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Thread: cant speak up

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    nutty's Avatar
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    Assalamun alaikum

    I need some advice and help...........My problem is that i want to say something, put my point across or reply to something but somehow can say i cant open my mouth, i think about what i want to say but dont say it for some reason. This is a life long problem which i want to sort out, All my life ive been doing this want to make a stand, but dont want to say some but dont. And then afterwards i beat myself over it saying y i didnt say what i wanted to say when i had the opportunty. what is wrg wid me

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    Re: cant speak up

    Hi Nutty,

    I can relate to that. You have to think a 100 times before saying something right? Do you know what cognitive behavioural therapy is? Read about it here. This will help you immensely. God willing.

    http://www.davidbonham-carter.com/cbt-techniques.html

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    Alpha Dude's Avatar
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    Re: cant speak up

    Wa alaykum salam,

    Make dua, place trust in Allah and just say it. Ask the same dua Musa Alaihe salam asked when he felt anxious about relaying the message of Allah to ferown.

    Surah Taha:
    Rabbi Ishrah Li Sadry, Wayassir Li Amry, Wahlul ‘Uqdatan Min Lisany, yafqahu Qawly.


    My Lord, I ask you to expand my breast, make my task easy, undo the knot in my tongue so that my speech will become comprehensible.


    Try making this dua before you want to say something.

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    May Allah have mercy on him رحمة الله عليه

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    Re: cant speak up

    Quote Originally Posted by nutty View Post
    Assalamun alaikum

    I need some advice and help...........My problem is that i want to say something, put my point across or reply to something but somehow can say i cant open my mouth, i think about what i want to say but dont say it for some reason. This is a life long problem which i want to sort out, All my life ive been doing this want to make a stand, but dont want to say some but dont. And then afterwards i beat myself over it saying y i didnt say what i wanted to say when i had the opportunty. what is wrg wid me
    Sounds like you are a normal human being. Possibly a bit smarter than you give your self credit for being.

    It is far better to be a person of few words, who can fully back up and stand by what one says, than to be a frequent talker, who often speaks too soon without all facts in place.

    The ability to speak out and take strong stands comes with knowledge and learning fully the reasons you take a stand. If you find your self unable to speak out, it usually means you still need to learn more about the matter you wish to take a stand on.
    cant speak up




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    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar
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    Re: cant speak up

    Quote Originally Posted by nutty View Post
    Assalamun alaikum

    I need some advice and help...........My problem is that i want to say something, put my point across or reply to something but somehow can say i cant open my mouth, i think about what i want to say but dont say it for some reason. This is a life long problem which i want to sort out, All my life ive been doing this want to make a stand, but dont want to say some but dont. And then afterwards i beat myself over it saying y i didnt say what i wanted to say when i had the opportunty. what is wrg wid me
    Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my brother jazakallahu khayran for sharing this with us. Firstly brother know that it is not a bad thing to think a lot before you speak for that is a very good quality that many of us lack. One should always think a lot before speaking and not just speak without thinking otherwise we may hurt the other person or cause friction or dispute. It is also better to speak little than to speak a lot. So do not beat yourself up about speaking less and thinking a lot before speaking.

    There are some situations in which we must speak out and be firm and it is in these situations you must try to get yourself to speak out but continue to think a lot before speaking and also only talk when absolutley necessery. When it becomes necessery for you to speak out is when an injutsice is being done or to forbid evil and sin as well as trying to resolve a dispute. In these situations think to yourself: "I am going to speak out ONLY for the pleasure of Allah". Then you will be much more likely to speak out but always do so in the best manner possible using wisdom and tact.

