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    Falling out of love.....

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    I love a girl and she says that she loves me but whenever there's a fight, she just talks of breaking up with me and going off. I can't marry her right now because my parents won't let me and neither am I settled. I'm in University. I've tried everything to stay happy without but nothing worked. Without her in my life, everything is just an illusion.

    There were 2 months in my life when I was completely away from her, not even seeing her face. even if she'd ever come in my way, I'd just stop going in that direction and go somewhere else. And I tried to be a good Muslim during those 2 months and I actually thought that I'm being one but later some of the verses of the Qur'an showed me that I had become a hypocrite. A Munafiq of a very different kind.

    She was back in my life two months ago and everything was going fine but we had a fight yesterday and she left all alone again. I've tried everything I know to break out of her slavery but nothing helps. I've lost my health in it too. I'm very helpless, very sad, very hurt. She knows what I'll go through if she leaves me yet she keeps doing it over and over.
    Falling out of love.....

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    Ummu Sufyaan's Avatar
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    Re: Falling out of love.....


    it sounds like she is emotionally blackmailing you. just stand up for yourself, its the only way she'll learn...when she sees that you care about and respect yourself, she will too.
    love is blind, but i refuse to believe that as i strongly believe that even when blind, we still know where to go. there has to be limits, there just has to be. yes, even in love.

    if you cant get married, you should stay away from her for now... i find it odd how she threatens you, what is to guarantee that one day you wont return? i find that behavior too laid back for someone in love. she knows your weaknesses and targets them. odd ...i was getting somewhere with this, but i forgot
    Falling out of love.....

    ...desperate for husnul-khitaam...


    please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.


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    Re: Falling out of love.....



    Quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender View Post
    .. later some of the verses of the Qur'an showed me that I had become a hypocrite. A Munafiq of a very different kind. .
    before marriage , a Muslim man and a woman are not allowed to spend time together closely. When u stopped doing that , then after reading Quran u found that you are a munafiq ...how is that possible ? Can u post the verse here ?

    as the sis pointed out , she is blackmailing u emotionally . It's good that she left u again. Now ask Allah to help u . Offer Istekhara salat about marrying her . If result is positive , then u can talk to ur parents . If marriage is impossible now , then keep fasting and wait for the rigth moment.

    Fear Allah and don't continue the haram relationship.
    Falling out of love.....

    Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172

    recitation:http://quran.jalisi.com

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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman View Post


    before marriage , a Muslim man and a woman are not allowed to spend time together closely. When u stopped doing that , then after reading Quran u found that you are a munafiq ...how is that possible ? Can u post the verse here ?

    as the sis pointed out , she is blackmailing u emotionally . It's good that she left u again. Now ask Allah to help u . Offer Istekhara salat about marrying her . If result is positive , then u can talk to ur parents . If marriage is impossible now , then keep fasting and wait for the rigth moment.

    Fear Allah and don't continue the haram relationship.
    I don't remember the verse but it said something like when Allah blesses some people with something in this world, they start feeling special. They feel that Allah loves them more and they consider others below them. And when it comes to the hereafter, these people think that they'll be able to make it to heaven with some good deeds which they've committed. They actually become arrogant and don't realize it.

    I've tried staying away from her but it has just made me worse. Since morning, I've been so upset. Why doesn't she care for my feelings?
    Falling out of love.....

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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    Quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender View Post
    I love a girl and she says that she loves me but whenever there's a fight, she just talks of breaking up with me and going off. I can't marry her right now because my parents won't let me and neither am I settled. I'm in University. I've tried everything to stay happy without but nothing worked. Without her in my life, everything is just an illusion.

    There were 2 months in my life when I was completely away from her, not even seeing her face. even if she'd ever come in my way, I'd just stop going in that direction and go somewhere else. And I tried to be a good Muslim during those 2 months and I actually thought that I'm being one but later some of the verses of the Qur'an showed me that I had become a hypocrite. A Munafiq of a very different kind.

    She was back in my life two months ago and everything was going fine but we had a fight yesterday and she left all alone again. I've tried everything I know to break out of her slavery but nothing helps. I've lost my health in it too. I'm very helpless, very sad, very hurt. She knows what I'll go through if she leaves me yet she keeps doing it over and over.

