Arranged Marriage

I've got a whole slew of aunties trying to "arrange" me a marriage. Make dua for me.

asalaam alaikum


check this out;
http://www.islamicboard.com/health-s...ml#post1124614


also, be clever - tell or atleast hint at what u want.. ur parents will take that into consideration insha Allah. they need some guidelines, and they're willing to hear u out.

i'm in one too, its alrite alhamdulillah..


the basic rule is - u won't ever know anyone proper until only after you've lived with them for like a year or more.. so don't stress, even if u chose the person u wanted to marry - you'd still be in the same situation.

an arranged marriage is not forced-it is simply the parents introducing etc with the man and woman being given the final choice without being forced in any way.

I have no problem with arranged marriages as long as the young people are the ones to decide that it is time to look for their spouse and that they are ready both emotionally and finacially to be married. Forcing a girl or young man to marry someone he does not want to marry is wrong. I thought in Islam such marriages are not vaild as consent of both especially the woman is required. What about child marriages? Is this acceptable in Islam. I have heard cases of girls as young as 9 being forced to marry men my husbands age (53) in some countries not just Islamic nations either. I do not think anybody should get married untile they are at least 18.

format_quote Originally Posted by ragdollcat1982

I have no problem with arranged marriages as long as the young people are the ones to decide that it is time to look for their spouse and that they are ready both emotionally and finacially to be married. Forcing a girl or young man to marry someone he does not want to marry is wrong. I thought in Islam such marriages are not vaild as consent of both especially the woman is required. What about child marriages? Is this acceptable in Islam. I have heard cases of girls as young as 9 being forced to marry men my husbands age (53) in some countries not just Islamic nations either. I do not think anybody should get married untile they are at least 18.

that is what an arranged marriage is....
In islam there is no sex without marriage and so there is not age limit..and im sure you know living in the west that generally by 18 if you havent had a relationship then there is a lot of pressure.

sis amna, you don't truly know anyone unless you marry them. So its about living the real thing, and if that doesn't work - then resort is permissible if things get too bad.

format_quote Originally Posted by amna_mirza

I don't understand how arranged marries work, not that I support love marriages...but then again may be I do. I am confused about this issue. Someone mentioned above that you don't know a person unless you have lived with them...what if the person with whom your marriage has been arranged turns out to be evil.

well sis if you look in western society couples live together for years and get to know each other for years before getting married yet theres still a huge divorce rate..? why?

format_quote Originally Posted by amani

that is what an arranged marriage is....
In islam there is no sex without marriage and so there is not age limit..and im sure you know living in the west that generally by 18 if you havent had a relationship then there is a lot of pressure.

I just think that children need to be children. In the West our children are exposed to so many adult things at a young age. Children need to get an education so that when they marry they will be able to pass knowledge to their children. Do you know that a persons frontal lobe which helps process rational and reason is not fully developed until around age 25? I would not consent for my son to get married until he is 18 when he can decide for himself and graduate school. After that I would prefer that he go to college so that he can earn a degree to be able to support a family. Children should not be forced into adult roles and both husband and wife should be well educated and one can do that withins moral standards.

format_quote Originally Posted by ragdollcat1982

I just think that children need to be children. In the West our children are exposed to so many adult things at a young age. Children need to get an education so that when they marry they will be able to pass knowledge to their children. Do you know that a persons frontal lobe which helps process rational and reason is not fully developed until around age 25? I would not consent for my son to get married until he is 18 when he can decide for himself and graduate school. After that I would prefer that he go to college so that he can earn a degree to be able to support a family. Children should not be forced into adult roles and both husband and wife should be well educated and one can do that withins moral standards.

would you consent him having physical relationships before 18?

Marriage Relations with 'Children'?


In Islam, a marriage contract can be agreed by parents for their children. So two parents may make a marriage contract that their children will be each others partners when they are mature for the rights of marriage. Why is this type of marriage contract usually done? In most cases it is done to cement relations between two families, or to agree to marriage early so they have an opportunity for marriage with a certain family before someone else proposes. This was done by Kings in the past to secure relations between two kingdoms.

