Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - Page 3

ummnoura

I agree this is a serious topic and all of us should think about it. Even friendships can start on here that may lead to wrongdoings. I know my husband only allows me on this site because of it doesnt involve chatting but he mentioned to me that some of the posts i take part in Especially in the Halal Fun forum are nonsense and mearly a waste of time. Also people have been known to say that such posts like the Wordchain or Association game could be codes. Now i never would have thought that but you never know what you do innocently could be held against you. I write all my posts knowing that Allah, my husband, and anyone in the world could read them. I think Im going to try and spend less time on these things and more time doing positive thinks that strengthen my Imaan. I'm not saying these games are bad they are just wasteful and time is precious.

Insha'Allah i will try harder to be a better Muslim. Thanks for the post.

**Muhammad** · 03:11 PM

I would just like to add that we should try our best not to imitate the Kuffaar. I don't know why people keep referring to each other as "guys and girls" when in fact we are brothers and sisters.
And when people wish to express their laughter, they have to resort to inappropriate abbreviations like "lmao". As a point of interest, some people have developed a more modest version: loq (laughing out quietly) - it might not be perfect but better than using obscene language.

As Muslims, we have been taught excellent manners by our dear Prophet (saw) and are the best nation raised up for mankind. Let us then act accordingly and drop this foolish street slang and instead show politeness and respect in our posts. If we come here to gain knowledge, then we should attain it in the proper manner.

A mere reminder for myself and my dear respected brothers and sisters,

Osman

Quote:

Originally Posted by Muhammad

As Muslims, we have been taught excellent manners by our dear Prophet (saw) and are the best nation raised up for mankind. Let us then act accordingly and drop this foolish street slang and instead show politeness and respect in our posts. If we come here to gain knowledge, then we should attain it in the proper manner.

Good post.

Indeed, if we follow our beloved prophet, how can we go wrong?

**Muhammad**

Dear brothers and sisers,

Please note from the comprehensive advice above that while it refers to chat rooms, it can also be applied to a forum like this. Even more importantly, the private messaging system is a perfect example of men and women being alone together, as warned against by the scholars.

It is for these reasons that we have announced (PMs may be monitored)the monitoring of the pm system: any continuous correspondence between two persons of the opposite gender will be investigated and members warned if under suspicion. These are precautions that the staff of the forum are obliged to undertake for the purpose of the betterment of the forum and safeguarding of an Islamic Community.

We hope that members will take the advice on board, and that we continue to benefit from our ever-growing online community Insha'Allaah. Please remember us all in your du'as,

LI Staff.

Far7an

Just wanted to remind all members about this inshaa'Allah. And please stop winking at the opposite gender in your posts. Jazaakallah khayr

glo

I can tell that this is a very serious topic in Islam.

I wonder if I can tell you a story that has happened to me, and has puzzled me somewhat.
I think it fits into this thread, and perhaps people can give me their views.

As I have said before, I live in an area with a large minority of Pakistani Muslims.

A few years ago a young Muslim man owned and ran a halal grocery shop round the corner from our house. I guess he must have been in his early or mid-twenties - at least 10 years my junior.

Although we never used the shop much, we went there to buy Asian food and spices, or sweets for the children. Sometimes I would go with my husband and/or children, other times alone.
I remember him always being very friendly and chatty, and he was probably the first person to tell me a bit about the Muslim lifestyle. Once he had brought some breakfast, which his other had made, and he offered some to me (it was spicy!!

I never felt that our conduct was in any way inappropriate ( and I am very sensitive to men making inappropriate advances!) - but reading this thread and realising how strict Islam is on interaction between men and women, I am not so sure the Muslim community would have approved of us being alone and just chatting amicably together.

After a year or so he sold his shop.
Now he is married with a child. If I am in the park with my children and I see him there with his little boy, he may just acknowledge me with a brief hello, but if he is with his young wife or in male company, he will totally blank me.

To me that is very strange.
If we were aquaintances some years ago, why is it not okay to even just greet each other?

Peace

SirZubair · 11:10 AM

To the Mods :

Asalam alaikum.

Quote:

At the end of the day, interaction between sexes isn't a good idea in many ways but it's going to happen. It also depends on what type of interaction. See via PM although yes it's not monitored, you can't see each other (unless there's a webcam thing happening) so there's less desire I think.

