unhappy convert - Page 2

greenisforAllah · **Re: unhappy convert -** 09-07-2007

i don't know how to thank you all! may Allah bless you all. Because of your replies, I feel so much stronger, so much more a part of something much much bigger than anything in the world....something I felt I lost.

In all honesty, I believe I've been a total mess (I mean seriously: not a day goes by that I'm not brought to all out sobbing) and instead of turning to God for guidance, I've been wallowing in self-pity. My bad. In my defence (ahh the sin of pride

) I have been searching for Muslim friends/support-system/fighters-for-Allah. So I thank you truly from the bottom of my heart.

I have written much more than this in reply, also specific comments to some of the responses, but i didn't have time to finish it. so i'm sending the first part and saved the rest on a document to finish later today or tomorrow. i'm sorry.

I especially want to thank nomadicsoul for passing me the link to my thread!

maa salaama
t

kwolney01 · **Re: unhappy convert -** 09-08-2007

wow my story is a lot like yours.. I want to convert but I don't want people to think I did it because of him. I always believe that you shouldn't let them bother you..don't let them get to you. Your living for Allah not them. If they don't believe you than forget about them..they shouldn't judge you anyways..only Allah can judge you. He knows whats in your heart. Pray about it. I wish you the best.

YusufNoor · **Re: unhappy convert -** 09-08-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by kwolney01

wow my story is a lot like yours.. I want to convert but I don't want people to think I did it because of him. I always believe that you shouldn't let them bother you..don't let them get to you. Your living for Allah not them. If they don't believe you than forget about them..they shouldn't judge you anyways..only Allah can judge you. He knows whats in your heart. Pray about it. I wish you the best.

Peace be upon those who follow the guidance!

to paraphrase Shaykh Khalid Yasin, to uncover the Treasure that is Islam you sometimes have to move the Muslims out of the way!

don't let other people rob you of your reward in Jannah, the sooner that you revert, the more reward will be available for you!

So ACT NOW!! ew, that sounds like a bad commercial...

May Allah(swt) make the choice easy for you and may He(swt) grant you guidance and knowledge and Taqwa! AMEEN!

believer · **Re: unhappy convert -** 09-18-2007

your journey to Islam is not really an easy one...

at any rate... the message you need to tell those Muslims is "Judge not, lest ye be judged."

and your message for yourself..."Islam is my personal affair with Allah subhannawataallah!... Islam is my religion... I judge no one, and I can only be judged by Allah, my God... the one and only God worthy of praise and worship."

In short... who cares what they think of you... only Allah knows what is in the hearts of men... and this is what matters most. Keep striving for Islam.

Salaamualaikum.

tarek29 · **Re: unhappy convert -** 09-30-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by greenisforAllah

my brothers and sisters in Islam,

I am writing here because I need help and I don't know where else to turn.

I converted to Islam about two years ago and it's been the biggest battle of my life. Ironically, I have had almost full support from my Christian and my atheist/agnostic/sometime-here-sometime-there friends and family. My problem lies in -- and I am so so sorry to say this (more than you can imagine) -- the Muslim community that I have been exposed to since then.

I think the root of the problem lies in the fact that i was dating a Muslim man and we very much in love and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. i knew he only wanted to marry a muslim woman BUT that is NOT the reason i converted.

Long before I met him I visitied Indonesia which stemmed my initial interest in Islam. when i came back i started studying Islamic studies and learned more and more about Islam. At that point, however, i was still very much anti-religion...not because i didn't believe in God but because i found institutionalized religion to be so hypocritical based on the experiences i had had.

But once i started dating Mr. Man, he opened the world to me with his value system and his love of God and that got me thinking: maybe I shouldn't throw out the baby with the bath water! yes, there are many many many injustices in the Muslim community and in the Hindu and the Jewish and, i know first hand a thousand times over, that Christians ain't no better; should I turn my back on the truth because some "believers" disgust me? NO!

Ay, and there's the rub: I am just not sure anymore!

