I am/was a practicing Muslim. I am in my late 20s, financially and academically quite successful and rich. Here is my story. I've been looking for potential women for marriage in the last 2.5-3 years. I have been in contact with about 8 different women/families so far, and I have been rejected about 8 times by the women, not their walis. I tried to keep as Islamic as possible while meeting them in front of their mehram male. Since I am an analytical person, I wanted to know honest reasons for their rejection. So after each rejection, I sent all of these women emails about how I need to know the honest reasons for their rejection and that I will not be in touch with them again and that by knowing the reasons I might improve on them so I dont get rejected in future. Surprisingly, I feel this approach did help me to get honest answers from them. Here are some of the replies: 1- you were intelligent and funny but I dont think I was able to establish a connection with the way you physically are, and it'd be hard for me to be honest in our marriage if we do get married. I have so many other potential suitors who physically fit the description of my ideal husband. 2- You were humorous and that I think could add to our relationship if we did get married. But there are other essentials to a marriage as well, like physical looks. I am sure you would not want to marry a woman who did not look physically beautiful, its the same sort of thing. You do not have to feel bad about it, God made you in best possible way, but its just that I am not attracted to it. Sorry. Those are some of the replies. I know that I do not look like George Clooney or Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig. I do not have blue eyes. Rather I have murky dark brown eyes. My eye brows are not sharp, I have fuzzy eye brows. My nose is not slender, I have a crooked nose. My color is not like an egg white, I am muddy colored. My jawline is not perfectly angular. If God exists, why did He make me this way? If Muhammad was a messenger for all of humanity, why did God make him so beautiful? I have read Muhammad's biography, people said that he looked like a shining moon. Why did not He make His last Prophet ugly like me so that ugly people like me could relate to this Prophet of humanity? On one hand God tells us to stay away from zina, while He gives us sexual desires, desires to have a partner, and then He makes it difficult for people like me to get married by giving me ugly sh** looks and appearance.
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One day when I was young I visited someone (male) house. Then, when I would leave that house I saw a woman and two teen girls, might be her daughters, on the terrace. I've never see them before. I smile on them but didn't say anything. But before I reached the gate, that woman called me "Hi!". I stopped and looked at them. They smile at me, and their mother said "Just want to say, you are handsome". I smile, say "Thanks" and leave them.
Yes, I was the handsome guy when I was young, although might be only for those who like Mongoloid men, because beauty actually in the eyes of beholder. It made me had an easiness, I didn't need to approach women, but women approached me.
I know, many men are dreaming to have life like this. They think handsomeness will makes women like them and fall in love with them. Is it true?
No!. If they have a life like my life, soon or later they will realize, not handsomeness or beauty that makes people like them. People like or dislike us from our behavior and from how we treat other people. Look around, you can find women talk about a handsome man "Huh! just because he's handsome he think he can be arrogant like this?!". Then look another side, you can find women talk about a man who not handsome "He's a nice, kind and friendly guy, I like him".
So, don't ever thinking you will not find a woman who loves you just because you are not handsome.
I became a handsome guy just because I was born from a beautiful woman. If Allah wanted me born from another woman, might be I would not handsome. Unfortunatelly, not every good looking person realize it. There are good looking people who regard themselves higher than average looking people, without they realize, their beauty will not exist longer.
Mister "S", my brother friend who I ever wrote about him in another thread is not a handsome man. Even he was born in poor family. Now he has been married and has two kids. His wife is good looking woman. And he is rich!. Yes, he's rich, and I am not.
Allah give me something that "S" didn't get. And Allah give "S" that not everyone get. He got many easiness in his life. It's because Allah fair. And fair not always means everyone get same things.
Maybe you are not handsome. But you are academically successful, and you are rich. You get something better than me. Even you have something better than many men.
As a man who rich and success, you will not hard to get a wife, as long as you do not use your success and wealth to get wife.
I know, what I say can confuse you. I will explain it in my next posts, InshaAllah. But now give me a break.
Listen Prophet (pbuh) life was not perfect, his mother died at birth, and father died later. So he was handsome, everybody has their test and trials in this world in different ways. Somebody has some and others have others. Same with the problems. As for your marriage, you will find someone, you are only in early stages of life.
