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| IB Oldtimer Status: Offline Posts: 1,221 Reputation: 5201 Rep Power: 37 Join Date: Apr 2005 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | By DAN HURLEY Published: December 12, 2006 After years of colicky debate over which method is best for getting babies to fall asleep by themselves, experts have a soothing new message: just about all the techniques work, so pick one you are comfortable with and stick with it. Despite their apparent differences, most of the behavioral approaches reviewed in the October issue of the journal SLEEP were supported by evidence that they resulted in infants and toddlers learning to fall asleep independently at bedtime and when they woke during the night. Of the 52 studies examined in the review, 49 showed positive results, with 82 percent of the infants and young children in the studies benefiting significantly. “The key to this whole thing is parents being consistent,” said the senior author of the review, Dr. Jodi A. Mindell, a psychology professor at Saint Joseph’s University in Philadelphia and chairwoman of the task force organized by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine to assess the techniques. She added, “They need to pick a plan they can absolutely follow through on.” Even Dr. Richard Ferber of Children’s Hospital Boston — so strongly linked in the popular imagination with the so-called cry-it-out method that it has come to be known as “Ferberizing” — agreed in an interview that no single approach worked for all children. “Clinicians should try to make a diagnosis for a given family as to why that youngster is having problems, and then try to tailor the choice of treatment to fix that problem,” he said. “When an intervention is chosen that works not only for the child’s problems but for the family’s philosophy of child-rearing, it’s going to work that much better.” Still, some methods in Dr. Mindell’s review were supported by stronger evidence than others. The strongest evidence was found for the toughest and the easiest approaches. Perhaps not surprisingly, the easiest option is preventing sleep problems in the first place, through simple parent education, whether one-on-one training, group classes or booklets. Such programs typically encourage parents to have a peaceful, consistent evening routine in which children are placed in bed “drowsy but awake” to help them develop independent sleep skills. Three well-designed randomized trials have found that the babies of parents who had such training slept significantly better than those whose parents did not. At the tough extreme is the cry-it-out method, formally known as “unmodified extinction,” in which parents are taught to put a child down for bed, close the door and ignore all crying unless the baby is in physical distress. Despite 23 studies showing its remarkable effectiveness, most parents find the technique too emotionally grueling, the task force found. Dr. Ferber, despite his link to the technique, said he rarely used it. “It’s not a pattern that most parents will do,” he said. Instead, he said he relied on a variety of gentler approaches, including one called graduated extinction. Rather than entirely ignoring a child’s cries, the method teaches parents to briefly check on the child on a regular schedule, staying for just a couple of minutes. Each night, the time between the visits grows longer, until the child learns to fall asleep independently. The task force called the approach an “effective and recommended therapy.” For all their effectiveness, all the methods reviewed by the task force defined success as having children fall asleep independently. And no matter how gentle the technique, once children become accustomed to falling asleep in the presence of a caregiver, they almost always respond tearfully to being left alone — for at least three to five nights. And there’s the rub. “It’s not a lot of fun for parents,” said Dr. Ralph Downey III, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Loma Linda University in California. “The child acts like it’s the end of the world,” he said. “Nobody wants to see their child suffer. The biological blueprint in us says we need to be there, to comfort and soothe them.” Still, Dr. Mindell argues that it’s worth it. “What parents really need to focus on is the big picture,” she said. “In the end, you’ll have months and years of everyone sleeping through the night and functioning better through the day.” The only popular method not reviewed by the task force was co-sleeping, in which children sleep in the same bed with parents, because Dr. Mindell’s team could find no scientific studies of the approach. Although many experts support the method, so long as parents are happy with it, the American Academy of Pediatrics advises against the practice because it raises the risk of sudden infant death syndrome, or SIDS. The Academy also urges parents to put their infants to sleep on their backs on a firm surface to reduce the risk of SIDS, though sleeping belly down is not the only risk factor for the syndrome. A recent study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that many babies who die of SIDS have a defect in the portion of their brain that controls breathing, heart rate and arousal. Co-sleeping also raises the risk of a parent’s unintentionally smothering a baby. A report released last year by Betsey Gotbaum, Public Advocate of New York City, found that 15 children, all less than a year old, died in New York in 2004 while co-sleeping with a caregiver who accidentally rolled over on them or wedged them against the wall. Despite the risks, Dr. Ferber came out in support of co-sleeping, for parents who prefer it, in the latest edition of his book, “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems” (Fireside, 2006). “To me, whether a family chooses to co-sleep should be their decision, and we work with them either way,” he said. One of the most prominent advocates of co-sleeping, Dr. Robert Sears, who co-authored “The Baby Sleep Book” with his father, mother and brother, is a strong critic of “cry-it-out” methods. “We’re all for routines and consistency, so long as the baby isn’t left to cry it out alone,” Dr. Sears said in a telephone interview from his family’s pediatric clinic in Capistrano Beach, Calif. “Certainly most methods do work, no matter how harsh it is on the baby,” he said. “But what happens to these babies left to cry it out for hours, if not weeks on end? What kind of trauma is inflicted on the babies, and what is their psychological and emotional makeup 3, 5, 10 years down the road?” In fact, longterm studies have shown that children who never learn how to fall asleep independently are at increased risk of continuing sleep problems as they grow up, Dr. Mindell said. Even on a short-term basis, the task force reported, “Infants who participated in sleep interventions were found to be more secure, predictable, less irritable and to cry and fuss less following treatment.” While teaching a child to sleep independently can be emotionally wrenching for all those involved, Dr. Mindell said, “Parents need to understand that they’re not doing it for selfish reasons. Their children benefit greatly.” http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/12/health/12sleep.html We're gonna need a bigger boat |
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| Account Disabled Status: Offline Posts: 4,667 Reputation: 34656 Rep Power: 0 Join Date: Feb 2006 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Quote:
Are you saying your child hasn't slept alone in his bed yet? | |
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| I Love Allah Status: Offline Posts: 6,017 Reputation: 37582 Rep Power: 83 Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: La ilaha illAllah - (B'ham) Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | He did briefly, but what I was saying is that I don't don't know how parents (mainly mothers) can leave a baby/toddler in a room and walk off leaving them to cry and fall sleep by themselves. It's ok for kids to sleep in a separate bed/room. But babies should be with the mother - why suddenly separate them after birth when they've been snuggled up inside you for 9 months.
