cant speak up

format_quote Originally Posted by nutty

Assalamun alaikum

I need some advice and help...........My problem is that i want to say something, put my point across or reply to something but somehow can say i cant open my mouth, i think about what i want to say but dont say it for some reason. This is a life long problem which i want to sort out, All my life ive been doing this want to make a stand, but dont want to say some but dont. And then afterwards i beat myself over it saying y i didnt say what i wanted to say when i had the opportunty. what is wrg wid me

Sounds like you are a normal human being. Possibly a bit smarter than you give your self credit for being.

It is far better to be a person of few words, who can fully back up and stand by what one says, than to be a frequent talker, who often speaks too soon without all facts in place.

The ability to speak out and take strong stands comes with knowledge and learning fully the reasons you take a stand. If you find your self unable to speak out, it usually means you still need to learn more about the matter you wish to take a stand on.

format_quote Originally Posted by nutty

Assalamun alaikum

I need some advice and help...........My problem is that i want to say something, put my point across or reply to something but somehow can say i cant open my mouth, i think about what i want to say but dont say it for some reason. This is a life long problem which i want to sort out, All my life ive been doing this want to make a stand, but dont want to say some but dont. And then afterwards i beat myself over it saying y i didnt say what i wanted to say when i had the opportunty. what is wrg wid me

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother jazakallahu khayran for sharing this with us. Firstly brother know that it is not a bad thing to think a lot before you speak for that is a very good quality that many of us lack. One should always think a lot before speaking and not just speak without thinking otherwise we may hurt the other person or cause friction or dispute. It is also better to speak little than to speak a lot. So do not beat yourself up about speaking less and thinking a lot before speaking.

There are some situations in which we must speak out and be firm and it is in these situations you must try to get yourself to speak out but continue to think a lot before speaking and also only talk when absolutley necessery. When it becomes necessery for you to speak out is when an injutsice is being done or to forbid evil and sin as well as trying to resolve a dispute. In these situations think to yourself: "I am going to speak out ONLY for the pleasure of Allah". Then you will be much more likely to speak out but always do so in the best manner possible using wisdom and tact.

Ask of Allah to give you more confidence to speak out when it becomes necessery and see a behaviour therapist if you think it would help. In this blessed month it is best to speak a little and to do a lot more worship of Allah. Also never hesitate in inviting one towards good and giving dawah i a beautiful manner using wisdom and tact.

and Allah knows best in all matters

format_quote Originally Posted by nutty

Assalamun alaikum

I need some advice and help...........My problem is that i want to say something, put my point across or reply to something but somehow can say i cant open my mouth, i think about what i want to say but dont say it for some reason. This is a life long problem which i want to sort out, All my life ive been doing this want to make a stand, but dont want to say some but dont. And then afterwards i beat myself over it saying y i didnt say what i wanted to say when i had the opportunty. what is wrg wid me

i personally see this as a gift from Allah and not a problem. id love to be like you because the prophet(saw) stressed about minding what we say all the time because our mouths will get us in trouble

and when we have to talk when we really have to speak out against something evil, our imaaan helps us

format_quote Originally Posted by nutty

Thanks people for the advices........when i think about akhira and what the prophet Saw said am glad and grateful that i keep my mouth shut but there are times wen am talking to my mum, bro , sis i cant say what i want fearing somehow or other am gana hurt their feelin which am sure in reality they wouldnt be hurt........ because of this reason i dnt have many friends..........btw am sista :-). I dnt want to be the type who talks which leads to gossiping and backbiting alot but i just want to be able to say what i want dats it.:-(.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister that is a wonderful quality to have do not despair or think that it is not a good thing. How many of us open our mouths and hurt others throughout our lives and don't even realise what we have done until we find out on the day of jdugement when we will have to pay recompanse for hurting others.

Therefore thinking a lot before you speak and not wanting to hurt anyones feelings is a good thing. It is better than being someone who is too talkative and does not think much before speaking. Also as you are well aware some women tend to gossip, slander and backbite a lot and it is good that you are not like this and are well away from people who are like this. You would rather have little or not friends than to have friends like that who's company is like poison.

Attend local sisters Islamic circles, talks, halaqas as there are definatley some near you and this way you will meet pious and like minded sisters who you can be-friend. When there is a situation where you need to speak out then think that "I will speak out ONLY for the pleasure of Allah" and this way you will be more likely to speak out inshallah.

So my sister realise that you have some excellent qualities and know that not everyone is the same. If we were all the same what kind of world would it be? Make the best of every second of this month for it is best to speak little and only talk when absolutley necessery and many of the Sahabas and salaf tried all their lives to perfect this so realise that it is a good thing not a bad thing.

Also sister remember me in your dua's to.

And Allah knows best in all matters

I can relate to this also, you feel bad after and think "argh why didn't I say something" "why did I just stay quiet" I have this problem also.

Wa alaykum us-Salaam
it may not be that you cant speak up per se, but also what you want to say and who you want to say that particular thing to. somethings are really hard to talk about. and our relationships with the people we need to say things to, may not be at the most comfortable and healthy level. so you problem may be a mixture of a number of things. try pin point what is exactly wrong and try take it from there.