Official Jokes Thread

[LOL]

3 women are prayin namaz together.

1 speaks out while reading namaz

the second one sais "You shouldn't talk while reading namaz"

The third one (while readin namaz) sais "THANK GOD i didn't talk.

lol....

[Woodrow]

Three little old ladies are sitting on a park bench.

The first one says: "It sure is windy today."

The second one answers: "No dear, today isn't Wednesday, it's Thursday"

The third one replies; "I'm thirsty too, let's go get a cup of tea."

[chacha_jalebi]

^lol i bet they cockney speakin

"alrite darlin be a love and get me a fag o and its thursdeeey"

[chacha_jalebi]

long ago in a far away land . . .
there was a new madrassah openin, called erm madrassah jalebi

the requirements for this madrassah were that you had to have a name after a surah in the Quraan

so loads of people signed up, thinkin it is a heavy madrassah

so in one of the classes the teacher asked a kid, "whats your name" he replied its "Ibrahim" the teacher grinned and said "recite to me surah Ibrahim"...

then he asked a girl "whats your name" she said "sajeda" again he grinned then he said "thats similiar to sajda, so recite surah sajdaa"

he asked another boy his name, the boy replied its "hud" the teacher grinned for a long time and said "that is a long surah, recite"

the teacher asked another boy "what is your name" he said "tariq" the teacher disapointly said "its a short surah, but ok recite"

this continued, whoever had the name after a surah, was told to recite that surah and the teacher liked people with names after long surahs, so they could recite for longer . . .

the teacher asked another kid his name, the boy replied "nuh" the teacher again dissapointed said "its a bit short, but ok recite surah nuh"

then one boy pointed out to the teacher, a boy called imraan

the teacher couldnt hold his happyness and he went runnin to the boy and said

"is your name imraan" the boy replied "yes its imraan, but people call me kawthar so il recite that"

[Sabeeha]

Originally Posted by chacha_jalebi

"is your name imraan" the boy replied "yes its imraan, but people call me kawthar so il recite that"

lol!

[najla93]

Blonde paint job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[najla93]

The Hunting Dog

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more ****ing ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

[najla93]

Men Quotes

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
Madonna

All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
Henry Youngman

To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior'.
Rita Rudner

This guy says, 'I'm perfect for you, because I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.'
I said, 'Oh, a gay trucker?'
Judy Tenuta

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself -- like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
Jean Kerr

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
Tim Allen

some love men, even though they're lying, cheating scumbags.

[najla93]

New Bowling Rules

Supplemental Rules for Bowling

If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs".

When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance.

After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames.

When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule.

After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair".

If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the lane, knocking dow pins, by golly, you get them! That's much harder than to knock them down the conventional way. Good bowling should be recognized.

A ball should be declared dead when you bowl 3 games without a strike. It shall be the owners privilege to decide on the disposition of said dead ball - Burial at Sea, Dropped from an airplane over a live volcano, or a simple burial in the city dump. For a small fee, a league officer can be bribed to deliver a short eulogy.

[Hamas]

A pakistani man divorces his pakistani wife, she is heart broken and weeps, the man says dont cry we're still cousins.

[- Serene -]

*Spits hot chocolate over the work laptop screen* [i'm dead]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wildkat]

nobodys posted in ages!!!

Top 10 Things You Don't Want Dubya to Say

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you all this time. These two beautiful twin daughters I have? They're clones. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
9) My fellow Americans, I have to admit to something. I accidentally pushed the wrong button on my trip to the SAC base. Me being my red-necked self, I pushed the red button that sent off the missiles to Russia. Say your prayers.

8) My fellow Americans, I have to ask one thing. What's a law?

7) My fellow Americans, we sadly admit that Mr. Cheney is no longer with us. After another heart attack, he has been forced to retire. I shall have to retire too, because without him I'm a lost cause.

6) Another thing to admit. Mr. Bush Sr., my father, is really my brother.

5) And my wife is really my mother.

4) My fellow Americans, I am a clone!!!!

3) My fellow Americans, I have to tell you all something that happened back in November. I rigged the votes. It's been on my small hillbilly mind all this time. Gore really won, but don't tell him (the loser). Oh, did I say that out loud?

2) My fellow Americans, as we speak an asteroid is heading toward Earth. You are all going to die. The key word is you. You. I have a one-way ticket to the U.S. space station, where I'll watch and see you all get blown away by the rock, and I'll laugh evilly from my little room up in space, safe. Unlike you suckers! Ha!

1) I would just like to tell the young Americans that you can just say no to drugs. Just say no. Drugs are bad. Drugs are very bad. That is all. Of course, if I could tell them my side of the story, I would tell them that drugs are very refreshing. I was an addict when I was younger, and it attracts the ladies. I'm not just talking ladies either. I was popular after I smoked. I was cool. It was the one time in my life when I felt accepted.... oh... what? We're still on the air? Oh? Is that what that red glowing light means? Uh... WE ARE NOW EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

[NoWingedAngel]

What'd the Persian say when asked how he got to America?





































Iran.

(That joke is so horribly corny it makes me grit my teeth.)

[M4l]

lol mashaalah there are some very good jokes

[Khayal]

Where are the refrigerator magnets??