The truth is ever since i converted it's been a struggle. I am constantly under a microscope: "did she just do it for him?"....even at our wedding the Imam grilled me on it! It seems that if I don't fit the form (wear higab, pray, fast, memorize qur'an, YELL out

everywhere i go etc) PERFECTLY!!!! I am a hypocrite, a fake, a convert-for-profit. everything i say or do or ask has become a sure sign of my insincerity.

Worst of all, my husband has fallen into the bandwagon. He has become worst of all...but probably that's just my perception of it because to have a husband that thinks you're lying about your religion...well that hurts like hell!

sooooo, that's the background.

the question now is, what do i do? The situation has become intolerable. How can i convince people that i am truly a muslim (actually this has become a catch-22, ie. if i'm not seen praying: I'm not a real Muslim....if I'm seen praying "I'm just praying to shut people up!")

I know that Muslim (or is it just Arab (my husband's family is Egyptian) families) women have the back up of their fathers and brothers and uncles when facing difficulties in their relationships with their husbands. my family lives on another continent and they wouldn't dream of getting involved in this...and honestly i don't want them to worry AND more importantly, i don't want them to start doubting my decision to become a Muslim.

I'm in Cairo at the moment, i wouldn't know if there's an Imam or someone who might help.

shukran, thank you, gracias, danke, merci and all the best blessings on anyone who takes the time to read this, who answers, who maybe just thinks twice about judging a convert.

Salam Alekom Sister,

First of all you don’t have to Proof anything to anyone because it is something between you and Allah (swt) BUT

you have a problem that you need to do something to solve it, right!?

As far as I understood you have problem that family of your Husband think that you just reverted to Islam because of him and he also begin doubting this as far I understood, right!?

Of course not me or anyone here knows all the details exactly but I just can give some advices and you decide to take them or not due to what you see:

1- Talk to your Husband and tell him all what you feel, he the closest one to you and there should not be any kind of wall between you both, and he should have no doubt in you, tell him that Little doubt is SIN in Islam.
2- Talk to your Husband and his family openly and use Religion, see Islam is simply in your side in what you say and they are Muslims and Egyptians so talk to them ISLAM they will not only be proud of you but they will also will not find anything to answer or even think about that again, it is simple talk to them ISLAM and Sisters and Brothers here can help you in that! 
3- Always Smile  and thank Allah (swt) for everything, actually by choosing Islam this simply means Allah (swt) choose you and this is great Honor and Gift from our creator to you, and as Egyptian  I really wonder how could they not be proud of you !?
4- Try to find someone who can help you in those things with your husband and his family from his family someone whom you can rely on him and whom they will listen, maybe sister of your husband, his mother etc…
5- There is Centers in Cairo were they teach Islam to non Arabic Muslims were they also teach Arabic Language where you can find a lot of sisters, friends with whom you can take advices! I can give address of one of those centers in Nasr City if this is not far for you, but after I return to Cairo (one week)!

Anyway the best way is to talk to them is by ISLAM and believe me this you can USE in a lot of situations and this will not only solve your problems but will also make them respect and appreciate you more and especially your husband!

BEST ADVICE: the best thing is to have something in common between you and your Husband and what is better then sharing each other the Love to ALLAH (swt)!?

You can go together to Omra or even Hajj if possible, pray together etc…. and by this you will win both Life and after life!

May Allah (swt) guide us all!
Peace

Suffiyan007 · **Re: unhappy convert -** 06-26-2008

Conversion one religion to another religion is making people shock is drastic
but anyway slowly they can accept ya religion cause they cant do anything...
if u r new muslim dont be scared...Allah is watching....not much people can see the light...except the chosen one...beCause Allah love the chosen and put into track of Allah....no any differences new convert and inheritance muslim....as long as ya faith is to Allah....! the Conversion to new religion has lotsa tEst from Allah...and he is testing our faith to Allah...!....dont be scarEd....remain as low profile as yourself...and pray to God... silently....but u can tell ya parents i had change my eating habit i dont eat pork...and i dont drink liquor...or beer...
but in Future at least need to tell ya family slowly...and gentle way....if they anti or discriminate you...just runaway for few month and get along with ya brother/sister in islam for temporary shelther and just get some ZakAt from mosque(masjid)...just some money or get in Baitul mal for money,is for new convert people....jusT be strong and patience....! insyaallah.

niler · **Re: unhappy convert -** 07-09-2008

sis much has been said, so lemme just pray sincerely for ur hapiness, strength n Iman..