    No, no, no! It's the love that is the illusion. You walked in a different direction for two months. But you turned back. The path you left might have been the one that took you closer to Allah. But your nafs lured you back to the duniya. The shaytaan took advanatge of your lack of knowledge and made you feel you were a hypocrite and then he struck you another blow by prompting you to leave what was best for you. You thought it's better to stop practicing than stop what you think is hypocritical of you. How clever the shaytaan must feel when he tricks us. We all have the ability to love. We create mental snapshots of love's images. And when we find someone with qualities we like, we project those images onto him/her. We try to give that love a body/substance. And hope for it to turn into reality. And as you found out, the transfer is out of place. The transparent image on your mind does not fit perfectly onto the real person you found. But if that love had come after knowing that person and living life's experiences with them then the love born would have been created to fit the real person. And that is love after marriage. Anything before is an illusion based on what you want - not what is real.


    But even though love after marriage is based on reality, it is only real as long as the conditions that sustains it are to your expectations. If the person you grew to love changes, depending on how accpeting you are, your love for them could change too. So nothing. No love is pure and real like the love for Allah subhana wa ta'ala. Allah's love is the only love in which holds no fear. Loving man comes with fear of betrayal, pain and rejection. But love for Allah is free from all that. Does it then, for a few days of temporary life, befit a muslim to love someone else to the extent they they think their life is nothing without 'that' person when Allah loves more than 70 mothers? None is more worthy of love than Allah. It's just Allah, Allah, Allah.







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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    ^^^^ I didn't give up practising Islam. I just realized that I was following it in not the right way. I wish I remembered those verses because when I read them, I could complete identify with those Hypocrites. I still practice Islam.
    Falling out of love.....

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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    ^ Sorry I should've been clearer. I meant you stopped 'practicing' as in keeping away from what was impermissable.

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    Friends vs Islam.

    i've got these 2 frends that im really close to we used to do everyfing together one is a non muslim and the other is a muslim but not practising. But i've been practisin for nearly a year now and i just started wearing a hijab and abaya for like 3 months but i can tell my friends dont really like me like this, especially the non muslim friend we hardly speak to each other as we both have different lives and when they ask for me to come out i say no as were going to end up doing haram so im tyna keep away, however my muslim friend the one that isnt really practising she's my closest friend im trying to get her more into the deen but she havin none of it so im tryna keep away from her but i actually dont know what to do because i love her for the sake of allah and as a friend im trying to help her.

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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    How did these two threads get merged?

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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    Quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender View Post
    ^^^^ I didn't give up practising Islam. I just realized that I was following it in not the right way. I wish I remembered those verses because when I read them, I could complete identify with those Hypocrites. I still practice Islam.
    Brother, the very definition of a Munafiq in Islam is someone who is deliberately trying to fool everyone around them into thinking they are pious muslims while in secret or privacy not only commit all sins, but bash Islam and muslims and do not believe there is a judgement day. Just maintaining an outer shell in order to keep the allegience and benefits with the muslims while not believing the beliefs of muslims. You cannot possibly say you are trying to be a good muslim and then "discovered" that you are a munafiq. You must have misunderstood something brother.

    By spending 2 months as a better muslim and being away from her you elevated yourself over the headache and also gained some good rewards insha Allah. Sounds to me though the girl is an emotional abuser. You should not ever let someone like that into your life, brother, it sucks the joy out of it.

    Think of her like a cigarette: the only reason you feel bad when she's not around, is because you let her close in the first place. So when you feel bad, it's not because she's not around, it's because she WAS before (Many people quit smoking when they shift their perception like that ). Another way is to think of her as a hair removal strip: it hurts WHEN you peel it off, yet it's putting it on that's the actual cause of the pain.

    Everytime she comes near you she manipulates emotions, and then triggers a withdrawal symptom by leaving them exposed and raw. If you remove her out of your life, in time the emotions will disappear and you'll be completely fine, and when find a proper deserving person to properly and Islamically attach to you and earn the right to share these emotions with you, then your emotions won't be manipulated again. That first person will fade away completely and even if you see her again she will be as meaningless and as distant a memory as a bad movie.

    And May God grant you peace of mind
    Falling out of love.....

    _____________________________________________

    Iblis's eternal destination in the Hellfire is due to Arrogance, not Disbelief.



