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Thread: marriage help

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    marriage help

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    i really hope someone can guide me in the right way.. as you can tell i am a sunni girl and while at university a guy showed interest in me for about 4 years (during this time he had become good friends with my brother and had met my parents during friends parties etc)..
    although i wasnt keen on him before, due to my parents suggestion and persuasion of mutual friends i decided to consider him for marriage and after getting to know him more decided that he was the one for me..

    now he has dropped a bomb at me that he is an ahmadi and he could not tell me earlier as he felt i would say no straight away..

    i dont know what to do now, i havnt spoke to my family about it as i know they will never agree due to misconceptions associated with ahmadi's (which he has claimed are wrongly portrayed by media and that ahmadi's are actually muslims)..

    i have done quite a fair bit of research and i honestly cant agree to convert to follow ahmadi with my heart..

    anyone been in similar situation??
    and also is there a possibility that we could both convert to just Islam (with any labels)?

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    Re: marriage help

    Salam alaykum

    welcome to forum.
    marriage help

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    Re: marriage help

    Sister, Ahmadi = Qadiani, right? If so, they are not considered Muslim. Their beliefs take them outside the pale of Islam as understood by the mainstream.

    Forget what your family might say, for you own sake, don't be misled and don't consider converting to such a thing.

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    Re: marriage help

    What he said ^ also
    marriage help


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    Re: marriage help

    If he was sure that his followings were correct, he wouldn't have to hide it from you or anyone else. Obviously he knows it is not accepted within Islam so....

    As it was advised, make istikhara, and don't follow any deviations, for your own sake.

    - cOsMiC
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    Re: marriage help

    These people believe that Isa AS has already had his second coming... in India in the 18th century. The guy that claimed to be the saviour actually died due to diarrhea, on a toilet no less. Not exactly a 'blessed' death, is it?

    The beliefs that this group propogate is nothing but sheer falsehood. Please try to not let your feelings for this guy cloud your judgement. Your ID is sunnigirl here, you should strive to keep to Sunni beliefs.
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    Re: marriage help

    asalaamu alaykum

    why do istikhaara or visit the local imam for something so blatant

    ahmadis are not muslim

    it makes me so angry how they even consider themselves muslim omg
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    Re: marriage help

    A man (I doubt he is one!) who hid his truth, truth about his ownself, just to get you, do you want to marry such a low person?

    Ask that question to yourself.

    Tell him in clear words that you will not marry any kaafir. If he is willing to sincerely revert to Islam, then do consider him, but again after dropping that bomb, you must tread cautiously. This is a big red flag in a potential spouse one is considering.
    Last edited by CosmicPathos; 09-17-2012 at 11:49 PM.
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    Re: marriage help


    welcom on board sister.
    this first thing, no need to do iskhara...bcz istahra mean salat to seek help of Allah SWT in some "halal" matter. and if something is forbidden by HIM, it doesn't make logic to ask HIM whether to do it or not.
    2ndly thank Allah SWT that ur heart didn't feel comfortable with the wrong beliefs. the greatest blessing of Allah SWT is not a ideal husband, not a beloved family, not billions of dollars, fame or anything BUT the hidayaat and right belief. bcz all these things r temporary and their benefit are also very temporary, but the person who dies with right belief will remain in forever favor in paradise and Allah SWT will be happy with him/her forever.
    i only give u one example, maybe it help u to understand. suppose u got married and some woman, u and ur husband never see came to u and claim that she is also wife of ur husband. will u feel comfortable with her claim...? this is just a worldly matter but if a person who is not a prophet and he say he is also a prophet rather he say he is also 'Ahmad', will Allah SWT happy with him or one who believe and follow such person. Its crystal clear and fatwa by all ulama that person with such belief are out of Islam. and even in Pakistan (from where this fitna arise), the constitution consider these ppl as non-muslims.so marriage with these ppl is not allowed in islam.
    just let him know, if by heart he can bcm muslim by leaving the wrong belief of admadiya, then u can marry him otherwise excuse him. i wish muslims realise the importance of eman and islam and give it first priority in all matters of life, job, marriage, family, friends...
    May Allah SWT bless u with piouty and ease the matters for u. ameen.
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    Re: marriage help

