× Register Login What's New! Contact us
Results 1 to 11 of 11 visibility 34053

How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

  1. #1
    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar Moderator
    brightness_1
    Glory be to Allah!!!
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    London, UK
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    6,383
    Threads
    462
    Rep Power
    121
    Rep Ratio
    66
    Likes Ratio
    38

    Exclamation How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

    Report bad ads?

    How to get through the Pain and hurt from a pre-marital relationship


    Bismillahirahmaaniraheem


    In the name of Allah most gracious most merciful


    The rise of free mixing and intermingling of the sexes


    Unfortunately it is very common nowadays to see our brothers and sisters involving themselves in pre-marital relationships. This is because many of us live in societies where free mixing and intermingling of the sexes is seen as the norm. Free mixing occurs in many situations and circumstances such as in educational establishments, workplaces, and shopping malls but now there are other newer avenues that have opened up over the last few years mainly on the internet from chatrooms, the boom in social networking sites and "Muslim matrimonial" websites or as i like to call them "Muslim dating websites". All of these avenues have resulted in the fact that it is now easier than ever before for men and women to mix, intermingle and get introduced to one another consequently resulting in a rapid increase in pre-marital relationships.


    Pre-marital relationships doomed to fail from the beginning


    It is no surprise then that the majority of these pre-marital relationships end very badly and are the cause of utter pain, hurt and anguish for those involved. This is because the couple lived in their own little world or bubble for a while and made so many dreams together of what it would be like in the future. Much of the time one or both involved never see themselves with anyone else but who they are with at the time but when things end then it results in their whole world crashing down and can cause utter devastation and even suicidal thoughts.


    Such relationships are doomed to fail from the beginning. This is because a pre-marital relationship goes against the commands of Allah and they are the cause of the anger and wrath of our lord Almighty. Surely there can never be any good in that which angers and displeases Allah. Therefore such relationships are devoid of any peace or blessings and that is why they are rocky throughout and usually end in devastation for those involved. Remember that shaythan is the third person in such relationships.


    Utter pain and anguish


    These failed relationships will inevitably leave those involved feeling utterly devastated and even suicidal. They will feel like their whole world has come crashing down and that they do not wish to carry on anymore. This is because they gave that person their all. They gave them their heart and they had all their dreams with that person. But the reality is that this was the biggest mistake one can make. One should NEVER give themselves, or their heart to ANYONE but their married partner. Surely those involved do then realise what a mistake it was but the saddest thing of all is that they usually make the same mistake again and again. Some even go through a handful of partners before they marry the person destined for them. This is the sad reality of some people but they should fear Allah and learn from their mistakes the first time around. They should see the fact that Allah is trying to make them realise their mistakes as a blessing and they should NEVER even imagine doing such an act again for they are committing such a major sin giving themselves to someone who is not legitimate for them.


    Learn from your mistakes and NEVER repeat them again


    The past is the past. NOTHING you do can change that now. We all wish we could get into a time machine and go back in time and do things differently again. But there is NO point thinking or regretting that which has already happened. What has happened has happened and there is NOTHING you can do to change that. What we can do is to learn from our mistakes and make sure we NEVER repeat them again.

    Life is such that we have to make mistakes in order to learn from them. We learn from our failures NOT our successes. If we all succeeded in life then how will we ever become better people? How will we ever grow as individuals if we never make mistakes?


    So you need to think to yourself, realise and accept the fact that if you followed and obeyed Allah and remained within the boundaries of Islam then none of this would have happened to you. Therefore accept and see this as a huge error on your part that you have made in your life in that you fell for someone outside of marriage. Islam aims to protect us from ever getting hurt in such situations. It helps us to save our dignity and keep chaste, But if we go outside of the boundaries of Islam then we are putting ourselves in great danger and we are therefore vulnerable to attack from the wolf (shaythan). So it is best to keep within the boundaries of Islam in ALL matters so that we safeguard ourselves against danger.


    As humans think we know what is best for us but the fact is we clearly do not and we are deceiving ourselves if we think we do! ONLY our creator Almighty Allah knows what is best for his creations. That is why free mixing and interactions between a man and a women is restricted so much for he created us to have carnal desires and to be weak. So if we put ourselves into dangerous situations then surely we will end up falling into a bottomless pit where we will find it extremely difficult to get out of. Therefore we must fear Allah and do EVERYTHING in our daily lives in order to please him and refrain from ANYTHING which angers or displeases him!