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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    Quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender View Post
    I love a girl and she says that she loves me but whenever there's a fight, she just talks of breaking up with me and going off. I can't marry her right now because my parents won't let me and neither am I settled. I'm in University. I've tried everything to stay happy without but nothing worked. Without her in my life, everything is just an illusion.

    There were 2 months in my life when I was completely away from her, not even seeing her face. even if she'd ever come in my way, I'd just stop going in that direction and go somewhere else. And I tried to be a good Muslim during those 2 months and I actually thought that I'm being one but later some of the verses of the Qur'an showed me that I had become a hypocrite. A Munafiq of a very different kind.

    She was back in my life two months ago and everything was going fine but we had a fight yesterday and she left all alone again. I've tried everything I know to break out of her slavery but nothing helps. I've lost my health in it too. I'm very helpless, very sad, very hurt. She knows what I'll go through if she leaves me yet she keeps doing it over and over.
    i agree with sister muslim woman your not even meant to be in a haraam relationship anyway so breaking up dosent sound like a bad idea to me and not for you also. brother everybody sins. it dose not make you a hypocrite. men are weak when it comes to women and most men fall into the shaytans trap. to save yourself and her from further sinning i suggest you be stern with her now and use anger towards her too if you love this grl you will push her away because you don't want her to also sin. your parents are clearly not allowing you to marry so you must forget about this girl for now until you will finish your studies
    Falling out of love.....




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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    I would just break up with her.

    But honestly i wouldnt really be in the situation in the first place, i dont hang around with girls unless i really plan on marrying them

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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    Asalaamualykum Brother,

    When someone is in this sort of situation it can be really hard to get out. I know its easily said than done but brother as a sister in Islam i would advise you to stay away form this girl no matter how much you love her.

    Now bro, when you said La ilaha illallah Muhammadur Rasool Allah did you really mean it? Do you really love Allah as much as you say you do? Do you REALLY love Muhammed saw? If you Loved Allah you would follow Muhammed saw and if you loved Muhammed saw you would listen to what he had to say...

    I know the last thing you wanna hear is 'break up with this girl it is haram', and you may even ignore it if someone says it because you feel that giving up on her will make you cry day and night, you wont sleep and you may get ill etc...Now picture this, when you first met this girl remember where you were, who was around you how did you feel towards her and what did you both say to each other?

    Now imagine your in the same place but instead Muhammed saw is by your side, would you still look at her the way you did? would u still talk to her the way you did?

    If No then you wouldnt be in the situation you are in and it would have been better for you obviously. Brother repent to Allah, remember that Allah knows what is best for us and when Allah says that its haram to have such relationships then He means for the better. Remember that Allah knows his creation because HE created you, and who would know whats better for its creation better than the one that created it?

    From your post its obvious you want to make a change so make a change, before its too late. Before you meet Allahh.

    Brother the next life is much better than this life...don't waste your time, you know deep down whats the right thing.

    A quote from the heart.....

    The Creation falls in love with each other..finds their soulmate...and passes through life together...through the most happiest points in life, to the gloomiest points in life...

    From the day we are born there is that space in our heart that is left empty just for that certain soulmate...to fill it with love for that special someone

    But can it be that a person has filled that space with love for The Creator?


    You will get over her just as a mother would get over the loss of her son or a daughter would get over and move on from the loss of her father.

    Remember that this life is a test from Allah, so see this a test from Allah and pass it!!!

    I know people around you (and me ) are doing these sort of things all the
    time but that is because they have forgotten that Allah is watching them, the non believers around them have made us all think that this life is all about fun and we only live once so why not live life to the fullest..?

    SubhanAllahh

    It is possible to fill that empty space in your heart with the love of Allah
    and his Beloved Messenger Rasool saw ?

    I quoted this hadith in another post and now in this one because i feel most of us have forgotten that the love of Allah should be enough for us...

    The Messenger of Allah peace be upon him has said: Surely the most beloved of the creations to Allah, the Noble and Grand, is the youth who is young in age and who is a very handsome/beautiful individual however he places his youth and his beauty in Allah and in His obedience alone. This is the thing for which the Most Merciful [Al-Raḥmān] boasts to His Angels about and says,
    This is truly my servant.

    Imagine Allah saying this about you, how would you feel?

    Brother most of us are born Muslims, and we are following the Kufar..? So basically we are going backwards instead of forwards while some non Muslims are turning to Allah.
    Watch this till end inshaAllahh
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mjw3eojQC90

    I would encourage you to read more about Jannah and realize this world is nothing compared to it.