Anyways, we're all accountable to Allah (SWT) and if people have been doing wrong by using the PM function in an unIslamic manner then they will be punished accordingly. We can only set a good example at the end of the day. Maybe you should tell the brother/sister who is out of line to be careful.

(Not my words,words of another brother from Another forum)

Quote:

Assalaam Alaikum,

There is an assumption made in this thread that PMs constitute Khalwa, when this is not true at all.

Further, it is not only Khalwa that provides us with laws and guidance for gender interaction. The practice of private frivolous chatting must not be condoned at all, but has nothing to do with Khalwa.

It is not PMs per se' which is the problem, for much good also comes from the PM facility. If you had access to my PMs, or the likes of HananD, you would consider it a blessing.

The problem is the illicit communication between people, particularly those of the opposite gender. The worse problem is that if people are stopped from PMing here, will end up in more permissive environment and communicate freely and with much more frivolity. We cannot just assess this type of thing in the spirit of "not in our backyard". There has to be a way to allow PM controlling between people where trust is not established, e.g., new users or unknown users. Further, if there is any evidence of Islamic breaches by any user, should not be tolerated, and such people should be banned from the forum.

This obviously raises the question of two consenting adults who involve themselves in illicit or frivolous PMs to each other. This is a difficult one to police. Which leads me to another matter- whether communication between consenting adults is policeable in Islam. I may have to return to this after some thought on the matter, but I suspect not. One of the Principles in Islam is personal accountability when it comes to communication. So, for example a love letter by a person to his/her illegal lover delivered by a third party is held accountable between the two stupid lovers. The deliverer is free from any liability. Food for thought, because "forbidding evil" is very often thrown around without much practical justification. And Islam is justifiably practical....

Finally, as long as perverts, smart alecs and rude people do not PM me, I am fine.

Was Salaam
Afroz

(That is a post from my Teacher and Friend,Sidi afroz ali from the Alghazzali centre in Sydney AUstralia)

Quote:

Most people on these forums aren't kids, and shouldn't be treated as such.

(That has been posted by a brother i highly respect)

Quote:

Personally I think (not that it matters to anyone anyway) that it is a terrible idea. Reminds me of the tree-chopping, grave-destroying, building-demolishing solution in Saudi Arabia to prevent people from associating partners to Allah.

Private messages being snooped around (i.e. monitored)! Totalitarian! Vendetta is against it!

(And another..)

Having posted all that,...in my honest opinion,it is ridiculous for Mod's to be Spying on members PM's.We are (Mostly) Adults on this forum,right?How about we get treated like adults?Trust us to be civil,if we cross the line,we'll answer to allah s.w.t and be punished for it.

Thats my opinion anyway,..the mods can do whatever they want.If the mod's on this forum feel as if they are responsible for the Members actions,then so be it.I dont agree with it though,we all answer for our sins,the mods are not responsible for what the members do.The mods are here to keep things under control,to make sure that there are no arguements,that no1 is threatening any1,that no1 is troubling one another.
But Spying on Members PMs , I just think its going overboard.

Wa'salaam.

-Zubair

aakhirah

Quote:

Originally Posted by Far7an

Just wanted to remind all members about this inshaa'Allah. And please stop winking at the opposite gender in your posts. Jazaakallah khayr

Well said brother Far7an! I refrain from using smilies; there simply isn't any use for them. Rather, it dumbs down the post to such an extent that, sometimes, it cannot even be taken seriously anymore.

In the end, Allah knows all that's in the hearts and minds.

A.

**aamirsaab**

and 'morning glo.

Quote:

Originally Posted by glo

....To me that is very strange.
If we were aquaintances some years ago, why is it not okay to even just greet each other?

It's a matter of one thing leading to another: by talking to you with his wife next to him it may cause friction between all participants e.g. jealousy, suspicion etc etc. Also, he himself may just feel uncomfortable talking to you when with his family - there are times and places for having conversations with certain people.

The ruling helps prevent suffering in the long term, so it's not a matter of him being rude. I hope that clears it up.

Far7an

SirZubair,

Jazaakallah khayr for your comments and feedback. You're not the only individual to voice concern over the issue of PMs, and something similar was asked to a shaykh on another board, his reply was.

