I lost my mother around three years ago. Since then i have the duty of a mother, my dad stays really unwell. I have three brothers who are all on the wrong path.. My mum used to be very upset with there ways and read alot of duaas. I try and read for them, I have tried talking to them many times but they do not listen. They are all doing the haraam things that shouldnt be done in islam like drink, drugs keeping gf's. They come home very late or dont bother even coming sometimes. I am not married and young myself but stay very upset because of there ways. I really need help i want to change them and make them good muslims. Please advise on what can be done or even tell me some duaa i can make.
wa alaykum us-Salaam
may allah grant your mother the highest level of jannah and give your father good health.
with regards to your brothers, do they have someone that they fear eg an uncle to give then an earful? maybe you should get someone to talk to them...the only thing i can advise you is to be patient and keep making dua for them. do you have a good relationship with them? if not, try to "befriend" them by doing the things they like (if it doesn't involve the haraam), interact with them, eat with them and talk over dinner and other such things... this way inshallah you have a good relationship with them so that when you preach to them their hearts are already soften towards you, hence they may soften to whatever you say to them...
you dont have to preach to them directly, just leave a book somewhere were they will see it and just leave it there...you never know, they may open it when they are bored :P
unfortunately some people just dont learn until something happens to them (may allah prevent that from happening)
Last edited by Ummu Sufyaan; 11-24-2009 at 09:47 AM.
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
its so sad. yes, keep making Dua's bcoz it is Allah Who guides.
keep some Islamic books in their rooms. play Islamic CD's when they are @ home. tell them politely about Allah's blessings, His jannah, pain in Hell, the suffering which a person might suffer due to his/her sins even in this worlld like illness, no job, etc.
It is realy sad. I can understand your pain. May Allah (swt) grant you wisdom and peace.
I agree you should have more interaction with them and try to befriend. I do not agree playing CD of islamic lecture may help. But if some related books/CDs if kept some where they can pick them up and read/listen themselves may bring them to the right path.
Furthermore, I agree, if you have somebody elder like uncle etc, they may instruct/screw them.
May Allah help you.
When there is nothing left but Allah that is when you find out that Allah is all you need.
wa alaykum us-Salaam
may allah grant your mother the highest level of jannah and give your father good health.
with regards to your brothers, do they have someone that they fear eg an uncle to give then an earful? maybe you should get someone to talk to them...the only thing i can advise you is to be patient and keep making dua for them. do you have a good relationship with them? if not, try to "befriend" them by doing the things they like (if it doesn't involve the haraam), interact with them, eat with them and talk over dinner and other such things... this way inshallah you have a good relationship with them so that when you preach to them their hearts are already soften towards you, hence they may soften to whatever you say to them...you dont have to preach to them directly, just leave a book somewhere were they will see it and just leave it there...you never know, they may open it when they are bored
unfortunately some people just dont learn until something happens to them (may allah prevent that from happening)
Thumma Ameen at the du'aa, excellent advice masha'Allah.
I'd just echo the above I think. I know how it feels, my mum is away at the moment and my brothers keep bunking school and college (well not bunking but calling in sick when I know they're not really), I feel at such a loss but try and befriend them insha'Allah, talk to them, tell them that what they're doing is totally against Islam. Try bonding with them in different ways. I'd make more of an effort to do things for them, just that they feel cared for and are made to feel appreciative of all you do for them, maybe that would prompt them to realise how much they're worrying you and letting you down...
Remember that people have different ways of coping with loss, some people keep all the pain and hurt inside, some just go completely off the rails, losing your mother (may Allah grant her jannah), might have been one of the reasons why your brothers are going astray. Everybody needs somebody older and wiser to guide and help them, is there anybody you can think of? Uncles/cousins maybe?
Thanks brothers and sisters for the comments. I have tried many different ways to communicate with them. I have family members who speak to them occasionally and tell them off. They sit and listen at the time and agree it is wrong but still go in the wrong way. Recently one of them went umrah with my dad i really prayed that will bring changes but still the same. I am really ashamed of the way they behave, it brings a bad name on the family which they dont understand. It is very hard to communicate with them. i have been trying to make them do atleast 1 tasbi a day, inshallah this will bring changes. My mums sudden death has made them worse. My mums death was a big lesson they could have learnt from. We have already been through alot of pain and suffeings in life. I pray to Allah (swt) to make them better people and make my father proud of them inshallah one day.
Perhaps it is time they got a taste of tough love. You and your Father need to lay down the law. Time they got the message to either straighten up or get out. to provide them with room and board is enabling them to live the life of debauchery. Time to tell them that if they are going to act like garbage, they go out with the garbage and can decay on the street like the trash they want to be.
I'm afraid you cannot do anything. They are not going to listen. One day they will realise the mistakes they have made.
If they continue to do drugs they could get arrested and have a very difficult life ahead of them.
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
i know i keep on saying this on every thread lol but i have something a little in common with ur entire problems Only my family is not muslim... It was tough growing up around them after da death of my mum... It hit my younger brother the hardest my dad stoped caring after a while. Well i 100percent agree with uncle woodrow. I mean if they cant listen to soft language, what language will they listen to...
Last edited by cat eyes; 11-24-2009 at 07:37 PM.
Reason: spelling incorrect
Thats what i am scared of, they tend to not come home the days they have taken the drugs or alcohol but i am sure they take it. I have known from other people. In my situation my dad cares alot, he has sleepless nights over these boys. Dad is elderly and sick and cannot chase around them. They work during the day but still be up late at nite and go clubbing. I really want to help them because inside deep down i know they have hearts of gold and have been caught up in the wrong people.