    Advice on how to get through the pain, hurt and anguish of a premarital relationship


    1. Accept what has happened now and also accept that it has only happened because you chose to get into a relationship outside of marriage even though you knew it was wrong. Therefore you have disobeyed Allah. So accept that you were in the wrong but that you have fallen into error and that you have now learnt from this mistake and as a result you have become a MUCH better and wiser person because of it. Accept that we learn from our failures and NOT our successes!

    2. Once you have accepted that it was your own fault and that you could easily have decided not to get into it, then you must also accept that the relationship failed to get to marriage because it was not destined to. Whatever will happen in your life will ONLY happen if it is decreed or destined to happen. So therefore it is clear that this relationship never was destined or decreed to get to marriage and that is why it ended before marriage.

    Therefore accept that whatever Allah decrees for you is the best for you whether you like it or not because we as humans know not what is best for us. Maybe Allah saved you from a life of misery. Maybe if you married each other you would have had a terrible life or it would have ended in divorce.

    3. Once you have accepted that this was the consequences of your own choices that you made and that it was not in your destiny or decree to be with that person because whatever is decreed in our lives is the best for us then you must try now move forward with your life because there is NO point thinking or regretting the past. You CANNOT change what has happened but all you can do is learn from it and move on. Do NOT waste anymore precious time that you have already wasted thinking about the past.

    Remember: Death will not wait for anyone and it will come when it is destined for you which could be at ANY second. Therefore do NOT waste anymore of your precious time. Save the few seconds and breaths of your life that you have left and use it to worship Allah. Surely that is the purpose of your life and creation. You have already disobeyed Allah and angered him enough but for you to waste more time regretting the past will ONLY be of detriment to you because we ONLY have one chance in this life and our one chance is slowly going away and can end at ANY second. If you continuously waste more time on something which was never decreed for you then surely you will regret it forever if not in this life then definitely the next!

    4. Make the necessary mental changes in your mind. Internalise in your mind that you have made a huge error and that you have already wasted enough time already and that there is NO point in thinking about or regretting the past and that you will now have a whole new fresh new start to your life. You can have this fresh start in your life by doing the following:

    Firstly changing your number/s. Change your e mail address/'s. Get rid of any social networks that you are on. Get rid of any pictures of him/her or any present or gifts that he/she gave you. Very importantly get rid of ANYTHING that reminds you of him/her.

    Now Internalise in your mind that you want to make a whole new fresh start with your life and that you have no time to waste and that you want to move on and progress. Internalise that you will NOT go backwards anymore but that you will move forward from now on. Internalise that that your death is very near and that you cannot and will not waste anymore time on that which was not meant for you. Accept and realise that Allah has something better in store for you. If you don't know it now then you will realise it later!

    5. Time is the best healer. Once you have taken all these steps then be patient and let time heal your heart. The way you think will affect the speed of your recovery. You need to get your heart to accept the above 4 steps and once you have then your recovery will be quicker. Turn towards Allah and put your FULL trust, faith, hopes and reliance in him and your heart will be filled with the love of Allah!

    6. You need to focus your mind on the purpose of your life. Allah did not create you to follow your own desires in life but he created you for one purpose and ONLY one purpose and that is to worship him. So your new focus in life must to please Allah and do everything to make him the happiest. You should strive to do EVERYTHING you can to get closer to him and to please him. You should also realise that Allah ONLY wants what is best for you and he took you out of this relationship because he loves you and wanted to save you from harm. He took you from this person because he has someone better in store for you! Who will truly love and care for you and be there for you and best of all will help you on your journey to Paradise.

    So look for a pious person who is practising and most of all fears Allah. Make sure this person does NOT want to go about marriage in the wrong way for they would ONLY go about marriage in the right manner because they fear Allah. NEVER settle for anyone who wants a relationship or "get to know you" before marriage because this is just an invitation to get into another relationship. This is then a sign this person is not right for you. So look for a god fearing partner and go about it in the right manner and know that Allah will bless your pursuit for marriage and he will give you peace and happiness in your married lives.


    Conclusion


    Hope my advice has helped in some way. Know that Allah took you out of this situation because he loves you and ONLY wants goodness for you. He is wanting you to be closer to him, so will you not take a small step towards Allah that he may take a huge step towards you? So desire to be closer to Allah and try your best to do EVERYTHING to please him. Continue to repent sincerely with remorse and firm resolve NEVER to repeat such an error again. Ask of Allah to help you through this hard and difficult time and for him to heal your heart and fill it with his love and remembrance. Remember the more you remember and glorify Allah in your heart the quicker your heart will heal. Always share your deepest inner feelings and thoughts with Allah and know that he knows you better than you know yourself.

