can't even speak to others of it from the shame and horror of what transpired and how poorly we handled a crisis that seemed to etch a scar upon our very soul, some are shouldered and divided with our kin as the grief is shared and openly known. At the end of the day what makes a situation seem so unbearable I have come to conclude is how much of ourselves is invested in a particular situation. The question is how badly we'd view a specific calamity if we wake up with amnesia?..
    Would we approach things more pragmatically or would we quickly realize the gravity of what has transpired and what it means to our future and our existence?
    Of course this exercise wouldn't apply to a case of death for obvious reasons..
    But if we wake up one day realizing we'd lost all our finances, or are sick with terminal disease, or been fired from an already crappy job, or alone in bed or are about to be made homeless or war ravaged and under siege would we see that as a blessing and an opportunity for action or a disaster? How would we think to take the next step or would we become crippled by the weightiness of finding ourselves in a situation to which we quickly have to acclimate in lieu of the slow adaptation process of having had the bad news for a while going on.. in other words if we exchange life's great calamities would we be able to handle it better than handle our own, would we with our own character be able to handle our own problems better if we had some sort of dissociative fugue?

    I am curious to your input..





    If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him.اتبع طرق الهدى ولا يضرك قلة السالكين
    وإياك وطرق الضلالة ولا تغتر بكثرة الهالكين





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    Anathema Array YusufNoor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Coping


    Quote Originally Posted by lll View Post


    Every year we take a hit or two or three, some are unfortunately ongoing for years I guarantee -- some of them are quite painful we can't even speak to others of it from the shame and horror of what transpired and how poorly we handled a crisis that seemed to etch a scar upon our very soul, some are shouldered and divided with our kin as the grief is shared and openly known. At the end of the day what makes a situation seem so unbearable I have come to conclude is how much of ourselves is invested in a particular situation. The question is how badly we'd view a specific calamity if we wake up with amnesia?..
    Would we approach things more pragmatically or would we quickly realize the gravity of what has transpired and what it means to our future and our existence?
    Of course this exercise wouldn't apply to a case of death for obvious reasons..
    But if we wake up one day realizing we'd lost all our finances,

    i'm there [just tryin' to ignore all those medical bills]


    or are sick with terminal disease,

    check

    or been fired from an already crappy job,

    check [new job is friggin' torture and i have it easier than the rest..]


    or alone in bed

    check [long story]


    or are about to be made homeless

    missed that one [alhamdulillah!]

    or war ravaged and under siege

    don't know that one, but do know many refugees

    would we see that as a blessing and an opportunity for action or a disaster?

    it's what Allah decreed

    How would we think to take the next step or would we become crippled by the weightiness of finding ourselves in a situation to which we quickly have to acclimate in lieu of the slow adaptation process of having had the bad news for a while going on.. in other words if we exchange life's great calamities would we be able to handle it better than handle our own, would we with our own character be able to handle our own problems better if we had some sort of dissociative fugue?

    Allah made my problems [except the ones i create myself] just for me

    I am curious to your input..



    Mufti Menk says Allah tests us and tests us, none more than the Prophets and none more than Rasulullah, pbuh. i never had to eat the bark off trees to stay alive. i never had 3 sons die in infancy. i didn't have 2 daughters pass before me. the love of my life didn't die. i was never personally boycotted. i was never stoned [OK, i was, but that was more of a hobby ] i've never fought in battle, time after time. no-one has ever tried to kill me [not counting my first wife ]

    i've been fortunate that Allah doesn't deal me stuff that would really freak me out. the 2 times i nearly died were actually kind of funny [not to my mom, though ], but would i be able to cope with someone else's problems? NO WAY! i got it easy!

    everyday i look at someone else and say, "Alhamdulillah, Allah didn't test me like that!" it doesn't mean there isn't stuff in store for me that i can't handle.

