passive aggressive disequilibrium

salaam alaikum,

may Allah help u and ur mother.i can understand how frustrating it is!

maybe she thinks that u'll leave her as u r an adult so she wants more attention.try a little to ignore her complaints. try to remember that she bore labour pains, child care of u.
if you dont insult back to her, insha'allah in few days she'll change.

and wht more...tell her to read Quran's translation and other Islamic books in ur language. life is not just about this mother-child fight. its about preparing for life after death.

We speak arabic and my mom knows quite a portion of the Quran by heart, she and every member of my family reads the Quran daily after fajr.. the problem isn't in reading.. it is the kind of relationship that we have.. it is at a level that is not beneficial to anyone involved. In fact I really believe that they (my mother especially) is unable to think outside this particualr box.

I can understand a difference based on our upbringing and our schools of thoughts.. I try as far as she is concerned to erase a large chunk of my being simply to acquisce to her.. the problem with the remaining portion is that, even that is so stifled that we inevitably either have a fight or I remain silent and not desire for conversation for days.. To be honest I am not even sure why I am writing this.. I doubt that it can be remedied.. it is something that has gone on for ages.. I guess the problem is how can I change me without losing my identity to have a better relationship with her, because frankly I don't foresse change on her part.

Her views outside the limited range of our relationship are so strange and foreign to me. The way she sides with americans, the way she dislikes palestenians and thinks they should handle their own problems. The way she thinks our race is a master race and to hell with the rest of the Muslims, the way she thinks kosher meat is better than Halal meat. it is everything, to be honest I don't know where her priorites are? Thing is I can't judge her given how I personally am, I am really the last person to pass judgement. It is her habits and her views, the way she reduces everything so that it fits with her scope, I feel as if it is an insult to me personally. I really don't think it has anything whatsoever to do with my adulthood or anything like that. We are colelctively a traveling family. We all travel together and apart and for months at a time. It is not it.. and that is why my hope is for some serious advise on how I personally can change my person to be more accepting of this and respectful to her in her old age rather than instigate or be baited into a fight on daily basis.

We don't have normal conversations, she is an avid reader, something I think she gets nothing out of the books she reads, but then, books from my home country have a nationalistic appeal to them and I feel perhaps that part of her own poilitical convicitions is that she doesn't see the whole story rather a teleescopic view of everything and surprisngly similar to the western view on things. And of course my father has stifled her opinion for years, it might play a large part in it. I mean he does that with all of us and it doesn't matter what advanced degree we have. But the fact is, I actually get along with him better.. If I let him get out of his system his ideas of perfection we end up having very meaningful conversations and I rather enjoy them.. I always felt as per prophet's hadiths.. that this is the time in ones' life when one enjoys a sort of friendship with ones' parents .. but sadly I fear how the days are stolen without some sort of resolution.. every day that slips away never comes back and it tears me up inside how frivilousely we spend them..

Maybe all I need is just to look at her and appreciate that she is my mother and hope for nothing more? I don't know......

no matter what she says or does that might annoy you ,you can never dislike your mother

just imagine when you were in her womb if she said this baby is annoying me,i dislike it i am going to have an abortion?

respect the womb that bore you

Anon 3:



I know exactly how you feel and how fustrating it can be, but I've learnt the hard way that not matter what my mother is like, no matter what she does or says to people about me and others, I still have to be extremely tolerent and respectful, otherwise everything in my life just goes downhill, I mean its that simple I have no other choice, my life is ruined otherwise.

One thing that keep me straight is the fact that our mothers are a gate to Jannah for us and if we don't please them during this life, one of those gates will be closed.

From what I can hear you are supporting your mother much more than I have to, as your mother isn't in the best of health. But remember that you receive emmense amounts of good deeds for being dutiful towards your parents, so none of your efforts will go unrewarded.

May Allah make it easy for you