    Strive to be closer to Allah in establishing all of your Fard obligations to him. NEVER miss a prayer for it is the purpose of your life and the first thing we will be questioned on in the hereafter. There is NOTHING better in life than the Salaah. A person who misses just one Salaah is out of the fold of Islam and many scholars even say that person has entered kufr (disbelief). This is because the Salaah is the most important and best of all worship. Therefore we MUST not miss another prayer and we must make firm intention that we will fulfil all of our Fard prayers from now on.

    We should also pray our Nawafil because they will help us in the grave and in the hereafter for we are in need of every single good deed because in the day of judgement we will beg each other for one good deed but none will give us any not even our our mothers! We should recite much of the Qur'an along with its meanings to understand what Allah is telling us in the Qur'an. Knowledge is the most important of all as it gives us a deeper understanding of our purpose in life and it will also help us get closer to Allah. Therefore from now on learn as much about Islam as possible. You can do this by joining online Islamic courses or local courses at the Masjid or community centre. Or you can get good Islamic books recommended by a knowledgeable person. Get a greed for knowledge and try your best to act upon everything you learn and to share it with others as this is what will truly benefit a person who is learning knowledge of Islam.

    A sister should try and join a local sisters Islamic circle and involve herself in Islamic events, activities and to spend some of her time with good, knowledgeable and pious sisters. A brother should also join local Islamic groups for brothers either in the local Masjids or community centres. He should involve himself with good, pious and knowledgeable brothers. Remember it is extremely important that we choose carefully who we keep as friends. We must NEVER keep the immoral and those who openly sin as friends. We should not keep as friends those who backchat, slander, gossip and the worse are the two faced people. Such company we is poison for us and such friends will backstab us on the day of judgement.

    Most of all serve your parents as much as possible for they ONLY want the best for you and serving ones parents is of the BEST of ALL deeds. NEVER even raise your voice to your parents for they have been given the highest status by Allah, The way we treat our parents is how our parents will treat us. Therefore treat your parents the best and if shaythan tries to create enmity in your heart that seek refuge with Allah for shaythan is your eternal enemy and only wants you to be destroyed. He wants you to waste your time and life over the past and does NOT want you to move on. He wants to prevent you from progressing in life and in your Deen. He does not want you to go towards Allah so will you not reject your sworn enemy?

    So let now be the start of a whole new chapter in your life where you can progress and move forward gradually. There is no time to waste for there will be occasions where you will find it hard but with Allah you will find peace and contentment but with shaythan all you will find is misery and discontent. Therefore if you want your heart to get healed quick then go towards Allah and strive to please him and make him the happiest. Ask of him to help you through this and in every aspect of your life. Repent to him always and ask of him to heal your heart. If you put your FULL faith, trust, reliance and hopes in Allah then you will find this is enough for you and your heart will heal and be replaced with the love for Allah and his messenger.

    So let us grab this opportunity to get closer to Allah because he wants you closer to him. Subhaanallah! He is giving you this opportunity to be closer to him so will you not take it? Will you not take this opportunity? So trust in him and put your FULL reliance in him. Know that he listens to your prayers and is closer to you than your jugular vein.

    The past is the past so do NOT let a mistake from your past affect you now and in the future. Strive to be as close to Allah as possible and put ALL of your faith and trust in him. If he is your protector then nothing can ever harm you.

    Therefore let us not waste a second more on the past. All that matters is the present so let us spend each and every precious second of our lives in worship, asking and begging of Allah for forgiveness and his mercy. Striving to get closer to him through worship and prayer. Let us pray for our hearts to be softened with his remembrance.

    This short life is our ONLY chance to put the fear of Allah into our hearts and to live our lives ONLY to please Allah and invest in the hereafter which is our final destination. How long are we in this world? VERY short while. How long is the hereafter? FOREVER! Therefore we should spend as much of our little time as possible investing into the hereafter by doing everything possible to please Allah and refraining from anything which angers or displeases him.

    I pray that Allah heals your heart and makes you of his close servants. I pray he finds you the best partner that will lead you towards success in this life and the next and i pray he helps you through this and every aspect of your life. Please also remember me in your Dua's.

    May Allah give you the best of this world and the next. Ameen


    Here are some very beneficial lectures to help you get closer to Allah and realise your purpose in life:


    This Could Change Your Life Forever!





    Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali




    Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq



    Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan




    How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

    Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 04-21-2022 at 05:39 PM.
    How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

    How to get through Hardships & trials in life:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...mp-trials.html

    How to overcome Waswas (insinuating whispers of shaythan) in Worship:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...d-worship.html

    10 Steps to Increasing Imaan & getting closer to Allah:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...d-version.html

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...ser-allah.html
    chat Quote

  2. Report bad ads?
  3. #2
    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar Moderator
    brightness_1
    Glory be to Allah!!!
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    London, UK
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    6,383
    Threads
    462
    Rep Power
    121
    Rep Ratio
    66
    Likes Ratio
    38

    Re: How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship

    You're Not In Love!

    Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 05-31-2017 at 02:51 AM.
    How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

    How to get through Hardships & trials in life:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...mp-trials.html

    How to overcome Waswas (insinuating whispers of shaythan) in Worship:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...d-worship.html

    10 Steps to Increasing Imaan & getting closer to Allah:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...d-version.html

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...ser-allah.html
    chat Quote

  4. #3
    greenhill's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    IB Oldtimer
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Malaysia
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    3,420
    Threads
    64
    Rep Power
    81
    Rep Ratio
    67
    Likes Ratio
    64

    Re: How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship

    So true.

    I'm Smack! Bang! in the middle of this with my teenage son and no doubt in a few years will have to deal with my daughter

    It's good to have this written so fully and easily understood.

    | Likes BeTheChange, Hamza Asadullah liked this post
    How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

    As long as my heart does beat, I shall live, not lie
    For when my heart does stop its beat, with truth, I die.
    chat Quote

  5. #4
    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar Moderator
    brightness_1
    Glory be to Allah!!!
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    London, UK
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    6,383
    Threads
    462
    Rep Power
    121
    Rep Ratio
    66
    Likes Ratio
    38

    Re: How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship

    Haram Relationships & Marriage

    How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

    How to get through Hardships & trials in life:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...mp-trials.html

    How to overcome Waswas (insinuating whispers of shaythan) in Worship:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...d-worship.html

    10 Steps to Increasing Imaan & getting closer to Allah:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...d-version.html

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...ser-allah.html
    chat Quote

  6. Report bad ads?
  7. #5
    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar Moderator
    brightness_1
    Glory be to Allah!!!
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    London, UK
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    6,383
    Threads
    462
    Rep Power
    121
    Rep Ratio
    66
    Likes Ratio
    38

    Re: How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship

    What The Quran Says About Boyfriend/Girlfriend Relationships - Powerful Reminder

    How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

    How to get through Hardships & trials in life:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...mp-trials.html

    How to overcome Waswas (insinuating whispers of shaythan) in Worship:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...d-worship.html

    10 Steps to Increasing Imaan & getting closer to Allah:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...d-version.html

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...ser-allah.html
    chat Quote

  8. #6
    Imamah Ali's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    Full Member
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    39
    Threads
    15
    Rep Power
    36
    Rep Ratio
    252
    Likes Ratio
    88

    Re: How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship

    format_quote Originally Posted by Hamza Asadullah View Post
    How to get through the Pain and hurt from a pre-marital relationship


    Bismillahirahmaaniraheem


    In the name of Allah most gracious most merciful


    The rise of free mixing and intermingling of the sexes


    Unfortunately it is very common nowadays to see our brothers and sisters involving themselves in pre-marital relationships. This is because many of us live in societies where free mixing and intermingling of the sexes is seen as the norm. Free mixing occurs in many situations and circumstances such as in educational establishments, workplaces, and shopping malls but now there are other newer avenues that have opened up over the last few years mainly on the internet from chatrooms, the boom in social networking sites and "Muslim matrimonial" websites or as i like to call them "Muslim dating websites". All of these avenues have resulted in the fact that it is now easier than ever before for men and women to mix, intermingle and get introduced to one another consequantly resulting in a rapid increase in pre-marital relationships.


    Pre-marital relationships doomed to fail from the beginning


    It is no surprise then that the majority of these pre-marital relationships end very badly and are the cause of utter pain, hurt and anguish for those involved. This is because the couple lived in their own little world or bubble for a while and made so many dreams together of what it would be like in the future. Much of the time one or both involved never see themselves with anyone else but who they are with at the time but when things end then it results in their whole world crashing down and can cause utter devastation and even suicidal thoughts.


    Such relationshiops are doomed to fail from the beginning. This is because a pre-marital relationship goes against the commands of Allah and they are the cause of the anger and wrath of our lord Almighty. Surely there can never be any good in that which angers and displeases Allah. Therefore such relationships are deviod of any peace or blessings and that is why they are rocky throughout and usually end in devastation for those involved. Remember that shaythan is the third person in such relationships.


