funny lawyer..

syilla · **funny lawyer.. -** 04-10-2008

These are from a book called Disorder
in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had
the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking
place.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does
it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it
affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us
an example of something you
forgot?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that
morning?

WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter
has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
picture was taken?

WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, is
that correct?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you ****t'in me? Your
Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose
terminated it?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the
individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and
had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition
notice, which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I
go to work.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on dead
people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed
on dead people. Would you like
to rephrase that?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a
urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to
ask that question?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be
oral, OK? What school did you go
to?

WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that
you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around
8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at
the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the
table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true
that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until
the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar
exam?

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed
the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that
the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure,
Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting
on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient
have still been alive,
nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he
could have been alive and
practicing law.

najla93 · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-10-2008

mutlib · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-10-2008

hahahahha loooooooooooooooooolz

Tilmeez · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-11-2008

^rofl...

Ramlah · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-11-2008

Quote:

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure,
Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting
on my desk in a jar.

thanks for the share sis...

Ebtisweetsam · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-11-2008

LOL, i cant believe these are real

Attorneys are so textbook, if you know what i mean!

Souljette · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-11-2008

hahahahah tht was hilarioussssssss

wildkat · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-11-2008

typical americans...lol

BintAmjad · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-11-2008

Oh cum on how thick can you get??? LOL

Ebtisweetsam · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-11-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildkat

typical americans...lol

Ouch... u gonna get a knock from the Amercians for this one

houda~ · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-11-2008

LOL!the last one was the most hilarious...!

Nice post

darkchocolate · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-14-2008

*ANSA* · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-14-2008

its not funny at all..

thanks

kwolney01 · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 04-15-2008

lol wow...thats crazy... i wonder how the Attorney felt after realizing his mistake lol...

------ · **Re: funny lawyer.. -** 05-13-2008

Quote:

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
picture was taken?

WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!?

Quote:

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the
individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and
had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

Male.....?

Quote:

ATTORNEY: She had three children, is
that correct?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you ****t'in me? Your
Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

Ahahahahahahahaha ROFL

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	(#1 (permalink))
syilla not trying hard enuf Status: Offline Posts: 4,528 Reputation: 14227 Rep Power: 37 Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: malaysia Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	funny lawyer.. - 04-10-2008 These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He s aid, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: You're kidding me, right!? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, is that correct? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you ****t'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. __________________ 25:36 And the true servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk the earth with humility and when the ignorant address them, they respond with words of peace.

	(#2 (permalink))
najla93 ~.>.~ Status: Offline Posts: 2,668 Reputation: 9070 Rep Power: 20 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: uk........makin my way 2 jannah. InshAllah Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-10-2008 lol __________________ Learn from yesterday, Live for today, Hope for tomorrow.

	(#3 (permalink))
mutlib لا إله إلا الله Status: Offline Posts: 200 Reputation: 905 Rep Power: 7 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: UAE Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-10-2008 hahahahha loooooooooooooooooolz

	(#4 (permalink))
Tilmeez LI Oldskool Status: Offline Posts: 1,020 Reputation: 6503 Rep Power: 27 Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Well, here somewhere close to u! Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-11-2008 ^rofl... __________________ In The Praise of a REAL Man.

	(#6 (permalink))
Ebtisweetsam Islam:Key2Paradise! Status: Offline Posts: 491 Reputation: 984 Rep Power: 9 Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: AUSTRALIA Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-11-2008 LOL, i cant believe these are real Attorneys are so textbook, if you know what i mean! __________________ тαℓк, туρє, ¢нαт, ωяιтє, вℓσg..... ιт αℓℓ нєℓρѕ ∂α мιη∂. уαℓℓαн, вιѕмιℓℓαн.... www.sissta.com.au

	(#7 (permalink))
Souljette Souljette Of Allah Status: Offline Posts: 1,771 Reputation: 6482 Rep Power: 15 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: All over the place Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-11-2008 hahahahah tht was hilarioussssssss __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]“The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs is afflicted, the whole body responds to it with sleeplessness and fever”.

	(#8 (permalink))
wildkat LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 159 Reputation: 342 Rep Power: 21 Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Leicester UK Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-11-2008 typical americans...lol

	(#9 (permalink))
BintAmjad LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 107 Reputation: 319 Rep Power: 4 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: UK Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-11-2008 Oh cum on how thick can you get??? LOL

	(#11 (permalink))
houda~ LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 158 Reputation: 561 Rep Power: 8 Join Date: Sep 2007 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-11-2008 LOL!the last one was the most hilarious...! Nice post

	(#12 (permalink))
darkchocolate LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 101 Reputation: 385 Rep Power: 13 Join Date: Oct 2006 Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-14-2008 lol!

	(#13 (permalink))
ANSA Alhamdulilaah! Status: Offline Posts: 89 Reputation: 253 Rep Power: 9 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Gharr mein! Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-14-2008 its not funny at all.. thanks

	(#14 (permalink))
kwolney01 LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 335 Reputation: 1052 Rep Power: 9 Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Minneapolis, MN Gender: Way of Life: Muslim	Re: funny lawyer.. - 04-15-2008 lol wow...thats crazy... i wonder how the Attorney felt after realizing his mistake lol...