What to do if your friend gets 'heart-broken'?

You had noticed that your 'friend' had been hangin out with different people for quite a while now.. most weren't upto any good.



"Yeah, well it was this gurl/guy that i knew.." he/she said.




You didn't expect your friend to be like this just two years ago, subhan Allaah things really had changed alot.


What am i supposed to say? you asked yourself..



"er..yeah? what about them?"




"I got to know this person some weeks back, that's what you gota do init to get known. When you got a guy/gurl you get popular.. it was more like a dare if you get meh."



"Oh, ok.. b..but erm, you know its haraam right?"



"Look, i came to you for advice, so hear me out.. they don't understand what i'm goin thru man."


"Yeah..?"



You had noticed that your friend had been effected by these people alot, the personality was much harsher than before and they swore alot now too.



"They don't want to talk to me no more.. it wasn't even my fault..."


Their face seems sad now, you can see it. Your heart sinks down..



"Who? who doesn't talk to you no more?"

You still care, you don't want your friend to get hurt. Was it the people your friend hung out with, or was it someone else? You had forgot about the time they turned away from you, because deep down inside you wanted them to come back to talk to you, so you could be friends again.. like before.



Your friend didn't respond, you could see in their face that they actually wanted to control themselves.. trying to control the tears from coming out. You knew what had happened, you didn't need to ask any more. Your friend was crying, you could feel their pain..





The heart beats faster.. a big lump in the throat, it hurts... You can't control the tears, they flood out no matter how hard you try to hold them in. Your head hurts. Whether you're a guy or a gurl, its the same.. if it's your first time - you're going to feel this pain. This is what your friend was experiencing.. the cold wind whipped the face, a harsh wind.


It doesn't matter what the people think now.. "I tried..i swear.. i really tried.. how can people..d-do this..?" they said.



You can't do nothing, all you can do is watch and make them feel that things will get better with time insha'Allaah. You have to reassure them, you're there for them.. You pass them a tissue, come closer to them.. and give them a hug.






To be continued insha'Allaah...

Love which Harms and Love that Benefits

When a person experiences love, their whole life changes and they feel two extremes:

1) a sense of joy which can get so extreme where you feel that you can accomplish anything.

2) the second extreme is feeling hopeless, exhausted and sad because the 'other half' isn't there.

The person usually experiences no.1 when they're with the person that they love or after they've met with them, and the person experiences no.2 if they havn't contacted them for a while, or if it had ended..



When a person really has fallen for a person, they feel that their whole life is surrounded around them. They may even obey that person in matters which contradict islaam, which obviously isn't the right thing to do.




There are 4 types of love in islaam:

1) Divine Love - which is specifically for Allaah alone. And none should be loved divinely more than Allaah.


2) Love for the sake of Allaah, which is love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the companions and the righteous etc.


3a) Love of the permissible: wives/husband, children etc.

b) Love of food, water, clothing etc.


4) Love of any other deity besides Allaah, such as something which contradicts what Allah has ordered us to do etc. which isn't permitted.




1) The person has to have divine love for Allaah only, which is compulsary in islaam. It isn't permitted that a person's love for anything else goes against the commandments of Allaah.


2) We also have to love the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) more than we love ourselves - this is needed in order to perfect faith. [check tafsir ibn kathir Qur'an 9:24]


3) The 3rd love is a permissible love but it can either lead to sin [if the person disobeys Allah in order to please the creation] or it can lead to reward if the believer has the intention of pleasing Allah.


4) The 4th love is what stops a disbeliever from coming closer to Allah, it may be something else worshipped instead of Allah, such as an idol, a person, the persons desires etc. We should seek refuge in Allah from this.

Most people who fall into haraam love usually don't understand islaam properly. They might start off with desire, and gradually be played into falling in love with the person. However, one has to realise that no love is real, no love is really lasting - unless it is done for the sake of Allah. This is why love which is done while disobeying Allah is usually broken, ends up in hurt, and both people usually end up as enemies, or go down other evil after this, unless Allah saves them and blesses them hidaayah (guidance.)





There was a lecture i heard last year, and in this lecture the brother discussed good and bad endings of people.


There was a man who was waiting to go on a date with his girlfriend, i think he was muslim. He was waiting for her somewhere, but for some reason - she was taking a really long time. He was so desperate to meet her, why was she taking so long? After a while, she came. He was WELL HAPPY! He got so happy, he fell down and.. prostrated to her. What? Yeah, he did that.. but guess what? He never got up after that again. He died in that state. May Allaah protect us. You know what's shocking? We will be raised on the day of judgement on the last position we were in.



Here's a good one though.

There was a woman who was getting prepared on her wedding day. The people were putting her makeup on her, her gel and all that women wear on one of their most special days of their life. She finds out its maghrib salaah (prayer.)


"I need to do my wudhu.."

"You've got your makeup on now, you can't do that now.."

"I have to pray salaah!"



She got up and ran to do her wudhu. She washed off her gel, her makeup. Starts praying maghrib salaah.