    Utter pain and anguish


    These failed relationships will inevitabley leave those involved feeling utterly devastated and even suicidal. They will feel like their whole world has come crashing down and that they do not wish to carry on anymore. This is because they gave that person their all. They gave them their heart and they had all their dreams with that person. But the reality is that this was the biggest mistake one can make. One should NEVER give themselves, or their heart to ANYONE but their married partner. Surely those involved do then realise what a mistake it was but the saddest thing of all is that they usually make the same mistake again and again. Some even go through a handful of partners before they marry the person destined for them. This is the sad reality of some people but they should fear Allah and learn from their mistakes the first time around. They should see the fact that Allah is trying to make them realise their mistakes as a blessing and they should NEVER even imagine doing such an act again for they are committing such a major sin giving themself to someone who is not legitamate for them.


    Learn from your mistakes and NEVER repeat them again


    The past is the past. NOTHING you do can change that now. We all wish we could get into a time machine and go back in time and do things differently again. But there is NO point thinking or regretting that which has already happened. What has happened has happened and there is NOTHING you can do to change that. What we can do is to learn from our mistakes and make sure we NEVER repeat them again.

    Life is such that we have to make mistakes in order to learn from them. We learn from our failures NOT our successes. If we all succeeded in life then how will we ever become better people? How will we ever grow as individuals if we never make mistakes?


    So you need to think to yourself, realise and accept the fact that if you followed and obeyed Allah and remained within the boundaries of islam then none of this would have happened to you. Therefore accept and see this as a huge error on your part that you have made in your life in that you fell for someone outside of marriage. Islam aims to protect us from ever getting hurt in such situations. It helps us to save our dignity and keep chaste, But if we go outside of the boundaries of Islam then we are putting ourselves in great danger and we are therefore vulnerable to attack from the wolf (shaythan). So it is best to keep withing the boundaries of Islam in ALL matters so that we safeguard ourselves against danger.


    As humans think we know what is best for us but the fact is we clearly do not and we are decieving ourselves if we think we do! ONLY our creator Almighty Allah knows what is best for his creations. That is why free mixing and interactions between a man and a women is restricted so much for he created us to have carnal desires and to be weak. So if we put ourselves into dangerous situations then surely we will end up falling into a bottomless pit where we will find it extremely difficult to get out of. Therefore we must fear Allah and do EVERYTHING in our daily lives in order to please him and refrain from ANYTHING which angers or displeases him!


    Advice on how to get through the pain, hurt and anguish of a premarital relationship


    1. Accept what has happened now and also accept that it has only happened because you chose to get into a relationship outside of marriage even though you knew it was wrong. Therefore you have disobeyed Allah. So accept that you were in the wrong but that you have fallen into error and that you have now learnt from this mistake and as a result you have become a MUCH better and wiser person because of it. Accept that we learn from our failures and NOT our successes!

    2. Once you have accepted that it was your own fault and that you could easily have decided not to get into it, then you must also accept that the relationship failed to get to marriage because it was not destined to. Whatever will happen in your life will ONLY happen if it is decreed or destined to happen. So therefore it is clear that this relationship never was destined or decreed to get to marriage and that is why it ended before marriage.

    Therefore accept that whatever Allah decrees for you is the best for you whether you like it or not because we as humans know not what is best for us. Maybe Allah saved you from a life of misery. Maybe if you married each other you would have had a terrible life or it would have ended in divorce.

    3. Once you have accepted that this was the consequances of your own choices that you made and that it was not in your destiny or decree to be with that person because whatever is decreed in our lives is the best for us then you must try now move forward with your life because there is NO point thinking or regretting the past. You CANNOT change what has happened but all you can do is learn from it and move on. Do NOT waste anymore precious time that you have already wasted thinking about the past.

    Remember: Death will not wait for anyone and it will come when it is destined for you which could be at ANY second. Therefore do NOT waste anymore of your precious time. Save the few seconds and breaths of your life that you have left and use it to worship Allah. Surely that is the purpose of your life and creation. You have already disobeyed Allah and angered him enough but for you to waste more time regretting the past will ONLY be of detriment to you because we ONLY have one chance in this life and our one chance is solwly going away and can end at ANY second. If you continuously waste more time on something which was never decreed for you then surely you will regret it forever if not in this life then definatley the next!

    4. Make the necessery mental changes in your mind. Internalise in your mind that you have made a huge error and that you have already wasted enough time already and that there is NO point in thinking about or regretting the past and that you will now have a whole new fresh new start to your life. You can have this fresh start in your life by doing the following:

    Firstly changing your number/s. Change your e mail address/es. Get rid of any social networks that you are on. Get rid of any pictures of him/her or any present or gifts that he/she gave you. Very importantly get rid of ANYTHING that reminds you of him/her.