I'm don't know if you are ugly, but maybe you were not their type. People have different preferences, so you might be the type of somebody else, get a better person in between who is better at match making.
I believe he's not ugly, because if he's really ugly, those women would feel pity and would not say he's not attractive enough, but tried to create other reason to reject him.
I explain I was a handsome guy not for show off, because my handsomeness has gone since long time ago. But I just want to correcting a misconception that beauty is the only factor that determine someone will love us or not.
Last edited by ardianto; 12-26-2011 at 03:22 PM.
Reason: I don't need to ask that question.
I have mentioned before but whether you like it or not, I am very average Asian. I won't say ugly because that way I didnt appreciate Allah's creation.
and Whenever I pass to someone, no one looks back
Back to subject, do you know that I had many many suitors ONLY After they knew me, I mean my mood atleast..(this happened when I was not Muslim, I had an over gaga freedom)
in the end Allah bless me with very nice looking husband who never really give me headache, and MAshallah you can level my husband's look to this pics below (hmmm his looks is 95% as 2nd pic)
Countless times we go out, people ask, are you his housemaid? HAHAHAA loool
It's all about his manner that I love. I never really remember looking at him for more than few seconds, just because women never really care about looks, mostly she wants good mannerism (patient, patient, patient) & cleanliness of husband. I'm saying coz I'm married
And to tell you my husband's side (infact its too private to me but Ill share to make you understand me more), he always tells me "you know you are ALMOSSST ugly looking wife right?" and I will nod innocently...
But I never dream of being with someone else even if its Jennifer Lopez (well unless she begs me & never leave me lol), he meant it, coz Arab girls are so pretty mashallah, you will see millions of Kim Kardashian everywhere in Middle east
Many women wrote to him, liked him even gaysss, I wont say he is not attracted to these women reallyy,, he's not stone but when it comes to marriage, he is smart bcoz he knows marriage is tooo much work and beauty fades...
Seriously, I am sad about the title of this thread. Do you know that Prophet Muhammad answers all the questions except when someone ask Does God Exist?
Rejection is hard. Your smart and have a well-paid job. That's a good start in life! Looks is something we cannot change. So you need to find someone that likes your personality and your looks...I'm sure there is someone out there. Don't take rejections so personally and let you question your entire faith.
You may consider exercising and getting built? Do you think that will help?
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust.
Surah Ale Imran : 160
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) climbed up Uhud, accompanied by Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and ‘Uthmaan, and the mountain shook with them. He struck it with his foot and said: “Stand firm, O Uhud, for there is no one on you but a Prophet or a Siddeeq or two martyrs.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3483)
Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) does not inspire seeking forgiveness in a slave whom he wishes to punish.
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
If I put my photo when I was young here without tell anyone that's me, I guess, many member here will ask "who is this handsome guy?"
But if I put my photo that taken this year without tell anyone that's me, I am sure, all member here will ask "Who is this fat man?"
Yes, I am a fat man now. All of my company customer who don't know my name call me "Bapak Gendut" (Mister Fatty).
My handsomeness has gone since long time ago. That's why I often said, beauty is not something that will exist longer.
But although now I am not the handsome, women still "like" me. It's true, but "like" in different meaning. They do not attracted to me, but they always respect me. It's because I always respect to them.
Like I have said, people like or dislike us from our behavior and from how we treat them. It's not true if good looking people treated better.
Life is a test and people are tested in different ways.
Be thankful for what you have been blessed with (e.g. richness, academic success etc - there are people who struggle to have a morsel to eat each day). In fact, if you wanted to identify with Prophet Sallalahu Alaihe Wassalam more, you would have to ask to be poor and illiterate too, instead of just the looks.
And be patient during your struggles/regarding what you have not been blessed with.
To be frank, I think you have this entitlement mentality, as though God owes you something. That's not true. God owes us nothing and can test us in ways he considers best and it is our duty to submit to his will. Keep in mind our time in this world is fleeting.