    There's NOTHING to consult with a sheikh about here. If you don't know simple right from wrong.
    The prophet's last spoken testament while he lay in bed with fever was a'salat a'salat -- that is what distinguishes a Muslim from a non-Muslim.. why didn't he say fast? you can be sick, why he didn't say zakat, you can be poor, why didn't he say hajj.. you can be poor and live far away.. the first thing you'll be asked about on the day of judgement is your salaat (prayers) namaz whatever you guys call it if that's good the rest of the deeds will be looked at. You want to marry someone who doesn't make those?
    Umar Ibn ilkhtaab as he lay dying in bed stabbed by the majusi with poison permeating in his body, the first thing he said when he came to, is did you guys prayer the sun is almost up!
    Really something to ponder if you're completely confused as to what you should do. A big fat NO there's nothing to think beyond that. words are superfluous since many have already told you that it isn't a man that starts a relationship on deception but I am surprised with the posts on istikhara? istikhara or asking imam on what exactly?
    Tell this guy to repent for his own good but you should be offended, please reason this in your mind, you should be offended deeply by this not just for the act of deception but for your own religion!

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    Re: marriage help



    Be under no illusions that Ahmadis are somehow Muslims or somehow a sect of Islam. They are not Muslims, and in fact, in terms of non-Muslims they are the ones to be most careful of. Why? A Christian will tell you they are a Christian, a Jew will tell you they are a Jew, a Hindu will tell you they are a Hindu, but an Ahmadi will tell you that he is a Muslim.

    The very fact that your parents and brother despite knowing him for a long time, do not know that he is an Ahmadi says it all. If he was open and honest he should have told them from the beginning. But he's deceiving them, letting them believe that he is a Muslim, and has been deceiving you too. Even if he was honest as to his religion, you cannot marry a kaafir. If you did get married to him, such a marriage is not recognised or permissible in Islam, and you would effectively be committing zinaa.

    Because they come from similar cultures, have similar names, use similar religious words, people think they can't be too deviated, they can't be that bad, there's probably just too much hype about them, there must be some basis for what they do. There isn't, and you need to be clear on that, without any shadow of a doubt. If you want more information on their beliefs, please post to that effect and we will provide you with more information. Their list of deviated beliefs is too long to begin listing in this post, and those beliefs fall completely outside of Islam.

    This is a big, very, very serious matter.

    As echoed by the posters above me, you cannot do istikhara for a haraam action.

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnigril View Post
    and also is there a possibility that we could both convert to just Islam (with any labels)?
    Just Islam (without any labels) is the Islam that the prophet and his companions lived.

    Even if he says he will become a Muslim, you cannot simply take his word for it. Your wali needs to watch him even for a period after becoming a Muslim to make sure that it is not just superficial and that he wont revert to his old ways before or after marrying you. In fact if your wali finds out, he will feel decieved and thus most likely will not ever consider him suitable. You must tell your parents that he is an Ahmedi.

    Run a mile sister. I cannot emphasise enough how huge and serious and what a big threat to your Islam and your imaan and your aakhirah this is.

    May Allah protect you and grant you a righteous and pious Muslim husband, ameen.
    Last edited by Insaanah; 09-18-2012 at 07:56 PM.
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    Re: marriage help

    Assalamo Alaikum

    Ahmadis are Non-Muslims.Period.(We Say There is no God But Allah And Muhammad
    (pbuh) is the messenger of Allah...where are those "new" prophets came after that)However they highly portray themselves as "Muslims" even until they are exposed.They will approach you by showing you their power and show of wealth.Don't get deluded!!