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"Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness." -Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya |
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| Full Member Status: Offline Posts: 232 Reputation: 61 Rep Power: 22 Join Date: Jul 2006 Way of Life: Undisclosed | Can you be my forum mum? I remember reading/watching something, about how babies in this African country don't cry as much as western babies. They found that the African babies were next to their mothers often, usually in a sling especially when the mother was out working. So a lot of close contact first few years. |
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| Account Disabled Status: Offline Posts: 4,667 Reputation: 34656 Rep Power: 0 Join Date: Feb 2006 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Quote:
Okay, thanks for clarifying. You see, I thought your 8 year-old son still sleeps with his mother (not when crying, just in general). That isn't healthy either. Yeah, I agree the babies should be close to their mothers the first few years, insha'Allah. | |
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| I Love Allah Status: Offline Posts: 6,017 Reputation: 37582 Rep Power: 83 Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: La ilaha illAllah - (B'ham) Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Quote:
Yup that is so true. I find it very unnatural for babies to be separated from their mums. Even animals keep their young with them at all times. Quote:
"Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness." -Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya | ||
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| * Status: Offline Posts: 3,059 Reputation: 16144 Rep Power: 47 Join Date: Mar 2006 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Aww thats so sweet mashaallah!
__________________I totally agree with you! It's so cruel to let babies cry themselves to sleep Imagine you were that poor kid... Just lie down with them for a bit and tell them a story or sing them a song and they'll doze off. If you don't give them love and attention when they need it how can you expect them to be obedient little children? * * * Without Allah, life is not worth living, With Allah, life is worth dying for. * * * |
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| Full Member Status: Offline Posts: 183 Reputation: 278 Rep Power: 20 Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: http://www.islamicboard.com Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | To put babies to sleep just sing to them... :okay: Unless ur voice is like.... |
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| Account Disabled Status: Offline Posts: 4,667 Reputation: 34656 Rep Power: 0 Join Date: Feb 2006 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Quote:
(sorry by the way, it says that I edited your post, but I clicked the edit button when I meant to click quote. ) I mean like, your boy is 8 years old and goes to school I assume, he's growing up and needs to get used to things like sleeping alone in one's room, going alone to the toilet, playing with other kids etc. It's important for parents to set limits for the child (and themselves). Sometimes it's the mother who needs the child, not vice versa. Whose needs are fullfilled by having a kid sleep in ones bed? I think it's possible a mother can without knowing or realizing it, pay more attention to her own needs than to the needs of her kid. | |
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| IB Oldtimer Status: Offline Posts: 1,221 Reputation: 5201 Rep Power: 37 Join Date: Apr 2005 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | I also think you should start early to learn children to be independent. Children take on what they learn on a young age and it's hard to learn them something else when they've already gotten used to sleeping with his/her parents. They won't give up easily and it's most likely a child won't want to sleep when it's bedtime and starts throwing fits. *yikes* you should start young with the progress towards age-appropriate independence. You can tell/read them bedtime stories, sing to them or whatever but when it's time to go to bed, it's time! I even think it's not right having children fall asleep when you're still by there side because they'll get used to you being there when falling asleep and they will want that every night! (until they become evil teenagers that is). source: watching Nanny Shows We're gonna need a bigger boat |
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| I Love Allah Status: Offline Posts: 6,017 Reputation: 37582 Rep Power: 83 Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: La ilaha illAllah - (B'ham) Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Quote:
I know what you mean but there's no deep seated psychological reason for keeping my son in my bed. When it comes to children, I like to think from a child's point of view. And all children given the choice would love to sleep with their parents. I do find comfort in the fact that I am there when my child wake's up scared and confused from a nightmare. And when he kicks his blankets off I can cover him up again so that he doesn't catch a cold. Alhumdulillah in general my son is a confident and independant lil chap. He can play alone and sleeps alone when he visits his father at the weekends. So he can sleep alone. And I allow it to maintain a balance and let him get used to it. Then when the time comes for him to sleep alone it won't be distressing for him. Mother knows best lol.
"Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness." -Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya | |
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| Full Member Status: Offline Posts: 225 Reputation: 928 Rep Power: 26 Join Date: Jan 2006 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | I swaddled both my children as babies. They wouldnt settle otherwise, swaddling them calmed them instantly and they soon went off to sleep. It even worked when they were colicky. Peace CG |
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| I Love Allah Status: Offline Posts: 6,017 Reputation: 37582 Rep Power: 83 Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: La ilaha illAllah - (B'ham) Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Quote:
ya Allah I never thought this was possible but I'm beginning to feel broody
"Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to Him. And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness." -Ibn Qayyim al Jawziyya | |
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| Full Member Status: Offline Posts: 225 Reputation: 928 Rep Power: 26 Join Date: Jan 2006 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Quote:
Peace CG | |
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