What's the last thing she does?


She moves her head to the side to finish her prayer; "Asalaamu 'alykum warahmatulah..." the angel takes away her soul.. thats the last words that come out from her mouth..





What will happen on the day of ressurection? We'll be raised up on our last physical action that we did.



Ask yourself - What death do I want? Where do I want to die? How do I want to die?

The first time experience...



The first time is always the most emotional. It's like you're re-born, and you're that baby who got the attention its always wanted. Someone cares for you, and wants to be there for you, they there to help.. they understand, you understand them too. They don't want anything in return except you..


You feel happy, nah its not just happiness - its not even like getting that toy you always wanted when you were small.. but its deeper than that, the whole feeling runs through your body.

Joy, excitement, you smile when you're together, and you just want to shout out to all the world.. your emotions are at an all time high. The first time is the most special, you've never felt this before..




Love is special, its a blessing from Allaah.

“And among His signs is this,
that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts.
Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.”

(Qur’an 30:21)

Anyone who's ever been in love can nod their head to that, that verse has to have the greatest description of love. When in love, you feel a sense of calmness.. a sense of ease in your heart. You even feel a physical change, and you sigh more often, deeper breaths which makes you feel even more calm and tranquil. This breathing gets affected tremendously if this relationship breaks, which we may discuss later inshaa'Allaah.



Ibn Katheer says something really interesting to explain this verse:


Tafsir of Surah al-Rum [30] : 21

If Allah had made all of Adam's progeny male, and created the females from another kind, such as from Jinn or animals, there would never have been harmony between them and their spouses. There would have been revulsion if the spouses had been from a different kind. Out of Allah's perfect mercy He made their wives from their own kind, and created love and kindness between them. For a man stays with a woman because he loves her, or because he feels compassion towards her if they have a child together, or because she needs him to take care of her, etc.

Stay Pure


The best way to enjoy this love is by staying away from dating even if others around you are getting involved in this. The reason for this is because when you're married, you both have agreed on a contract to live with each other and not cheat on each other.


You've agreed that you will work together so you can channel your feelings in a halaal or even rewarding way instead of doing the same in an immoral and haraam (forbidden) way. Islaam doesn't forbid you from all things, rather it forbids the harmful and it balances your desires, so instead of turning to haraam - you have a halaal method instead.


For instance some food is made haraam for you, yet other food is made permissible. Riba (interest) is forbidden, yet business transactions are permitted. The same way having boyfriends/girlfriends is forbidden, but marriage is permitted and can even be rewarded for if the person has the sincere intention of pleasing Allaah in the process.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said "And one will be performing an act of charity when he has sexual intercourse (with his wife)."

The companions said, "O Messenger of Allah! Will one be satisfying his desire and still gain a reward?"


He said, "Do you see that if he satisfies this desire with Haraam (illegal sexual intercourse), will he carry the weight of this evil act?

Likewise, if he satisfies it with Halal (permissible means, with the wife), he will gain a reward."


[Muslim & Ahmad]

When you fall in love, all that was worrying to you before - lifts off your shoulders. You might use these troubles to gain sympathy off your lover and to gain their attention. When you do this, they understand you and that makes the sad feelings go away. Their there for you, thats all that matters..


Remember when we said before that they put a smile on your face? It's because you can't control it, it just comes out. Sometimes your cheeks even get tired because you're smiling soooo much. It even happens if their not there, and can happen if you remember the good memories you had together.




Next time, try seeing a pair of lovers. Maybe not your mom and dad, don't want the shoe hitting your face now do we? lol don't stare at non mahrams either, but if you can see a pair of lovers. Try looking at them, they'll try to play games with each other. One of them will say something, and even though the other one agrees - they'll become 'cheeky' and try to say the exact opposite. Why? Because opposites attract, and you need some playful opposition to keep things alive. If you both were to simply agree on a point, and not disagree on anything whatsoever - where would the fun be?





Advantages of the first experience:



The advantages of the first time include some of the following:

* It happens gradually, so you experience it step by step which makes it more rememberable, this is probably why most people don't forget their first time experience.


* You fall into it whole heartedly, without holding back. You've never experienced it before so you can't control yourself and your emotions. This is why it's of the most powerful experiences within your life.


* You're the most jealous within the first time, because you're in it whole heartedly, you don't want anyone else going close to your lover. You want all the attention, and you don't want anyone to take your place in their eyes, so you do as much as possible to become closer. You're a baby, who wants the attention off the one who cares for you, before their eyes turn towards someone else.

The first experience is the most special.. anyone who's been there knows. Make your first time special, do it for the sake of Allaah, and He will bless you in it more and more inshaa'Allaah. Don't waste your time with other stranger guys or gurlz, because you're just harming yourself - you're harming the innocence of your heart. And the only time you can really experience the love is when your heart is innocent.


Your whole life will change after you experience your first lover - everything you've ever felt in life will seem insignificant uptill that point, let that person be worth it.


Do it the halaal way, Allaah will bless you inshaa'Allaah.