    Sabr, sabr, sabr. in fact, that's the name of the lecture, maybe it can help you:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJr8tHirvcU

    here's another one:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADiTs-ZXuhw




    Had the non-believer known of all the Mercy which is in the Hands of Allah, he would not lose hope of entering Paradise, and had the believer known of all the punishment which is present with Allah, he would not consider himself safe from the Hell-Fire
    http://www.muftimenk.co.za/Downloads.html

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    Default Re: Coping




    Disclaimer: The following could be considered a rant, so read at your own risk.

    Having recently suffered through a great loss in my own life, I may be more qualified to comment on this than I was a few months ago.

    I feel like this has been a test (but not of the Emergency Broadcasting System). A test from God. A test to see if I was really serious about becoming a better man. It's something I have talked about for almost a year now, but I never really made much progress with it, largely because I never felt motivated or inspired to do so. I didn't really know how I was going to go about it.

    Then I had some things happen a month ago, and I have been learning some lessons ever since. I am learning patience, humility, and being grateful for what I have (I've also learned how to be less of an angry ranter, but that's unrelated). These are things I must learn, and learn well, if I am ever to really become the man I want to be, and the man I am supposed to be.

    I am learning to become a leader, something I have never had to do at any time in my life. I know I have ranted before about how society has failed to teach me this, so I'm not going into that right now. It's not important. What is important is that I am finally starting to understand some things that I have needed to learn, and the only way I was going to learn them was to be forced to. I was never going to learn any of this if left to my own devices. I think God knew this, so enter the storm.

    Maybe this is not the answer (or droids) you are looking for, and if it's not, well that's just too bad. This is what you're getting, so deal with it.

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    IB Oldtimer Array Eric H's Avatar
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    Default Re: Coping


    Greetings and peace be with you lll; life is a journey, always one day at a time, knowing that our God holds us in the palm of his hand.

    Three months ago I had a mole removed, they thought it might be cancerous, and waiting three months for test results was a worrying time for my wife. I never prayed that I should be ok, but I prayed that whatever the outcome of the tests, that I should have the faith, peace and serenity to do God’s will.

    I can say that I did feel this peace and serenity, and I never laid in bed thinking about cancer. This week the doctor said it was a low impact Lymphoma, and I should just need to go for regular check ups. It has been a time to thank God for the peace and serenity over the last few months, to cope with all the uncertainty.

    Last year I was sacked, I believe the reason was totally unjust and wrong. I did lots of voluntary work for them, never had a day off sick in nine and a half years. I supported a number of people with learning disabilities, I have been punched kicked, had loads of things thrown at me. Because I lived nearby, I often had phone calls in the middle of the night for some emergency, and I would come in, but never claim my time for doing so.

    So being sacked at the tender age of 62, might not have been good, but I searched in my heart for ways to forgive the people I felt were the cause of my problems. I have continued to do five hours voluntary work every week, for the company that gave me the sack; and I have voluntarily given up a couple of weeks to support some of their guys on a holiday.

    I find the voluntary work very therapeutic, and I could not do this if I felt any anger towards them. I guess it was because of the voluntary work that I did, that I was offered a job the day after being sacked, more money and less hours too. This last year has been a time of adjustment for me, I have felt a stronger faith, and the need to thank God more often for all that he does.

    In the spirit of praying for that inner peace that surpasses all understanding

    Eric


    You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.

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    Soldier Through It! Array جوري's Avatar
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    Default Re: Coping


    Thank you all for sharing your expereinces .. you certaily are special people..




    If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him.اتبع طرق الهدى ولا يضرك قلة السالكين
    وإياك وطرق الضلالة ولا تغتر بكثرة الهالكين





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    Glory be to Allah!!! Array Hamza Asadullah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Coping


    Much of the time we are so caught up in our trials and hardships that we forget how lucky we are that it is not far worse than it is because many do have it far worse.

    Much of the time we see our trials and hardships as a "curse" when they are in fact a blessing in disguise.

    Much of the time we ask of Allah to cure us or remove the difficulty from our lives but we do not realise that what Allah is wanting is good for us and the difficulty we are going through is removing so much sins from us.