In essence, you're basically rating Allah swt creation by what a few ladies have said? You're complaining about the way Allah swt created you? Who gave you that right? You should be thanking Allah swt for eyes to see with, a mouth that food can be placed into it, a nose to smell with. Not complaining to Him.
The rejections must have upset him. That's why it lead him to question his faith.
Honestly, I don't know why Allah created some people as good looking people, and the rest are not. But I believe, Allah has His own plans, and I believe Allah is always fair.
Maybe this brother is not handsome although I am sure his not ugly. But he has success in education, and in financial. He's rich. Different than many people who still poor even if they are good looking.
I understand if those rejection really upsets him. Especially because those women told him, his physical appearance became their reason to reject him.
Women are attracted to handsomeness. It's true. Same like men are attracted to beauty. But there are women and men who rational, there are women and men who are irrational.
Those who rational realize, in marriage they marry a human, not beautiful statue. Then they start to notice the character and forget the beauty/handsomeness. But those who irrational still obsessed with beauty/handsomeness and do not notice on character.
And those who rational, if they cannot marry the handsome or the beautiful, they will open their hearts for those who not handsome or beautiful, but have good character personality, and behavior. The rational people are the right choice for those who want to get married.
My advice to the anonymous brother is leave women who rejected him just because he's not handsome. And try to find the rational woman. Maybe the rational woman is not beautiful. But trust me, not physical beauty that will make us love our wives, but how our wives treat us that will make us love them.
I don't really believe in ugly and beauty. Throughout history, the idea of beauty and ugly changes. It is very subjective...
I was looking at myself talking to myself and I realized this conversation...I was having with myself looking at myself was a conversation with myself that I needed to have with myself.
I agree with Tragic typo that your depression made you create this comment about Muhammad SAW but i bet if you'll have to fast for continuous 40 days because you and your family have nothing to eat and you have to tie stones on your belly because of hunger,the only thing you'll think about is Bread not Looks.And Muhammad SAW was the one who faced all that and spread the message to the world and that is why He SAW is still alive even after 1400 years and we'll be forgotten just after we die.
I know girls who are beautiful but no men is ready to accept them just because they are not fashionable and modern.They were rejected because of their simplicity and their love of religion and not even religious men want to marry them.Everybody want Hijabi Angelina Julie lol And girls with ordinary looks but wearing tight clothes and faces painted with make up are ideal of almost every person.Things are different in different countries and on different people just remember that Allah SWT is the same.The world does not end on rejection of 8-10 girls.It is just there is a fixed time of everything.When Allah SWT want your wedding,He swt will make it happen.Do your effort but dont make your connection with Allah SWT the connection of necesity.
(45:23) Did you ever consider the case of him who took his desire as his god, and then Allah caused him to go astray despite knowledge, and sealed his hearing and his heart, and cast a veil over his sight? Who, after Allah, can direct him to the Right Way? Will you not take heed?
If your desire is your God,Allah SWT will give you everything just not His will so run behind the Lord who has the power of everything.Ask Him SWT and He SWT will make this one easy for you Inshallah.
(10:61) (O Prophet!) Whatever you may be engaged in, whether you recite any portion of the Qur'an, or whatever else all of you are doing, We are witnesses to whatever you may be occupied with. Not even an atom's weight escapes your Lord on the earth or in the heaven, nor is there anything smaller or bigger than that, except that it is on record in a Clear Book.
(10:62) Oh, surely the friends of Allah have nothing to fear, nor shall they grieve -
(10:63) the ones who believe and are God-fearing.
(10:64) For them are glad tidings in this world and in the Hereafter. The words of Allah shall not change. That is the supreme triumph.
(10:65) (O Prophet!) Let not the utterances of the opponents distress you. Indeed all honour is Allah's. He is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.
I have mentioned before but whether you like it or not, I am very average Asian. I won't say ugly because that way I didnt appreciate Allah's creation. and Whenever I pass to someone, no one looks back
... and you should be thankful to not be an object of desire and thereby a means to cause stupid men to sin by lusting after you.
Seriously, I am sad about the title of this thread. Do you know that Prophet Muhammad answers all the questions except when someone ask Does God Exist?