Be true to urself, do wats right n try to ignore wat others think cz Allah will judge ur actions by ur intentions nt anyone else's..

Ol d best!!

coddles76 · **Re: unhappy convert -** 07-28-2008

Sister,

I agree with Niler, alot of beneficial advice has been provided by other brothers and sisters so I will only contribute via dua and that is I pray that Allah SWT will strengthen you and those around you and make amongst the ranks of the believers.
"Once you gain the pleasure of ALLAH SWT, ALLAh SWT will make those around you pleased with you"!

arabianprincess · **Re: unhappy convert -** 07-28-2008

just always keep ur head up.. n dont let anyone make u think that ur fake or watever.. as long as u believe in ur self.n in allah that wat all matter.

n inshallah everything would work out for u. well good luck

manaal · **Re: unhappy convert -** 07-28-2008

You came to the right place for advice and consolation sis! there are so many recent and not so recent reverts here with similar stories. I hope they will be of help to you insha Allah.

Muhammadiyoon · **Re: unhappy convert -** 09-04-2008

Sister,

I would like to remind you of our Prophet Noah, who faced many hardships in his time. He was beaten and insulted, and his obstacles far outnumber yours and mine. Keep in mind sister that the pious Muslim/Muslimah wants hardships to befall them. The more patient we are in obeying Allah tabarak wa ta^ala the more thawab we recieve. There is a story about a man, who would every Friday after prayer donate 101 dollars. He would take a hundred dollar bill and hide it inside of a dollar bill and drop it off. Every Friday, the Shaykh would wonder who placed the hundred dollar bill in the box. The people when they would see this man, they would say, "look at this rich man, with all of his wealth, he only donates one dollar." When that man died, his wife went to the Shaykh and she told him that her husband was the one who was donating the hundred dollars every week. In the end sister, insincerity is the last sin a person loses before reachign the level of waliyy. It is a very hard sin to lose because we must constantly watch ourselves and make sure that what we do is done for the sake of Allah only. Sister, there are many communities which do not prejudge the person. However, I do not ask you to rush to those communities. I ask you to test your patience, and your devotion to this great religion. To worship Allah, love his Prophets, and learn the creed. I will keep you in my du^aa. Let me know if you need anything more.

Muhammadiyoon

BNDGR · **Re: unhappy convert -** 09-04-2008

Asalam aliakum Sister,
As a convert too I feel the same in some ways. But inside I know who I am pleasing and who I want to do things for and it is Allah.
There are alot of reverts that I have met in the same situation and feel like under same scrutiny. And unfortunately I don't have answers since I am still on a learning path.
Just be true to your heart and do things for Allah, and I beleive things will become easier in time. Try to pray the Salat every day and pray that Allah will ease this situation for you and he will.
Take Care Sister and InshAllah things will get easier for you and your husband.

_ALI_ · **Re: unhappy convert -** 09-07-2008

Salam Sister
I am really shocked to learn how those Muslim-from-birth treat you. Least they could do was welcome you. Like Niler said, much has been said on the topic. I pray that things will be better for you and your family.

yazoo · **Re: unhappy convert -** 09-22-2008

Can I suggest you join a camp or full time course in cairo where you are separated from your husband for a few weeks or days. Your faith so far has been a joint venture in a way. I think that is why you are confused. Your confidence and faith appears to be shaken. You need to get a way from the questionning and find the inner strengeth to deel with them including your husband. To do this you need to ecertain yourself. I think you doing something ike this might help.

Ive never been to cairo but I always gettold of amazing courses there or in other parts of Egypt. Or you could travel further. Pack your bags, go and learn... and get closer to God. I think maybe when you do something- e.g if you wear a hijab wou might yourself not be sure if your doing it for you or your husband...due to the questionning from others. You two need a break- go make some more friends and do a course somewhere else so you can get closer to god without distractions.

