Asalaam u alaykum
May Allah reward whoever reads this and whoever tries to help.
I am a VERY VERY sinful person. In 2009, I thought i did shirk and became very fearful of it until 2011, where Shirk did actually happen. I also am very rude with my mother because of anger issues. I regularly swear, cause trouble with family.
I used to never pray namaaz or be close to my deen. However, A few weeks ago I made the jump to become closer to Allah and started praying 5 time. However theres a twist. A VERY huge twist.
Recently, I began to experience more shirk thoughts. I used to think in my mind The Undertaker was god (even though i fully know he isnt) and same with The Rock. That has stopped but replaces with other thoughts.
My huge problem started a few weeks ago. Brothers, I cannot say the first Kalima without feeling weird feeling in my stomach. It happens when I say Laa Illah Ha Illala Hu. I think I have doubts about the Kalima which NEVER used to happen. What does this mean? Has Allah now denied me the oath to being muslim? Is this a message?
My second HUGE HUGE problem is a dream I had of Allah being angry with me, because I committed shirk! I even think in the dream Allah swt curses me!
So can anyone please asnwer me, what can I do, I really feel Allah has a severe punishment for me, I am nearly crying as I type this. Can I not repent? Will Allah forgive me for doing accidental shirk or even shirk knowingly and my doubts I have that other gods also cease? Please help, I am almost also on the verge of killig myself. I suffer from frequent depression.