Bismillaah ar-Rahmaan ar-Raheem

I have relied on the chapter entitled "Preserving the Tongue" in Imam An-Nawawi's, rahimahullah, book "Al-Adhkaar" and the book "Gossip" by Shaykh `Alee Hasan Al-Halabee. Allaah says in the Qur'aan,

"Not a word does he (or she) utter, but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it)." [Qaaf: 18]

The Messenger of Allaah, sal-Allaahu `alayhi wasalaam said,

"Whosoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, then let him speak good or remain silent" [Al-Bukhari]

Abu Moosaa Al-Ash'aree (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) reported:

"I said: 'O Messenger of Allaah! Which of the Muslims is best?' He sal-Allaahu `alayhi wasallam responded: 'He whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe from.'" [Al-Bukhari]

Sahl Ibn Sa'ad (radyAllaahu ‘anhu) reported that Allaah’s Messenger, sal-Allaahu `alayhi wasallam said:

"Whoever can guarantee for me (that he will guard) what is between his jaws (tongue) and what is between his legs (private parts), I will guarantee for him Paradise." [Al-Bukhari]

After some of the companions spoke about their brother behind his back, the messenger, sal-Allaahu `alayhi wasallam said:

"By Him in whose hand is in my soul, I can see his flesh between your teeth" [Al-Ahaadeeth Al-Mukhtarah]

Gheebah (backbiting) refers to the saying of stuff about an individual whislt they're ghaa'ib, ie not present. However Islamically it refers to saying stuff about someone which is true behind their backs. [As-Suyooti, Zawaa'id ul-Jaami, authenticed by Shaykh Al-Albaanee in As-Saheehah] It also means to say something about your brother/sister (ie muslim) something which he dislikes. [Muslim]

Many people don't understand gheebah; people accuse others too quick for commiting it, others think that what they're say isn't gheebah, due to some pathetic but common excuses, the classic one being that their speech is not gheebah as they have, or will say it to the individual's (whose flesh is being eaten) face (another excuse being that it is the truth). However that might be the definition of backbiting in English, Gheebah in `arabic and in Islaam is different.

The Messenger of Allaah, sal-Allaahu `alayhi wasallam said,

"Do not gossip about the Muslims and do not expose their faults. Whoever exposes the faults of his brother, Allaah will expose his faults, and if Allaah exposes his faults it will be open for everyone to see, even if he hid in the innermost part of his house." [Sahih Sunan at-Tirmidhee]

Regarding Gheebah, Al-Qurtubee, rahimahullaah, said in his tafseer of Surah Al-Hujuraat, "The scholars agree that it is a major sin, and that commiting this sin necessitates repentance to Allaah."

Gheebah is PERMITTED in certain circumstances. Examples include,

1. Discussing narrators of hadeeth - in which case it is obligatory to distinguish truth from falsehood. So calling a narrator a liar etc is necessary.
2. In some instances, the companions made formal complaints to the Messenger about individuals. This is allowed, to make complaints to judges and their likes.
3. When asking about matters of marriage and business etc. For example, if you are asked by a sister about a man who she wishes to marry and you know something that is useful to tell the sister, you should tell them. The hadeeth of Faatimah bint Qays in Muslim's Saheeh is an example.

However, gheebah is not allowed when for example, talking about peoples faults to the general public. This calamity has caused much chaos and destruction in the past. The methodology of ahl us-sunnah is to privately advise someone, and not to publicise their faults. THAT includes publiscising the faults of your husbands, the rulers so on and so forth. This can destroy families and nations no doubt. History and experience provides ample evidence for this.

The excuse that you are prepared to, or have told the individual to their face is not buyable. It doesn't justify what you have said which surely he/she will dislike. In fact, Shaykh `Alee Hasan Ibn `Abdul-Hameed Al-Halaeee says that it is an excuse from Shaytaan to make you fall into gheebah! [In his book Al-gheebah, translated by IIPH as Gossip]

JazakAllah khayr.

jazakallah khair