| Register | FAQ | Members List | Live Post Feeds | UserPages | Search | Today's Posts | Mark Forums Read |
| ||||||||||
| ||||||||||
 |
| LinkBack | Thread Tools | Search this Thread | Display Modes |
 | |
| wat to Say?   Status: Offline Posts: 1,318 Reputation: 2833 Rep Power: 16   Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: India,chennai Gender:  Way of Life: Muslim |  Official Jokes Thread -
10-27-2007
 THE DRUNK A rather drunk man walks up to the bar and asks for a pint. "I'm sorry sir," replies the landlord, "I'm afraid you have had enough." "Fine," says the drunk and walks out of the pub. A few minutes later he comes back into the pub through a different door, walks up to the bar and orders a pint. "I'm sorry sir," replies the landlord, "As I have already said, you have had enough." "Fine," says the drunk and walks out of the pub. Again a few minutes later he comes back into the pub through another door, walks up to the bar and orders a pint. "Now look," says the landlord, "I've told you: you're drunk: go home!! You’re not getting served." "Okay, fair enough," replies the drunk and walks out. A few minutes later he comes back into the pub through yet another door. He walks up to the bar and stops. "I know you wont serve me but can you answer me one question?" he asks. "Sure" "Do you own all the pubs in this village?"  |
| |  |
| | |
| wat to Say? Status: Offline Posts: 1,318 Reputation: 2833 Rep Power: 16 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: India,chennai Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-27-2007
THE GRADUATE A young man reported for his first day of work at a supermarket. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how." |
| | |
| | |
| wat to Say? Status: Offline Posts: 1,318 Reputation: 2833 Rep Power: 16 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: India,chennai Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-27-2007
THE INTERVIEW Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of university, "And what starting salary were you looking for? The engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, full medical and dental cover, company pension with retirement on 80% of salary, and a company car changed every 2 years" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it!" |
| | |
| | |
| LI Senior Member  Status: Offline Posts: 170 Reputation: 446 Rep Power: 8 Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: UK Gender:  Way of Life: Agnostic | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-27-2007
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
__________________They charged one and let the other one off...... Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? Douglas Adams |
| | |
| | |
| wat to Say? Status: Offline Posts: 1,318 Reputation: 2833 Rep Power: 16 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: India,chennai Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-27-2007
THE JOB APPLICATION A man was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" "No.", he replied. The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught." |
| | |
| | |
| LI Senior Member Status: Offline Posts: 170 Reputation: 446 Rep Power: 8 Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: UK Gender: Way of Life: Agnostic | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-27-2007
My friend is an Agnostic.
__________________He also suffers from insomnia and dyslexia. He lies awake every night wondering if there really is a Dog. (sorry. couldn't resist!) Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? Douglas Adams |
| | |
| | |
| wat to Say? Status: Offline Posts: 1,318 Reputation: 2833 Rep Power: 16 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: India,chennai Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-28-2007
THE FLY A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around wtih a flyswatter. "What are you doing?" She asks. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh!, Killing any?" She asks. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replies Intrigued, she asks. "How can you tell?" "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone". |
| | |
| | |
| - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  Status: Offline Posts: 394 Reputation: 2586 Rep Power: 7 Join Date: Oct 2007 Gender:  Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-28-2007
Asalaamualaikum Warahamtullahi Wabarakatu,
__________________ @ da last one. * ~ "To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return" ~ * |
| | |
| | |
| wat to Say? Status: Offline Posts: 1,318 Reputation: 2833 Rep Power: 16 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: India,chennai Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-28-2007
QUESTION AND ANSWER … Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? A: They take the psycho path. Q: How do you get holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it. Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A: "Dam!" Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? A: Polaroids Q: What do prisoners use to call each other? A: Cell phones. Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A: A stick. Q: What do you call Santa's helpers? A: Subordinate Clauses. |
| | |
| | |
| wat to Say? Status: Offline Posts: 1,318 Reputation: 2833 Rep Power: 16 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: India,chennai Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-28-2007
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A: A pool table. Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A: A nervous wreck. Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? A: He's all right now. Q: How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb? A: She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment." Q: What kind of lettuce was served on the Titanic? A: Iceberg. Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs? A: Right where you left him. Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A: They all have phones. Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: They're trying to get away from the noise. Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A: Because they have big fingers. Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50? A: Your honour. Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad? A: Senator. |
| | |
| | |
| wat to Say? Status: Offline Posts: 1,318 Reputation: 2833 Rep Power: 16 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: India,chennai Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-28-2007
Advisory: This is not for any true Lawyers Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? A: Take your foot off his head. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A: One's a bottom-crawling scum sucker and the other's just a fish. Q: How do you know when your divorce is getting ugly? A: When your lawyer doesn't seem like a bloodsucking leech anymore. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech? A: A leech will let go and drop off when its victim dies. Q: Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. Q: What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer? A: A Doberman. |
| | |
| | |
| Zerg!!  Status: Offline Posts: 1,806 Reputation: 7076 Rep Power: 25 Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-28-2007
Garfield: My uncle suffered from split-personality syndrome. One is a cat and the other a dog. He died after having chased himself to death.
__________________-------------------------------------------------- "You ruled by justice, therefore you became safe; only because of that, you are now able to sleep peacefully anywhere." - Persian warrior Hurmuzan to Khalifah ar-Rashidun Saydina Umar ibn Al-Khattab radhiyallahu anhu. |
| | |
| | |
| wat to Say? Status: Offline Posts: 1,318 Reputation: 2833 Rep Power: 16 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: India,chennai Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-28-2007
Business is Business A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - and how much money do you make a week? Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $200.00 a week. Why?” The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, “Here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!” Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?” With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “That was the Pizza delivery guy.” |
| | |
| | |
| wat to Say? Status: Offline Posts: 1,318 Reputation: 2833 Rep Power: 16 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: India,chennai Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-28-2007
Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. How are you going to travel on a single ticket?í asked a lawyer. Wait and watch,í answered one of the engineers. When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, Ticket please. The door opened just a crack and a singlearm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip. So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their astonishment, the engineers didnít buy any. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. Wait and watch, answered an engineer. In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, Ticket, please. Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts. Aforeign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it took to build. Twenty years, replied the guide. You Indians are a lazy lot, the tourist said. In my country, this could have been built in five. At Agra he admired the Taj's beauty and asked how many years it took to build. Only ten years, said the guide. The tourist retorted: You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings in two-and-a-half. In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: I don't know. It wasn't there yesterday evening. |
| | |
| | |
| LI Senior Member  Status: Offline Posts: 175 Reputation: 1457 Rep Power: 9 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Chennai, India Gender: Way of Life: Muslim | Re: Official Jokes Thread -
10-28-2007
*****  Laugh*****son: oh!God!please make CHENNAI the capital of INDIA mother:But why dear? son:That is wat I wrote in my test paper today |
| | |
Linear Mode