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	(#16 (permalink))
greenisforAllah Limited Member Status: Offline Posts: 2 Reputation: 54 Rep Power: 0 Join Date: Sep 2007 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: unhappy convert - 09-07-2007 i don't know how to thank you all! may Allah bless you all. Because of your replies, I feel so much stronger, so much more a part of something much much bigger than anything in the world....something I felt I lost. In all honesty, I believe I've been a total mess (I mean seriously: not a day goes by that I'm not brought to all out sobbing) and instead of turning to God for guidance, I've been wallowing in self-pity. My bad. In my defence (ahh the sin of pride ) I *have* been searching for Muslim friends/support-system/fighters-for-Allah. So I thank you truly from the bottom of my heart. I have written much more than this in reply, also specific comments to some of the responses, but i didn't have time to finish it. so i'm sending the first part and saved the rest on a document to finish later today or tomorrow. i'm sorry. I especially want to thank nomadicsoul for passing me the link to my thread! maa salaama t

	(#17 (permalink))
kwolney01 LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 392 Reputation: 1317 Rep Power: 9 Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Minneapolis, MN Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: unhappy convert - 09-08-2007 wow my story is a lot like yours.. I want to convert but I don't want people to think I did it because of him. I always believe that you shouldn't let them bother you..don't let them get to you. Your living for Allah not them. If they don't believe you than forget about them..they shouldn't judge you anyways..only Allah can judge you. He knows whats in your heart. Pray about it. I wish you the best.

	(#19 (permalink))
believer Loyal to Allah Alone Status: Offline Posts: 237 Reputation: 681 Rep Power: 9 Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: planet earth Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: unhappy convert - 09-18-2007 your journey to Islam is not really an easy one... at any rate... the message you need to tell those Muslims is "Judge not, lest ye be judged." and your message for yourself..."Islam is my personal affair with Allah subhannawataallah!... Islam is my religion... I judge no one, and I can only be judged by Allah, my God... the one and only God worthy of praise and worship." In short... who cares what they think of you... only Allah knows what is in the hearts of men... and this is what matters most. Keep striving for Islam. Salaamualaikum.

	(#21 (permalink))
Suffiyan007 cRazy as caTdog Status: Offline Posts: 468 Reputation: 624 Rep Power: 3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Dangerous World Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: unhappy convert - 06-26-2008 Conversion one religion to another religion is making people shock is drastic but anyway slowly they can accept ya religion cause they cant do anything... if u r new muslim dont be scared...Allah is watching....not much people can see the light...except the chosen one...beCause Allah love the chosen and put into track of Allah....no any differences new convert and inheritance muslim....as long as ya faith is to Allah....! the Conversion to new religion has lotsa tEst from Allah...and he is testing our faith to Allah...!....dont be scarEd....remain as low profile as yourself...and pray to God... silently....but u can tell ya parents i had change my eating habit i dont eat pork...and i dont drink liquor...or beer... but in Future at least need to tell ya family slowly...and gentle way....if they anti or discriminate you...just runaway for few month and get along with ya brother/sister in islam for temporary shelther and just get some ZakAt from mosque(masjid)...just some money or get in Baitul mal for money,is for new convert people....jusT be strong and patience....! insyaallah.

	(#22 (permalink))
niler LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 132 Reputation: 137 Rep Power: 8 Join Date: Sep 2007 Way of Life: Undisclosed	Re: unhappy convert - 07-09-2008 sis much has been said, so lemme just pray sincerely for ur hapiness, strength n Iman.. Be true to urself, do wats right n try to ignore wat others think cz Allah will judge ur actions by ur intentions nt anyone else's.. Ol d best!!

	(#23 (permalink))
coddles76 LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 307 Reputation: 1062 Rep Power: 4 Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Sydney, Australia Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: unhappy convert - 07-28-2008 Sister, I agree with Niler, alot of beneficial advice has been provided by other brothers and sisters so I will only contribute via dua and that is I pray that Allah SWT will strengthen you and those around you and make amongst the ranks of the believers. "Once you gain the pleasure of ALLAH SWT, ALLAh SWT will make those around you pleased with you"!

