Before reading this thread, I apologize if I misspell any Islamic terms. My knowledge of Islam is very limited.

It was December 1999 and my parents wanted the whole family to go to Umroh. This religious journey included going to Madinah, Mekkah, Tukey, Jordan, and Isreal. My parents, especially my dad, thought that giving me exposure to religion would be an answer and a problem solver to all my problems, which are a heroin and other drug addictions. Before leaving for Umroh, I was born a Muslim but became an atheist before this journey.

There were a few incident that I couldn’t explain.

I forgot when we departed but I do remember contracting a really nasty eye infection during the flight from A to Madinah. Both my eyes were releasing this substance that made my eyes really itchy and sticky. When I woke up, I had to literally use my hands to open my eye lids.

It was the first day arriving in Saudi Arabia and we headed to Madinah by bus from Jeddah’s airport. I still had the eye infection. I used eye drops but it had no effect.

The first incident was about to happen. After sight seeing and praying the 5 prayers and tarawih (sp?) prayer at Nabawi Mosque, I was really tired and went to bed. I woke up around 1 o’clock and decided to go to Nabawi Mosque and do Tahajud prayer (sp?) in the Roydah (SP?) area. I was told that praying in this area was very special and because it was the holy month of Ramadhan, it was more special. I prayed 2 rakka’at and afterwards prayed for many things, which included curing my eye infection. I stood up, walked towards the door which I came in and all of a sudden, my eyes were cured. There was no redness and things coming out of it. It was a miracle.

The second incident came the day after. My dad and I planned on praying in Ryadah (SP?) after the Dzuhur prayers, but were kind of hesitant because there were lots of military men guarding the area. King of Jordan at the time was about to pray there too. They were making a human fence, wrapping there arms together so no one can enter. It was total chaos. Lots of people wanted to get through but couldn’t. For some strange reason, my dad eventually got through, and told me to go in as well. I thought I wasn’t going to make it, but I did. I look behind me after I got through and there was this 70-80 year old man trying to get through but was pushed out by the guards. I felt sorry for the old man

We were trying to figure out where the Ryadah area was. It looked different than the night before at 1am. We sat down and just looked around. After awhile, this Pakistani guy sat down beside my dad. My dad asked him in English if he knew where the Ryodah area was and he answered. He pointed at 2 golden beams and told us to go there. My dad thanked him, we stood up and walked toward the golden beams. While I was walked around 5 meters, I looked back at the Pakistani, but he was gone. Where did he go? He just got there, after getting through the guards, and he went away? It just didn’t make sense. Could he be an angel?

We finally arrive at the Ryodah (sp?) area. This is where the ‘light’ incident was about to take place. We sat for awhile just looking at the magnificent mosque. My dad was sitting on my left and this big Arab looking guy sat on my right. My dad and I started to pray 2 rakkat. After finishing my prayer, I was in the sujud (Sp?) position (I don’t know the English translation) and prayed to Allah. Tears were coming out and out of no where, there was a light appeared on my lap. The Arab guy beside my right held my hand and started to cry, while I was trying to look up at the ceiling figuring out the source of the light. I couldn’t find any.

Till today, I don’t know what that light meant. Does anyone know? I’m still baffled. Is it a good sign or is it like a bad omen? What is exactly is Ryodah? Anyone care to explain?

After coming back from the trip, I kept on using drugs and now I’m really confused about religion. I’ve tried to do prayers (5 times a day), live a sober life, but I just keep coming back to drugs. I don’t know what else I can do. I can’t fill that void. I have to believe after the Ryodah incident, and I’m scared. Will Allah ever forgive me? I’ve done so many sins in my life.

Mayza

Brother,

Firstly of course Allah (SWT) can and will forgive you if you turn to him.

"Say: O' My servants who have transgressed against themselves (by committing sins)! Do not despair of the Mercy of Allah, indeed Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." Quran 39:53

I enjyed reading your post and it seems by reading through it that Allah (SWT) answered many of your duas at this blessed place.

But concering you going back to drugs etc I think when you went back home you went back to the same situations and circumstances you were previously in. The same friends, the same enviroments and urges within you to resort to that which you know.

Its hard to get out of this rut, because you might try and fail a number of times, dont become disheartend by this because you can beat it. You have to control your desires and urges, change your enviroment, friends who are a bad influence, find good friends try and go to your mosque sit with the imam, go to study circles their etc.

Find yourself a job even if it is part time, just anything to keep you occupied and your mind of drugs. Or take up a course in something that intrests you.

Dump those friends who are a bad influence and find good friends I cant stress this enough, sit and talk with them.

Be constant in dua and know that Allah (SWT) accepts the dua of the sincere.

And no the light coming fom you was not a bad sign, Allah (SWT) is the most merciful and loves those who take a steps torwards him, no matter what you have done this past he is Rahman and no one no one can measure Allah (SWT) mercy turn to hi with sincerety, struggle with yourself and indeed Allah (SWT) will forgive you.

I wish you the best, may Allah (SWT) grant you the ability to eat your addiction for good, bless you in this life and the next and forgive you all your sins ameen.

Hope you stay on the forum and keep in touch with all the brothers and sisters on here.

yeah, thanks for the support, khattab....

yeah, actually this is the 6th day on sobriety and it's not easy... i guess it's external factors that i do drugs, but it's a daily struggle with inner demons.... but praying does help...

btw, is there a link to do prayers the right way... any links....??? i do pray but i think it's not up to par...

what about ryodah...?? know anything about that place...??

