I just got married recently about a month ago, my husband is from abroad. we were seeing each other for over a year and a half. He wanted to visit his parent overseas and i was very sceptical about marrying him before he goes. My parents and myself explained to him that he should go and when he returns then we will make nikah, but he was totallly adament that he wanted make nikah then leave. He is now overseas and there has been alot of quarrel as to why he married out of his country, his parents want him to now marry his cousin sister. He phoned me almost everyday for a month telling me that he does not like her and will never except her. But they are using emotional blackmail on him. Before leaving he held the Quraan promising me that he will return. Suddenly his phone is off, his brother wouldnt take my calls, even if i put a guy on the line, i just cant seem to get hold of him. I think he has given into there request. I dont know how i will break the news to my family. Whats worst is that i am so much in love with him and i just cant seem to see myself without him. I have grown so attached to him and i feels so alone and totally depressed. This has affected my health, my work,my mind. I feel my whole life has just collapsed in front of me. I just dont know how to handle this, i feel to just end my life and have a peaceful sleep. Then i dont have to feel the pain or i dont have to answer everyone. i am going crazy. . I read all the time, i even wake early hours of the morning to ask Allah for help, but it still hurts, where do i get this Sabar from????????
not an unusual problem unfortunetely, his family sounds very cultural and it is often very difficult for brothers and sisters raised in such environments to see outside their circumstances and act in the right way as such jahiliyyah is all they have known their whole life.
it seems odd he insisted on marrying before going if he had no idea, i am not saying he is lying, just maybe he had a thought maybe they would try something like this and thought marrying you might help prevent it.
when he does come back it is likely he is going to be married, but it is quite possible he is being held by his family (10% of forced marriage cases are men) so it would be worthwhile contacting relevent authorities to see if someone from the british embassy can go and check up on him and make sure he is ok.
but if not then i think you might have to resign yourself to being a co-wife, this is wrong to be pressed into a situation like this as i tend to think when non-practicing people enter such arrangements they have a high likelihood of failure but if you work on it and him there is no reason it cannot work.
i would advice you that when he comes back you encourage him to practice more and you do the same, seek the help of Allah and if purify yourself of your own sins and faults so he more likely to answer your du'a.
but if he practices more, keeps good company with brothers upon the Quran and sunnah he is more likely to treat you justly in the future whether he is married again now or not.
Shukran Brother for this advise. By the grace of Allah and all my namaaz and duas it seems like things are getting alittle better. His cousin sister refused the marriage to him. His parents are wanting to see me on webcam, im just making dua now that they forgive us and we have a happy marriage. Dont know yet when he is returning.
uumm sis u posted with ur actual id by mistake - or was that intentional?
Eitherways, you ask where to find the sabr?
Well the sabr you will find through prayer and patience. Be with your family if you can, be with friends, keep your self occupied with tasks, job and even if you have to watch tv or something to divert your mind.
Its hard but its something you must do to save yourself from the pain.
this must be hard for you. the emotional tie is so strong but it sounds as if things are turning around. i think you should also see the warning with this relationship. a strong man would not put you, himself and both families through this. you both seem committed to your families but ultimately you must build a relationship. what is to stop your partner returning to his family again. i think you need to be clear about your expectations.
Allah gives subar little one all you have to do is to continue to ask....................... InshaAllah Allah will grant your duas and replace your unhappiness with ease and peace. Ameen..........
I feel your pain sister. I understand what rock bottom feels like. I have just come to accept the fact that I am a failure and I will just sit around and wait to die. Sorry I cant give you any good advice but I do know how you feel.
I feel your pain sister. I understand what rock bottom feels like. I have just come to accept the fact that I am a failure and I will just sit around and wait to die. Sorry I cant give you any good advice but I do know how you feel.
The life is built on obstacles. You will not always have a green light, but every obstacle that stands on Your way, in future will turn into strenght and experience.
This country is dying because of a lack of men, not a lack of programs.