    Ask of Allah to give you more confidence to speak out when it becomes necessery and see a behaviour therapist if you think it would help. In this blessed month it is best to speak a little and to do a lot more worship of Allah. Also never hesitate in inviting one towards good and giving dawah i a beautiful manner using wisdom and tact.

    and Allah knows best in all matters
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    Re: cant speak up

    Quote Originally Posted by nutty View Post
    Assalamun alaikum

    I need some advice and help...........My problem is that i want to say something, put my point across or reply to something but somehow can say i cant open my mouth, i think about what i want to say but dont say it for some reason. This is a life long problem which i want to sort out, All my life ive been doing this want to make a stand, but dont want to say some but dont. And then afterwards i beat myself over it saying y i didnt say what i wanted to say when i had the opportunty. what is wrg wid me
    i personally see this as a gift from Allah and not a problem. id love to be like you because the prophet(saw) stressed about minding what we say all the time because our mouths will get us in trouble

    and when we have to talk when we really have to speak out against something evil, our imaaan helps us
    cant speak up




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    nutty's Avatar
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    Re: cant speak up

    Thanks people for the advices........when i think about akhira and what the prophet Saw said am glad and grateful that i keep my mouth shut but there are times wen am talking to my mum, bro , sis i cant say what i want fearing somehow or other am gana hurt their feelin which am sure in reality they wouldnt be hurt........ because of this reason i dnt have many friends..........btw am sista :-). I dnt want to be the type who talks which leads to gossiping and backbiting alot but i just want to be able to say what i want dats it.:-(.

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    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar
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    Re: cant speak up

    Quote Originally Posted by nutty View Post
    Thanks people for the advices........when i think about akhira and what the prophet Saw said am glad and grateful that i keep my mouth shut but there are times wen am talking to my mum, bro , sis i cant say what i want fearing somehow or other am gana hurt their feelin which am sure in reality they wouldnt be hurt........ because of this reason i dnt have many friends..........btw am sista :-). I dnt want to be the type who talks which leads to gossiping and backbiting alot but i just want to be able to say what i want dats it.:-(.
    Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, my sister that is a wonderful quality to have do not despair or think that it is not a good thing. How many of us open our mouths and hurt others throughout our lives and don't even realise what we have done until we find out on the day of jdugement when we will have to pay recompanse for hurting others.

    Therefore thinking a lot before you speak and not wanting to hurt anyones feelings is a good thing. It is better than being someone who is too talkative and does not think much before speaking. Also as you are well aware some women tend to gossip, slander and backbite a lot and it is good that you are not like this and are well away from people who are like this. You would rather have little or not friends than to have friends like that who's company is like poison.

    Attend local sisters Islamic circles, talks, halaqas as there are definatley some near you and this way you will meet pious and like minded sisters who you can be-friend. When there is a situation where you need to speak out then think that "I will speak out ONLY for the pleasure of Allah" and this way you will be more likely to speak out inshallah.

    So my sister realise that you have some excellent qualities and know that not everyone is the same. If we were all the same what kind of world would it be? Make the best of every second of this month for it is best to speak little and only talk when absolutley necessery and many of the Sahabas and salaf tried all their lives to perfect this so realise that it is a good thing not a bad thing.

    Also sister remember me in your dua's to.

    And Allah knows best in all matters
    cant speak up

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    Re: cant speak up

    I can relate to this also, you feel bad after and think "argh why didn't I say something" "why did I just stay quiet" I have this problem also.
    cant speak up

    “Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"

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    nutty's Avatar
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    Re: cant speak up

    Thanks bro Hamza81 for your encouranging words..................

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    nutty's Avatar
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    Re: cant speak up

    Thanks bro Hamza81 for your encouraging words............. from now on am gona try and look upon it as a blessing and try not to beat myself up if i dnt say something.

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    Re: cant speak up

    Quote Originally Posted by squiggle View Post
    I can relate to this also, you feel bad after and think "argh why didn't I say something" "why did I just stay quiet" I have this problem also.
    Same here. Sometimes you need to clarify, verify, and explain things because a situation requires it. But you simply can't do it. Then people turn around and say, why didn't you tell us. I left out mentioning lots of things from my medical assessment as I could not bring myself to be so open, and now they are using it against me. I wish I could speak as I wish to speak.

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    Re: cant speak up

    Wa alaykum us-Salaam
    it may not be that you cant speak up per se, but also what you want to say and who you want to say that particular thing to. somethings are really hard to talk about. and our relationships with the people we need to say things to, may not be at the most comfortable and healthy level. so you problem may be a mixture of a number of things. try pin point what is exactly wrong and try take it from there.
    Last edited by Ummu Sufyaan; 08-26-2010 at 11:36 AM.
    cant speak up

    ...desperate for husnul-khitaam...


    please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.



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