Sis, do u mean Riaz Ul Jannah? Where the lighter coloured carpet is?

maybe you right, Muj... is there any other 'special' places in madinah's mosque?

Loads lol.....and how comes your way of life is set to agnostic

Its good to hear that, you will no doubt have very strong urges to go back to doing drugs this part will take all your will power but afterwards it will get easier, once your body knows that you no longer need the drugs it will ease off, so stay strong during any difficult times and keep yourself occupied with good things also set yourself some targets and goals to aim at.

Say to you yourself you want 30 days clear of drugs and as each day goes by mark it off and give yourself a reward for completing this. Then set other goals ie by 30 days I want get a job or start learning a new skill etc.

Only you can help yourself and get yourself of these drugs but think how pleased your family will be with you and most importantly how proud you will be with yourself.

I have attached 2 links, one article and one video I hope you find these of use.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R445ekm5QI

http://www.islamcan.com/salat/duas/index.shtml

I think you mean Riyadh al-jannah, it is no doubt a blessed area regarding it:

The Holy Prophet [pbuh] is reported to have said that between his house and the pulpit there is a garden from amongst the gardens of paradise.

This saying does not mean that the place was brought from the paradise rather it is a common expression meaning that the place, as the Prophet (pbuh) spiritually felt, was as a garden of paradise. This refers to the spiritual importance of the path for the Prophet (pbuh) as he would cherish worshiping the Almighty and would tread this path to the way of the liking of the Almighty. This is precisely how learned Muslims have interpreted this saying of the Prophet (pbuh) and this interpretation is also in accordance with the true spirit of the linguistic usage. Ibn-e-Hajar Al-`asqalani wrote in his commentary of the this narrative reported in Bukhari:

The Prophet's saying 'a garden from the gardens of the paradize' means 'like a garden from the gardens of the paradise'.

Hope this helps and inshallah hope you beat your addiction.

Bro Mazya
i know poeple who were addicted to drugs and smoking and i know them very well, and I can also tell you becuase of Islam they quit and they did not have to take Nicotine and whatever and it honestly was not hard for them. They just realized that their salaat would not count with drugs so they quit it. Khalaas. They began to have the fear of Allah in them, and Alhamdulillah they have never gone back. So brother it is definitely not impossible. As brother Khattab suggested, change your circle of friends and remember Allah is watching you. From reading your expereince in Umrah, i enjoyed reading it and it also seemed to me (mind you i am not a scholar in Islam) but it seemed to me Allah favored you and gave his blessings to you. You are lucky to have prayed salaat in Riyadhul Jannah, to have been given noor in your lap. Masha'Allah. dont take these signs lightly; they are a great mercy Allah has sent you and sign for you, thank Allah for what he has done for you and start praciticing Islam. I promise to you when you start practizing Islam i.e. praying salaat, reciting Qur'an giving up drugs, you'll realize it is not difficult; rather it is a gift. it brings peace and solves your problems. Like i said, i know people who have changed and they are soo happy that they changed.

When i registered, i was sooo confused.... trying to find the 'right' religion... I still fascinted by the jewish faith, since it's the first abrahamic religion.... and other religions in general....

Brother, how could you fascinated by the Jewish religion? They were given the right religion by Moses (peace be upon him). He told them to worship Allah alone and not to ascribe any partners to him but they changed the Torah, they deviated from the religion and say Uzair is son of God. Allah says in the Qur'an that those who prescribe partners unto Allah he does not forgive them. So brother please pleaese, stick to Islam, it is true; it is the only religion that worhips the Oneness of Allah.
Okay thats all i have to say
I hope you get guidance and you don't stay confused. I also wish you quit drugs. I will Insha'Allah pray for you It will make me happy and hopefully help you

thanks again for the support...... 15 days and going strong.... not praying 5 time a day, but praying nevertherless.... and feeling good about myself....

btw, besides the umrah experience, i've also had a dream where jesus was stroking my hair and telling me that everything is going to be okay.... but that was a dream....... now you know why I'm confused.....

M

Masha'Allah! great to hear you started praying your salaats. May Allah help you all the way. I'm sure you have also begun to feel a kind of inner peace which is undescribable but only comes with the offering of salaat.
As for Isa AS comin in you dreams, I don't understand what there is to be confused about. He is a Prohpet of Allah, and told you everything is going to be okay. Masha'Allah! Don't take it lightly, listen to the Prophet of Allah, and pray that Allah guide you. Once again I'm not a scholar, so I do not know the interpretation of the dream, but Isa AS is a Prophet of Allah, just remember that. He preached to his poeple that he is Abduallah, the servant of Allah.
okay that is all. and Masha'Allah brother, keep up with your salaat and try, if you can to take out some time and read the Qur'an and the English translation. Remember Allah will help you whenever you ask him for help

I've thought that the dream meant that I should convert to christianity.... btw, any good al-qur'an translations....? i've read in that the bible has many editions.... what about translation of the al-qur'an, does it have lots of translations too??

M

akhee you can try going here first

http://www.islamicboard.com/discover...resources.html (Studying Islam - List of Resources)

thanks for the link, syilla