Originally Posted by rpwelton

Yes, I believe that to be true (and I think most psychologists would agree).

I was taking a seminar this past weekend on love and marriage in Islam, and the brothers and sisters each had to come up with their own list of what they most look for in a spouse.

For the brothers, beauty was number one on the list. For sisters, beauty was probably 3rd or 4th.

Not to say that women aren't physically attracted to men, but the attraction of a man to the appearance of women is far stronger.

Each sex is wired differntly.

Bismillahair Rahmaan Naraheem
I apologize.If my first comment on this thread (1st post) has made you feel worse in the situation you have explained on this thread. It will be hard for me to evaluate the situation without asking a few questions;1)Why do you feel like that?I.E did someone say anything to you?2) Do you feel any better right now?3) Do you have faith in Allah? After you answer these Questions I can the assess the situation and insh'Allah help you feel more comfortable,but just for clearing my doubts,do you feel akward or rejected in your situation you explained to us? I need to know that questions answer because if you feel akward it is just a feeling controled by the Shytaan,though if you feel rejected answer those other three questions to get a better answer insh'Allah.

Walakum Asalam Warakmatulah Wabarkatuh

Bro Ghenghis, I have gone through same spasm, please make sure you are NOT depressed, well I was and that's how I was feeling the same way you are.

Depression is the only disease which lives inside you and you don't even you that you're sick - Please you must go and see a doctor - Thanks and take care

Nearly time for Jumm'ah prayers, cant wait, I so love going to pray at mosque now.

Originally Posted by ghengis

whatever happened to the ummah... i never thought islamic people would allow stragglers on the edge of society to exist....

what happened to welcome... we are one ummah... we feel pain when you get hurt... yeah right....

i am grateful for all the comments and invitations... but i cant believe people like me exist....

isolated ones... i bet there are actually loads of us...... this is not good. its a social ill.
isolation is a western disease.
that it seems islam has caught..... maybe cos we are living in this west... who knows.

lonely fragmented individuals that have no home. i think i am a refugee.

yeah. thats it. i'm a refugee.

as salaamu 'alaikum,

I know how you feel. I have been in the same situation. I was an isolated one years back and it is harmful. It keeps you from getting to know people. I remember I used to be so extreme in that I stayed away from Jumah and Eid Salaah. It was a bad time for me, but you must be the upright example of a Muslim. InshaAllaah.

Originally Posted by glo

When you say it like that, it makes sense ...

Are women less distractable by such things, you think?

I think it's better to be seperated rooms. Last friday I went to mosque. Well, it was my first time (besides ramadan) and I started using hijab a little time ago - alhamdulillah . I put on a hijab that was moving a lot so during the prayer I had to fix it sometimes. Actually even my clothing was pretty stupid- cauz the shirt I put on didn't cover my neck all (& the skirt was a little short too.)
Luckily There was a screen between the men and women. So I took it off and put it on again better after that. I couldn't have done that if there wasn't the screen. And next time inshallah I'll dress in a better way

Besides that I would feel uncomfortable if we prayed in the same hall since there are a lot of men and only about 7 women (though that's good too).

Women and men should pray seperately.

Asalaamu Alaikam,

Genghis, did you ever get this resolved? Did you find enough reasons to start attending Jummuah?

I don't know if anyone mentioned this or not (so forgive me if they did!), but attending Jummuah is classified as "fardh ayn" for brothers, which means "personal obligation" (it's "personal" because it's not fardh for sisters). Brothers must attend Jummuah, if they have the ability to (some live in such remote areas that the closest masjid may be hundreds of miles away!).

I know how unfriendly and uninviting our Muslim "brothers and sisters" can be at times. Alhamdulilah, I've been Muslim for 7 years now, and I can tell you that there are some masjids filled with people who look at me like I've got three heads when I walk in! (white chick in a scarf?? Is she Muslim?? Or is she just after our men??)

Some masjids are more inviting than others. Masjids are exactly like churches in this regard. The atmosphere depends greatly on the people who are in attendance. We should never expect every masjid in the world to be the same. If you don't like the feeling you get in one, then try another. InshAllah, you will find one where the people will at least give you salaamz.

I understand that you do not wish to socialize, and you have every right to keep to yourself. I must say that there are times when I don't feel like talking, and I enjoy a bit of anonymity. I am just there to listen to the khutbah (one should never be talking during the khutbah, yet women have a real problem with this! I simply ignore them when they try to talk to me!), pray, and then leave.

The time when it's nice to have friends and acquaintances at the masjid is during Ramadhan. It really helps to make the month that much nicer. I like the feeling of community during Ramadhan.

Brother, I hope that this has been resolved, and you are attending Jummuah regularly, inshAllah. Just hang in there, and it will get better. One thing to know is this; the more they see you, and the more you say salaamz to the them (why wait for them to say it? You get more reward for saying it first anyways!), then over time, they will start to accept you. One thing to bear in mind is culture, and the other is suspicion. After Sept 11th, masjids in America were being infiltrated" by spies. This made Muslims highly suspicious. I don't know if the same was happening also in the UK. Perhaps it was, after the July 7th bombings.

wasalaamz

May i say I am really fascinated by this thread, I am also really fascinated by reverts/converts especially their passion for Islam its beautiful. I have always wanted to be friends with a revert because I admire the way they approach Islam, they really appreciate the gift of Islam. I am however a little taken back from the original part of this thread, especially about the brother who doesn't feel welcome at the mosque. Im my community reverts are really welcomed and appreciated, however theres always ignorant people in the community. I am born muslim, sometimes I feel excluded at the mosque or when I attend talks. Sometimes it depends on the mosque and the type of people who attended, however brother Genghis don't let this put you off from going to the mosque.