    Here are some links bro
    Tour of Jannah
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrspS1pgAOY

    The Akhira
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3SZwQwsJVM

    I hope you can make the right choice, and know that many other Muslims have been in the same situation as you and have chosen Allah rather this dunya.

    May Allah guide you and show you to the right way Aameen.

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    AhmadibnNasroon's Avatar
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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    Go seek a spouse from a family that is willing to let you get engaged. I bet you'll forget her real quick

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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    I think you should reconsider your thoughts, are you REALLY in love with her? Or do you just have an attachment to her? Remember,distance & time is key. Just chill, fly solo for a little while. She's just causing problems in your life. You're always fighting with her so what's the deal? It's not going anywhere. Besides, relationships outside of marriage with the opposite sex is not allowed in Islam. Would you really get sins just because of a girl who plays with your head?
    Falling out of love.....

    Allahuakbar

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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    Bro/sis Anonymous gender,
    I'm confused. You say that there's a girl your parents won't let you marry, but in a later post you say that you wear hijaab and abaya? Please forgive me if I've said anything wrong, or not read properly, but I don't get it.

  21. #17
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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    ^^^ I think some other thread got merged with this one and so its causing the confusion.

    Brother Sampharo and Sister Hayfa, you've given me very nice advice indeed, MashALLAH, may Allah reward you without measure but its not so easy. Of course, I could stay away from her for two months but I'd be thinking about her all the time, every second. She'd be in my thoughts, even during Salaah. I started believing that I don't love her but once I saw her with another man and that day I couldn't hold back my tears. I cried, I was down for hours. I felt as if I've been abandoned by Allah (I know it wasn't like that) I was feeling so lonely, so distressed, so rejected and so not required.

    Before she happened to me I was a good Muslim, finding peace in obedience to Allah but now its not the same. Those two months, I became obedient again but I couldn't achieve peace.

    Its easy to say that break-up with her, don't talk to her but trust me doing it is absolutely not. If love was so easy, it wouldn't have been such a hyped thing. A few days ago, I read the story of Mugheeth (R.A.):
    http://sidramushtaq.wordpress.com/20...h-hamza-yusuf/

    Abbas (Rd.) was with the Prophet (saw) one day and they saw Bareerah and the Prophet (saw) said: “Isn’t it strange how much Mugheeth loves Bareerah and how much Bareerah dislikes Mugheeth?”

    And the Ulema say when the Prophet (saw) said “Isn’t it strange”, the Arabs use the word “strange” only when the means/cause (sabaab, lit. ‘door’) of/to something is unknown – and that there is no need for something to be called “strange” if the cause is known.

    So the Prophet (saw) was calling him to the point the strangeness of love. Love is very strange.
    Even the Prophet (SAW) said that love is very strange. You just can't control yourself and only Allah can heal this chaotic disease because He's the Controller of the hearts.

    I'M SO HELPLESS
    Falling out of love.....

    Anonymous account

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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    Love is mentioned in the Prophetic Book of Medicine. It's mentioned in a book of medicine/healing because it is a sickness. I've seen many people like yourself, myself included, who've been afflicted, hence why I stressed the love of Allah as being the true love. Most of the time, we are in love with being in love and not the actual person. However that's not the point. The symptoms are the same and there is a cure. If there is a cure that means it's an illness. And an illness is not a normal state of health and mind, and you should make the effort to cure it. InshaAllah when you are cured your heart will find True love. Love for Allah subhanawa ta 'ala. And when it does, you will see what I meant.


    Only in the remembrance of Allah can the heart find peace.” (Qur'an, 13:28)


    What is peace bro? Do you agree peace is a state free from grief and sorrow? Then bro, think of the deeper meaning of this ayah. It's telling us that that no matter what calamity, tragedy, sorrow and anguish we are afflicted with, it can all be alleviated by the remembrance of Allah.


    But how? Is observing salah, fulfilling other obligations, or making dua enough? No because these are our duties regardless of what we get, we have to fulfil them. To increase the favours and blessings of Allah subhana wa ta 'ala we must increase our remembrance of Him. I will give you an example of why we have to increase our efforts if we want a special favour from Allah, Exalted be He.