	(#24 (permalink))
arabianprincess LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 359 Reputation: 705 Rep Power: 19 Join Date: Dec 2005 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: unhappy convert - 07-28-2008 just always keep ur head up.. n dont let anyone make u think that ur fake or watever.. as long as u believe in ur self.n in allah that wat all matter. n inshallah everything would work out for u. well good luck

	(#25 (permalink))
manaal Ramadan Kareem! Status: Offline Posts: 443 Reputation: 1335 Rep Power: 17 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: In my apartment Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: unhappy convert - 07-28-2008 You came to the right place for advice and consolation sis! there are so many recent and not so recent reverts here with similar stories. I hope they will be of help to you insha Allah. __________________ Allahu Akbar!

	(#26 (permalink))
Muhammadiyoon Limited Member Status: Offline Posts: 6 Reputation: 5 Rep Power: 0 Join Date: Sep 2008 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: unhappy convert - 09-04-2008 Sister, I would like to remind you of our Prophet Noah, who faced many hardships in his time. He was beaten and insulted, and his obstacles far outnumber yours and mine. Keep in mind sister that the pious Muslim/Muslimah wants hardships to befall them. The more patient we are in obeying Allah tabarak wa ta^ala the more thawab we recieve. There is a story about a man, who would every Friday after prayer donate 101 dollars. He would take a hundred dollar bill and hide it inside of a dollar bill and drop it off. Every Friday, the Shaykh would wonder who placed the hundred dollar bill in the box. The people when they would see this man, they would say, "look at this rich man, with all of his wealth, he only donates one dollar." When that man died, his wife went to the Shaykh and she told him that her husband was the one who was donating the hundred dollars every week. In the end sister, insincerity is the last sin a person loses before reachign the level of waliyy. It is a very hard sin to lose because we must constantly watch ourselves and make sure that what we do is done for the sake of Allah only. Sister, there are many communities which do not prejudge the person. However, I do not ask you to rush to those communities. I ask you to test your patience, and your devotion to this great religion. To worship Allah, love his Prophets, and learn the creed. I will keep you in my du^aa. Let me know if you need anything more. Muhammadiyoon

	(#27 (permalink))
BNDGR LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 153 Reputation: 668 Rep Power: 2 Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: beautiful Cali Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: unhappy convert - 09-04-2008 Asalam aliakum Sister, As a convert too I feel the same in some ways. But inside I know who I am pleasing and who I want to do things for and it is Allah. There are alot of reverts that I have met in the same situation and feel like under same scrutiny. And unfortunately I don't have answers since I am still on a learning path. Just be true to your heart and do things for Allah, and I beleive things will become easier in time. Try to pray the Salat every day and pray that Allah will ease this situation for you and he will. Take Care Sister and InshAllah things will get easier for you and your husband.

	(#28 (permalink))
_ALI_ Limited Member Status: Offline Posts: 33 Reputation: 90 Rep Power: 0 Join Date: Dec 2007 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: unhappy convert - 09-07-2008 Salam Sister I am really shocked to learn how those Muslim-from-birth treat you. Least they could do was welcome you. Like Niler said, much has been said on the topic. I pray that things will be better for you and your family.

	(#29 (permalink))
yazoo Limited Member Status: Offline Posts: 8 Reputation: 5 Rep Power: 0 Join Date: Sep 2008 Way of Life: Undisclosed	Re: unhappy convert - 09-22-2008 Can I suggest you join a camp or full time course in cairo where you are separated from your husband for a few weeks or days. Your faith so far has been a joint venture in a way. I think that is why you are confused. Your confidence and faith appears to be shaken. You need to get a way from the questionning and find the inner strengeth to deel with them including your husband. To do this you need to ecertain yourself. I think you doing something ike this might help. Ive never been to cairo but I always gettold of amazing courses there or in other parts of Egypt. Or you could travel further. Pack your bags, go and learn... and get closer to God. I think maybe when you do something- e.g if you wear a hijab wou might yourself not be sure if your doing it for you or your husband...due to the questionning from others. You two need a break- go make some more friends and do a course somewhere else so you can get closer to god without distractions.