Originally Posted by kwolney01

wow my story is a lot like yours.. I want to convert but I don't want people to think I did it because of him. I always believe that you shouldn't let them bother you..don't let them get to you. Your living for Allah not them. If they don't believe you than forget about them..they shouldn't judge you anyways..only Allah can judge you. He knows whats in your heart. Pray about it. I wish you the best.

Originally Posted by greenisforAllah

my brothers and sisters in Islam,

I am writing here because I need help and I don't know where else to turn.

I converted to Islam about two years ago and it's been the biggest battle of my life. Ironically, I have had almost full support from my Christian and my atheist/agnostic/sometime-here-sometime-there friends and family. My problem lies in -- and I am so so sorry to say this (more than you can imagine) -- the Muslim community that I have been exposed to since then.

I think the root of the problem lies in the fact that i was dating a Muslim man and we very much in love and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. i knew he only wanted to marry a muslim woman BUT that is NOT the reason i converted.

Long before I met him I visitied Indonesia which stemmed my initial interest in Islam. when i came back i started studying Islamic studies and learned more and more about Islam. At that point, however, i was still very much anti-religion...not because i didn't believe in God but because i found institutionalized religion to be so hypocritical based on the experiences i had had.

But once i started dating Mr. Man, he opened the world to me with his value system and his love of God and that got me thinking: maybe I shouldn't throw out the baby with the bath water! yes, there are many many many injustices in the Muslim community and in the Hindu and the Jewish and, i know first hand a thousand times over, that Christians ain't no better; should I turn my back on the truth because some "believers" disgust me? NO!

Ay, and there's the rub: I am just not sure anymore!

The truth is ever since i converted it's been a struggle. I am constantly under a microscope: "did she just do it for him?"....even at our wedding the Imam grilled me on it! It seems that if I don't fit the form (wear higab, pray, fast, memorize qur'an, YELL out everywhere i go etc) PERFECTLY!!!! I am a hypocrite, a fake, a convert-for-profit. everything i say or do or ask has become a sure sign of my insincerity.

Worst of all, my husband has fallen into the bandwagon. He has become worst of all...but probably that's just my perception of it because to have a husband that thinks you're lying about your religion...well that hurts like hell!

sooooo, that's the background.

the question now is, what do i do? The situation has become intolerable. How can i convince people that i am truly a muslim (actually this has become a catch-22, ie. if i'm not seen praying: I'm not a real Muslim....if I'm seen praying "I'm just praying to shut people up!")

I know that Muslim (or is it just Arab (my husband's family is Egyptian) families) women have the back up of their fathers and brothers and uncles when facing difficulties in their relationships with their husbands. my family lives on another continent and they wouldn't dream of getting involved in this...and honestly i don't want them to worry AND more importantly, i don't want them to start doubting my decision to become a Muslim.

I'm in Cairo at the moment, i wouldn't know if there's an Imam or someone who might help.

shukran, thank you, gracias, danke, merci and all the best blessings on anyone who takes the time to read this, who answers, who maybe just thinks twice about judging a convert.