How do I get out of this relationship?

[haism203]

I am a female, college student and I have been in a haram relationship with a non muslim. I understand this is my fault and I will pay for my sins but I am trying to get out of it but I can’t. He is physically abusive as well as emotionally abusive and I have lost a lot of friends due to his controlling behavior. When I tried to break up with him he threatened to tell my parents about our relationship so I have continued to stay with him. If my parents were to find out I would be disowned and my parents will be disappointed and depressed. I was very bad on doing my prayers but now I am trying to pray again and make dua to get out but I was wondering if anyone else has advice? I am depressed and have anxiety and he has ruined my self esteem. I know if I leave everything will be better but not if my parents find out. I understand the severity of the situation and I fear Allah greatly for what I have done but I want to improve and repent.

[SintoDinto]

Sister you need to get out ASAP. Nothing is an excuse for abuse, nor enduring it. You shouldn't have to go through this. I'm sure your parents will be over it eventually and will only be angry in a protective manner mostly because they were sad you ended up in this spot. If you tell them he blackmailed you and you repented sincerely to Allah, I'm sure it'll be OK. If not, go with a friend or go to a shelter. There are plenty of women's shelters. What's important is you are safe. Try getting some therapy, but first, call the police and GET OUT

[SintoDinto]

And if you don't feel like calling the police. Run to your parents. or anyone. RUN

[Hamza Asadullah]

I am a female, college student and I have been in a haram relationship with a non muslim. I understand this is my fault and I will pay for my sins but I am trying to get out of it but I can’t. He is physically abusive as well as emotionally abusive and I have lost a lot of friends due to his controlling behavior. When I tried to break up with him he threatened to tell my parents about our relationship so I have continued to stay with him. If my parents were to find out I would be disowned and my parents will be disappointed and depressed. I was very bad on doing my prayers but now I am trying to pray again and make dua to get out but I was wondering if anyone else has advice? I am depressed and have anxiety and he has ruined my self esteem. I know if I leave everything will be better but not if my parents find out. I understand the severity of the situation and I fear Allah greatly for what I have done but I want to improve and repent.

Asalaamu Alaikum,

My sister this individual is clearly using and abusing you and taking advantage of your low self esteem, lack of self confidence, depression and anxiety issues to keep you trapped and gripped firmly in his hold. So you must to get out of his hold immediately regardless of his threats and put your hope, trust and faith in Allah. Remember the promise of Allah that if we leave something for his sake then he will give us a way out that we didn't expect.

So make a firm decision to leave his grip and hold immediately and repent to Allah sincerely with utter remorse with the firm intention never to get into any relationships with anyone else again before marriage. Then put your full trust, faith, reliance and hope in Allah and do not look back. However it is unlikely that he will go through with his threats and approach your parents but even if he does then just admit that you had made a mistake initially and tried to get out of it but he had threatened you and abused you. Then reassure them that you have changed and that you would never repeat such a thing again. They will understand. Surely it is your anxiety issues that may be making you think that far worse will happen than it will in reality.

So get out of his hold immediately and do not look back. If he threatens you then threaten him back that if he does not leave you alone then you will go to the Police and that you will never return to him again. So change all your contact details ao that he is never able to contact you again. You must be firm and not weaken regardless of what he says or does and also ensure to keep logs of his messages, calls and behaviour towards you in case you have to forward to Police, if his abusive and threatening behaviour continues. After this you must never get into any other relationships again. If you are ready for marriage then go about it in the right manner with your Mahram involved and you will find much peace and blessings in your pursuit for a marriage partner inshaAllah . Please also refer to the following:

How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

May Allah make it easy for you and give you the strength to get out of this and to enable you to get closer to him and become the best version of yourself. Ameen.