BOY: Can I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.


GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...


GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??


MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.


WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.


MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.


Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the
day time when we don't need it".


Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I
be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

TAKEN

lol

looool

OK TOO FUNNY

Rolling on floor laughing!

Good ones.

Hi Imaan,
this made me chuckle,
A few more


1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.

4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

6. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

8. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

9. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

10. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.

11. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

13. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

15. You can't have everything; where would you put it?

18. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

19. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

20. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

The TRUTH is the TRUTH even if no one believes it and a LIE is a LIE even if everyone believes it!

Take care,

Eric

Looool very good ones sis!

I said this to my teacher. then ended up writing an essay on what is a teacher...which caused me another essay on who i am...which ended up with a smile on my face lol

thanks for sharing...

The Dread Tomato Addiction

by Mark Clifton

Ninety-two point four per cent of juvenile delinquents have eaten tomatoes.
Eighty-seven point one per cent of the adult criminals in penitentiaries throughout the United State have eaten tomatoes.
Informers reliably inform that of all known American Communists, ninety-two point three per cent have eaten tomatoes.
Eighty-four per cent of all people killed in automobile accidents during the year 1954 had eaten tomatoes.
Those who object to singling out specific groups for statistical proofs require measurements within a total. Of those people born before the year 1800, regardless of race, color, creed or caste, and known to have eaten tomatoes, there has been one hundred per cent mortality!
In spite of their dread addiction, a few tomato eaters born between 1800 and 1850 still manage to survive, but the clinical picture is poor—their bones are brittle, their movements feeble, their skin seamed and wrinkled, their eyesight failing, hair falling, and frequently they have lost all their teeth.
Those born between 1850 and 1900 number somewhat more survivors, but the overt signs of the addiction's dread effects differ not in kind but only in degree of deterioration. Prognostication is not hopeful.
Exhaustive experiment shows that when tomatoes are withheld from an addict, invariably his cravings will cause him to turn to substitutes—such as oranges, or steak and potatoes. If both tomatoes and all substitutes are persistently withheld—death invariably results within a short time!
The skeptic of apocryphal statistics, or the stubborn nonconformist who will not accept the clearly proved conclusions of others may conduct his own experiment.
Obtain two dozen tomatoes—they may actually be purchased within a block of some high schools, or discovered growing in a respected neighbor's back yard!—crush them to a pulp in exactly the state they would have if introduced into the stomach, pour the vile juice and pulp into a bowl, and place a goldfish therein. Within minutes the goldfish will be dead!
Those who argue that what affects a goldfish might not apply to a human being may, at their own choice, wish to conduct a direct experiment by fully immersing a live human head* into the mixture for a full five minutes.
* It is suggested that best results will be obtained by using an experimental subject who is thoroughly familiar with and frequently uses the logic methods demonstrated herein, such as:
(a) The average politician. Extremely unavailable to the average citizen except during the short open season before election.
(b) The advertising copywriter. Extremely wary and hard to catch due to his experience with many lawsuits for fraudulant claims.
(c) The dedicated moralist. Extremely plentiful in supply, and the experimenter might even obtain a bounty on each from a grateful community.

LOL, very funny posts!

Loooll...

read some good jokes after a very long time...........

keep it up as putting asmile on is also a virtue ............

hehe made me laugh there

Funny Jokes