Even though this is recognised in Islam, when the children become mature - they have the choice of annulling/cancelling the marriage if they wish to do so. This then refutes the concept of forcing them into marriage if they don't wish to do so.





Bukhari - Volume 5, Book 58, Number 236: Narrated Hisham's father:

Khadija died three years before the Prophet departed to Medina. He stayed there for two years or so and then he married 'Aisha when she was a girl of six years of age, and he consumed that marriage when she was nine years old.

This hadith proves the above to be the case, where the marriage contract may take place at an earlier age and the consumation may take place when the person is mature for it.
His marriage to Aisha was one of the greatest blessings upon this Ummah because due to her, we learned so much about the life of the Messenger. She is the 4th highest narrator of Ahadith. She had the mind of a scholor and due to this marriage we know the much about the life of the Messenger at home. And this was a divinely inspired Marriage.


Intimate Relations

The concept of maturity (balaghah) is different to how people percieve it today.


People mature at different levels, depending on where they live, and also their biological makeup.

In countries near the equator, girls mature into women a few years quicker than girls in colder nations. I.e. a girl may have physically developed into a woman by the age of 10 in the middle east, whereas this may occur at 13 for a young woman in Europe.

HerWord.com says:

There was a study conducted showing that girls who live in countries close to the equator started their menstruation earlier.

(HerWord.com,
http://www.herword.com/healthdesk/ot...s10.28.03.html)



The book Women and Health Psychology says:

Many factors have been reported to affect age at menarche and/or the regularity of menstruation—[such as] climate, altitude, race, height, weight, hereditary, stress/psychological factors, light, and nutrition.

(Women and Health Psychology,
Women and Health Psychology ... - Google Book Search)

This phenomenon is not limited to menarche [menstruation periods], but also applies to the whole of puberty. In the book Women: An Historical, Gynecological, and Anthropological Compendium, we read:

The average temperature of the country or province is considered the chief factor here, not only with regard to menstruation but as regards the whole of sexual development at puberty.


(Herman H. Ploss, Max Bartels and Paul Bartels; Woman: An Historical,
Gynecological, and Anthropological Compendium, Volume I, Lord & Bransby,
1988, p.563;

Woman. An historical, gynaecological and anthropological compendium. Volume 3 only by PLOSS, Herman Heinrich, BARTELS, Max & BARTELS, Paul Find or Buy Book Now!)

In Islam, for a girl to have menstruation is not enough, but she should be mature physically, mentally and emotionally for marriage.

Mufti Maulana Husain Kadodia explained:

In reality, puberty has two usages. The first usage is with regards to physical development, whereas the second usage is with regards to menses.

For (sexual) intercourse, developmental puberty (balagha) is a precondition.* Whereas for other rulings—such as being ordered to pray—the menses usage applies.

(Maulana Mufti Husain Kadodia, Ask Imam.com with Mufti Ebrahim Desai)

*The puberty being referred to is the puberty of physical growth - so that a person is capable for sexual relations - without any harm coming to them.

This statement of the scholar - which is based on Islamic teachings - Husain Kadodia proves three points;

1) A girl who has had her menses but has not matured in her body physically should not have sexual relations, if she was to have a marriage contract. This is because she could be harmed in the process, since her body has not physically matured. [Some girls do have periods early, but their body has not matured for any form of sexual activity - so she is not permitted to have such relations due to the harm caused to her in the process*.]

*This is based on the hadith of the Prophet;

It was related on the authority of Abu Sa'id Sa'd bin Malik bin Sinan al-Khudri, radiyallahu 'anhu, that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi , said:

لا ضرر ولا ضر

"There is to be no harming, nor reciprocating of harm." (Musnad Ahmad, authenticated by Al-Albânî)

"There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm."