    The only possibility exists for your marriage with him is after He Take his Shahadah and Start considering Muhammad(pbuh) as the last and final messenger without "IF's" and "But's"

    Regards
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    Re: marriage help

    thankyou so much for all the support and advice.. i have raised this issue with him and he actually read the kalima stating that this is what he was brought up with..
    he is claiming that he finds faults in ahmadiyaat himself and is only still involved with it due to respect for his family..

    he says that he will go through the reverting process with my local imaam if that will make things better BUT on one condition that i "pretend" to accept ahmadiyaat in front of his family and jammat..

    now i dont want to agree to this but then i think that if he is willing to take this step for me, would me agreeing to his condition be sinful? he says his family is not really strict with ahmadiya teachings but have the whole izzat thing with society.. ??

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    Re: marriage help

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnigril View Post
    he says that he will go through the reverting process with my local imaam if that will make things better BUT on one condition that i "pretend" to accept ahmadiyaat in front of his family and jammat..
    You know when the Muslims went to 7abasha to escape persecution even though they were in a very bad state, they still spoke the word of truth as it was just a matter of time before the christian king knew what their beliefs are as far as christianity and he accepted Islam... so it is up to you but two deceptions don't make a right. It won't be a one day of pretense but a lifetime!
    He should care about this deen more than he cares for you or his family even!

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    Re: marriage help

    i really want to hear some views from ahmadi posters, i have seen a few about so please if you could take a moment in this.. i would really appreciate it

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    Re: marriage help

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnigril View Post
    thankyou so much for all the support and advice.. i have raised this issue with him and he actually read the kalima stating that this is what he was brought up with..
    When they say Muhammad in the kalimah, they mean mirza ghulam ahmed qadiyan, who claimed that he was rasoolullah.

    Firstly sister, you should not be communicating with him directly, That is your wali's job (I presume your father)

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnigril View Post
    he says that he will go through the reverting process with my local imaam if that will make things better
    The reverting process should not be to make things better/easier for you to be together, but because he truly believes sincerely and with full conviction in his heart, that Islam is the right way, and that ahmediyyat/qadiyaaniyyat is wrong. If he just doing it for marriage and nothing else, then quite frankly one has to question whether such a "reversion" is valid, because belief comes from the heart, not from pretense.

    Where are your parents in this sister? What do they say about this? It is not for you to arrange your marriage, but them, and Islamically, your wali. The whole way you're going about this is wrong, and is not a way sanctioned by Islam.

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnigril View Post
    BUT on one condition that i "pretend" to accept ahmadiyaat in front of his family and jammat..
    Do you want your marriage to start off based on pretence and lies, not just any old pretence but the most serious of all, involving your Prophet and your Creator? If the angels of death come for you after you have shown people that you've accepted qadianiyyat, will they take your soul as a kaafir or as a Muslim? Will they take it as you have just testified to people your faith in qadiyaaniyyat, so they will take your soul as what you've just said you are? Are you willing to sell your imaan for one man?

    Why do you need to pretend to accept falsehood and the worst of kufr, instead of standing up to the truth and showing that you won't even pretend to accept falsehood?

    This is all wrong sister, from every way you look at it.

    Run away from this. Fast.
    Last edited by Insaanah; 09-18-2012 at 09:03 PM.
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    Re: marriage help

    Quote Originally Posted by Insaanah View Post


    When they say Muhammad in the kalimah, they mean mirza ghulam ahmed qadiyan, who claimed that he was rasoolullah.

    Firstly sister, you should not be communicating with him directly, That is your wali's job (I presume your father)



    The reverting process should not be to make things better/easier for you to be together, but because he truly believes sincerely and with full conviction in his heart, that Islam is the right way, and that ahmediyyat/qadiyaaniyyat is wrong. If he just doing it for marriage and nothing else, then quite frankly one has to question whether such a "reversion" is valid, because belief comes from the heart, not from pretense.

