Kool Mashaa Allaah, I liked the bit where Islaam came into the thoughts of the person.

I waited abit before i replied.. so much things were going through my head. I ignored the question on the creased up paper, and gave a direct answer.

I think i can't carry it on no more. I'm sorry.

What do you mean? I thought you liked her?


Yeah, but it's over. Sorry.

I never really got a reply, they had quietened down now. Anyway everyone who knew by now was wondering why it had happened, how one day it had just 'started' and on that same day it had 'ended?'


My friends asked me too, i stayed quiet.. i never really wanted it in the first place, and now i hurt alot of people in the process. I wasn't pleased with that, since my first intention was to please someone so i don't get them hurt.



Maybe people thought i was trying to get attention? But how could that be if i would get more by sticking to it?

Others thought i was afraid, i was kind of.. since i was new to all this popularity. I usually stayed quiet now, and the same people would approach me and i would remain quiet, not answering their questions.


They would ask me the same things, the why's and how's. But it had ended, no matter how stubborn they thought i was. I had prayed to Allaah to save me from more trials, and the praise is for Him that i never really faced as much now, from the people or family.


This phase lasted for around 2years, and the praise is for Allaah that it gradually died out. She became abit more maturer, and the constant questioning - they got tired of it. As time progressed, it was officially over.



Now that things were becoming normal once again, i carried on using msn every now and then to chat to my mates. Not as much, but just to pass some time.

Throughout these two years i would learn a little about the stories of the many reverts who had started joining Islaam, and i would check out Islamic Magazines. Scientific miracles from Qur'an and all that.

I was about 15 now.



These years made me reflect alot, yet i still wasn't firm in my Islaam. I never really had any good understanding of the basics, and i never really had any firm principles to hold onto, this would be a big disadvantage for me in my near future.



To be continued...

maasha Allaah!! i think a lot of people can relate, keep em comin...

wassalaam

Part 2.

I would go to school and get on with my work, but the pressure of exams started to come up now that i was half way through high school (or Junior High in the US.)

I wasn't as focused as i used to be in the past, who doesn't? This is the time in your life when you see the world differently, you think differently, imagine life differently, and see things from another angle to how you did before.

I was more relaxed now, more confident. But not too much, just enough to make my voice heard. Before the past phase i was totally shy and quiet.


So yeah, life was different now. I had changed alot, and i was kind of happy about that.



Near the beginning when i got msn, alot of people from our class had shared their email ads like i told you earlier. And there was this other person from class which i liked, but i'd never tell anyone that. Alot of guys liked her, and she was the phase 1's "half-friend." She didn't really care that i had given up the other one, but emotions is emotions init?

I remember one day when i was walking back from school with a mate, and he told me that a guy and a girl can't simply be mates, there's gota be someone from among them who has feelings for the other. Even if they don't show it. That's true, and i know that now.



So remember that times passed by now, it's two years later. I've come back on msn properly back again, after a long time. I've blocked the first person, i had to since i realised that i gota either take the whole package, or block all means. I did that, so we never spoke no more.

That doesn't mean i blocked all my previous contacts, it just means that i still had a doorway to other trials which i never knew could come up yet...

Ahh i like this MashaAllah. The suspense man..yeap im pretty sure a lot of ppl can relate. Waiting for more

I remember too the emotions of first net days, or months, should i say better. I will never understand how a person can change on the net, to act like other - he accepted to talk with the girl even if in class never thought to do that.

U heard Sean Paul's new track?


No, what 1?


Here, i'll send it ya.


thanks, that's top!



yeh.. i got more of that if u want sum.


I'll ask for more later, thanx.

This was that person i told you about before, the one who added me earlier who was from my class. We'll call her C for now, just so we don't get confused with phase no.1 girl.


C was busy in her own world, didn't really bother chatting to me too much. So i tried to chat, but never really got anywhere in the conversations. At school it would be different, sometimes talk and sometimes not. Maybe because everyones just confused, trying to find out who they are, who they wna be? Sometimes your best mates, and sometimes you pretend you don't even know each other.. confusing huh?



Anyway when you want someone to like you, you want them to get your attention. I think that's common sense.

There's some people who claim to love God for example, yet they don't love what He loves. If you don't love what the other party loves, then you don't really love them. If not that, atleast take into consideration of what they say.



So i was chatting to her, maybe for a few days.. i was abit more confident with myself now, and abit more open. Since i had alot of friends, i knew how to talk, and got influenced by them alot.