I strongly agree with you. To be dissatisfied with one's appearance to cause him to question Allah's (swt) existence is a serious matter that borders on kufr.
I have the looks but no job and money, personality is kinda boring too very quiet etc, doesn't make for interesting convo, so I also get rejected for these reasons and that's my problem, so you see even people with looks find it hard. Everyone's circumstances varies. Just keep trying don't give up, even if you don't get anywhere at least you can say you tried.
I find it helps to imagine partners in the next life inshaAllah lol.
Also beauty is relative to each individual I guess, for example what I find attractive in a woman my friend can't stand etc and it's same with women so I think its just a case of finding a woman who thinks your her type.
Last edited by Salahudeen; 12-26-2011 at 04:41 PM.
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
I am in my late 20s, financially and academically quite successful and rich. Here is my story. I've been looking for potential women for marriage in the last 2.5-3 years.
You are a male, in your late twenties. That's not old for a male. There are sisters out there that are ten or twenty years older than you, who haven't been looking for marriage partners for 2.5-3 years, but probably for the best part of their lifetime.
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
I sent all of these women emails
It's better if you ask the girls mahrams/walis to find out from the girls why they rejected you, and tell you. It's better not to make contact with the women once it's decided that things won't work out.
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
If God exists, why did He make me this way?
This is a non-argument. Why can't He make you that way? He can do what He wills. If He promised in the Qur'an that He would make everybody drop-dead gorgeous, fair enough. However, He has said that people will face different circumstances, some will have more wealth, some will have less, some will have children, some won't, we all look different etc:
Sahih International
To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; He creates what he wills. He gives to whom He wills female [children], and He gives to whom He wills males. Or He makes them [both] males and females, and He renders whom He wills barren. Indeed, He is Knowing and Competent. (49:50)
Sahih International
And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and your colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge. (30:22)
Pickthall
And surely We shall try you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to the steadfast, who, when misfortunestrikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return." Such are they on whom are blessings from their Lord, and mercy. Such are the rightly guided. (2:155-157)
We are all tried in different ways, and it is how we respond to it that counts. Do we lose faith, or do we try to have sabr and keep praying for what we need, knowing that Allah has power over all things, and gives to whom He wishes and withholds from whom He wishes, in His infinite wisdom?
Google facial disfigurements, it should make us all thank Allah.
And Allah knows best in all matters, and may He forgive me if I said anything wrong.
Stunningly beautiful adhaan from the Dome of the Rock in Masjid ul Aqsa Download (right click and choose "save target/link as").
This is a clear message for mankind in order that they may be warned thereby, and that they may know that He is only One God, and that those of understanding may take heed (14:52)
Indeed Allah knows, and you know not (16: 74, part)
I have to agree, something someone will find attractive others will not, we all have our preferences, hasn't always got something to do with looks.
Even if the guy is handsome and what not if theres no deen then theres basically nothing!
Also this is not the fault of your lord just because some sisters rejected you, they rejected you as they felt that there was no physical attraction or all else you stated in your post. The prophet (p) went through hardship because he was put through great hardships by Allaah SWT, but he never blamed Allaah SWT once instead he thanked him and his state of emaan increased and was comforted by the words of his lord.
Let's please not blame Allah for the acts of humans, this is only shaytaan who's aim is to lead us far away from Allaah SWT, Allaah is your only hope, do not lose hope in him!
However, I hope you find this video beneficial inshaa'Allaah
Also, look at the words of Allaah for example in surah al Infitar - The Cleaving, i found that there is nothing I can say after the word of Allaah SWT!
"O man! What has made you careless about your Lord, the Most Generous?, Who created you, fashioned you perfectly, and gave you due proportion. In whatever form He willed, He put you together". [Al Qur'aan 82:6-8]
Not sure if i'm much of a help, but i hope that others posts have benefited you inshaa'Allaah..
Last edited by Ğħαrєєвαħ; 12-26-2011 at 07:46 PM.
"Allah! La ilaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), Al-Hayyul-Qayyum (the Ever Living, the One Who sustains and protects all that exists).".."[Al Qur'aan 3:2]
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