    In my own words... The Prophet (saw) prescribed honey for a man to cure diarrhea. The man's brother returned saying his brother was still sick.The Prophet again repeated his command. And when the man returned again, the Prophet (saw) still commanded he gave his brother more honey. Bear in mind the Prophet (saw) has told us there is healing in honey. When the man returned yet again with the same complaint, the Prophet (saw) said:


    "Allah has said the Truth and your brother's stomach had lied."


    So why wasn't the man getting any benefit from the honey when Allah and His Rasul told us there is healing in it. Simple! The man wasn't taking enough of it for it to treat the severity of his illness.


    Strange example you might think. But is it still strange when it shows that in order to achieve the effect you want you have to acquire what you need in sufficient quantity? We don't know how much mercy and blessings of Allah subhana ta 'ala we need for our different needs, since His mercy and blessings are unlimited and only He knows their secrets. All we know is that to increase them we must increase our own efforts to please Him, praise, worship, and be grateful to Him and strive to avoid committing sins. This does not mean that we only worship/praise Allah when we need His favours. We should strive in doing this at all times. But when we know we aren't and we still turn to Him for our needs, then at least we should do with by increasing our own efforts to please Him.


    Bro, if you want to remove this sickness, you must strive in extra Ibadah, dhikr and preferably in seclusion. Not sitting in front of the PC and chanting words of praise. No. You should make wudhu, go and sit alone somewhere in a quiet part of the house/masjid. Pray nawafils, recite Quran, praise Allah with words dear to Him (preferably in hundreds/thousands) - (see: http://www.islamawareness.net/Dua/Fortress/130.html) and make dua to Allah to remove this affliction and test from you. Stay in ibadah as long as you comfortably can. But be patient. Only Allah knows when He will open the doors of His mercy and healing for you. Remember the example of the significance of quantity I gave for the honey? Make it a habit to take time out for the rememberance of Allah. Not just in dire straits. Quiet often we are so absorbed in asking Allah for our needs that we forget to thank Him for the blessings He has given us. So gratefulness a special feature of your remembrance of Him. InshaAllah by the grace of Allah you will be cured. Ameen.


    Lastly, although this form of cure is better for you, the Prophet (saw) has recommended marriage as another cure for those in love. Allah has given you the right to choose whichever you wish. But I promise you, there is no happiness and joy like there is in the love for Allah.


    Last edited by Snowflake; 10-26-2009 at 10:58 AM.

  23. #19
    IbnAbdulHakim's Avatar
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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    you choose a girl over islam


    you chose a girl over islam


    your choosing a girl over islaam!!!!!!!!!!!
    Falling out of love.....

    -
    My tears testify that i have a heart
    yet i feel me and shaytan never part
    -

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    Re: Falling out of love.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah View Post
    Love is mentioned in the Prophetic Book of Medicine. It's mentioned in a book of medicine/healing because it is a sickness. I've seen many people like yourself, myself included, who've been afflicted, hence why I stressed the love of Allah as being the true love. Most of the time, we are in love with being in love and not the actual person. However that's not the point. The symptoms are the same and there is a cure. If there is a cure that means it's an illness. And an illness is not a normal state of health and mind, and you should make the effort to cure it. InshaAllah when you are cured your heart will find True love. Love for Allah subhanawa ta 'ala. And when it does, you will see what I meant.


    Only in the remembrance of Allah can the heart find peace.” (Qur'an, 13:28)


    What is peace bro? Do you agree peace is a state free from grief and sorrow? Then bro, think of the deeper meaning of this ayah. It's telling us th.....

    SUBHANALLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALLAH-U-AKBAR

    what an awesome post!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so very much sister. May Allah reward you with closeness to him. You've helped me beyond understanding. I'm feeling so different and better. I don't know how long this feeling will last but inshAllah I'll strive to not let it go out of me. I can actually say that you pointed out my shortcomings in worshiping him. I always had faith in Allah but I disobeyed him so many times. I also believe that God helps those who help themselves. I think now I know what to do. Slavery to an evil woman gave me happiness for two months but gave me far more grief in just two days. I can't thank you enough. May Allah forgive each and every sin of yours and give you Jannat-ul-firdaus. I'm not sure if I should disclose myself to you but inshAllah I'll pray for you too for the rest of my life, inshAllah. THANK YOU SO MUCH SISTER.
    Falling out of love.....

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