This is my very first post and I am writing here after much deliberation. I know only Allah swt can help me in my suffering but I was wondering if someone could guide me as to the proper amal ie what surahs to read and how many times.
My husband divorced me with the interference of his mother and I also think that she had done something on him because he was a changed man. I have 3 kids from him. A few years later I got married to someone else who turned out to be a very bad man so much so that my parents helped me get a divorce from him and also my children were suffering from his hands. A few more years pass and my 1st husband contacts me and my parents begging for forgiveness and wanting me back. The children are happy that their dad is in their lives. I decided to marry him due to 3 reasons. I still loved him, my children would get their dad back and ultimately he is a decent guy.
When we got married he made all these promises that he will make me happy and never make me sad. We got married 2 years ago but he has only touched me on our honey moon. Since 2 years he has not even touched me and sleeps on the sofa in the living room. I try to wear nice clothes but he doesn't even look at me with interest. I know he is not gay. I have cried to him and argued with him about this but now I am just quiet. Even my son asks why is daddy doing that. He does say that he gets nightmares every night. What hurts the most is I know he masterbates in the bathroom. I feel so unwanted and unloved that he would rather masterbate than touch his wife. I am not ugly and fairly pretty. I am getting really upset about this situation. I haven't told anyone about this due to the insult and embarassment also I don't want another divorce. The mere thought of going through life like this just breaks my heart. In all other ways he is very kind and caring.
Sometimes I do read namaaz but Inshallah I am going to read more. Please help as keeping this problem in my heart is making me depressed
There are many husbands who recognize that their wives physically are not beautiful. But they always want to do intimacy with their wives. In another side, there are husbands who know that their wives are physically attractive. But they do not want to do intimacy with their attractive wives.
Men are attracted to attractive women. But after men get women who attract them, physical attraction is not the main factor that make them always attracted. The main factor is comfort in the relationship. If they feel comfortable, they would always attracted to their wives although their wives physically are not attractive, if they feel uncomfortable, they would not attracted to their wives, although their wives physically very attractive.
And why your husband feel uncomfortable with you?
Like you've said, he is the first man you got married. Later, you and him got divorced. Then you got married again with someone else (let me call him Mister X), and got divorced again. Then your first husband married you again.
Actually he married you because he loves you, not only love your children. If he only loves your children, he would only try to becomes "good daddy who lives in another house", not becomes your husband again.
But, there's something that disturb his mind, your marriage with Mister X. Just like women, men can jealous too. He feel, you were ever 'used' by someone else (Sorry if I am rude, but I cannot find another word). It makes him feel uncomfortable in his relationship with you, it disturb his mind and becomes nightmare in his dreams. So, it's not because jinn or black magic.
So, what you should do to make him touch you again?. Make him feel comfortable with you.
- Always appreciate him, always treat him in good manner. Spoil him. In example, cook special food for him.
- Do not talk anything about Mister X. Like, "Mister X treated me like this, Mister X told me.."
- Do not 'force' him to go to the bed, but invite him with 'sweet manner'. You can learn how to invite your husband with 'sweet invitation' from experienced women around you.
- Do not angry when your husband refuse to touch you, but try to understand that he need more time to eliminate his jealous.
- Do not leave him immediately when he refuse your 'invitation'. If he sit in sofa, do not leave him and go to bedroom alone, but sit with him and start romantic talking.
- Make more time for togetherness between you and him. Go shoping together, dine in restaurant together, etc.
InshaAllah, later your husband will feel comfort, and he will do something to you like other husbands do to their wives.
Of course, need time and need patience. But don't give up, sis.
Download the pdf books in the first three links, and contact the hijama clinic in the last link. You can email them and they will reply back and advise accordingly. I found that they got back to me within 48 hours via email.
More than anything, believe strongly that Allah has power over all things, and that everything happens with HIS will. This will help you to come to terms with the trials and tribulations of this dunya. Hope this helps.
Thankyou all for your replies. You have given me some very good advice. My husband does not have any problem with me being married to someone else before as he would have never pursued me and wanted to get married to me again. I know he loves me and he shows that by bringing me flowers, laughing and joking with me and the kids and hugs me and kisses me on the cheek when he goes to work in the morning and when he comes home. In all other aspects he is a model husband. But this problem is outweighing all his good aspects. I try to be patient but sometimes I don't even feel like talking to him. You are right I need to be patient and turn to Allah swt more.
I have suggested he see a maulvi but he doesn't want to talk about it as he is pretending there is no problem. I know he doesn't have a physical problem. It's interesting how everyone I know think we are the perfect couple and we have a perfect marriage. I don't want to waffle on and garner any sympathy for myself, again I wholeheartedly thankyou all and may Allah grant you everlasting happiness for the advice you all have given me.
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