    Where are your parents in this sister? What do they say about this? It is not for you to arrange your marriage, but them, and Islamically, your wali. The whole way you're going about this is wrong, and is not a way sanctioned by Islam.



    Do you want your marriage to start off based on pretence and lies, not just any old pretence but the most serious of all, involving your Prophet and your Creator? If the angels of death come for you after you have shown people that you've accepted qadianiyyat, will they take your soul as a kaafir or as a Muslim? Are you willing to sell your imaan for one man?

    Why do you need to pretend to accept falsehood and the worst of kufr, instead of standing up to the truth and showing that you won't even pretend to accept falsehood?

    This is all wrong sister, from every way you look at it.

    Run away from this. Fast.
    thankyou sooo much for this, the main problem is that i am aware of all this and how wrong it is.. and how i shouldnt even be considering this..
    its just that he says things like "does my family belief make me a bad human being and will it define how i treat you in future" ..

    i understand that my parents should be one sorting this all but he wants to know if i will accept him for him ..

    i feel so torn apart and i know the right path to take but then it is so hard to take it

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    Re: marriage help

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnigril View Post
    thankyou sooo much for this, the main problem is that i am aware of all this and how wrong it is.. and how i shouldnt even be considering this..
    its just that he says things like "does my family belief make me a bad human being and will it define how i treat you in future" ..

    i understand that my parents should be one sorting this all but he wants to know if i will accept him for him ..

    i feel so torn apart and i know the right path to take but then it is so hard to take it
    Emotional blackmailing.

    I know many homosexuals who are AMAZING human beings. They give more in charity than many Muslims, yet they are still despicable, provided they bed each other.

    Sure this guy might appear nice, but a man who doesnt accept your Prophet, how can be a nice human being? :S
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    Re: marriage help

    As for him being a bad human being, he's just deceived your parents and your brother, and you, up to now, so four years at least, and the deception of your parents and brother still continues. That should give you a big clue. If he can do it for so long before marriage, then he can easily deceive you afterwards too. Don't fall for this. Men know how to sweet talk girls, to make you overlook even the worst of their own deeds by having some emotional appeal. Just don't fall for it. They know you're "in love" and they also know that that "love" is clouding your judgement and making you biased towards them so that you find any excuse to believe them and be with them.

    This is a standard thing that such men do, sister. I know you'll think we don't understand, but many people have been there.

    If you know the right path to take, alhmadulillah. Believe me it is not as hard to take as it will be hard when things go wrong, or as hard the aakhirah will be if the wrong choice is made. The right path is not always easy, but it it's where the reward and the pleasure from your Creator is. Do you want Allahs pleasure, or an Ahmadi man's pleasure?

    Make the choice that you can justify in front of Allah on the day of judgement, the choice that you know is made for the pleasure of your Lord, the choice that will not incur His wrath.
    Last edited by Insaanah; 09-18-2012 at 10:17 PM. Reason: clarified "such men" as per br cosmic pathos's comment below. Jazaakallah khayr for the correction.
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    Re: marriage help

    Quote Originally Posted by sunnigril View Post
    i really want to hear some views from ahmadi posters, i have seen a few about so please if you could take a moment in this.. i would really appreciate it
    We have none here this is an Islamic forum-- at any rate I presume that you came here to get an objective opinion from people who are Muslim but who aren't invested in this one way or the other. Sometimes when you've invested in someone emotionally it is blinding and difficult and freaking tangled like a spider web. But a spider web comes apart fast no matter how intricate - Something inside you is telling you this is wrong and this is the voice of reason let it usurp your emotions.
    And deal with things with your mind at this stage. You're going to start with pretenses and he's starting with lies and then you're having doubts about your faith. Your aqeedah is all there's everything else will perish.. None of this on this forum will be here in a hundred years or even half of that so temper this with the knowledge of how temporary everything is in comparison with eternity..

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