Originally Posted by celina

May i say I am really fascinated by this thread, I am also really fascinated by reverts/converts especially their passion for Islam its beautiful. I have always wanted to be friends with a revert because I admire the way they approach Islam, they really appreciate the gift of Islam. I am however a little taken back from the original part of this thread, especially about the brother who doesn't feel welcome at the mosque. Im my community reverts are really welcomed and appreciated, however theres always ignorant people in the community. I am born muslim, sometimes I feel excluded at the mosque or when I attend talks. Sometimes it depends on the mosque and the type of people who attended, however brother Genghis don't let this put you off from going to the mosque.

What kind of things make you feel excluded, celina?
Can you try to explain it some more?

Originally Posted by glo

What kind of things make you feel excluded, celina?
Can you try to explain it some more?

Hello glo, hope your ok.

Well when I am at the mosque I feel that people don't really greet you, they frown at you and observe you like a surveilance camera and it makes you feel uncomfortable. People chat at a lot about worldly matters (your not really supposed to do this at the mosque) and sometimes I can't hear what the imaam is saying because people are talking over him and he normally is saying something valuable about islam. At times my mum has asked fellow members to hush, but they really pay no attention and gossip and chat. May I say this is in the women's section. I also attend the mosque for islamic speechs and sometimes I tuck closer to muslim sister so that I can befreind them but in return I get nothing but ignorance. However not all muslim people are like this and maybe there are some flaws in myself that make me feel like this. Allah knows best my intentions are pure.

glo, hope that answers your questions let me know if you want to know more about this I am more than happy to answer anything..

Thank you for your reply, celina. It's very interesting.

I guess I am trying to draw comparisons to why people may feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in places of worship (including churches) - when really those should be the places people are drawn to and welcomed with open arms!

Originally Posted by glo

Thank you for your reply, celina. It's very interesting.

I guess I am trying to draw comparisons to why people may feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in places of worship (including churches) - when really those should be the places people are drawn to and welcomed with open arms!

Your welcome glo..I know people are supposed to connect at places of worship but sadly its not the place but the people.

Originally Posted by celina

Hello glo, hope your ok.

Well when I am at the mosque I feel that people don't really greet you, they frown at you and observe you like a surveilance camera and it makes you feel uncomfortable. People chat at a lot about worldly matters (your not really supposed to do this at the mosque) and sometimes I can't hear what the imaam is saying because people are talking over him and he normally is saying something valuable about islam. At times my mum has asked fellow members to hush, but they really pay no attention and gossip and chat. May I say this is in the women's section. I also attend the mosque for islamic speechs and sometimes I tuck closer to muslim sister so that I can befreind them but in return I get nothing but ignorance. However not all muslim people are like this and maybe there are some flaws in myself that make me feel like this. Allah knows best my intentions are pure.

glo, hope that answers your questions let me know if you want to know more about this I am more than happy to answer anything..

Women talking during the khutbah is one of the greatest annoyances at Jummuah! Do they not know that if they speak during the khutbah they receive no reward for attending? They might as well have just STAYED HOME.

I used to not confront the chatty sisters, but now I do. Even if it's my first time in the masjid, I will go up to them and give them the signal to be QUIET. I am there to listen to the khutbah, and I do not want to listen to them gossiping and chatting.

I really don't mind if this offends some, or they think that I am a bad person. We are there to listen to the khutbah, and we need to keep our mouths shut. I'm embarrassed sometimes, because the brothers may be thinking that we are all idiots.

As for being observed vs being welcomed, it really does just depend on the masjid and the community. Some masjids just seem to attract more ignorant people. I've taken to staring back at the ones who stare at me. That usually gets them to stop. :P

Whether you are a revert, or born to Muslim parents, or even a non-Muslim visitor, you should feel welcome and relaxed in the masjid. Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.

wasalaamz,

Originally Posted by NoorInaya

Women talking during the khutbah is one of the greatest annoyances at Jummuah! Do they not know that if they speak during the khutbah they receive no reward for attending? They might as well have just STAYED HOME.

I used to not confront the chatty sisters, but now I do. Even if it's my first time in the masjid, I will go up to them and give them the signal to be QUIET. I am there to listen to the khutbah, and I do not want to listen to them gossiping and chatting.

I really don't mind if this offends some, or they think that I am a bad person. We are there to listen to the khutbah, and we need to keep our mouths shut. I'm embarrassed sometimes, because the brothers may be thinking that we are all idiots.

As for being observed vs being welcomed, it really does just depend on the masjid and the community. Some masjids just seem to attract more ignorant people. I've taken to staring back at the ones who stare at me. That usually gets them to stop. :P

Whether you are a revert, or born to Muslim parents, or even a non-Muslim visitor, you should feel welcome and relaxed in the masjid. Don't ever let anyone make you feel otherwise.

wasalaamz,

Aslam Sister you are bang on, however I agree that it does depend on the mosque and community..Whereas the chatting part, it is very annoying and I give you credit for telling people not to talk I think I should start doing that too as I go to the mosque to learn not hear gossip.

ws.