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    Array cuezed's Avatar
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    Unhappy Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife (OP)


    i need some advice. i've been married for 2 years and 3 months. my wife came over from pakistan 1 year ago. she has been to pakistan twice due to depression. we are both alhamdullillah practicing muslims, and respect each other. but my wife has been depressed and insisted that i send her to pakistan. which i did after seeing her cry and beg me to send her. now she is in pakistan and says she is feeling better and wants to come back. but my parents are fed up and want be to divorce her. the thing is that we both love each other and wish to live together. i want to bring her over and get her checked up. i've reached the point where if i dont divorce my wife, my parents will be upset will me. what shall i do. please give your opinions and advice.
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    cuezed's Avatar
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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

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    you are right fishermans_eye. i do currently live under my dad's roof. but i got my new home ready and will inshaAllah move there, if/when my wife comes back. i dont think my parents will allow my wife to enter their house when she comes.

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by cuezed View Post
    i have just spoken to my mum, who is also in pakistan, with my nanny. my mum believes in all the gossip that is spreading around, that my wife is possessed by demons. and dont want to give my wife a chance. my mum is very upset with me and as long as she's concerned i'm dead ( ). i tried to talk but they're putting phone down on me and telling me to stop annoying them. i'm am very sad. i dont want to upset my parents but i cannot divorce. is it even possible to divorce my wife whilst she is over in pakistan?
    Brother, don't even think of divorcing your wife. This will be a great injustice to her. I have spoken to the scholar and he said, you are not permitted to divorce your wife on the say of your parents. And anyway divorce is not valid under force. I noticed you're from Birmingham. I live there too and the scholar I spoke teaches at the Balsall Heath mosque in Ombersley Rd. He has given me permission to give you his number so that you can speak to him yourself. InshaAllah, he will put your mind at rest.

    His mob number is: 07980 706 013


  5. #23
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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by cuezed View Post
    you are right fishermans_eye. i do currently live under my dad's roof. but i got my new home ready and will inshaAllah move there, if/when my wife comes back. i dont think my parents will allow my wife to enter their house when she comes.
    Don't let culture ruin your marriage. Forced marriages are common in Islamic households but against Islam. Nationalism is against Islam but most Muslim families will not let their children marry someone of another nationality.

    Separate Islam and culture.

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Why does the family have to have the right to decide on the marrige. Who is married to each other, the Husband and wife or the Husband and the Auntie?
    IMO, its between the couple. I married against the wishes of both my parents and it was totally the right decision. If you love her and she loves you then dont even think about divorce. If she's unhappy in England, think about moving somewhere where she may be happy.

    Best of luck.
    Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    i've spoken to my dad and have got him to agree to my decision. but he said to wait til my mum comes back from pakistan this thursday. i not looking for to it. my mum is very hot headed. insha Allah my marriage will be saved, but with the expence of upsetting my parents. they will be very upset. my wife and i will move to my new home. and i will strive hard to please my parents. insha Allah, my wife will stay well with me.

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    oh my Allah, lol! the wife's possessed with demonz?! eh?! what is the world cumin to :enough!: , marriage aint summat you hope to be happy in - u gotto just work and make sure you make it happy. 1 of the key important things u need to make sure is that u understnad eachother. ur wife obviously seems to be depressed or feelin sad coz she's left her family back home, its hard for a person to tek such a big step nd differnt people deal with things differently u just gotto respect that and try ya best to make this work, u dont wanna go on the route to divorce coz its the most disliked of what Allah's made permissible

    at the end of the day ur parents want u to be happy show them that ur happy with the way ur wife is nd try ur best to keep ur wife content by doin all that ur supposed to as her hubby, mek plenty of duaa to Allah and iA. things will be fine.

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by cuezed View Post
    i had never prevented her from doing her worship. we always recited Quran together and got up for prayers. it was her own negative thinking that caused the problem. a person's imaan increases and decreases. i took her to the masjid to atend classes. she studyied tajweed. she went college to study english. she used to study a lot in pakistan. i gave her everything she wanted. i fear i might have spoilt her.



    Astargfirallah Akhi,

    that's the way i read it. i thought that you told her not to pray all night anymore...

    anyway,the folks talking about depression could be right, clinical depression can be treated.

    having your own place should help make the situation better, try keeping her close to home. get your pc rigged to help her study. here's some tajweed online:
    http://transliteration.org/quran/home.htm

    and here's some good Tafseer by Mufti Ismail Menk. his English is better than mine and he's lectures are amazing [hopefully, they'll put up his Taraweeh recital, In Sha'a Allah]:

    http://www.muftimenk.co.za/Downloads.html

    let her make the home comfortable for herself [and probably keep you mum away for a bit... ]

    Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Brother Cuezed, are you going to phone the scholar? Perhaps you forgot to mention it? I don't want anything back from anyone I try to help. But a lil feed back would be appreciated so I know where to put my energies in.

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by LuvAlSunnah View Post
    oh my Allah, lol! the wife's possessed with demonz?! eh?!
    How is that different from the evil eye?