Quote:

We have 2 scenarios here:
1- a person who tries to see what's going on for no reason, just being noasy and maybe without others knowing that he knows what they're doing! If this is the case then it should be stopped.
The prophet sallallahu aliahi wasallam says: "Deeds depend on their intentions".

2- A person who needs to see what's going on for a reason such as being a moderator or so, in this case, you can do that even if they don't like it, or even if they don't allow it as long as your doing it for the sake of the website.
Now there's a third case where people just don't mind letting others see what's going on. And that's fine.

The next question was:

Quote:

Shaikh,

What about the 4th scenario where we make it very clear to everyone that their activity is not secret to the moderators at all? Since participation in this forum is optional, is that an okay condition to place?

And the answer:

Quote:

Yes, it's ok from their side since they gave the approval. But what about your side? Having their approval doesn't mean you can see their information even if there's no need to do so! You have to have a good cause!

The cause which we use it for, is to avoid fitnah which can be caused when PMs are sent between the two genders. And those are the only PMs we do view, those which are sent from a bro to a sis and vice versa. Besides, it's has been made clear to everyone that PMs are being monitored. There have been situations when a discussion between a brother and a sister has gone too far, and in need of intervention. We are instructed to 'Enjoin in what is good, and forbid the evil', we are in a position of authority and are capable of stopping some evil.

Umm Khalid06

So does that mean you can’t use camera when you are talking on massager e.g. Yahoo messenger.

Qurratul Ayn

Assalamu Alaikum

Jazkallah Khair Sister amani! That was great! A very good and informative read! And a good post too.

This Forum is Mashallah Ta'ala good as there are Moderators and above to remove any unwanted threads and posts which disrupt the whole topic of many threads.

Assalamu Alaikum
Shakirah

Scents of Jannah

Grt article amani sis! Tnx for sharing *reps* ;)

SirZubair

Asalam alaikum Br.Far7an.

Shukran for your reply.

Alrite,i can respect the Mod's opinions and decission.

Wa'salaam.

-Zubair

natasha

thnx for sharing ..Jazaku'Allah Gayran..

	(#31 (permalink))
ummnoura Sister in Islam Status: Offline Posts: 667 Reputation: 144 Rep Power: 19 Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: USA Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - 08-09-2005 I agree this is a serious topic and all of us should think about it. Even friendships can start on here that may lead to wrongdoings. I know my husband only allows me on this site because of it doesnt involve chatting but he mentioned to me that some of the posts i take part in Especially in the Halal Fun forum are nonsense and mearly a waste of time. Also people have been known to say that such posts like the Wordchain or Association game could be codes. Now i never would have thought that but you never know what you do innocently could be held against you. I write all my posts knowing that Allah, my husband, and anyone in the world could read them. I think Im going to try and spend less time on these things and more time doing positive thinks that strengthen my Imaan. I'm not saying these games are bad they are just wasteful and time is precious. Insha'Allah i will try harder to be a better Muslim. Thanks for the post. __________________ :coolsis: May Allah increase us all in knowledge!

	(#32 (permalink))
Muhammad Slave of Allaah Status: Offline Posts: 3,573 Reputation: 19084 Rep Power: 46 Join Date: Apr 2005 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - 08-14-2005 I would just like to add that we should try our best not to imitate the Kuffaar. I don't know why people keep referring to each other as "guys and girls" when in fact we are brothers and sisters. And when people wish to express their laughter, they have to resort to inappropriate abbreviations like "lmao". As a point of interest, some people have developed a more modest version: loq (laughing out quietly) - it might not be perfect but better than using obscene language. As Muslims, we have been taught excellent manners by our dear Prophet (saw) and are the best nation raised up for mankind. Let us then act accordingly and drop this foolish street slang and instead show politeness and respect in our posts. If we come here to gain knowledge, then we should attain it in the proper manner. A mere reminder for myself and my dear respected brothers and sisters, Last edited by Muhammad; 08-14-2005 at 03:11 PM.

	(#34 (permalink))
Muhammad Slave of Allaah Status: Offline Posts: 3,573 Reputation: 19084 Rep Power: 46 Join Date: Apr 2005 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - 09-24-2005 Dear brothers and sisers, Please note from the comprehensive advice above that while it refers to chat rooms, it can also be applied to a forum like this. Even more importantly, the private messaging system is a perfect example of men and women being alone together, as warned against by the scholars. It is for these reasons that we have announced (PMs may be monitored)the monitoring of the pm system: any continuous correspondence between two persons of the opposite gender will be investigated and members warned if under suspicion. These are precautions that the staff of the forum are obliged to undertake for the purpose of the betterment of the forum and safeguarding of an Islamic Community. We hope that members will take the advice on board, and that we continue to benefit from our ever-growing online community Insha'Allaah. Please remember us all in your du'as, LI Staff.