    Now Internalise in your mind that you want to make a whole new fresh start with your life and that you have no time to waste and that you want to move on and progress. Internalise that you will NOT go backwards anymore but that you will move forward from now on. Internalise that that your death is very near and that you cannot and will not waste anymore time on that which was not meant for you. Accept and realise that Allah has something better in store for you. If you don't know it now then you will realise it later!

    5. Time is the best healer. Once you have taken all these steps then be patient and let time heal your heart. The way you think will affect the speed of your recovery. You need to get your heart to accept the above 4 steps and once you have then your recovery will be quicker. Turn towards Allah and put your FULL trust, faith, hopes and reliance in him and your heart will be filled with the love of Allah!

    6. You need to focus your mind on the purpose of your life. Allah did not create you to follow your own desires in life but he created you for one purpose and ONLY one purpose and that is to worship him. So your new focus in life is to please Allah and ydo everything to make him the happiest. You should strive to do EVERYTHING you can to get closer to him and to please him. You should also realise that Allah ONLY wants what is best for you and he took you out of this relationship because he loves you and wanted to save you from harm. He took you from this person because he has someone better in store for you! Who will truly love and care for you and be there for you and best of all will help you on your journey to Paradise.

    So look for a pious person who is practisiong and most of all fears Allah. Make sure this person does NOT want to go about marriage in the wrong way for they would ONLY go about marriage in the right manner because they fear Allah. NEVER settle for anyone who wants a relationship or "get to know you" before marriage because this is just an invitation to get into another relationship. This is then a sign this person is not right for you. So look for a god fearing partner and go about it in the right manner and know that Allah will bless your pursuit for marriage and he will give you peace and happiness in your married lives.


    Conclusion


    Hope my advice has helped in some way. Know that Allah took you out of this situation because he loves you and ONLY wants goodness for you. He is wanting you to be closer to him, so will you not take a small step towards Allah that he may take a huge step towards you? So desire to be closer to Allah and try your best to do EVERYTHING to please him. Continue to repent sincerely with remorse and firm resolve NEVER to repeat such an error again. Ask of Allah to help you through this hard and difficult time and for him to heal your heart and fill it with his love and rememrance. Rememebr the more you remember and glorify Allah in your heart the quicker your heart will heal. Always share your deepest inner feelings and thoughts with Allah and know that he knows you better than you know yourself.

    Strive to be closer to Allah in establishing all of your fard obligations to him. NEVER miss a prayer for it is the purpose of your life and the first thing we will be questioned on in the hereafter. There is NOTHING better in life than the Salaah. A person who misses just one Salaah is out of the fold of Islam and many scholars even say that person has entered kufr (disbelief). This is because the Salaah is the most important and best of all worship. Therefore we MUST not miss another prayer and we must make firm intention that we will fulfill all of our fard prayers from now on.

    We should also pray our nawafil because they will help us in the grave and in the hereafter for we are in need of every single good deed because in the day of judgement we will beg each other for one good deed but none will give us any not evern our our mothers! We should recite much of the Qur'an along with its meanings to understand what Allah is telling us in the Qur'an. Knowledge is the most important of all as it gives us a deeper understanding of our purpose in life and it will also help us get closer to Allah. Therefore from now on learn as much about Islam as possible. You can do this by joining online Islamic courses or local courses at the Masjid or community centre. Or you can get good Islamic books recommended by a knowledgable person. Get a greed for knowlede and try your best to act upon everything you learn and to share it with others as this is what will truly benefit a person who is learning knowledge of Islam.

    A sister should try and join a local sisters Islamic circle and involve herrself in Islamic events, activities and to spend some of her time with good, knowledgable and pious sisters. A brother should also join local Islamic groups for brothers either in the lcoal Masjids or community centres. He should involve himself with good, pious and knowledgeable brothers. Remember it is extremely important that we choose carefully who we keep as friends. We must NEVER keep the immoral and those who openly sin as friends. We should not keep as friends those who backchat, slander, gossip and the worse are the two faced people. Such company we is poison for us and such friends will backstab us on the day of judgement.

    Most of all serve your parents as much as possible for they ONLY want the best for you and serving ones parents is of the BEST of ALL deeds. NEVER even raise your voice to your parents for they have been given the highest status by Allah, The way we treat our parents is how our parents will treat us. Therefore treat your parents the best and if shaythan tries to create enmity in your heart that seek refuge with Allah for shaythan is your eternal enemy and only wants you to be destroyed. He wants you to waste your time and life over the past and does NOT want you to move on. He wants to prevent you from progressing in life and in your deen. He does not want you to go towards Allah so will you not reject your sworn enemy?