Allaah's Messenger spoke the truth when he said:

"A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so look whom you befriend."

[Recorded in Abu Dawud & Tirmidhi]



I started getting influenced by my friends in so many ways, in the way they spoke, the taste of music, their interests etc.

So i wasn't really myself no more, i was just a copy of someone else. And that copy was of the media, so all i did was follow blindly, why? Because to be popular, you have to follow the 'scene' - And the 'scene' is controlled by the media, we're like sheep, we just follow along.


This had to get worse yet, but i never knew what the future was. Only Allaah does, but i was given the ability to make the decision - the good path, or the wrong path. I think you all know which one i was tempted to follow...

Ahh that was too short or i read it too fast. waiting again lol.

It was a cold night today, even though it was supposed to be Summer. I put the heater on, and i felt all warm inside.

I signed in and saw the msn figure spinning around, it logged in.


No-one had added me for ages, but today a window was flashing. It was a new contact.


It couldn't have been someone from school? I accepted it anyway.

When i clicked [OK] - the person was (Online) .


I saw their screen name, and i realised it couldn't have been anyone from school.


I waited abit to see if they would say anything, no message.


I opened another window with a mate and asked him, did you give my email ad to someone?

He said No. hm... this was weird.


I opened the window with the new ad,

*silence* - i decided to be the first person to start the conversation:

hey, asl?


sup? u 1st.


15/m/uk. u?


yeh same same, buh i'm a gyal lol.


lol

atleast the person was open minded i thought to myself, so we started chatting.


we had alot of similarities, but differences aswell. Sometimes that can be a good thing.


I stopped chatting to C now, this new character was more interesting.

So what u upto?


Nothin much, jus cotchin.


Wots that?


lol u dno? cotchin is flexin init.


oh, safe. soo.. who gave u my ad?


lol


no go on, who gave it?


it was a m8 init, i asked her 4sum adz n she passed em ova. they wer in her block list or sutin.


ohh, ok. what was her ad?


why dyu want to know?


i just want 2 know who it is.


her ad was this:


ohh! i remember, was she the one on chatrooms?


what?


i think i spoke to her a long time ago. but then we deleted each other because we never really spoke after that.


oh, seen.


yeh..

More more more!!!

Are these stories filled with nicotine? Koz they're pretty addictive! More, more, more!

^^Lol init.

U eva had a ride in a BMW M3?


no, u?


yeh, ma cuzzie (cousin) came over a few days back, took us fo a cruise init.


thats kool, safe.


Nah, it's seen now.


What is?


Safe.


lol, safe is seen?


yeh, idiot. lolz


lol k, seeeen?


idiot, lolz.

We became friends, and we spoke alot.. she taught me alot, and i think i taught her alot too.

The thing is that i hadn't ever felt like this before, it was a weird feeling inside. It made you laugh all the time, even when the person wasn't there.


None of my school mates knew of this new person who added me, and for some reason i never wanted to share this persons ad with no-one else.



The pressure of exams kind of got relieved now, i stopped focusing on school work and more on talking to this person. Atleast they understood what i was going through, even though they were just a year younger.


We'll name her S, just to cause less confusion.

Back at school it's different now, hardly anyones focused on their exams. It's near the end of school, just 2 more years left. So everyones cotching, flexin, whatever u wna call it.

Back in the days i used to be focused, but now i couldn't be bothered either. The teacher would tell everyone to study, revise, do homework. But no-one did that, we'd just copy off someone at break. It wasn't worth it, thats how everyone felt, except the guy we copied off obviously.


I'd just daydream in class, a dictionary would wizz past my head and i wouldn't know.. lol even pencil throwing fights, one half of the class against the other half. Those were the days...



When the bell went, everyone would rush out. I was happy when that would happen. It was quite a few weeks now, maybe even months that we had been chatting.

hey, u gud?


yeh, u?


am kool thanx.



so anywayz, where u from?


promis me u wnt tel no1?


i wont, trust me.


nah promise..


ok, i promise lol.


kk lol, i'm from there.


u serios?!


no, i'm jokin?


kasmay? (u swear?)


yeah, kasmay. (lol)

she was from my town.. lol that was shocking.

..I'm from there too.


u messin?


no, i'm serious.


*shocked emo*


i know.. weird. And it was your mate who gave you my ad right?


yeh.. it was.

lol , cnt wait for the nxt part