[A excellent hadith which Ibn Majah, Al-Daraqutni and others related as of sound isnad, but which Malik related in his Muwatta' as of broken isnad, from 'Amr bin Yahya, from his father, from the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi , but dropping (the name of) Abu Sa'id. This hadith has lines of transmission which strengthen one another (so that it may be regarded as of sound isnad).]


more explanation;
http://fortyhadith.iiu.edu.my/hadith32.htm

2) A young woman who has matured in every single way, but has not had her menses - then she is permitted to have sexual relations with her husband when she has had a valid marriage contract completed. This is because she will not be harmed through such relations since her body and mind has matured for it. [This may occur in countries like Antarctica where women at the age of 20 may have matured in every way except they have not had their periods due to the climate conditions.]


3) Periods signify that a girl has the responsibilities in the religion such as prayer, fasting, etc. Just like boys with their first wet dreams.

Mental & Emotional Maturity

Girls and boys also reach mental maturity quicker in close climate nations because they are brought up this way by their culture and upbringing. This usually makes them mature more emotionally too. Think about it; if the norms in a culture are to marry early, then the upbringing by the parents will ensure that the child is brought up to mature and prepare for marriage at an earlier age.



If someone can handle the it well, then what's the problem?

In Islam, if someone is capable of being married and is mature in a way to handle its responsibilities, it is permitted in Islam for that person to get married, male or female. But if there will be any harm that could come to them through such a marriage, then the marriage should not go ahead, and may be annulled by the Islamic judge if there is harm in it.

Marriage may be done earlier in Muslim nations because having any intimate relations outside of marriage is not permitted. Instead, it is to be done through a secure and safe relationship of marriage. This is why marriage is encouraged, because if a person is capable of having a relationship with someone else, then why not through a trustworthy relationship which both parties agree to?







The marriage of Aisha



There is a very strong proof we can use to show that Aisha (peace be upon her) had reached physical maturity before she moved into the Prophet’s house, and this is Aisha’s own statement in which she said:


When the girl reaches nine years of age, she is a woman.

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Kitab al-Nikah)


This statement of Aisha shows that it was the norms in Arabia for a girl to mature on to become a young woman, i.e. become physically mature for marriage and its rights at the age of 9.




Further, Aisha describes herself at the age of nine;

Imam Ibn kathir (May Allah have mercy on him) narrates a hadith in his Al-Bidayah wa-Nihayah:

"Imam Bukhari (May Allah have mercy on him) narrates another hadith which he heard from Farwa bin abi al-Mughria who heard from 'Ali bin Masher who heard from Hisham bin 'Urawh who heard from his father who reports from 'Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her), who said: 'When the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was betrowth to me, I was six years old. Later, when we migrated from Makkah to Medina and stayed at bin harith bin khdhrj's place, I had grown up. My hair had got longer and I had physically matured; however, I still used to play with other girls...I was nine years old at that time."

Source Page 210-211

There are cases of this being the norms throughout the world, without any harm coming to the young woman. Its only lately that the ages have started to rise to above 15, abit more or less. This is likely due to the longer life expectancy of people today in comparison to the past.



Married to a man who's 54?

What we see is that the age of the man is largely irrelevant to the question, so long as he is still reasonably within the age of marriage. Prophet Muhammad had only around 12 white hairs when he passed away at the age of 63, and his description [see Shama'il Al Tirmidhi] proves he was not a senile old man like some people may think.

Any marriage by a people is based on the cultural norms of the time. The marriage should be based on social norms. The Prophet Muhammad married according to the social norms of his society (marriage of younger women to older men was the norms), and we marry according to the social norms that we live in. Social norms are not a problem, so long as they do not contradict firmly set ethics, and it has been proven above that this marriage did not cause any harm to Aisha whatsoever, but caused a great deal of good. Every other marriage should be judged individually based on its own circumstances.





Useful Links;

Marriage in other nations throughout the world at early ages, and more in depth explanation on the issues addressed;
http://www.islamic-life.com/forums/q...edophile-1441/ ((E-book): Refuting the Islamaphobe's Claim that Prophet Muhammad was a Pedophile)

http://www.islamic-life.com/forums/d...1908/#post8251