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by cuezed View Post
    i've spoken to my dad and have got him to agree to my decision. but he said to wait til my mum comes back from pakistan this thursday. i not looking for to it. my mum is very hot headed. insha Allah my marriage will be saved, but with the expence of upsetting my parents. they will be very upset. my wife and i will move to my new home. and i will strive hard to please my parents. insha Allah, my wife will stay well with me.
    I hope you and your wife will get back together again. You both sound very committed to each other and to your faith.

    I can imagine that it is hard for your wife to come from Pakistan into the British culture.
    Has she made friends amongst Muslimahs here? Or is she very isolated?
    Have you sought medical advice for her depression?

    I wish you joy in your marriage, and peace within your family.
    Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

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    I can do no other.
    May God help me.
    Amen.

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    salam wa 3lykom
    i just wanna say .. that if u do love her as u say .. u shouldnt divorce her at all.. n u should try to talk to ur parents... at the end its ur life... but in a calm way try to discuss it with ur parents... maybe u ll get a solution....... well good luck!!!!! i ll pray for u inshallahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh salamz

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    sorry for not replying. spoke to my dad last night. he's agreed to my views, but not very happy. still under pressure from family and relatives. i will inshaAllah speak to the scholar today. family's arguments are these:

    1. my wife's family want her to get permanent stay here and then run off to her uncle's place in london and take half of my house

    2. my wife is playing games with me

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    cuezed's Avatar
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    Unhappy Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    my mum is currently in pakistan. i am worried about her. she is very ill and not eating anything. my cousin trying to take her to the doctors but she wont go. all this due to me not divorcing. what u think?

  18. #34
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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Salam Bro,

    I am sorry that you are going through this, its pretty hard situation, I pray that Almighty Allah guide you to do the right thing.

    Here are my 2 cents,

    Your married this girl, she gave all herself to you, in the most deepest sense, and that means you are responsibale of her, wether she was healthy or sick, so just because she is depressed and been acting bit weird lately, does that mean you can divorce her? we all get sick and act weird that doesnt give our partners the right to divorce us.

    Have you ever thought what will your wife do if you divorce her? wats gonna happen to her?

    If you divorce her just coz you mom wants you to do, then you are doing injustice to her, and Allah doesnt fogive any kind of injustics commited against eachother. And you have to face her on the day of judgmen bro.

    You say your mom is sick, what high BP? or sugar? Its NOT your or your wife's fault, call her and tell her to stop worryin otherwise it will harm her health. This is her way of pressuring you to follow her wishes, bro, wrong is wrong no matter what form it takes.

    Last thing, why is your wife depressed? Get her a professional help, thats YOUR DUTY, abandoning our husbands/wives at the time of need is unislamic.

    Wassalam
    Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    A Muslim Paradise is not a place of arrival, but a way of Travellin

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    cuezed's Avatar
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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    my parents are acting this way, because they do not want to make my life a misery. they've seen the way my wife has been (all the symptons of depression) and fear that i will stay with her and not live happily.

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Assalam Alaikum

    Just give some more time to your marriage , and behave a bit like a more matured man with your family. Remove relationships cover for some time from your mother , father and your wife's face and try to think about them as human beings , and what must be the reason that they are behaving so. If u think about , like my mother, my wife - you wont be able to judge at all whats right .

  22. #37
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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    just spoken to my dad. my mum wont even look at me. my dad has given me the final choices. either divorce my wife or get out of the house. my dad is asking me to do this final thing for him and he's promising that it wont happen again. now i've got to decide

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by cuezed View Post
    just spoken to my dad. my mum wont even look at me. my dad has given me the final choices. either divorce my wife or get out of the house. my dad is asking me to do this final thing for him and he's promising that it wont happen again. now i've got to decide
    Sorry, but, what's there to decide? You are not permitted to divorce your wife at the request of your parents. Period.

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    And...

    When does divorce become invalid?


    In some cases, uttering the words of divorce become invalid. Among these cases is when the husband is:

    1. drunk

    2. forced to utter them by someone else

    3. in a complete loss of temper to the extent that he is unaware of what he is saying

    4. in an abnormal state of mind, such as temporary madness, epilepsy or in a coma,


    In such cases, divorce is null and void.
    http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/S...=1123996015660


    However, if your own mind has changed, then still think twice about what you are going to do.

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    Re: Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Quote Originally Posted by cuezed View Post
    sorry for not replying. spoke to my dad last night. he's agreed to my views, but not very happy. still under pressure from family and relatives. i will inshaAllah speak to the scholar today. family's arguments are these:

    1. my wife's family want her to get permanent stay here and then run off to her uncle's place in london and take half of my house

    2. my wife is playing games with me


    Assalaamu alaykum Akhi,

    May Allah guide you and strengthen you and make this easy on you! AMEEN!

    i was puzzled when i saw number 2, think hard about what you are doing. Pray Istakhara. talk your Imam!

    talk to your dad some more and reason things out with him. don't worry so much about your mom, eventually she WILL look at you, In Sha'a Allah!

    you ARE allowed to divorce! just IF you do, do it for the right reasons!

    oh yeah, and DON'T listen to us!!

    Parents Pressuring Me To Divorce My Wife

    Had the non-believer known of all the Mercy which is in the Hands of Allah, he would not lose hope of entering Paradise, and had the believer known of all the punishment which is present with Allah, he would not consider himself safe from the Hell-Fire
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