End your life and sleep peacefully ever after. You know that's not the way it happens. I'm sorry to hear about your problems. Be strong, dedicate yourself to praying and reading the Quran. I am truly sorry, I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you must be going through. Pray and be strong. Insha'allah he will come back to you and everything will be fine. May Allah bless you.
Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue... and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.
I feel your pain sister. I understand what rock bottom feels like. I have just come to accept the fact that I am a failure and I will just sit around and wait to die. Sorry I cant give you any good advice but I do know how you feel.
Brother, Allah gave you life, not so you can w8 to die, but so you can praise Him. Allah has entrusted you with the5 daily prayers, this is high calling and seeing as Allah is all forgiving you cannot possibly be a failure. So sorry you appear to be in pain but Allah has a plan for you, make dua that He reveals it to you. Start a thread when you know what it is. Take care brother.
"O ye who belive! Endure, outdo all others in endurance, be ready, and observe your duty to Allah, in order that you may succeed"
I just got married recently about a month ago, my husband is from abroad. we were seeing each other for over a year and a half. He wanted to visit his parent overseas and i was very sceptical about marrying him before he goes. My parents and myself explained to him that he should go and when he returns then we will make nikah, but he was totallly adament that he wanted make nikah then leave. He is now overseas and there has been alot of quarrel as to why he married out of his country, his parents want him to now marry his cousin sister. He phoned me almost everyday for a month telling me that he does not like her and will never except her. But they are using emotional blackmail on him. Before leaving he held the Quraan promising me that he will return. Suddenly his phone is off, his brother wouldnt take my calls, even if i put a guy on the line, i just cant seem to get hold of him. I think he has given into there request. I dont know how i will break the news to my family. Whats worst is that i am so much in love with him and i just cant seem to see myself without him. I have grown so attached to him and i feels so alone and totally depressed. This has affected my health, my work,my mind. I feel my whole life has just collapsed in front of me. I just dont know how to handle this, i feel to just end my life and have a peaceful sleep. Then i dont have to feel the pain or i dont have to answer everyone. i am going crazy. . I read all the time, i even wake early hours of the morning to ask Allah for help, but it still hurts, where do i get this Sabar from????????
Salaam sister, your marriage hasn't worked out by the sounds of it... could have been a lot worse I'm telling you... read my post about my marriage then ask yourself how lucky do you feel compared to what i go through to this very day...?
your situation could have been far worse than it already is.. trust me.... at least you can recover from it...! insh Allah.... have a think sister, deep think, if he's gone then good riddance! hope he never comes back!
you need to focus on other things, im sure you're intelligent enough to work it out... i mean covid 19 and the safety of everyones health is no 1 priority right now!
Yes, I agree, covid 19 has changed everything. Inshallah we need to take this time to become closer to Allah and our fellow human beings, Muslim and Non-Muslim, and help them through this time.
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I have no reasons to live anymore
I just got married recently about a month ago, my husband is from abroad. we were seeing each other for over a year and a half. He wanted to visit his parent overseas and i was very sceptical about marrying him before he goes. My parents and myself explained to him that he should go and when he returns then we will make nikah, but he was totallly adament that he wanted make nikah then leave. He is now overseas and there has been alot of quarrel as to why he married out of his country, his parents want him to now marry his cousin sister. He phoned me almost everyday for a month telling me that he does not like her and will never except her. But they are using emotional blackmail on him. Before leaving he held the Quraan promising me that he will return. Suddenly his phone is off, his brother wouldnt take my calls, even if i put a guy on the line, i just cant seem to get hold of him. I think he has given into there request. I dont know how i will break the news to my family. Whats worst is that i am so much in love with him and i just cant seem to see myself without him. I have grown so attached to him and i feels so alone and totally depressed. This has affected my health, my work,my mind. I feel my whole life has just collapsed in front of me. I just dont know how to handle this, i feel to just end my life and have a peaceful sleep. Then i dont have to feel the pain or i dont have to answer everyone. i am going crazy. 
sister,
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