    So let now be the start of a whole new chapter in your life where you can progress and move forward gradually. There is no time to waste for there will be occassions where you will find it hard but with Allah you will find peace and contentment but with shaythan all you will find is misery and discontent. Therefore if you want your heart to get healed quick then go towards Allah and strive to please him and make him the happiest. Ask of him to help you through this and in every aspect of your life. Repent to him always and ask of him to heal your heart. If you put your FULL faith, trust, reliance and hopes in Allah then you will find this is enough for you and your heart will heal and be replaced with the love for Allah and his messenger.

    So let us grab this opportunity to get closer to Allah because he wants you closer to him. Subhaanallah! He is giving you this opportunity to be closer to him so will you not take it? Will you not take this opportunity? So trust in him and put your FULL reliance in him. Know that he listens to your prayers and is closer to you than your jugular vein.

    The past is the past so do NOT let a mistake from your past afect you now and in the future. Strive to be as close to Allah as possible and put ALL of your faith and trust in him. If he is your protector then nothing can ever harm you.

    Therefore let us not waste a second more on the past. All that matters is the present so let us spend each and every precious second of our lives in worship, asking and begging of Allah for forgiveness and his mercy. Striving to get closer to him through worship and prayer. Let us pray for our hearts to be softened with his remembrance.

    This short life is our ONLY chance to put the fear of Allah into our hearts and to live our lives ONLY to please Allah and invest in the hereafter which is our final destination. How long are we in this world? VERY short while. How long is the hereafter? FOREVER! Therefore we should spend as much of our little time as possible investing into the hereafter by doing everything possible to please Allah and refraining from anything which angers or displeases him.

    I pray that Allah heals your heart and makes you of his close servants. I pray he finds you the best partner that will lead you towards success in this life and the next and i pray he helps you through this and every aspect of your life. Please also remember me in your dua's.

    May Allah give you the best of this world and the next. Ameen


    Here are some very beneficial lectures to help you get closer to Allah and realise your purpose in life:


    This Could Change Your Life Forever!


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc



    Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ


    Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA

    HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM

    Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU

    Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U

    Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc


    Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE

    Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo


    How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg
    Masha Allah, u wrote really well. I am totally agreed with you. I am a living example of what you wrote and trust me I am getting peace and happiness in the path of Allah, whenever I feel bad or depressed I seek refuge from Allah, I am really happy in my new life where my love is Allah and prophet Muhammad pbuh. And your article gave me an extra boast. Thank you so much.
    But I have a question, I have seen some Muslim couples they were in haraam relationship for 6-7 yrs and they ended up marrying each other happily, what would you comment on this brother? Is it so, that Allah will ask them question on the day of judgement? Or Allah has let them go astray, because I have read in Quran Allah guides whoever he get pleases with and doesn't guide someone who are disobedient? I just want you to explain that whatever I am thinking is right or wrong?
    chat Quote

  9. #7
    Imamah Ali's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    Full Member
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    39
    Threads
    15
    Rep Power
    36
    Rep Ratio
    252
    Likes Ratio
    88

    Re: How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship

    format_quote Originally Posted by Imamah Ali View Post
    Masha Allah, u wrote really well. I am totally agreed with you. I am a living example of what you wrote and trust me I am getting peace and happiness in the path of Allah, whenever I feel bad or depressed I seek refuge from Allah, I am really happy in my new life where my love is Allah and prophet Muhammad pbuh. And your article gave me an extra boast. Thank you so much.
    But I have a question, I have seen some Muslim couples they were in haraam relationship for 6-7 yrs and they ended up marrying each other happily, what would you comment on this brother? Is it so, that Allah will ask them question on the day of judgement? Or Allah has let them go astray, because I have read in Quran Allah guides whoever he get pleases with and doesn't guide someone who are disobedient? I just want you to explain that whatever I am thinking is right or wrong?
    Will you not reply?
    chat Quote

  10. #8
    MuslimahRo's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    Full Member
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    69
    Threads
    9
    Rep Power
    50
    Rep Ratio
    62
    Likes Ratio
    47

    Re: How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship

    Assalam walaikum. Growing up, I used to hear that couples who were sinning like this had to make taubah/repent and then get married. Insha Allah, once they make it halal, Allah will forgive them. Allah will be The Judge of each individual. I don't know why people act so stupidly. It's easy to get a nikah, especially if you have met and are in the same country!
    | Likes Imamah Ali liked this post
    chat Quote

