Official Jokes Thread

[Sabeeha]

Bret was so mentally deficient-
that when he went to catch a plane
and saw a sign that said 'airport Left'-
so he went home.

[wilberhum]

If most people are “Right Handers”,
Are most birds “Right Wingers”?

[pasionatemumina]

these jokes really makes you think cooool

[sabah]

this jokes called Sharing Peanuts!! i found it funny, alhamdulilah im easily pleased

Colin, the bus driver was driving with a bus load of old ladies down the motorway when he was tapped on his shoulder by one of them.

She offered him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munched up. After about 15 minutes, she tapped him on his shoulder again and she handed him another handful of peanuts.

She repeated this gesture about five more times.

When she was about to hand him another batch he asked the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

Puzzled, Colin asked, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
(It pays to be careful around old people)

[chacha_jalebi]

what do you call a pakistani with a gold car?

asif = as if

what do you call a paki that bates people up?

wasim = was him

what do you call a paki between two streets?

ali = alley

what do you call a indian with pink hair?

gandhi floss

[Z.AL-Rashid]

Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi

what do you call a pakistani with a gold car?

asif = as if

Nice one!

[chacha_jalebi]

Originally Posted by Z.AL-Rashid

What do you call a good looking Pakistani?

Asif

racism


there was a jamaican, american, english man, and a pakistani man in a plane. all of a sudden the plane began to go down, and the pilot said "you have to throw stuff off the plane to lessen the weight" so the jamaican man, said "im gona throw these drugs off the plane, because we have too much of these in our plane" and he threw them off the plane

the american man said "im gona throw my weapons of the plane, theres too much of these in my country" so he threw the weapons off the plane

the english man, grabbed the pakistani man and threw him off the plane saying " theres too much of these in our country"



also a plane was crashing, and all the survivors were quickly buying parachutes to get out. the pakistani man on the plane, bought the parachute and stood there in front of the machine. and the plane crashed and he died, then when the angel of death came to take his soul, the angel asked him "i dont understand, you bought your parachute and you stood infront of the machine! why?" the pakistani man replied "i was waiting for my change"

there was a indian man, he was having a shower, and all of sudden his friend came knocking on the door and he quickly rushed downstairs to open the door, he opened the door and his friend said to him "have some shame, you have come and opened the door with nothing on, go and put something on, then we will talk"
the indian man, went and put slippers on

[shible]

A traveller walking along a road asked an old man working in a field to
how long it would take to get to the next village. But the old man didn't
answer, so the traveller kept walking.

He hadn't gone far when he heard a call: Hi, mister, it'll take you about 20
minutes.

Why didn't you tell me that when I asked you? asked the traveller.

How did I know how fast you were going to walk? replied the old man.



A doctor was called in to see a rather testy aristocrat.

Well, sir, what's the matter? he asked cheerily.

That, sir, growled the patient, is for you to find out.

I see, said the doctor thought-fully. Well, if youíll excuse me for an hour or
so I'll go along and fetch a friend of mine - a veterinarian. He is the only chap
I know who can make a diagnosis without asking questions.

[umar113]

once there was this man. he was poor and really wanted and animal to travel with. a man saw his needs and gave him a horse. he told him that the horse was very obedient and a very fast runner! he told him the following things:

to make it walk, say: "Subhaanallah"

to make it run, say: "Alhamdulillah"

to make is stop, saw: "Allahuakbar"

So he tests it by making it run by saying Alhamulillah and making it walk and stop.
The poor man was very happy indeed that he had this horse and thanked the owner a lot. The owner told the poor man to play with the horse and get to know it.
so the man starts to take it around the whole city and town. he takes him to the market by making it walk, run, and stop. he starts going further to the places like grass land and cliffs.
But Once he was driving it, he was heading right towards a very dangerous cliff!! he was in TOTAL PANIC and had no idea what to say. he for got everything, he tried mashaallah, and astaghfirullah and was really in panic.

Atlast he rememberred and said "ALLAHUAKBAR!!!" The horse finally stopped and the man raised his hands in the air and said "Alhamdulillaah".

[najla93]

so then the horse ran and the headed to the dangerous cliff. nice i found it really funny

[wilberhum]

An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?”
The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

'Very Well,' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

[chacha_jalebi]

there was a robot,

whenever someone told a lie that robot would slap them.

so a family bought one of these robots, the son came home and the dad asked him
"why are you so late"
the son replied "i was in the library studying"
SMAAACK - the robot hit him for lying

so the dad said, "see tell the truth where were you"
the son replied "i was clubbing"
the dad knew he had his son in a awkward position, so he took advantage and asked further Qs

"have you got a girlfriend"
son replies "no"
SMAAACK

"did you take money out of my wallet"
son replies "no"
SMAAACK

the dad really frustated shouts out to the mother

"this robot has helped us find the truth out, look at your son he has been tellin us all these lies, you have spoiled him, its your fault he is like this"

the mother angrily says "well you say somethin to him as well he is your son as well"

the robot turned around and SMAACKED the mother

[umar113]

ok, this one is kinda small.

there was this man walking with his friend and a really pretty woman walks by.
the first man says mashaallah.
the othe rman says, inshaallah.

[Talib_Rayhan]

Originally Posted by umar113

once there was this man. he was poor and really wanted and animal to travel with. a man saw his needs and gave him a horse. he told him that the horse was very obedient and a very fast runner! he told him the following things:

to make it walk, say: "Subhaanallah"

to make it run, say: "Alhamdulillah"

to make is stop, saw: "Allahuakbar"

So he tests it by making it run by saying Alhamulillah and making it walk and stop.
The poor man was very happy indeed that he had this horse and thanked the owner a lot. The owner told the poor man to play with the horse and get to know it.
so the man starts to take it around the whole city and town. he takes him to the market by making it walk, run, and stop. he starts going further to the places like grass land and cliffs.
But Once he was driving it, he was heading right towards a very dangerous cliff!! he was in TOTAL PANIC and had no idea what to say. he for got everything, he tried mashaallah, and astaghfirullah and was really in panic.

Atlast he rememberred and said "ALLAHUAKBAR!!!" The horse finally stopped and the man raised his hands in the air and said "Alhamdulillaah".

hahahahaha

I found that hilarious, very well told, I think thats the first ever Islamic joke ive heard

Peace and Blessings

[Umm Hurairah]

Asalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu,

lol haha well at least he did zikr before falling.