    Much of the time we ask Allah to remove our hardships "now", but what we dont realise is that we should ask him to remove it when it is best for us as we do not know what is best for us only the one who created us does.

    Much of the time we feel our hardship is holding us back in this life, but in reality it is pushing us forward in the hereafter to a better position in Jannah.

    Much of the time we remain in despair over our difficulties and hardships and think "why". "What have i done to deserve this"? but in reality we should remain patient and persevere for what we are going through is good for us if only we realised, but the reality is we will NEVER truly realise how much of a blessing our hardships and tests really are until it is too late - in the hereafter - and by then we will be in utter regret and wish that we spent our lives being tortured to the extent of being cut into pieces just so that we can savour the magnificent rewards that Allah had kept waiting for us.

    May Allah enable us to realise that our hardships and trials are a true blessing and may he keep us strong and enable us to persevere through our hardships and put our trust and reliance in Allah and remain patient. Ameen
    Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 02-23-2012 at 04:32 AM.


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    Default Re: Coping


    i dunno how else to say it sis, but - inna khairal hadeethi kitabullah - verily the best speech is the book of Allah:

    So they found one of Our servants, on whom We had bestowed Mercy from Ourselves and whom We had taught knowledge from Our own Presence.

    66. Moses said to him: "May I follow thee, on the footing that thou teach me something of the (Higher) Truth which thou hast been taught?"

    67. (The other) said: "Verily thou wilt not be able to have patience with me!"

    68. "And how canst thou have patience about things about which thy understanding is not complete?"

    69. Moses said: "Thou wilt find me, if Allah so will, (truly) patient: nor shall I disobey thee in aught."

    70. The other said: "If then thou wouldst follow me, ask me no questions about anything until I myself speak to thee concerning it."


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    71. So they both proceeded: until, when they were in the boat, he scuttled it. Said Moses: "Hast thou scuttled it in order to drown those in it? Truly a strange thing hast thou done!"

    72. He answered: "Did I not tell thee that thou canst have no patience with me?"

    73. Moses said: "Rebuke me not for forgetting, nor grieve me by raising difficulties in my case."

    74. Then they proceeded: until, when they met a young man, he slew him. Moses said: "Hast thou slain an innocent person who had slain none? Truly a foul (unheard of) thing hast thou done!"

    75. He answered: "Did I not tell thee that thou canst have no patience with me?"

    76. (Moses) said: "If ever I ask thee about anything after this, keep me not in thy company: then wouldst thou have received (full) excuse from my side."

    77. Then they proceeded: until, when they came to the inhabitants of a town, they asked them for food, but they refused them hospitality. They found there a wall on the point of falling down, but he set it up straight. (Moses) said: "If thou hadst wished, surely thou couldst have exacted some recompense for it!"

    78. He answered: "This is the parting between me and thee: now will I tell thee the interpretation of (those things) over which thou wast unable to hold patience.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    79. "As for the boat, it belonged to certain men in dire want: they plied on the water: I but wished to render it unserviceable, for there was after them a certain king who seized on every boat by force.

    80. "As for the youth, his parents were people of Faith, and we feared that he would grieve them by obstinate rebellion and ingratitude (to Allah and man).

    81. "So we desired that their Lord would give them in exchange (a son) better in purity (of conduct) and closer in affection.

    82. "As for the wall, it belonged to two youths, orphans, in the Town; there was, beneath it, a buried treasure, to which they were entitled: their father had been a righteous man: So thy Lord desired that they should attain their age of full strength and get out their treasure - a mercy (and favour) from thy Lord. I did it not of my own accord.
    Such is the interpretation of (those things) over which thou wast unable to hold patience."

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Quran Chapter 18


    Long ago has hope perished, as have our men of honor
    M.A



    The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress

    Frederick Douglas

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    Default Re: Coping





    The moment we understand that Allah's Decision is always in our best interest, Everything will start to make sense! :')


    I Love Allah blog


    "My Father is greater than I." John 14:28

    Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172

    recitation:http://quran.jalisi.com

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