  11. #9
    peacefulone's Avatar Full Member
    brightness_1
    *~survivor~*
    star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    87
    Threads
    19
    Rep Power
    37
    Rep Ratio
    22
    Likes Ratio
    76

    Re: How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship

    Making tawbah and seeking forgiveness while blocking the memory of it is a very good solution too.
    We should make a commitment to ourselves to never think about the sins of the past and to move forward without talking about it again.
    That is the only way we can save the world from the corruption from within ourselves. We all make mistakes and bad choices sometimes though. We need to remember Allah when these bad choices surface in our minds. Slowly Allah will change us and give a fresh start where we don't feel bad anymore but it takes time.
    chat Quote

  12. Report bad ads?
  13. #10
    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar Moderator
    brightness_1
    Glory be to Allah!!!
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    London, UK
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    6,383
    Threads
    462
    Rep Power
    121
    Rep Ratio
    66
    Likes Ratio
    38

    Re: How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship

    How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

    How to get through Hardships & trials in life:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...mp-trials.html

    How to overcome Waswas (insinuating whispers of shaythan) in Worship:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...d-worship.html

    10 Steps to Increasing Imaan & getting closer to Allah:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...d-version.html

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...ser-allah.html
    chat Quote

  14. #11
    Hamza Asadullah's Avatar Moderator
    brightness_1
    Glory be to Allah!!!
    star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate star_rate
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    London, UK
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    6,383
    Threads
    462
    Rep Power
    121
    Rep Ratio
    66
    Likes Ratio
    38

    Re: How to get through the pain from a pre-marital relationship

    format_quote Originally Posted by Imamah Ali View Post
    Will you not reply?
    Asalaamu Alaikum dear sister apologies I let this question of yours slip. Please see my reply below:

    What to do If you are currently in a haraam relationship?

    Firstly if two people are in a haraam relationship then the first thing they must both do is to cut off all contact immediately and then repent sincerely with utter remorse for having illegitimate relations and/or committing Zina before marriage. After that they must take time out to really reflect on whether this person is right for them in marriage or not. This is because when one is in a relationship outside of marriage then one ends up "falling" for the other and in doing so becomes blinded to many of the signs of whether this person is right for them or not.

    So the time that one takes out to reflect is very important and they should consider whether this person will be good for them in terms of Deen and whether they have the right characteristics one is looking for in a partner. This is because Marriage is very serious. It is not like a relationship where both people meet one another every so often and look their best when they do. Living with a person day in day out is very different to a relationship outside of marriage. So both must consider this. If things are already not going well then they are not going to get any better in marriage. So at the same time one must make Isthikhara to gain guidance from Allah on whether it is best for one to marry this person or not. After that they must put their trust, faith, reliance and hope in Allah that he will do whatever is best for them and if they do want to pursue marriage then they must go about it in the right way and that is to involve both families and interact with the female through her Mahram or at least her mahram is aware, present and monitors all interactions. If one or both decide not to pursue marriage then they both must make firm resolve never to contact one another again. Another huge mistake many make is to stay in contact to remain "friends". This is a huge deception and there is no such thing as friendship between an unmarried couple as shaythan is always third party in such interactions. Eventually one or both will develop feelings even if the other person does not admit it. So they must cut off all connections and continue to repent sincerely for having fallen into such a relationship in the first place. After that they must go about pursuing marriage in the right way.

    So we hope that most couples who have had relations before marriage take the above route. Those who do not repent and then end up marrying one another then the best we can say is that Allah knows best what they are going through. But such people will surely be at loss in some way or another whether it is directly or indirectly and whether it is connected to them, their children or someone else they are connected to. However such people will be at loss unless they sincerely repented. Even if they realise afterwards then they must always sincerely repent and not talk about what they use to do together with anyone else as this is displaying their sins which is forbidden to do so. If Allah shelters one from sin in this world then they must never display it to anyone who doesn't know and they should try to hide it as much as possible.

    May Allah enable us to find partners in a way that pleases him and save us from doing that which may transgress the limits and cause his displeasure and anger. Ameen
    Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 04-22-2022 at 12:38 AM.
    How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship

    How to get through Hardships & trials in life:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...mp-trials.html

    How to overcome Waswas (insinuating whispers of shaythan) in Worship:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...d-worship.html

    10 Steps to Increasing Imaan & getting closer to Allah:

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...d-version.html

    https://www.islamicboard.com/manners...ser-allah.html
    chat Quote


  15. Hide
Hey there! How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. How to get through pain from a pre-marital relationship
Sign Up

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
create