^ Well do you have any male relatives that are religious? Probably they need better company.
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
Maybe the thing I think is you can talk with your brothers' friends. It would be effective way to convince him. Your friends will make your brothers to realize it.
In my opinion, Heating arguments from father or family member will lead more bad problems. (kick them out, take out his favorite games and phones, garbages, etc) Something to hit him HARDER make him realize one day.
Drugs and drinking are serious matters, gfs are temporary experiments and practices.
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I have noticed that UK is really bad society to lead young teenagers wrong paths................... (I frequently see every thread talking about teenagers problems, drinks, drugs, bad friends, gfs, practice, and many harams going on.)
"When the Qur'an is read, Listen to it with attention, And hold your peace: That ye may receive Mercy" ~ 7:204
"Then do ye remember Me; I will remember You. Be grateful to Me, And reject not Faith. ~ 2:152
inshallah i will try and communicate with them by talking to there friends. Uk can be good and bad. It really depends on the individual, how they wish to live there lives. I went to umrah with my mum just before she passed away. It was amazing, the best experience in life. I loved it, the way everyone runs to read namaz as soon as azaan happens. I wish now i was brought up in a more islamic country.
inshallah i will try and communicate with them by talking to there friends. Uk can be good and bad. It really depends on the individual, how they wish to live there lives. I went to umrah with my mum just before she passed away. It was amazing, the best experience in life. I loved it, the way everyone runs to read namaz as soon as azaan happens. I wish now i was brought up in a more islamic country.
Remember me in your duaas
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb my sister i sympathise with your problem but you should know that this is very common not only in the UK but across the world even in Muslim countrys.
We can do and say what we want but ONLY Allah can guide someone we can't.
We can continue to try and instill in them to have fear of Allah and that their actions are leading them into destruction. We can try to inform them best we can but at the end of the day it is down to Allah to guide them or not.
My sister continue trying with them but don;t nag them because that never works. Make them realise that they should be proud to have a sister like you who is very decent and inclined towards Islam because nowadays the sisters are really gone astray and you should make them realise that them going out with girls is so disrespectful because of the fact that they have a sister and would they want that for their sister? Then why are they going out with other girls who also have brothers.
You should sit them down everyday even for a few minutes and read them a couple of hadith because even a little reminder everyday may impact on them positivley and eventually Allah may unseal their hearts.
You should remind them about death often and that what would their mother think of them how they are right now?
They are just stuck in this lifestyle maybe to block out reality and problems or to block out the death of your dear mother. You should keep reminding them that they should be doing good deeds to make Allah happy and dua's for their mother because the best thing the living can do for the dead is do dua for them.
You should encourage them to visit their mothers grave at least once a week so that they can be reminded of death and so that they can make dua for her and remember that they could die at any second.
I would'nt recommend you speaking to their friends as they are not your mahram and would not be right for you ro speak to them as speaking to the opposite sex always carrys a risk of fitna.
My sister dua is the best weapon for a Muslim so make dua for them all the time and cry to Allah and he will listen to your prayers inshallah.
Be patient my sister and know that their guidance is not in your hands. You can only inform them for Allah is the one who guides so there is only so much you can do sister.
Show them these short video clips as they are VERY effective:
[1]Sheikh Ahmed Ali, Bayan on Intoxication [Part 1]
Thanks for your reply, your reply made me in tears. I am so desperate for them too change. I wish Allah will listen to my prayers. My mum was always worried for them in the same way. They do go jumaa on fridays and then visit mums grave. I want to really change them for the better. I will follow your advice on not approaching there friends. I do not normally talk to them but i thought if this can bring changes i would try anything. Please remember me in your duaas and pray for them to become better people.
Thanks for your reply, your reply made me in tears. I am so desperate for them too change. I wish Allah will listen to my prayers. My mum was always worried for them in the same way. They do go jumaa on fridays and then visit mums grave. I want to really change them for the better. I will follow your advice on not approaching there friends. I do not normally talk to them but i thought if this can bring changes i would try anything. Please remember me in your duaas and pray for them to become better people.
Thanks
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb my sister i hope you are well and had a wonderful Eid. My sister you can only do so much. You are definatley not the only one in this world who has family members who are on the wrong path as i am sure most of us have because guidance is not given to everyone.
As long as you give them dawah now and again not all the time because if you constantly tell them then what you say will not affect them in anyway but tell them now and again and text them Islamic text reminders every week and remind them not in a nagging way but in a beautiful and gentle way then you have done your fard and you cannot do anything more but make dua for them and if Allah wills then he will guide them.
Do not despair my sister for have full reliance, hope, trust and faith in Allah and go towards him doing as much good as possible.
Here are some very beneficial and useful links for you to read and please also feel free to forward to others:
Here are some threads which you will find very useful and beneficial inshallah:
It's really sad , you can try to maybe explain them more about the hellfire and the state of ur dad. Maybe try to ask them how would their parents feels if she was alive. Try putting Sarah baqarah and yaseen.
May Allah bless you and show them the right path , Ameen
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Please help, brothers on the wrong path
but try and befriend them insha'Allah, talk to them, tell them that what they're doing is totally against Islam. Try bonding with them in different ways. I'd make more of an effort to do things for them, just that they feel cared for and are made to feel appreciative of all you do for them, maybe that would prompt them to realise how much they're worrying you and letting you down...
Re: Please help, brothers on the wrong path
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