	(#35 (permalink))
Far7an . Status: Offline Posts: 4,340 Reputation: 15085 Rep Power: 44 Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: UK Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - 05-01-2006 Just wanted to remind all members about this inshaa'Allah. And please stop winking at the opposite gender in your posts. Jazaakallah khayr

	(#36 (permalink))
glo Hier stehe ich. Status: Offline Posts: 3,669 Reputation: 13190 Rep Power: 33 Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: England Gender: Way of Life: Christian	Re: Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - 05-01-2006 I can tell that this is a very serious topic in Islam. I wonder if I can tell you a story that has happened to me, and has puzzled me somewhat. I think it fits into this thread, and perhaps people can give me their views. As I have said before, I live in an area with a large minority of Pakistani Muslims. A few years ago a young Muslim man owned and ran a halal grocery shop round the corner from our house. I guess he must have been in his early or mid-twenties - at least 10 years my junior. Although we never used the shop much, we went there to buy Asian food and spices, or sweets for the children. Sometimes I would go with my husband and/or children, other times alone. I remember him always being very friendly and chatty, and he was probably the first person to tell me a bit about the Muslim lifestyle. Once he had brought some breakfast, which his other had made, and he offered some to me (it was spicy!! I never felt that our conduct was in any way inappropriate ( and I am very sensitive to men making inappropriate advances!) - but reading this thread and realising how strict Islam is on interaction between men and women, I am not so sure the Muslim community would have approved of us being alone and just chatting amicably together. After a year or so he sold his shop. Now he is married with a child. If I am in the park with my children and I see him there with his little boy, he may just acknowledge me with a brief hello, but if he is with his young wife or in male company, he will totally blank me. To me that is very strange. If we were aquaintances some years ago, why is it not okay to even just greet each other? Peace __________________ glo Lakum deenukum waliya deen (Surah 109:6) Do all the good you can, By all the means you can, In all the ways you can, In all the places you can, To all the people you can, As long as you ever can. (John Wesley)

	(#41 (permalink))
Umm Khalid06 LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 420 Reputation: 680 Rep Power: 14 Join Date: Apr 2006 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - 05-03-2006 So does that mean you can’t use camera when you are talking on massager e.g. Yahoo messenger.

	(#42 (permalink))
Qurratul Ayn Conquer the Shaytaan Status: Offline Posts: 645 Reputation: 1484 Rep Power: 19 Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: United Kingdom Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - 05-03-2006 Assalamu Alaikum Jazkallah Khair Sister amani! That was great! A very good and informative read! And a good post too. This Forum is Mashallah Ta'ala good as there are Moderators and above to remove any unwanted threads and posts which disrupt the whole topic of many threads. Assalamu Alaikum Shakirah __________________

	(#43 (permalink))
Scents of Jannah I am nothing Status: Offline Posts: 4,379 Reputation: 16714 Rep Power: 45 Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Treat every non muslim like a potential muslim :) Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - 05-03-2006 Grt article amani sis! Tnx for sharing reps ;) __________________ Jannah is only two steps away. Put one foot on your nafs and the other one will take you to Jannah. InshaAllah. Important plz read: May Allah grant Muslimah_Sis & her son, success in this world and the Akhirah. Ameen. lololol JazakAllah khair & same to you

	(#44 (permalink))
SirZubair EliteRationalMinded Status: Offline Posts: 2,751 Reputation: 11462 Rep Power: 30 Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: New Zealand Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - 05-03-2006 Asalam alaikum Br.Far7an. Shukran for your reply. Alrite,i can respect the Mod's opinions and decission. Wa'salaam. -Zubair __________________ *Dont Mistake My Harshness* For Strength And Neither Mistake My Kindness For Weakness.**

	(#45 (permalink))
natasha Stairway To Paradise Status: Offline Posts: 147 Reputation: 76 Rep Power: 18 Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: united kingdom Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet – Some Guidelines - 05-08-2006 thnx for sharing ..Jazaku'Allah Gayran..